puranrans

[puranrans]

What gives?

How did I ended up taking care of someone’s boyfriend. I am unappreciated as fuck. All these efforts will surely be wasted and ignored once they start playing with their toys. Like, how can he think that that boy is the one he wants, when CLEARLY all he can do is just to show his body? IS THAT HOW HE WANTS HIS RELATIONSHIP TO BE?! If so, he can simply go to porn. Fuck. How can someone not see your efforts and all, and ignored it when you can clearly give everything and provide everything. It is just fucking mental. I hope i can express this frustration somewhere else. The boy is too immature to think of my efforts and the things that I do. I wanna kill someone. Probably that Lymuel. Like ughhh. I wanna hurt someone right now. ENJOY YOUR TOYZ. FUCK SHITS. puro libog relasyon nyo mandiri naman kayo!!

[puranrans]

It was just 2 nights.

I was only out for 2 nights, and may things have happened already. Everytime that I am not around, it’s kinda like they’re having their best times and like I was the one preventing them to be happy. It eas just 2 nights and he was able to buy him sex toy. For what? For them to watch on? If their relationship is not about sex, and does not revolve around it, then what could possibly be the explanation? Today i’ve heard from his cousin that they can hear them talking if he is in their province. Like everytime that I am not around, he finds time for them to flirt. Like the time he sent dick pic the moment I went to the CR. If that is not sex centered then I don’t know what it is. It’s not comfortable anymore. His mind is maniac, and he keeps on making me feel bad even if it is the truth. Like I always make things up, like I’m such a story maker. But look at them when I’m gone. I can’t take it anymore. I am just, puzzled. By how horny and pathetic they both are. I hope the die already. I don’t wanna see them anymore. It’s so gross.

March 1, 2021

11:42 PM

[puranrans]

When Was I wrong?

For many times I’ve been tagged wrong and was judging people making them nad at me. But when the evidences are served, when was I wrong? Was I wrong when I said that they were talking in the CR even when it was raining hard? Was I wrong when I thought they were talking telling me that he was eating? Was I wrong when I thought he was just waiting for Lymuel to wake up or he will wake him up? Was I wrong? No I wasn’t. But what was tre response? It has always been like I was just making stories. Like I was just being bad at people. If they are doing it, and they are not proud of it, then why do it in the first place? If they know themselves that it is something you shouldn’t tell people not only because it is embarrassing but also not pleasant, why do it? Because you love them? There is no love in that. Lust only. And money. Sex and money runs their sk called relationship. Lymuel asks for load or money, and this guy provides. Who gives almost 2 thousand pesos to someone you just met online? That’s more than the subscription plan of porn sites, he pay for the company. How patethic. What’s worse is that he would just keep it that way instead, because he is still to scared of the world. Ew. Slowly, I’m starting to hate him. For his decisions, for the things he do, for the things he did, and for the things he chose to still do. Just, ew.

February 20, 2021

9:10 AM

[puranrans]

Effort, grand.

Yesterday, I treated him with the best that I can. I woke up and bought supplies from the market early. I bought him supplies for the rest of the week. I worked quietly, and didn’t bother him. When I got back, i Worked quietly and let him sleep. He woke up, get straight back to work, ignoring me entirely. It never stopped me from seeving him. I asked him what he wanted to eat, I reheated the food for him to eat. I even bought chicken from ministop for him to have other food to eat, i bought him drinks as well. All that I did while he was ignoring me, and not giving a damn about my efforts. I was so used. After that, he wanted me to wash the dishes as well. Me eho bought the foods, me who spent the money for him to have something to eat. Me who went out just so he has something to consume. And what did I get in return? Yep, ignorance. I was even on a good mood even so, i keep on calling him, complementing him and all. I even bought donuts to celebrate his success, but what was the reponse? He finished the food but got not even a thank you. He even complained that I shouldn’t have bought it. Then said that he is hungry and ask me to cook food again. And so I did. With the resources I bought using my money again. Then served him the food. Which I think he liked. After eating, he asked me to wash the dishes yet again, While he is waiting for his virtual boyfriend to wake up. :) i ended up doing everything tbat day, and he kept ignoring me. I’m tired. I was happy i get to serve him and take care of him. But it’s tiring when you don’t get nothing in return. It’s fucking draining. And I am exhausted. Fuck.

[puranrans]

Blank spaces.

Days have passed and the spaces that filled the void are just evidently present between us. And we have reached the point where it seems that there is nothing that can replace the spaces, like it will be like a black hole soon that will consume you, that will eat you from the inside, that will create a bigger and more vast space. So vast that nothing can save you from the outside. Until you lost even yourself. Then on far distance, you see him. Happy. You see them thinking what they had is true and right. Their smiles reminded you on how you as a person is not enough. How your actions are negligible. How your efforts are a waste. How your love is not what they needed. How sad their life will be. How crashed you were. How you thought there will be a future because he made you feel that. How they think they had the future, because they love with their penis. How you are neglected everyday even if you are sitted beside him. How your presence didn’t matter and how your absence wouldn’t too. Then you wanna just stay in that void your love has created. You will stay inside because you know he is still the one. No matter how truth slaps you hard, you still choose to love him. Even if he CLEARLY doesn’t want to anymore. Even if he wants the sad patethic relationship that they have instead ofbeing with you. So you have decided to stay. The void isn’t that bad, you’ll realize. What’s bad is how pathetic you’ve become. How you thought someone will actually love you. Wake uo, France. No one will.

[puranrans]

May magagawa pa ba?

Parang kahit anong pilit kong gawin, wala nang magbabago. Naranasan nyo na bang mapunta sa isang sitwasyon na gustong gusto mo, pero alam mong walang mangyayare? Yung kahit ipilit mo, mapatunayan mong pwede naman, mapakita mong may point ka, alam mong wala ka nang magagawa para magbago yung desisyon? Yung kahit na alam nilang ikaw na yung sagot, ikaw naman yung tama, ikaw yung mas angat, hindi padin ikaw? Yung kahit na gustuhin mo, kahit na ipagdasal mo, hindi talaga itinadhana? Ang sakit lang, nakaka panghina, nakakatamad. Matapos mong gawin lahat, ibigay lahat, patunayn lahat, titignan padin pala nila yung pangit sa nagawa mo. Dun lang sila titingin at mag fofocus? Tapos parang wala kang tamang nagawa. Sa dulo, ikaw pa yung parang tangang naghahabol, kasi alam mo sa sarili mo na napatunayn mo na lahat, na alam mo nabigay mo higit pa sa sapat, pero bakit parang kulang padin bigla? Tapos yung pinili nya, yung choice nya, hindi naman pantay sayo, bakit parang laging kulang? Kahit higit ka na, bakit paparamdam padin sayong kulang. Ipapakita sayo na wala kang magagawa para magbago yun, at hindi ka naman talaga importante sa buhay nya. Araw araw, nilalaban ko. Araw araw sinusubukan ko. Pero araw araw, pinipili nyang balewalain ako. Araw araw, pinipili nyang sayangin yung lahat nang pinagdaanan namen. Pinipili nyang matakot at wag sumugal. Pinipili nyang maging kuntento sa sitwayon nila. Pano ko naman mailalaban sarili ko, kung sya mismo ayaw na nya. Kahit alam nyang talo sya, pipilit padin nyang piliin sya. Ano naman laban ko dun? Ee kahit mali na yun, tama padin sa kanya. At yung mga tama ko, pilit titignang mali. Ano namang laban ko dun? Ano namang magagawa ko kung yun gusto nya. Pagod nako. Ayoko na. :)

[puranrans]

Emptiness

Do you ever feel like you’re worthless for someone, and it reflects and affects your whole personality? Do you ever feel like maybe you’re just a garbage that nobody will think of your value? Like you can just be thrown away when they want to? Like your existence doesn’t mean anything, if not a burden, at least. Do you ever feel like your world is crushing through you inside, when you made someone your world, then they crash you because they don’t care? Have you been so broken like yoy juat want to stay still and cry? Coz I have. Lately, everyday. It’s so tiring. It’s so exhausting. Like I’m so drown with my thoughts but drought up by everything else. Have you ever felt like someone is just waiting for you to actually give up? Like they don’t fucking care about you anymore, and they’re just waiting for you to mess up, then throws you away? Have you ever felt the need of a hug so bad, that you just hug yourself in tears, in suffocation, hoping that it might actually end up comforting you. But it didn’t. The cycle goes on, you try to find meaning in everythin. You try to find your value, that you’re worth it. Then this asteroid will hit your world again and shatters everything to pieces and left you hanging, in space, floating. Waiting for someone to pick you, but nobody will. You are all alone. So you have to recreate your world again. From the broken pieces that were scattered in the galaxy. Piece by piece, you brought them together. You molded them, you tried to glue in pieces together. Until you find your self again. There will be scars. It will be noticeable, there are pieces of you that were left floating in the space. You try to heal, and when you’re almost healed up? The same asteroid will come at you again, this time even hurtful than yesterday. This time, the intention was just to hurt you. There are no other reason, just straight through your world, damaging everything that you have, affecting everyone around you, and right after it pass, it will continue orbiting another world. The cycle continues. Sometimes you feel the need to neglect recreating your world again. Why for? Just so someone can wreck me again? What for? So that I can realize that I’m not worth it again? That my efforts to build up my world will just be shattered by another instance yet again? Thay everything will just repeatedly crash, losing small pieces everytime, until nothing will be left of you. And then what? While you are all broken and hurt, that asteroid is happily orbiting around a world of lies. Like they are not aware of the power the asteroid has impacted to other world. So they thought they are happy. And so they thought they are okay. But they didn’t know everything. But it’s okay. I just hope that someday, someone has collected the missing pieces of me and will help me rebuild the world that I am, and fill up the gaps the asteroid has damaged from me that can never be returned. One day. Someday.

[puranrans]

So.. this is how it feels.

For quite sometime, things have been..... different. The usual clinginess, is no longer there. The random hugs, suddenly disappeared. So this is how it feels like. This is how things will be moving forwars. This is how our everyday lives are gonna be. Every morning, he won’t greet me good morning, he’ll ignore me entirely. He’ll use his phone often, but won’t give a damn about me. I need to wake up because he need his space. I couldn’t sleep after, but it’s the choice I made for staying here. Even when the night comes, things are different as well. He’ll kust talk if it is work related, he wouldn’t listen to more of my stories, and to add up, he even put his headset on, so that he can shut the ‘noises’ out. Guess I am a noise 😬. Throughout the day, basically he doesn’t have time for me, more like, he does, but he will choose not to spend or share some of it with me. Although, even his boyfriend doesn’t enjoy his time.. but is that something to be happy about? Today it seems like they are planning to do something at around 10:30PM. He went to the bathroom earliee, but came back shortly after. A little too long for a pee, but not enough for a poo. Shortly aftee, his boyfriend tweetes, “T I M E 🙃”. Looks like even he craves for it. I’m not sure but why do I feel like he is distancing himself with everybody who likes him? I guess he really isn’y ready yet. This weekend, he plans to go out of the city with his friends, i am not comming although he invited me, because i feel like I am gonna be a burden for him and that he might have to constantly check on me as his plus one. I want him to be comfortable and have time. I know he won’t talk with me on those times because we don’t have anything aside from texting, which I doubt he will load up just so he could talk with me. I might go home in Antipolo instead. Take a break, sleep all day and all. After all, i have no one to talk to. As days passes by, it’s getting clearer and clearer how I am not wanted here. And how I just push myself to be wanted. Kt will never happen anymore. That is something I need to accept. Move on, move forward, then start to learn to love yourself more. Btw, I was promoted. Yey! Finally! The long wait is over. I am now much more financially stable, and I hope that increase would suffice my need for mu apartment fee if ever. Also, I do hope I pass the Deloitte exam and everything. I really want the position, it might give me more possibilities in the future.🙃 For now, I’ll just sleep knowing whatever I do, things will never be the same anymore. :) so, this is how it feels. And this is how it will be, tomorrow, the day after it, and so on. 🙂

[puranrans]

It happened again.

For the second time in a row, it happened again. And God how i wish for that hug to happen everyday. But I guess we’re hiding things from each other now. He’s been busy lately, talking with someone doing stuff he doesn’t want me to know. :) it’s not like there is something I can do to make him talk. It’s his life, it’s his decision if he wanted me to be a part of it or not. Guess we both know now that be don’t want to. :)

[puranrans]

What happened?

For some reason, in a span of 3 days, we have managed to fight, curse one another, push each other away, get hurt, laugh, talk, block each other out, and eat together with his family. I didn’t know how it happened as a starter for 2021. What surprised me more is how he acted on the first day we met. He welcomed me with a bang. A bang i was not really expecting anymore considering how he wanted me to stay away already. But when the night ended, it turned into a more romantic one. The hug was just, tight. Like aomeone wanted me to stay? For good. I don’t know what to expect anymore. I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. I don’t know what’s in his mind. I don’t know until when. All I’m seeing is chaos. Everywhere. A roller coaster ride with flashes of lights to make everythting even more unexpected. The sudden ups of the mood, to the sudden downs. Whatever tomorrow throws, I know I’m not gonna be ready for it. But please just be consistent. I’m... tired.

January 5, 2021

7:36 AM

[puranrans]

The ending.

I never thought that everything will end this way. For manu months, I imagined myself by his side, dor the rest of my existence. I never imagined myaelf being with someone else aside from him. And for a brief moment, everything felt real. Like a magical fantasy where finally, someone loved me. And is afraid of losing me. I thought everything will turn out right. I invested too much tine, effort, and love. But if there is one thing I learned, it is that we cannot force other people to like us. And everything will leave us eventually. My love cannot and will not save this relationship. Not unless he wanted to. But he won’t. And as much as I want to fight, as much as i want to change things, it has come to an end. And ending i’ve pretty much forsee, but still hurts. For the last time, i wanna feel your warmth. I wanna feel your touch. I wanna feel your heart beat. I wanna hear you breathe. I wanna see your smile. I wanna hear you laugh. I wanna know what you want for dinner. I wanna cook for you. I wanna laugh with you. I wanna see you work. I wanna show you what i can give. I wanna make you feel my love. I wann show you that I’m able. I wanna show you that i can. I wanna be by your friend. I wanna go malling with you. I wanna ride jeepney otw home with you. I wanan dream about the future with you. I wanna be there to see you proudly tell me how you closed your tickets. I wanna stay. I wanna be there for your every positive story. I wanna be with you to all your achievements. I wanna celebrate all events in our life together. I also wanna be with you when you cry. I wanna be the shoulder you can cry on. I wanna be the friend you need when you are in trouble. I wanna be the reason you wanna get better. I wanna be there to help you when you needed. I wanna be a motivation for you to push even more. But today, everything needs to end. Today, will be the last of everything. The last touch. The last hug. The last kiss. The last lunch. The last laugh. The last story. The last fight. The last heartbreak. The last good bye. For what it’s worth, i know all my pain are nothing compared to how happy you made me feel. I know i am happiest when I am with you. I know I’m at my best when you support me. I know I can do all things when you are by my side. But i should learn to do everything by myself now. I should learn to live without you again. Like we didn’t happen. Like it is all a lie and a dream. Thank you for the love. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for letting me stay. My life has more meaning because of you. You made me realized that I am more than what I knew I was. Thank you. I love you. Always. And. I hope you and him will be happy as well. It’s sad that we will have to part ways, but may this be the reason for the two of you to finally be happy, without limits. Iloveyou. Good bye. ❤️

December 30, 2020

6:18 AM

[puranrans]

Last day. 2020.

So today marks my last day with him for 2020. We went out, had some laugh, made me feel things, some good, mostly bad. I was expecting it though. I know my place now, and I know his decision. Nothing will change, things won’t get better. And I am not important. 🙂 what’s important for him is their time with one another, his family, his close frienss, his work. Non of which I am part of. Gladly, I have been ready for quite sometime, and expected this to happen soon. But honestly, a small part of me thought that maybe something will happen. Something good. Something to get me through the departure. Something worth remembering. But nadda. Even on the last day, he made me feel that I am not important to him anymore. My feelings? The hell he cares. Was I hurt? And so? Nobody gives a damn anymore. Not him for sure. All he cares for is his ego. So what if this is my last day? So what if we won’t see each other for a long time. So what? As I’ve said, if my presence didn’t matter, how will my absence affect him. 🙂 now the end is near, I am expecting nothing anymore. I’ve had enough heart ache. This time, choose yourself. ❤️ I love you. If you can read this. But I know you woudln’t. Lastly, hopefully, please, good bye. ❤️

P.S. as your cousin said, “para sa nag momove on, McDo” ❤️

December 21, 2021

1:37 AM

[puranrans]

The final, final, departure.

On my last few nights there are a lot of things that I had realized. One of which is He doesn’t really like me. There is nothing that I can do to make him like me. He simply doesn’t want to be with me anymore. No matter how he hides or ignore my questions, it’s no questioning how he wanted his life without me in it. I’ve wrecked him. I ruined him. I changed him for the worse. And i was not healthy for him anymore. Unlike Lym, they fight, a lot, but not to the point where he doesn’t care about him already. In out past fights, it’s very evident that my anger doesn’t affect him anymore. He doesn’t simply like me that way anymore, or at all. 🙂 I did several attempts for him to like me, but to no success. I guess the long overdue farewell has come to this day. I guess no amount of effort will change things, and I have nothing left to do but to just accept it as it is. I know my absence will not bother him because my presence never did. And sadly, I am here simply because He is too polite to reject me. I know I’ve been too much of a hassle, to him, his family, his work, his relationship with Lym, just everything. I wanna tell him something that will make things better for us, i wanna cry my pain out. I wanna tell him everything that I am feeling, but I know no words will matter to him if it’s coming from me. I know that I will just waste time and everything is just final. Tomorrow will be the last day that we’ll be together. And I am hoping that things will be better, but I know it won’t. I just wanna be happy with him for the last time, but I don’t think I can make him happy as much as I wanted to. I know i’ve been too much, i know i’ve crossed the line too many times, I know i have hurt him, but i sincerely just wanna be happy with him. But it won’t happen anymore. Not tomorrow, not when things are back to normal, not when they’ve broken up, just never. And it is somthing that I will forever be sad for, but can never do anything to make it better. This night, we attempted to do it, but it seems like whatever’s remaining on him for me, is simply, gone. Gone were the days when we are happy. Gone were the days when we thought we were in love. Gone were the days when we plan things together. Gone were the days when he is interested in me. The hardest part is that I know a lot of it is because of me. And no matter how I want to cry, and to feel all the sadness, I simply cannot. I feel guilty and sad and regretful for everything that I have said and done. But at the end of the day, whatever’s done has been ignored, not forgotten and forgiven. I hope that one day, when I meet someone again, i hope things are better, and I hope I won’t get to be the second choice anymore. By then, maybe I can love without hate and not being toxic. For now, Vincent, thank you for letting me love you. Sorry for all the damage i have caused you. This is my final, final good bye. ❤️🙂

December 20, 2020

5:07 Am

[puranrans]

What’s worse is that...

What could probably be worse than what I already am feeling? What’s worse than the pain of not being chosen, what’s worse than being last on the list? What’s worse than doing your best but still didn’t make it? What’s worse than not being enough? What’s worse than knowing you’ll never make it anymore? What’s worse than knowing you’re still fighting when the odds are no longer in your favor? What’s worse than being betrayed? What’s worse than being rejected? What’s worse than being beaten over and over again? What could possible be worse than ground zero? What’s worse is that either of thos things were your setting, but you still try to believe in your impossible truth hoping that something might happen eventually. What’s worse is that you already know the ending of the movie but you still look for an alternate ending in where you find your happiness. What’s worse is that you’ve already heard them stories multiple times but still turn a blind eye because it is not something you want to hear and see. What’s worse is that you are faced with facts, but you still wanna believe your opinion. What’s worse is that you think that bu trying, by pushing, by waiting, something good will happen. But guess what, nothing good will happen if you keep on stayin on the same path over and over again. The destination is far, the roads are endless, the paths are limitless but the way to the finish line is not to be traversed by persistent. If the road you chose does not lead you to the path you want to, leave as early as you can and choose another one. Life is not easy but we should not be hard on ourselves. We should always aim for our happiness, think for our safety, and love ourselves morethan anyone else. At the end of the day, we will never find true happiness by just believing that the person we have and the path we are choosing is the one that suits us. We need to find it, and it has to be convenient as we land on it. People will come and go, and we should always keep this in mind. Nobody in this world will be permanent, and everybody might leave you one day. With this mindset, we should be able to live most ofnour lives, without much regret of not doing enough of what we want because we don’t depend our life choices on some people. What’s worse is not those who gave up easily. What’s worse are those who still choose to fight a battle that has already been faught and defeated over and over again.

[puranrans]

The difference of love and lust.

Many people still confuse love with lust. And it is understandable, both means you wanted to talk or be with someone. Both requires you time. Both requires you effort. Both involves sweet talk. Both makes you feel the need for the other person every now and then. But what differentiates love from lust? Well Lust is a bit easier to explain. The most common is of course, the presence of sex. To whatever forms. Have it be in person, thru video call, with other people and the likes. This kind of relationship is usually present amongst teenager and young adults that has not fully conprehended what love is or is not yet mature. This is the type of relationship that involves money and sex to keep the fire going. Example being if the other party wanted to move on or stop what they have, the other party will ask for sex as an ‘extender’ for their relationship. Or that when the other party gives money for the other party to feel loved and cared for. This type of relationship doesn’t really involve love. But both of them would agree, otherwise. They are close minded that what they have is a real relationship where in fact, it is a mere infatuation and lust. Love on the other hand is far more deeper than that. It is when you think of that person as who you’re gonna live with for the rest of your lives. It’s whom you plan your future with, it’s whom you share your secrets without hiding anything. It’s whom you feel safe that they won’t judge you. It’s whom you genuinely feel happiness even without the other party trying. It is when the two of you build your dreams together, and commit to it. It’s when you both know your limitations and know what both of you can do and make the most out of it, together. It is the kind of feeling and effort you give to other people without expecting anything in return. It’s when you give just because you wanted to. Not because that person will stay if you do. It’s when you make love and not fuck. It’s when you feel the need to be more affectionate, just because it feels like it. It’s not about the sex, even if it is affectionate. It’s about the hugs. The kisses, the small talks, the smiles, the cuddles, the longingness the feeling of excitement, the butterflies in the stomach, the feeling that you wanted to see your future with them. And most of all, the assurance. The assurance that you will stay loyal and faithful to one another. The assurance that what you’re showing is pure, genuine and true love. The assurance that no matter the obstacles, you will solve together. The assurance that you will fight for your love as long as it still matters and is still worth it. The assurance that if you can’t be the one he wanted and you are not growing together anymore, you will stop for the both of you. One day, may everyone learn the difference of the two and how devastating it could be to think you have the love but is actually the other one.

Love,

RanRan

[puranrans]

An expected unexpected turn of events.

For the last few months, everything is like having a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. Where there are fast paces and there are some slow ones. One thing has been constant throughout the ride tho, and it is change. Change has been what makes the everyday life more challenging, exciting, surprising and fulfilling at times. From the usual bangayan to the lesser frequent harutan, the change in intensity has always spiced the relationship on a different level. Sometimes better, but a lot of times worse. But just like any other roller coaster ride, once you had your steepest one, or the most thrilling one, everything seems bearable. Like it is now part of your system as well. Then you’ll get used to it. Next time you know, it’s over. You have to move out, and eventually find another roller coaster ride. It’s expected to bound to happen, but the feeling for every drop is unexpected. An expected unexpected indeed. 🙃

[puranrans]

To the man I fell deeply inlove with

No doubt, i have my type pagdating sa lalake. And no offence, marami nun wala sayo. Pero even so, ikaw yung nakapagpalambot sa natutulog kong pagasa nuon na may magmamahal pa saken. Ikaw yung nagpapasaya saken na nakakalimutan kong may problema nga pala. Ikaw yung nakakapagpangiti saken na nadadala ko hanggang sa pagtulog. Ikaw yung nagpaparamdam saken na kamahal mahal din pala ako. You made my heart skip a beat kada hinahawakan moko. You’re giving me chills even pag naguusap lang tayo. You gave me something special that nobody has ever given me. And I will always love you for that.

Pero merong problema

You love someone else. Pagmagkausap kayo i can you smile genuinely, yung may ngiti kahit sa mata. Pag magkalaro kayo, ramdam ko sa boses mo yung care mo sa kanya. Yung boses na hindi ko narinig na naka address saken. Yung care na hinahangad ko pero hindi dumating. Even your reactions on his social media accounts shows you love him. How you always asks things about his post so you can understand him more. And i get it, after sometime, hindi mo nga ako mahal. And as much as I want to feel what you’re giving him, alam ko hindi ko mabibigay yung saya na nabibigay nya sayo.. i can’t be him. Kahit anong pilit ko, kahit magpakapagod ako, hindi padin ako magiging sya. At sa ngayon, mas pipiliin ko nalang na masaktan at umiyak sa gilid, kesya ipilit kang mahalin ako tapos hindi ka naman magiging masaya. I hope you find true happiness in him, the love you deserve. And sana, when the perfect time comes, pag handa na ang lahat, we both find the love we both deserve.

I love you taba

I always will. Maramdaman mo man o hindi, kasama mo man ako o hindi. Nakikita mo man o hindi. Thank you for making me happy. I was very very happy. And i will forever be thankful sayo kasi pinaranas mo yun. But sabe nga, all things will come to an end. And ito na siguro yung saten. Hindi ka na masaya sa mga yakap ko, naiilang ka na. Hindi nadin kita kayang mapatawa sa pang aasar ko, naaasar at napipikon ka na. Hindi nadin kita kayang pasayahin sexually, nananaboy ka na. Pagkain nalang yung tanging bagay na tinatanggap mo galing saken, pero magdadiet ka pa. So yun.. i think ito na yung ending nang kwento naten. Pero always remember na whatever happens, andito lang ako para sayo. Lagi.

Paalam baby shark, salamat! Palagi, mahal kita.

RanRan

November 22. 2020

5:09 AM.