randlives-blog

[randlives-blog]

Let the Fat Guy Do it.

Hit a baseball into the cranky old neighbors yard and choose amongst your brethren who gets the honor of retrieving it.  You have to knock on the front door and ask if you can fetch your ball in the cranky old bastards back yard, so you send the fat guy in (Olaf) after some coercion based loosely around the promise of a donut.  Reluctantly he accepts the task.

First thing is you can’t get him through the gate because he’s too fat, so you send for the biggest guy on the block to push him from behind with a Mack truck, but the fence posts are old and the going is tough.  Finally, after some extraneous effort, you push Olaf through.  He’s in.  Now he’s marching up to the door to the front porch.  

He knocks, huffing and puffing because the three steps to the top of the porch are quite difficult to manage, the door opens and the old man poke’s Olaf’s belly with his cane to see if basketball standing on the other side of his door squeaks.

  “One of the morons behind me hit our only baseball into your backyard, sir.  We we wondering if you can let us in to get it.”

  “No!” replies the cranky old man.

  “Please sir, it won’t happen again!  It’s our only ball.  Horace the dumb ass canine ate the other!”

  “Looks like you ate it.” says the old cranky man and he slams the door.

History will look back at this unfortunate escapade with lessons to be learned.  One cannot send a fat guy to retrieve your baseball from the backyard of an old cranky prick with a cane.  He might be harpooned by an elderly pedophile, or mistaken for a whale by a near-sighted fisherman.

You know, I have too much time on my hands these days.  This is my first blog.  Sue me.

Rand.