ransomdemands

[ransomdemands]

yknow sometimes the way trans women talk about testosterone and being on estrogen is indistinguishable from the way terfs try to convince afab people not to start hrt

this is not a criticism mind you, their experiences are their own and completely legitimate, it's just a matter of competing needs - they need a safe space to talk about their dysphoria and how testosterone makes them feel and i need to not hear about how i am destroying my body with hrt

ordinarily these things are pretty insular to transfem circles but since instagram has been feeding me transfem content i'm seeing it more and more and yet again the algorithm is fucking me

#ransomrambles #like a friend of mine in absolute genuineness told me how my skin was gonna stop being soft and my hair was gonna thin out #and she obviously wasn't trying to dissuade me from hrt .... but like ..... thanks for leading with that mate #with estrogen it's the - no downsides- people often say there aren't many downsides to taking e - save some erectile dysfunction #but when it's the other way it's - make sure you're really sure cause you're permanently ruining your body forever #like i get that - my skin feels so soft now - is an estrogen experience ..... but the reverse framing is not helping anyone here #that's just all you hear about testosterone hrt - a list of downsides you'll have to cope with #idk this isn't a fully constructed thought #like i said trans girls deserve the space to have that conversation #i just need to not be in that space cause it obviously hits me differently #but man the sheer volume of trans girls talking about the /damage/ t has done to them .... in dis tinguishable #the aside to this is also a lot of girls being like i realized i was a girl cause of xyzq #and the list is the same as the one my mother used to be like - see you must be a girl #so it's just tough #competing access needs are hard to manage #and that's why life is best on the curate your own experience webbed site

[ransomdemands]

the concept of someone you’re into masturbating to the thought of you really is just one of the absolute hottest things ever

[ransomdemands]

love language

[ransomdemands]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility

i love being trans it's awesome - keep transing your genders

#ransomrambles

[ransomdemands]

i make a lot of posts to the tune of "you're allowed to be horny btw" because it's becoming increasingly clear that adults being sexual in (clearly marked and blockable!) spaces is being stamped out and made out to be evil both legislatively and in the moral zeitgeist, especially among younger folks. not even in the "wait to be a horny adult online when you're An Adult" way, just an ingrained puritanical outrage response to *anything* that isn't chaste wholesome perfect all-ages allowed. it's unnerving and scary.

[ransomdemands]

telling them that they're taking you sooo well and they've just gotta cum one more time and it'll all be over. fucking them relentlessly until they cum again and not stopping, fucking them harder once they've finished cumming. listening to the shake in their voice when they babble something about you lying about it being the last one or something. one more baby, just one more. i promise im not lying this time. (<- liar)

[ransomdemands]

thinking about bottom surgery and due to my desire to keep my vagina and not have testicles i might buy a packer and remove its testicles just to see how i feel lol

#ransomrambles

[ransomdemands]

made the mistake of watching some f1nnster content and now insta is just serving me a bunch of egg content for trans women which is so not relevant to me and also wild

but as a result i saw a clip where he asked his girlfriend if she had ever imagined dating a guy who had boobs and she was like honestly no not really

and this is obviously not the point but damn even trans women aren't checking for transmascs huh it's rough out here in the dating pool

#ransomrambles

[ransomdemands]

Why stress her out when you can stretch her out

[ransomdemands]

i found out there are options for vagina preserving meta or phallo surgery and all of a sudden bottom surgery is something i think i might really want

#ransomrambles

[ransomdemands]

anal makes me sooooo immediately slutty it's unreal. 2 seconds with something in my ass and i'm already baying whining whimpering begging

[ransomdemands]

i've been feeling so weird and dysphoric lately and i couldn't place it, by all rights my transition was going "right" i was achieving physical features other transmasc people desired and yet i still felt weird i felt so detached and strange - not really pursuing things i thought i had wanted

and i had the thought the other day that it's just so hard cause i feel like im transgender in both directions

and i had been ruminating on that and i realized that why shouldn't that be true, i've always felt that i was neither a man nor a woman why was i here trying to frame my transition in a binary way

and i started doing some research on nonbinary options for top and bottom surgery, and found that i'm far from the only person who has felt this way and a lot of these procedures and experiences have been paved before me, i don't have to have this binary transition and feel guilty about liking some of the results of hrt but not others, i can just .... change what i want

i recognize here my immense privilege in having access to, being to afford, and being healthy enough to receive this type of care but honestly even being able to imagine it has been a huge weight off my shoulders- being able to picture a body that's /mine/ not what i think i /should/ want, what i actually want - all the weird complicated seemingly contradictory parts included

and like .... i kinda feel like i did when i first realized i wanted to transition it's wild

i'm keenly aware thst the fact that i'm one one of my lull months between depressive episodes it's easier for me to imagine things right now, like the stuff i want to do would take on the order of ~10 years to finish and most of the time i can't even imagine ten years in the future

but i'm holding on to this, i can build the life i want to live - even if it takes a long time, i can still get there

#ransomrambles #the side effect of this is you might see more horny posts from me now cause dysphoria was tanking my sensual desire #i can't even say libido cause im still wanking like a fiend

[ransomdemands]

my ass is shrinking cause of T and i don't have to jump to pull my jeans on anymore and i am not ok with that

vanity squats here i come

#ransomrambles

[ransomdemands]

i am experiencing dysphoria this eve

tragically my dream of being a genderless creature which could choose how it looks whenever hasn't materialized

time to do some yoga and focus on being inside my body and completely ignoring any other factors about the damn thing

#ransomrambles #todays gender is a false construct thought: i'm not really trans since im #not getting estrogen therapy ...... #excuse me brain ..... what are we doing here #it's far more trans to want boobs right?? #luckily the game is fake and the rules are made up #todays dysphoria brought to you .... fucking yet again by goddamn finnster (spelled wrong on purpose i don't want the heat) #but his gender ... .... fuckin godiwishthatwereme.jpeg #yknow it's the thing of hearing so many trans femmes be like 'what are the downsides to starting e! nothing!' #but for myself and a lot of other folks there are downsides to T there are compromises and sacrifices #and maybe it's cause it says in women's communities and doesn't break out but it does seem like they don't #like maybe they can't have these issues because there is just so much danger there #that any woman choosing hrt is doing #it cause they are 100% sure #like i don't know what to do with the fact that i dislike my #body hair or want my soft skin and decent ass #again i'm aware this is just emotional shit but it's something i'm feeling ... a lot lately and lord knows i can't talk about it #with my friends irl

[ransomdemands]

yknow i was thinking about how i will fantasize about being amab and approaching my nonbinaryness from that way, getting to wholly enjoy and play with femininity rather than having to titrate it so it doesn't trigger my dysphoria, and then midway through i remember the way transfemmes talk about their experiences and i feel like a bit of an asshole. like i am in a relatively privileged position to be where i am and hearing these folks talk about the parts of their bodies that cause them dysphoria, like i got to have that yknow? like it's very much a grass is greener situation, i imagine had i been amab i would be having very much the same desires from the other side, caught in an identical loop emotionally, but having been far more traumatized on the way up, it's one thing to be a little girl acting like a boy- that's encouraged to an extent and then i feel like an asshole again, like i remember at one point saying i wish i had adhd so i could have medication to help with my focus issues and my friend was like that's pretty shitty of you - like you wish you had a severe disability?, people who need medication are really suffering yknow and that stuck and so that's how i feel about this too .....

#ransomrambles #this is me getting out emotional thoughts as i untangle them please disregard

[ransomdemands]

my friend was telling me abt how her partner is taking an anatomy class and when she comes home from work her partner is just on her feeling around on her to study and it freaks her out a little bit. skill issue i'd get bricked

[ransomdemands]

rule