purplepenguinoverlord

[purplepenguinoverlord]

What am I supposed to? I feel a bit lost. My head is so full it feels empty, my thoughts are so rapid they mean nothing. I can't sleep but I'm so tired.

There was so much I wanted to have done by now. Make movies, write books, create amazing bits of art... But I feel like I've failed because I haven't been able to do any of that. I had to choose between dreams and reality and it hurt so much to have to choose that I think it broke me a little bit inside.

So, why bother trying now? Should I give up or should I say fuck it and walk the path of broken glass to the dreams I hold dear?

Or do I choose a life where I know when I'm going to eat again? Have a house, car, be able to take care of my furbaby?

Don't mind me, my brain is so full it feels empty....

#late night #intrusive thoughts #what do i do? #asking for myself #adhd things #dreamer #realistic #optimistic #fatalistic #Fml

[purplepenguinoverlord]

(x)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

I've had a tumbler for years and this is the first time I've posted in a couple of them.

I just need to vent.

I am an empath of epic proportions. I can feel through a text message how my friends are feeling, I can tell when a stranger at the grocery store is having a bad day just by walking by them, and I can even pull that gunk away if I so choose.

But I can't feel anything myself. I've suffered from severe depression since I was a child and the last five or six years I've been on meds to help me. Recently an event happened that should have devastated me, I mean total breakdown, but I was simply whatever about it.

I don't feel sad, just not happy.

I don't really feel happy, just not sad.

The only thing I truly feel is anger and irritation. Those emotions haven't left me and my already short as fuck fuse is now nonexistent.

I feel everything around me, the sadness and joy and everything between, but I don't feel it in myself, just from other people.

Over the many years I've gotten pretty good at simply hiding it but I feel like I'm not me anymore.

I don't get excited about much if anything, and I feel cut off from my magik, my ambition, and my creativity. 10 years ago I was ready to move somewhere new at the drop of a hat, drive overnight for a film audition 9 hours away after a 12 hour work shift. Now I'm lucky to have the enthusiasm to wake up and simply be alive.

I'm not sad that I'm like this, I'm fucking angry! My meds were supposed to make me feel whole, not create a bunch of new holes. Am I depressed? Not entirely, but that's because I don't feel any-fucking-thing at all.

I know I need to see the doctor and have a talk, but to be honest I just would rather fight the depression and be off my meds and have the ability to write and paint and create again.

I just hope I don't end up hurting anyone before I figure things out.

#Insane #Help me for the love of gods #What do I do? #SOS

[purplepenguinoverlord]

[purplepenguinoverlord]

the straights are at it again

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[purplepenguinoverlord]

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[purplepenguinoverlord]

Young bull elephant politely stepping over a walkway at a nature preserve 

(Source)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

I think they got the message 

(via)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

How to summon your cat. 

(via)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

Photographing in the forest 

(via)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

This praying mantis standing its ground 

(via)

[purplepenguinoverlord]

[purplepenguinoverlord]

Black Lives Matter mural in Brooklyn, NYC

[purplepenguinoverlord]

Everyone I know that went to college for the field I'd like to work in (filmmaking) say it's a waste of time and money, yet society insists that only a degree makes you worthy of making money. Oh and your worth to society includes being in massive debt for the majority of your life.

[purplepenguinoverlord]

the classic children’s book…?