punkwhodrinkstea-blog

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Updates and Thoughts for the Future

Hello folks, it’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything on my ‘secret’ blog so here I go. It has been probably over a month now since I’ve done much writing and it actually depresses me. I have so much to write about and never enough time. Let me dive into the updates to my life with my reasons why. 

Since my last post on this blog, I started a Twitch Channel (under another name of course) and I have had a pretty steady schedule which has earned me very few views and followers but that’s okay. I’ve learned that so far I really like streaming. It could possibly lead to a career in gaming or gaming journalism or just living on donations from views. My fiancee told me about how people love to see happy, healthy couples because frankly, it's so rare these days. So I had her by my side for a few live streams and my views more than doubled. This has led us to believe that if I do all the main live stream and gaming work and she just shows up to play games with me that we would have a decent shot of getting a following. She and I are both quite good at making videos and preaching to the world so we are planning on giving youtube and Twitch a shot once we move out together. We can’t really give them a good try now because it is nearly impossible to have enough time make a steady flow of content and since we don’t live together she can’t always appear on the live stream. We both have jobs and work a lot and we are both saving up for school, we are still going to take the safer route of going to school and getting a ‘real’ job so we can afford to move out and get married. However, she is doing so well at her job she may put off going to school to make a bunch of money allowing for the moving out process to be easier and quicker. It’s very exciting. As of right now, Twitch is a very low priority and I can’t let it cause me to get sick or be in the way of seeing and helping my fiancee or taking proper care of myself. But most nights it’s not in the way of anything, but still, I have no need to aim high and do extra work right now to try and get more views, it’s simply a side hobby for now. 

Next up is my mental health. This blog was pretty much started due to my mental health and it was a major theme and subject for almost every post, but these days I hardly think about it. I don’t have any deep depression anymore or anything that lingers on for days, weeks, or months that haunt me. It’s gone and out of my life. I’m in a word, ‘cured’. Right now I’m actually more worried about my physical health because my new job is in a factory/warehouse place which has 7 am start time and 4:30 pm end times of full manual labor. It doesn’t help that I have allergies this time of year and they have actually killed my immune system enough to force me to take a sick day which is really bad. The only silver lining to this is that it gave me the time to write this blog post.  

As I said earlier, I haven’t gotten to do much meaningful writing, gaming articles, or even work on my book(s) I have 3 or 4 great ideas for novels and 3 or 4 ideas for short stories. The novels, of course, take a long time but I do think that I could finish a short story before school starts in a couple of months. Which leads me to my next point. I have a list of things I want to do before I die, but that’s a pretty vague list, I’ll just touch on the list of things I’d like to finish before school starts. I want to max out my Borderlands 2 character, beat Cuphead, Finish a short story, finish a semi-professional looking version of my Board game which is sorta done, just needs the parts to be 3D printed (that costs money so I have to wait), and I really want to beat Ghost Recon Wildlands Ghost mode. It’s a game I love and enjoy and since I don’t care much for many PvP games and I need an extreme challenge (because I enjoy beating difficult challenges) I thought I’d beat this mode, or die trying. I’ve been close so many times but something always goes wrong, usually, a glitch which is annoying. 

As for the future, I am going to be working my job until I start back at school in September and I might keep in for one shift a week if my fiancee and I think it’s a good idea which will depend on my school schedule and stress levels and how much time school proves to need. On the one hand, my life will be easier and nicer, on the other my fiancee and I get a bunch more money meaning more saving for our future home. Which leads to us moving out and getting married. That’s right folks, as soon as I finish College in April 2020 I am getting a job and as soon as possible my fiancee and I are moving out. We already have a couch, chairs, tables/desks, toaster, kettle, and a bunch of other things which I don’t care to write out. Once we move out it should free me up to at least have my evenings and nights to write, play games, help others and of course, be with my wife. We will likely be waiting 2-4 years before having kids mainly due to the fact that we’ll be in a small apartment or the basement of a house (and we’d rent out the rest of the house to someone else). Perhaps together we’d then work together to be successful on Twitch, Youtube and other online platforms which could even turn into our new job or at least one of our job’s. 

Being a successful full-time Twitch Streamer or at least a Youtuber is kind of my new dream job, its something I never really thought I’d ever want to be. But it would allow me to do lots of gaming and leave the rest of my spare time to writing, help others, doing other cool things and being with my wife/family. I know now more than ever that gaming will likely run through my veins forever, it is something I’ve always loved. Streaming gaming, and hopefully building gaming communities in the name of God is something I really want to do. I want to make the gaming world a better place through influence and passion. I’d get to let out my gamer side on a daily basis, be competitive, and do it all with my friends and hopefully my family. The rest of my life would be spent doing Gods work and hopefully writing a few books along the way and a few hundred more articles. (maybe make a few board games too lol)

My website is basically finished and all I am doing now is adding content. It mostly acts as a portfolio and a place for me to go when I need to remember what it is I do lol. I have a lot of hobbies so it is nice to have all my content in one place so when I don’t know what to do next, I can look there to remember all my hobbies and which one I should work on next. My fiancee has a very similar setup for her website and she seems to think of it the same way.

Anyway, folks, that’s really it for this blog post on this old retired blog. If all goes according to plan, next summer will be huge. I’d be moving out, getting married, getting a ‘real’ job, finishing school (for good), and hopefully starting a successful and fun Twitch and Youtube channel. Peace out folks and wish me and my fiancee luck on our future endeavors. 

*static sounds* 

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Update on my Mental Health & More

Hello folks. I can pretty much say that this blog is dead. The only point of it now is for my emergency need to write without anyone watching which is basically never since my fiancee has taken the place of that and I am doing so much better then I was when I started this blog. This post will be all about my current emotional and mental health status. Along with any rants or ideas I have jumbling around in my head and plans for the future.

I am doing very well. As predicted a while ago, my mental strength of sorts is significantly stronger then I would have expected. Before my depression, I was only 15 or 16 years old. It’s hard to compare my mental and emotional strength to how it was then since obviously before my biggest problem was a zit or math homework… which I rarely did. Now my problems are greater. I have a loved one to care for, I have college which is way more stressful and demanding and has higher stakes then highschool ever did, I have a car which sometimes causes stress. (Speaking of which I need an oil change.) but yeah, you get the point. I’m in an entirely different stage of life at 21 years old opposed to being 15 or 16. I handle stress better and I would say I have almost zero depression symptoms now. But I could make the argument that I have more anxieties, mainly just due to college. Also, I no longer feel like I’m on the defensive. No longer a need to actively keep myself emotionally or mentally well. I have gotten better at picking my battles, avoiding things that aren’t worth engaging in, engaging in things I can win, and even subtly changing others. For a while now my fiancee started to notice that my family is slowly changing to be more like what I’ve been sorta preaching on my blog. My actions and example along with my blunt, “I no longer give a fuck” attitude along with the fact that I am much happier than any of them, seems to be showing them something. At first, I didn’t believe my fiancee that this was happening, not until I started seeing somethings that correspond to her theory myself. It’s very interesting.

Next for something kind of funny. So my fiancee doesn’t like it too much when I get really into a hard level of a video game or any kind of thing that requires me to try again and again for who knows how long to try and beat. For example, in Forza Horizon 2 I tried a side mission where I had to drive a certain car to a certain location and it was one of the hardest things to do in the game. I tried at it for at least an hour and never succeeded. So now when she’s around she encourages me to give it a rest and just have fun. However, she clearly isn’t a competitive male because my idea of fun is taking something like that and mastering it. Challenges like this drive me to be a better player. So ironically Ghost Recon has a mode called Ghost mode where you must beat the whole game without dying once….. Now any attempt can vary from 1 minute to about 50 hours. If I did, I must start from scratch. Well, my stubbornness and need to complete this challenge has caused me to try it over 20 times now and wasted probably about 100 hours of my life. However……...I’m getting better and I will beat it eventually!

While I’m on the theme of gaming I am taking a dive into the first generation of virtual reality. Now VR has a long way to go before it’s a normal thing for the masses. It still needs time for the technology to become affordable, convenient, and, have enough good content to make it mainstream. However, with enough research, I can tell you that if you’re tech-savvy enough or at least willing to put in a little effort and patience. Current generation VR has a lot going for it.

There is one irrational reason why I want to get into VR and it’s not something that drives me too much but it’s something. The thing is, I never got to grow up with the original game consoles. I didn’t have an NES or an Atari and I’m definitely not old enough to have lived in the era arcades living in their hay day. I did have a SNES and my parents never got the family an N64 so I did grow up on 16bit but I also missed the beginning of PC gaming too. The way I see it, this generation of VR is the 8bit equivalent that I wish I could have been around for. I just wasn’t born yet, not much can be done about that lol. VR, as we know it today, will be something to look back on in 15+ years and think he he he eh…. Ya, that was fun and interesting. It’s a pinnacle moment that I’d like to be able to say, ya I was around for that and I gave feedback to help improve it, but more importantly. I was there to enjoy it, simply for what it was.

Next, let’s move onto school stuff. School is very stressful and overwhelming. It helps a lot that I have my fiancee. Without her, I would likely have little to no drive to get things done and to get good grades. Heck, I probably wouldn’t have gotten even close to where I am now without her. She also encourages me to get my work done before each weekend because those are the only times I can see her each week so I make sure I get all my work done so I can see her and not have to worry about too much. But as a college student, you’re always worried. ALWAYS. But whatever. Only 4 more weeks I think and the last week hardly counts. I can make it…. Then I have next year.

So folks other than that I might as well talk about what I have in mind for the future. My website is still a big thing that I’ve been slowly adding too. I hope to somehow start some sort of recreational league for online gaming to help connect people and make friends along with friendly competition. Also, I have so many books I want to write and the one book that I finished…. Well, ‘finished’. I am basically redoing it. It’s not that it’s bad, but I’ve learned so much about writing and have things I want to improve and more subtle topics and world issues that I think I could expose through my book that I’d like to touch on. Plus I actually want to make it more of a gamer story than a drama, even though it was hardly a drama at all. Also, some characters need to be either cut, added to, or get more screen time per se.

Lastly, my fiancee and I have a pretty good plan which will see us moving into our own cheap apartment in a little over a year. It’s a bit ambitious and optimistic, however, it’s possible. She will be in school and I’ll hopefully be pulling in around 25k a year with whatever journalism, writing or media related job I can find after college. But I mess up a lot so we’ll see.

I will continue to write here sorta as a journal or epilogue to the rest of my earlier blog posts which have far more important topics in them. So ya. That’s all folks.

Punk Who Drinks Tea Signing off… *static sound*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

What Now?

Hello, world. This blog is growing more and more obsolete for me. I now have a total of 3 blogs, one blog is dedicated for my thoughts on all things Gaming related, while the other is much like this blog but with less personal things or things that can’t hurt people (too badly). That covers a large amount of what I write about here on Tumblr on my totally secret and anonymous blog. Also, my fiancee is often fed more of my little rants, complaints, concerns and more, in small doses meaning I have no reason to write them here. I saw this coming and did a post that touched on this. However, I am now wondering where this blog is going to go. With Tumblr apparently dying and not picking up the speed I was hoping it would, I wonder if I should start a blog elsewhere, perhaps Reddit? I don’t know yet. I know for sure I’m probably just going to leave this blog here where it will be rarely viewed if at all and move all the same blog posts to another platform where I will pick up where I left off. Though I’m not exactly sure yet but that seems like a good plan thus far. I just don’t want this blog to turn into being just a diary, though I guess that’s wouldn’t be completely useless and dumb. But still no, I want more for my anonymous blog than that.

Next is my thoughts on what to do with my book. I’ve grown a bit as a writer and though I like my book, I think it could be drastically improved and refocused on what was truly important. This would require a butt ton of work on the book which would take me somewhere between 50 and 100 hours. However, I don’t want to continue writing sequels for this book the way it is. I also really like my characters, theme, and story that I am attempting to tell. Sadly, for now, the book is just another self-homemade project which I fear will never see daylight. I won’t let that happen, if I do let that happen, it’ll be because I found a new idea for a book which I’d prefer to pour my time into, but so far I haven’t any grand ideas big enough to cause me to do that. But many books go through this same type of transformation before they get anywhere, and maybe, just maybe this could be the big changes my book needs to get somewhere in this world. (or I’ll be making it worse but let’s not think about that). I obviously don’t have a lot of spare time in these next few months thanks to college but I do wonder how much I can achieve in the summer. I already have a number of things I want to get done this summer and I’ll be working a job (hopefully) so I’m hesitant to count on summer being a good time to revise my book. Anyway, these are my thoughts on that subject.

Lastly, I’m in school for my second semester of a total of four. A lot of what I’m learning is useful… I guess. But I hope most of the skills I’m learning this semester are things I will rarely use in my future career. I am more interested in the “behind the scenes” or the writing aspect of the a journalism career. I am constantly wondering where this is going to take me and if it will be best for me, my fiancee and our future kids. It’s certainly long term thinking with lots of room for over thinking, jumping to the worst case scenario and lots of fear. Based on what my fiancee keeps telling me and based on my skills and preference. It would seem the best job for me would be to be a freelanced journalist that splits my time between gaming jobs and stuff that tackle mental health, God, controversial subjects and other stuff that I may know more about. I do worry about how much money there is in making articles on controversial subjects since the internet is leaning more and more to the left wing and rewards those for making gay shit (literally) and punishes those who disagree. Just look at youtube right now. Also, I’m not sure about getting any jobs writing about God or anything religious because anyone who could me for that is likely a church or an organization run by a church and they are very uptight about who they let speak about these things. I’m just going to say it, they don’t really trust anyone to do any preaching of any kind unless they are a pastor/minister/whatever. Also, these same people are very narrow-minded and easily rubbed the wrong way. If someone like me says something they disagree with and even if I have proof to believe something different, they will just give me the boot. That’s the sad and not so Biblical truth about many churches and those who run them. This is one of the many reasons why people don’t like the church and don’t trust them. But I promise that God and Jesus are not like that. Remember to follow Jesus, not people, not pastors, not ministers, not Christians, not cute dogs… just don’t follow them. Focus on Jesus.

Anyway, folks, I think I’m going to go do something else now. The Maskless Boy Signing off *static sounds*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

The Long Road of the Holidays

The holidays have come to an end, we flew through Christmas and it’s not the new year. People partied extra hard for no real reason and was probably horribly irresponsible for the hollow hope of trying to have a good time and avoid their life. Their attempts will be in vain since life goes on and it will come back to bite them in the butt if it hasn’t already. But nevermind that cause I hate new years celebrations because it has literally no meaning or purpose at all cause it changes nothing.

Anyway, let me tell you a little story. A few days ago my Fiancee and I arrived back at her house to find a girl probably in her early or mid-20s just sitting with a notebook sitting on the curb. It was a cold night and I thought maybe she was waiting for someone to pick her up, but she had a notebook out and not a cell phone, plus she almost looked homeless. So I had a feeling (probably from God) to ask her if she was okay and if she needed a ride somewhere. My fiancee and I got out of the car and walked over to her. I simply said “excuse me” and the first reaction was to ask if that was our house and that she needed to move. Apparently, people get mad if a stranger is sitting in front of their house...in the cold...what? Okay, only a dick would be mad about that. But anyway I just stopped her and told her it was fine for her to be there and then I proceeded to ask her if she needed a ride somewhere. She was not only surprised but she must’ve thought it was a miracle or something based on how she reacted. I suppose it is rare when a stranger asks if you need a ride but I thought it was pretty obvious that she wanted to be anywhere other than on the side of the road in the cold. I’d like to think more people would’ve considered that but our world is dark and no one seems to notice other people anymore these days. Heck according to her first concern, it seems that it would have been more likely for someone to see her as a problem then as someone who needed help. Next, she apologized for having acne….my heart sank a little. For starters, having acne is painful enough and not really your fault; at least most of the time since most people don’t usually choose to have acne. She clearly has had someone in her life complain about her acne or somehow made her feel like she is a problem in many ways in order for her to feel the need to apologize for it. Whoever makes someone feel that bad for something like this should have their balls slowly crushed in a vice. Anyway, she took our offer to give her a ride and we drove her back to her apartment. She was very nice the whole ride and we had a perfectly good and fairly natural conversation along the way. As the overprotective person that I am. I felt that maybe her niceness was fake because she seemed to be in with some bad people or she was down on her luck. Which based on other people like that, it is often because deep down, they are all dicks and it’s often time the reason why they are “down on their luck” or stuck with the bad crowd. My fiancee pointed out though that there are always red flags when someone is a bad person and she didn’t show any other than my vague assumptions, it’s not fair to judge someone on assumptions of any kind. In the end, she asked my Fiancee for her cell number and asked if maybe we could hang out sometime. She hasn’t texted or called at all so either she didn’t care to call/text, she forgot really quickly, she lied and was just being nice or my fiancee wrote her number down wrong which she is already overthinking. But at least we got the chance to help someone so that’s nice, I hope she is doing well because she mentioned that she had a rough holiday season.

Anyway, back to Christmas stuff. Christmas was pretty much the same but with college and so many family gatherings it came and went way too fast and the most joy I got from the season of Christmas was listening to Christmas CDs my fiancee made for the car. We only got to listen to them while driving from one chaotic family gathering to another. But we survived together and I’m glad. Next, I’m going to touch on all my presents this year and keep in mind that I’m a Gamer who comes from a wealthy family.

The first gift was a leather wallet that had only 3 pockets just big enough to hold 3 cards or maybe 2 cards and a small amount of cash that must be folded in half. My brother got this for me because it’s the kind of useless, overpriced hipster trash that he likes. He also accused me of using a plastic bag as a wallet even though he has seen me use my perfectly good and very practical wallet that I will continue to use because the wallet he gave me is pretty much useless. Thanks but no thanks, really shows just how disconnected he is from me and it shows that he thinks that because he likes that stuff, he thinks everyone else must like it too.

The second gift was also from my brother and I’m not sure which is more useless. This gift is a “Roku Streaming Stick Plus”. You probably don’t know what that is. Basically, it’s a USB stick but it’s not, instead, the port goes into an HDMI port. So it can stream audio and video to any display with an HDMI port. Long story short, it makes any display in a really crappy smart TV, aka a Netflix box. Now I rarely watch TV/Netflix/Youtube and I actually hate the idea of wasting away my life just watching stuff, I mean I’ve got stuff to do, I want to live my life, I want to be productive or actually have fun, anything but just sit there and consume content designed to make me dumb and addicted to their cheap form of entertainment. I refuse to be a sheep. Anyway, this is my brother's second gift to me and once again it shows just how little my brother knows me… or he’s trying to turn me into him? Not sure but I might sell his gifts.  

Third gift and one of the best, a bag of Beef Jerky. I’ve never really had Beef Jerky before because it’s expensive and probably really unhealthy but…. I had this bag and it was addicting and delicious. It’s already gone but my fiancee helped so I didn’t eat it all on my own.

Next was a pair of PJs, I actually got the exact same pair of PJs last year but they are a different color this time. They are good PJs so I’m glad I got another set.

Second last present was from my sister. She got me a t-shirt which fits me nicely and is just plain blue so I can’t complain. She also said she will pay for a 4-month parking pass for my college parking. That’s a lot of money and I am currently parking at an old friend’s house about 2km away to save money so I asked her to not give me the parking pass and maybe just help me pay car insurance for a month since it’s more helpful and costs less. Also at this rate, I might not have the money to pay for car insurance so the parking pass with be 100% useless. My sister and parents got mad at me when I point out that her gift will be a waste of money and that giving that money to help pay for my car would be far more helpful and cheaper. They said it was rude to not accept the gift and that I have to take it as it is… I guess they just like wasting money? They aren’t very smart. But they’d rather see this “grand” gesture which is just sooooo helpful than to actually be helpful and practical… and they wonder why I think they are foolish. They don’t think with their heads they think the way our culture has trained them to think.

Last and certainly not least. Over a month ago I found a GTX 1070 on for a great price at a local Staples if you’d believe it (it’s a High-End graphics card). Based on my lack of money and the fact that a good new graphics card is a worthy investment that will last me several years into my future I begged my dad to get it for me and said I’d even pitch in to get it. To my surprise, he actually got it for me and didn’t make me pitch in to help pay for it. It was great timing too because my current graphics card was having a hard time running the latest games. Plus the GTX 1070 can run VR which my fiancee and I want to have in the future (but mostly me). Now I knew my dad could afford the graphics card since we’re rather rich but the real surprise was if he was actually going to help me with something gaming related.

To end off this blog post let me just say that I am making a freak’n board game. As a gamer and writer, creating a game is right up my alley. I’d love to make a video game and I was going to do only tutorials and stuff to learn how to make a game in Unreal Engine since they have a logic system that can be programmed without the need for being a master programmer but I know I won’t have the time until probably the summer so I’ll save that for then. But in the meantime I’ll be working on my board game. I realized that my local library has a 3D printer for use by anyone in the public. So I found the software they use online and have begun designing the game pieces. I genuinely think that I would make a great game maker. I have the mind for it and I have lots of knowledge and experience to know what makes a good game and how to balance everything. Plus I love to create and I simply find it so fun. If I somehow get a career making games I’m taking it.  Anyway, long story short the game is coming along super well and myself along with some friends are really excited about it. It’s a weird side project I know but even as a kid I actually made expansion packs and my own board games. The main problem was that no one ever played with me. It was a big reason as to why I love video games, with video games I can play against AI enemies or online where there are always people to play with, plus you don’t have to drive/walk to your friend’s house to play with them. Gaming with people in person is usually better than online but the amount of practicality of online gaming far outways the idea of me or a friend constantly traveling and moving our gear.

Next, the reason for the title of this blog post was because I’ve done a crap ton of driving over the holidays and I’m tired of it. My fiancee and I went on a road trip to my old, old house where I spent nearly half my life and I got to show her around and talk her ear off about what life was like in a big rich white neighborhood. Her mother came along to see something that I can’t really explain. Something about birds, I could google it but I’m not going to tell you the name anyway. The real reason she came along was to make sure my fiancee and I didn’t have sex which was a bit insulting since both my fiancee and I have done a great job with boundaries and we are both confident that we won’t. We plan to wait until we are married for those who don’t know.

Okay, one last thing I promise. Growing up the phrase “that’s gay” or “that’s super gay” or some use of the word gay was apart of my vocabulary and was often used to express how dumb I thought something was, I know myself and many other people used the word just like that and no one ever got offended and it was totally normal…. Until one day. The storm clouds blew in, thunder roared, lightning crashed, shots were fired and…. A literal gay kid got offended. Myself and others were slowly trained that using the word gay like that could be offensive that we should never say it again. These were dark times but I have reached the point in my life where I simply don’t give a bloody gay butt fucking care about that overly sensitive bullshit that mentally screwed up gay people brought into our society anymore! So now I use the word gay just like I used too and I use it as often or as little as I want. If someone gets offended then too bad. It’s not my fault you are so sensitive or that you’re gay and I am tired of bending to the will of those who are so messed up. So I AM DONE!

...Thank good night, I hope you’re happy…

*drops the mic*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

One Semester Down + Christmas Break is here

A lot has happened since my last blog post, which was a long time ago. I have done fairly well in my classes and it seems to be a promising career choice for me. Christmas break is among us so that means a lot of spare time since I don’t have a job. Sadly I did get into a car accident recently which took out nearly all my savings but luckily I just found out that my second semester is half the price that I thought it was so it’s not the end of the world and I still have time to get a job. Besides, my fiancee and I have plans to be together quite a bit during this break and without a job, it’ll be easier to see one another. But I still need a job since at this rate I’ll be super duper low on money by the end of next semester.

I haven’t learned anything too crazy or blog worthy. Though I have learned that my family and sadly most people in the world do not need or even want a rational reason to believe something. Much like people believing that they are a different gender or that it’s on a spectrum. I mean there is no rational reason to believe this and no evidence to support this but here we are at the end of 2018 where all too many people are dumb enough to believe this. My family, it turns out isn’t really any different. It’s not uncommon for me to get into an argument with one of them but the thing is… I don’t argue unless I’m convinced I’m right and I am convinced I’m right through logic, reason or some other rational evidence to support my belief in something. They never seem to actually have a reason to believe anything that they believe. It’s always “this is how I feel”, “I just don’t get it”, “this is what I was told growing up”, etc etc. They don’t actually have any reason to believe in anything that they stand for. There have been at least 3 or 4 times in the past 3 months where this has happened and they are either really unintelligent people or they stand firm on what they believe for the sake of their pride and reputation. After all, much like those gender confused people, they have no reason to believe it, other than to make them feel better about themselves. However, when it comes to the gender thing, I have no idea how people think that’s a good idea.

My fiancee and I were hanging out when she had a spike of curiosity to research exactly how transgender operations or “procedures” work. In a nutshell, if you are a male and want to become a female. They turn your dick inside out and shove it inside you. If you’re a female and want to be a male then they either pump you full of testosterone and try to make your…. Parts push out more to make a little tiny wiener. The other option is they take skin from other parts of your body, but usually from your forearm and make a dick out of it. By the end of any of these operations, you have little to no feeling in your private parts and you can’t really have sex. Also, they need to be manually maintained in ways that are terribly unnatural and it leaves you open to more infections and stuff. Neither operation is at all close to what it’s like to have a real dick or female parts. According to me and my fiancee who do indeed have real private parts. This doesn’t include the fact that guys get breast implants which are also very unhealthy. The silicone causes you to have a foggy brain and can’t think straight along with other issues. On top of that, they pump you full of testosterone or estrogen depending on which gender you are trying to become. The point I am trying to make is…. The whole thing is fucked up! If people knew all this going into it, then no one in their right mind would ever get these operations. It’s insane and horrible. Not to mention that the suicide rate of people who get these operations is at 40%. That’s very high. It’s freak’n ludicrous!

Anyway folks, I have my Christmas holiday ahead of me and I actually made a list of all my favorite things to do during the break. Most of it is nostalgic and relaxing. I have lots of reading I want to do and old-school video games to play. A bunch of movies I want to watch and other strange things like finish a working demo of my board game and making targets for my airsoft guns so I can shoot targets in my bedroom (small targets since I’m not very far away).

I was thinking about going to a college party, which would be my first college party. But it’s starting at 10pm and it’s in a big city that I’m not familiar with, about a 40-minute drive from my house. I only know 2 people who are going and they aren’t really friends. Lastly, I hate parties with a passion. I am a Christian and this is a good chance to show God’s love and show that I can have fun without getting drunk or getting high. But I’m tired and I am sitting this one out to enjoy my night. I feel kind of bad but I’d like to think the next year and a half will be enough to give them a good idea of God’s love and that my future actions will show them that drunkenness and being high is actually bad, or at the very least, not required for fun. Anyway that’s all, The PunkWhoDrinksTea, signing off *static sounds*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

3 Different topics

Hello to those who stumbled upon this blog post. I am currently on my 5th week of college and so far I am surviving pretty well. There is only one class that I find difficult but it’s not too scary so that’s good. I have done well to balance my hobbies, seeing my fiancee and school. Anyway I don’t really have much to report with my life but I have some food for thought.

So I never really talked much about this, mostly because I never realized how much it affected me or how bad it really was, but when I was growing up my dad and brother used to hit me as a kid. Now it started with my dad for example when I did something wrong then he’d just smack me upside the head and depending as to how bad I was or his mood, the strength the of smack would vary. I could be anywhere from a light flick to nearly knocking me down. For some reason is was always the head too. Now if I was doing something bad then I guess I deserved it but then he would do it when I wasn’t doing anything wrong as a joke… a “Joke”. I’d be playing with my lego or playing videogames and my dad would just randomly hit me. It was completely uncalled for. Over the years my brother joined in and the two of them just enjoyed hitting me for years and years despite the many times I told them to stop. I think this may be one of the things that contributed to me always feeling like things are my fault and that I am always wrong and suck at everything. Now my dad and brother also did this to our dog. The sad part is, is that both my dog and I developed a reflex. So if anyone were to raise their hand or arm over my head or near my head I flinch and brace for impact. I bring this up because just today I was walking down the hall when an old acquaintance from highschool who thinks that hitting someone in the head is a proper greeting for a guy, decided to walk up behind me and hit me fairly hard in the back of the head. Also recently when I was thinking about this and last week I found myself shaking at the thought of this. Now throughout my depression which I suffered from for at least 4 years and though I’d say I’ve survived depression, I’m still prone to being depressed depending on my environment and other factors. So I began shaking throughout the night. Yes you read that right. My Fiancee is as blunt as to say I have some pretty serious symptoms of PTSD from the subtle-ish but wide variety of ways my family has traumatized me throughout my life. So yeah over the years I would wake up sweating from shaking in my sleep or I’d simply have a hard time sleeping since I’d be shaking or I’d wake up and I’d be shaking and out of breath…. Fun times. I never knew how bad it was until I started staying the night at my Fiancee’s house. (we’re not ‘active’ but we do cuddle and sleep in the same bed). She apparently would wake me on purpose as I’d start to shake in my sleep which was nice. She’d look out for me so I didn’t spend the night sweating. (plus I can imagine it would be hard to sleep when the person next to you is violently shaking). It doesn’t help that often times my arms would be wrapped around her so I’d end up squeezing her to death or something. Anyway the point is, don’t hit your kids for fun, it’ll really fuck them up. Perhaps just deal with your problems instead of taking it out on your kids. Anyway let’s move on.

A long time ago my girlfriend (who’s now my fiancee) told me about a comedian named, “Bo Burnham”. She had shown me several videos over the past 2 years. One day after spending the whole day at the beach I had a terrible sunburn and was only able to lay down on my stomach. So my fiancee took this time to show me one of Bo Burnham’s full shows. I absolutely loved it and eventually decided to watch another one of his full one hours shows. Recently I found myself rewatching the shows and looking for interviews and podcasts with Bo Burnham. He is a rather wise person for his age and even more so, he’s honest and blunt. He doesn’t really tip-toe around any subjects. I learned that even though he does so well on stage he actually has really bad anxiety. Now this isn’t new for people to hear about big names on stage actually having bad anxieties or even depression but Bo Burnham comes across as simply, human. Bo was on a podcast with Ethan, the host of a Youtube podcast called “H3H3”. A small but important part of the conversation was when both of these semi famous people both talked about how there are so many days of their life they where they seem to do nothing all day. They talk about just browsing the web, playing games or watching Youtube/Netflix. I think this is very important because all too often we are told that if you want to make it and be big then you have to work pretty much all day everyday. But yet here we are seeing to semi famous people just amazed that they actually have fans because they are both really just doing stuff that they think is fun. This is important because it’s not healthy for someone to constantly be giving it their all, everyday. That’s how you get burned out and tired of what you’re doing. You begin to see it as more of a chore than a passion or a carefully mastered craft. Anyway I just wanted to quickly touch on that.      

The real thing I wanted to talk about today was this dumb thing church pastors say that really screws with Christians. They often say things like, “People should just assume you’re a Christian because of your kind actions”. Now this never happens and I was wondering why, but the answer wasn’t hard to see. After taking a look around at all the ‘Christians’ I know, it was made clear. Most Christians and people at my church are very judgmental, shallow, and quite frankly, they are all Assholes. People aren’t going to associate good, selfless actions with Jesus or Christianity if those who identify as a Christian is a dick. Sorry for the harsh reality but it’s true. The other issue is that there are so many people who do a way better job at being selfless and being nice that aren’t religious at all. It simply makes no sense that anyone would ever associate these good characteristics with Jesus. So if I could talk to my fellow Christians, I’d tell you all this. If people don’t recognize you as a Christian by your actions then that’s fine, don’t worry about it because honestly at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. One of the biggest bands in the world right now, “Twenty One Pilots” are Christians but know one seems to know because they don’t make it super obvious and they don’t tell everyone. However if someone does figure it out then all the puzzle pieces come together and they realize that so many of their choices pointed toward Jesus. Almost all their lyrics are Biblically based and yet so many people love their music and messages, just wait until they figure out what it actually means.

People are more likely to figure out you're a Christian if you’re a prick. If you don’t like swearing or hate on certain kinds of humor or something. (which isn’t morally wrong, see more here: https://punkwhodrinkstea.tumblr.com/post/169680205785/dilute-the-bad)

Just saying folks but so many Christians are indeed judgement and shallow. They don’t think deeply. There is a reason why the stereotypes say that Christians are just brain dead, brain washed, judgmental, killjoys… It’s cause they are!

The Punk Who Drinks Tea, signing off… *static sound

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

College update

So folks it’s been a full week of college since I started. It’s going much better this time, though I am starting to see how this will at some point become overwhelming. I really have to stay on my toes and keep on top of things. Falling behind or getting overwhelmed is a snowball effect. Once you screw up one thing then catching up on that is hard and makes getting your other work done hard too and it accumulates. I have finished all that I need to have done so far so I am doing well. My Fiancee was right, it is much easier being in a program for writing which is better suited for me, opposed to more of a hands on art class which I haven’t done a lot of in my life. Most classes are really just a show up and do everything I can in class I’ll probably never have homework in. Also most classes don’t have exams which is super nice. My classmates aren’t  my favourite people so far but they’re okay. I have a fair amount of time between classes, it varies from either an hour, 2 hours or today I actually have 3 hours. Perfect to write a blog post, work on any digital art, do homework or read. Homework so far has been minimal but sadly I do have a small group assignment due in a couple weeks. It’s really small and simple but getting to know these people, contact and organize a time to meet and discus is a pain in the butt. I don’t want to have to jump through hoops just to do something I could do in less than an hour on my own. But oh no, we gotta learn to “work with others”. Retarded. I’d rather just do everything by myself.

Everything about this program is something I am interested in. I get to learn how to make podcasts, social media stuff, video, writing, photography, opinion pieces, etc. the only thing I don’t like is that a few of the classes really seem to think cater toward making reporters out of us. Now the program trains us to do so much more than that. So I know I won’t end up as a reporter which is good cause the idea of me running around the city to interview people and try to make a story out of something that I don’t care about doesn’t sound so great to me. But there are a series of other jobs out there that would be great that use all these skills that I am so eager to learn.

Anyway this is just meant to be a  quick update to how things are going and whether or not things are becoming more painful or not. Also my “Social Media” teacher showed genuine interest in my blog which I mentioned when she put me on the spot on the first day in their class (this blog) and asked to talk to me more about it, so I actually showed it to her and sent her an email with a link to it explaining why this blog exists and stuff. I rarely let people know about my blog not to mention only a handful of people have laid eyes on it. I guess I just hope they learned something or at least has a better idea of who I am. After all they’re is going to be teaching me for the next few months.  

Lastly my fiancee and I have begun working out. See before we started dating and we first met we were probably in the best shape of our lives but since then she’s been worn down by having bad tonsils and I just got too lazy to workout. She got her tonsils removed and I want to get back into shape. So we are now encouraging one another to workout which is nice. I used to have quality abs and be able to climb with just my arms and do one armed pull ups. But now I think I may be in the worst shape of my life. But that will change soon, I hope. I just gotta find a sustainable way to consistently workout so I can always be in shape and simply make it apart of my everyday life. Also my fiancee deserves a man with abs haha. Sadly we’re both good genuine people so we aren’t so shallow as to demand the other be in great shape so hopefully that won’t kill our motivation to get into shape. I just gotta remember that I’m doing it for her.

Alright folks I think that’s all for right now, I’ve got other stuff to do now. Peace out!

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

College Begins

Hi humans. I am off to college in a couple days and I am indeed terrified. For those of you who read blog posts from this time last year. You would know that my last college experience was like a horror story. I had to spend 3 hours a day on the bus, I was depressed out of my mind and I was attempting to get good at something that I wasn’t naturally skilled at. On top of all that I had many fights with my parents for a variety of reasons and college comes with a lot of pressure, not good for someone who is already filled with anxiety and is super depressed. So naturally I am terrified of going back and fear repeating the past. Now I have a car so that will help. I am also in a program for writing so it is far better suited for me and therefore the work should come easier. Also I heard that the workload for this program is less than the last. As long as I stay positive, let myself make friends (I’m not good at it) and stay on top of my work then nothing should go wrong….right? Anyway I wanted to go over this because I doubt I’ll be doing much writing here in the next 3 or 4 months. Though knowing me I will write a post after the first 1 or 2 weeks of class since there is always things to report about these new  experiences. A part of me recently thought that maybe the era of my life where I write here on a secret blog  post was coming to an end. But I think that as long as my fiancee and I aren’t married and living together than I will always need a place to write out my thoughts since I can’t always let it all out to someone I trust at times I need too. I can text her but it’s not always the same as in person or even writing it down here. Also there are often things that might escape me here that I wouldn’t even think to mention to my fiancee.  Either because she doesn’t need to know about my awesome time in a virtual realm or because it’s somehow a nerdy geeky thing that I don’t want to bore her with. If the day ever does come when I stop writing here I will, I will put every blog post in order and make them into a book and keep the cover and names of titles very cryptic. I’ll probably make a bunch of copies and  ask some random person at any given time to give them  a copy to  my church pastors, my parents and other people who will read it and actually think. Anyway with that said… Let’s talk about some nerdy stuff.

So good news! The new RTX 2000 series graphics cards have been announced and released recently. They seem to be built entirely with Virtual Reality in mind. With new technology they render multiple points of view in, making it easier and more efficient for VR games to run along with wider fields of view. Also new technology for simulating sounds in real time and reacting differently depending on the objects which the sound comes in contact with. Lastly and most certainly not least is the new “Ray Tracing Technology”. From a software standpoint it’s a very practical, easy and super realistic light rendering method. It automatically replicates light and how it would react when coming into contact with different surfaces and density of objects, making it look very realistic. The way glares are made, god rays, reflections, water being bent or reflected in water, shadows, etc. it’s very impressive but it takes a lot of power. Even today’s games are being tested with all this new technology and they are only putting out 1080p at 60 fps with these new and more powerful graphic cards. Now these games are looking more realistic than we’ve ever seen at this resolution and frame rate but many gamers are currently running games at double that on the 1000 series cards. Now they don’t have as nice sound and lighting and nore do their cards handle VR as well. But we can always turn off these fancy new rendering methods to use that extra power the old fashion way. Simply we can render things the way we always have resulting in have worse lighting and sound (though it’s still pretty damn amazing looking without it). Anyway these new cards are very exciting but I think I’m gonna hold off once again. I am now 2 full graphic card generations behind but I did well in building my PC and it still runs the latest games on high graphics or sometimes medium if the game is poorly optimized or has a really massive world. I won’t upgrade unless I have too or until my fiancee and I move out and I will begin that era of my life with a brand new GPU and VR because we  both want to play Beat Saber and I’m sure by then the world of VR will be super awesome. Too bad my fiancee and I will be poor.

I began writing this blog post 2 days before my first day back at college but didn’t have time to post it. Now I am currently in the library of my college writing the rest of the blog post. The day before I start college (yesterday) my fiancee, her family and I went on a mini road trip. It was a lot of driving and lot’s of fun. I was very tired from a lack of sleep from the days leading up to it and the road trip resulted in me getting home late. Most people would deem this unwise to do the day before your first day of college but whatever we did it anyway. I am very tired but college is proving to be far more forgiving this time around. Last year I had trouble getting onto the school wifi and simply never knew where to go or what to do. I also had a hard time making friends but now I have two people who I have made friends with. Though when I say friends it’s  more like, we are too scared to talk to more people and therefore just default to who is familiar. I doubt it’ll last but I’m giving them a shot to prove what caliber of people they are. At the very least I’ll be a close acquaintance with them so I have someone to exist with instead of always being alone like last year. On tuesdays (today) I have two 3 hours classes with a 3 hour break in between classes.  I have no problem with this cause working quietly here is a bit easier than at my house and it could easily serve as great writing, reading, working on art, my website or even some casual gaming. I’m just glad it’s not an awkward amount of time like one hour. That’s enough time to get food and use the bathroom but not enough time to set up my laptop and get to work and make any progress on stuff I’m working on. I am not going to make the same mistake as last year and under value my sleep and the importance of good real food. Sadly on long days that will likely require me buying food but you can get a quality wrap at Subway for 5 bucks (CDN) so that’s not terrible. It sounds like a lot but it’s better than living on the cheaper Tim hortons option or protein bars. Last year that’s pretty much what I did and I felt the effects just fine… I felt pretty horrible. I was also getting 4 or 5 hours on a good day and I’m not going to let that happen, even if it means letting an assignment get handed in with less effort shown than I’d prefer to hand in. I just need to remember that if I run out of juice then I need to recharge and take an actual break.

Anyway folks I’m gonna go, I have class in a bit and don’t want to be late. I’m really looking forward to a full night of sleep and if I have no homework then I hope to game out for a while tonight. Peace out folks and good luck to all other students, we will survive.     

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Importance of Personality

Hey folks my life just went…. Wlnsdnjvfjkbvsrbjksrvnklv… Okay but seriously. So my college last year went on strike and actually gave me the best way out of a program which was going to lead me into a career that I probably wasn’t going to enjoy. Also the program was slowly, no… quickly, killing me inside so I escaped with all my money and a pro grade art kit which I gave to my fiancee since she does more fine and traditional arts than I do. I mainly do digital art so it’s mostly free and doesn’t require supplies which is nice. Anyway I decided to apply for Journalism since I do my fair share of writing and both my fiancee and I think I could have a good career in that field. Long story short I was put on the waiting list and didn’t expect to be going to college until next year but a spot opened up and I got it. So now I am going back to college this September which is really, really soon and really… terrifying.

I was working at a place where I made a variety of different products from vinyl and paper, signs, postcards, etc. I got to do some design work and work with clients. I thought I could’ve had a future there if I was good enough to hold my own and hope another employee quit freeing up space for me to have a full time position but now I can’t work there since I’m going to be in college. This is the right choice for the long run but I am terrified. This makes a 99% guarantee that my fiancee and I won’t get married and move out until I finish my 2 year program and get a job…. Which means 2 more years of living at my parents house which I am rather tired of.

So folks one of the potential careers I could get is gaming journalism and not so long ago I did some free freelance work for a website. There was a particular post that I wrote that had two jokes/casual comments that gave the readers a good idea of my personality and character but I still kept the word count in these parts to a minimum. They removed one which I thought gave the reader more info and I personally think that personality and character is important. Giving the reader or viewer a more personal touch by being yourself and letting your unique personality shine is a wonderful thing. I know I’m not the only one who finds certain people online entertaining for no apparent reason. Most youtubers or twitch streamers aren’t famous for any amazing skills or talent but for their personality and dedication. I feel that in the field of journalism with a topic like video games and probably many other topics, the viewers and readers should have a chance to get to know the content creators on a more personal level. In my opinion things are more engaging when you get to hear about that person's unique experience with what news they are delivering. Maybe it’s just me but reading a simple: Who, What, Where, When, why and How list of things in a paragraph simply lowers the quality of the content down to a streamlined, cheap, average and may I even say boring way to deliver the news and opinions of those who are professionals at what they do. What’s the point of being a good content creator if your unique personality gets watered down to be more generic? As you can tell, I think it’d dumb. This not only hurts the quality of the content but also the passion from the creator who makes it. It’s not fun to make something only to have someone to say that it’s “not what they’re looking for.” simply because it’s different and often times these differences make it better, not worse.     

Anyway that’s my own two cents on the subject. I am currently enjoying my weekend with my girlfriend now as we both enjoy indulging ourselves into our hobbies. Lastly I have found it rather hard to find the motivation to work on the things like my website and other content since I am now going to college soon and won’t have time to really commit to the work I was hoping to complete and continue. It’s a bummer but I have two projects on the go and they I’m hoping to get the two of them finished before I go off to college in a few weeks. Peace out web surfers. Punk Who Drinks Tea, signing off…*static sounds*...

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Day 7,653: Playing Nurse

Howdy folks, it’s been a long time since I’ve written here and honestly I can’t promise that this blog will continue to have more content worthy of being read. Not only do I have less time than I used to but I have been blessed with consistent chances to see my girlfriend for 2-4 days a week. I get to do a good chunk of my rants and pour out my thoughts with her and therefore I have less of a need to write it all down. Plus a lot of my best and most important thoughts have already been written down on previous posts. Also…. This is a minor thing but some of my smaller and sillier thoughts can sometimes even be mostly completed on twitter thanks to the new 280 character limit. Anyway I will still be keeping this blog so I will always have a safe place to write but it’s simply not as big part of my life as it once was and that’s okay. Anyway, let’s move on.

So folks, this post is more of an update of my recent events of my life since it’s fairly important to myself and my fiancee. So for many years, perhaps most of my fiancee’s life, she has had problems with her tonsils which has progressively getting worse and hindering her health. But she just had surgery to remove them and solve that issue. She has spent the past 4 and a half days recovering and I have had the honor of taking responsibility for her health. Well sorta. I got to  play nurse as I helped her get blankets, heat up heat packs, get her pain medication and ice cream. That sorta thing. But it was nice. I was over at her house for 5 nights and it was great to see her that much. Sadly I must go back to work and therefore back to my house. It was nice that I got just a glimpse of what it may be like when my fiancee and I eventually live together… though hopefully we don’t have to go through more surgeries that require painful recoveries.

Anyway my job seems to be going well and for all I know I am days, weeks or months away from a promotion that could change my fiancee’s and my life for the better. I suppose on the other hand I could never get the promotion and I’ll just end up wasting my life and going in circles hoping to get somewhere but never really getting there. He he he he….  Yayyyy. Happy thoughts. Alright I gotta wrap this up. It was a short blog post but a noteworthy one since it’s a rather important day for my fiancee. Peace out folks and have a nice day.

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Random & Important Thoughts

So my girlfriend/Fiance thinks guys underwear and swim shorts are weird and confusing. I told her I think girls having periods, different methods of surviving the period, their underwear and their swimwear is weird. She thinks it’s strange that us guys have about 3 different types of swim shorts, let’s list them: regular swim shorts which are just shorts made from a different material, swim shorts again but with a mesh webbing inside for some reason and then the speedo which is for competitive swimmers and gay boys. I don’t know why some swim shorts for guys have the mesh webbing inside, it’s pretty strange and for some reason mine have that. Also some guys wear their underwear on under their swim shorts, like me. I do that. I don’t know why, I just do. It’s just a bit more snug and comfy for some reason. Anyway I just wanted the internet to know that I’m preparing to marry a psychopath.

Anyway for a more serious subject, I have a friend who’s parents are on two very different pages of life. One is a strong parent role who is strong and responsible while the other is abusive, toxic and self, only serving themselves at the cost of others. The relationship between the two parents is at the point where divorce is an obvious choice. However, they are in so much debt that they would be forced to each take half the debt and only one would have a house, making the other, homeless. Plus they have a small child who can not make decisions for himself and the child would likely be taken away, this also removes the ability to call the police, because it could cost them their right to have their own child, which one of the parents have done a great job raising while the other… didn’t. I can’t help but imagine that this is how people get trapped in such horrible situations and can’t escape to something better without making things worse for themselves. I spent a fair amount of time researching laws and stuff to see if there is a way out and frankly, I am yet to find one. This world has set up a system that shows no empathy for those in pain and won’t help them no matter how bad the situation is. If someone out there reads this and has a legit solution then please message me so I can use your knowledge to try and help. Anyway this is how things escalate to the point when someone else looks at the situation and wonders why you didn’t run for your life. As the saying goes; “Put a frog in boiling water and it jumps out but slowly heat it up and it’ll burn alive”. I just don’t want things to get worse for them.

Also I some people say divorce is selfish and I kinda understand that because it seems that the parents are putting their needs before their kids. However the kids are negatively affected when the parents don’t get along, I’ve seen this happen all the time, even in my own house. There are even parents who try to say their relationship is great and it’s really not, this also poorly affects the kids. Now no relationship is perfect but if it’s a downright bad relationship then it won’t be good for your kids. As a Christian I believe Divorce is wrong however the Bible does teach that it’s ok to do so if both parties agree it’s a good idea. Obviously this is to prevent two people who made a mistake to get out and find happiness elsewhere, sadly systems put in place in our culture have made this harder depending on the circumstances. Personally I don’t think divorce is selfish, I think that if both people really think it needs to come to that then everyone involved is probably better for it, including the kids. It’s not easy and it’s certainly a sensitive subject and I’m sorry to anyone who has to sit around the corner while you parents yell at one another until sun rise or you can’t sleep ‘cause you can still hear them fighting. Heaven forbid physical abuse. It will scar the kid for the rest of their lives. Now of course even if you do get divorced, doesn’t mean it’ll be great. It’ll still be hard, especially for the kid. I think I can relate to those kids who never really had a dad or mom. I don’t think I have every once went to my dad for help with anything serious unless I had no other choice. He never takes things well, he’s kinda a butt, controlling and power hungry so I often pay the price when he gets involved in anything in my life. So I keep him at a safe distance. My mother is sadly tied to my dad so I must always be careful what I say to and around her as well. I was only ever close to my mother but that was at least 10 years ago which is half my life. Since then I took to God, others or Google for answers and wisdom to help guide me in life. I am lucky now that I have such an amazing girlfriend/fiance who I will hopefully be marrying soon. She is the perfect life partner for me, I am glad that we have both come this far without further emotional damage.

Anyway I don’t really have more to say about that topic and it’s getting late. I will briefly update you on my depression though. I have been, my healthiest as I have ever been for about 9 months now but these past 3 have been amazing. Things in my life haven’t been perfect but I have noticed just how much stronger I am and how much healthier my mind is. My sleep is pretty probably as normal as it’ll ever be. I would not go as far as to say that my depression is gone or healed though. I don’t think it ever will be. The things that I have theorized that cause me to become depressed will never stop, at least not likely in my lifetime. It’s a long story which only reading the past blogs will help you understand more but I must say that things are going well. I rarely wake up sweating anymore and I don’t shake as much when I do feel a bit depressed. Soooo yeah, that’s a nice update. Anyway folks, I gotta go. Punk Who Drinks Tea, signing off *static sounds*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Kinder Egg

Sorry to Americans who don’t have Kinder Eggs due to them being too dangerous of a choking hazard…. Ya that country who has shootings almost every day… but apparently Kinder Eggs are too dangerous. Good call. Anyway I’ve got a question. Is life hard? Or are humans just really bad at it?

Now you’re probably wondering what exactly I mean. How can someone be bad at life. Well I am not asking why everyone can’t do well in school or get jobs to support their life or anything. I mean why are there people who are homeless when there are empty apartments and houses? Why are their people who are starving when there is more than enough food? Why are so many people longing for a meaning in life and desperate for joy? Why do people self sabotage themselves so often.

Honestly folks, every human in this world could have their own perfectly fine cozy apartment with all needs met: food, cooking tools, basic entertainment options, bed, job, (probably even a car), etc if a we all worked together to make sure one another were taken care of. This is sorta the purpose of communism but the reason why communism doesn’t work isn’t because that doesn’t make for a good life, but because people want a better life than others. I mean why did humans have to put up all these systems which really just cripples people? Why do we need to go to school? Pay for car insurance, food and water. I know it sounds crazy to even imagine that we have all created a system in place to make things so much more difficult for people to become independent, (truly) free and even in a sense, Healthy. There is enough resources in our world to easily give everyone a good life and help anyone who hits a speed bump along the way. The problem is that we have to put all these rules, laws and systems in place to keep things fair and we all pay the cost. These things came into play because people don’t want to settle for a good life but they want more and more. Humans would rather hurt others while on a mission to get to the top, to have more money, food, entertainment, stuff, sex, etc. So to help prevent people from hurting one another on their greedy pursuit, we created the society and culture we know today. Isn’t it wonderful?! Anxiety, depression, greed, toxic relationships, misuse of sex and several substances and pain fill our world all because we make it hard on ourselves and one another. It certainly doesn’t help that a number of people don’t deal with their problems very well. I’ve come to learn that many people seem to use one problem to create another and another. So I guess to answer my question, is life hard? Or are humans just really bad at it. I’d have to say, humans are just really bad at it. Growing food, making a building, filtering water, entertainment and so many more things we have mastered and it could all be free if we didn’t abuse it, but we do. Next when life gets rough (or even when it’s going well) some people somehow screw it up by making very irrational choices.

I often think about life back in the middle ages. Back then there was no school, no college, no car (or horse) insurance, no tax on everything you buy. There was only one tax and it was for the land you lived on and that went to the country to help build stuff and maintain stuff. Everyone grew up to learn and master how to become independent and then learned some kind of trade which was then used to give back and provide for others in the community. There were simply so many fewer systems in place that often hold people back and make life more difficult. One of the reasons I love my job is because it’s much like those times. I didn’t go to college and get a grade that deemed how worthy I was of a certain job. No, I learned these skills from just my everyday interests and someone thought I could make a good fit in the trade which I now take part in. Now I simply learn from those before me and try to improve upon what they do. Anyway I think my strange little, useless rant is over. I don’t think I have more to add. But I do have another topic to talk about.

So my girlfriend and I spent the entire weekend together and it was a fairly busy weekend and at the end of a long day we were locked out of her house. So we went for a drive and ended up parked on the edge of quiet road on the outskirts of town. I had a couple Kinder Eggs in the car and there was a nearby walking path. So after a while of just hanging out I insisted on walking down the a path. My girlfriend, despite being tired she agreed to come with me. I grabbed a Kinder Egg and offered her the other which sadly she declined (like come on they taste good). After a very short walk I unwrapped my kinder egg, and ate it. I then offered the surprise toy to be opened by my girlfriend. As she took it I began to walk slower and took a knee. She opened it and found a stainless steel ring. In confusion she says “what the?-” and she turns around to find me, down on one knee….. Yeah I proposed to my girlfriend in a cheap and semi romantic fashion and she said yes. Well technically she just kissed me and I had to ask again just to make sure and then she said yes. But yeah I guess I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, I have a fiance. Hell yeah! I’m engaged to the love of my life!

Welp folks that’s it for the main post. I do want to update that I have not gotten my site published yet. I did not expect to be getting the job that I have and it briefly stalled my progress along with bad allergies/sickness. The site is finished, it just needs the first chapter of my book to be finished editing before I publish it. The First Chapter will act as a demo since my book is indeed the flagship content for my site. Anyway it’s a work in progress and will be done soon, I promise. Peace out ladies and gentlemen.  

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Sup folks! Any Gamers in the audience? Cause the world’s biggest and best gaming Expo just ended called Electronics Entertainment Expo, or E3 for short. So yeah I actually spent most of E3 with my girlfriend and didn’t get to see it live (the things I do for love, am I right? haha). But I did go back and watch all the press conferences and check and double check all the news. Every year I write down a list of games that peak my interest and would consider buying. After that I study the games over the next 6-18 months and slowly narrow down the list to the last 1-3 games I will actually have the money to buy. E3 was pretty bland this year with only new game announcements but none were much of a surprise really. But on my list are these:

The Division 2

Battlefield 5

Sea of Solitude

Anthem

The Awesome adventures of Captain Spirit

Forza Horizon 4

Battletoads

Halo Infinite (Halo 6)

Morning Star

I would love to go into great detail about all of these games and why they are on this list and why they will likely vanish from the list one by one leaving behind one or two but I’ll save that for later…. Or I’ll rant to my girlfriend about it later and she’ll get annoyed by me talking too much.

Anyway lately I’ve been pretty drivent to find rest and to find a good balance between work and rest. I have had a wonderful pattern of working too much and burning myself out or I feel like I rest too much and don’t get enough work done. Lately though I feel I’ve been doing fairly well. I’m very tired but not so tired that I can’t do anything. I am tired of driving, noise, people and everyday life. I have missed my writing a lot due to E3… I celebrated E3 by spending almost every moment of spare time gaming. But I need to write, so that’s what tonight is for me, writing and resting. However one of the things I want to talk about is the problem with modern day gaming.

So gaming is pretty amazing and in my opinion, it’s the best hobby for pure entertainment there is. I mean yeah writing is fun and working on art, sports etc (TV is lame tho even tho I watch anime and brooklyn 99… it’s still lame due to it requiring no effort on the viewers part). But gaming has something for everyone and it can be a very expensive hobby for extremists or it can be very cheap. For a gamer like me who has poured thousands of hours into each different section of the gaming world, I have seen it all and I have what I would consider valuable knowledge of the gaming culture. I have seen the gaming world become more toxic, mostly just in the competitive games but still it didn’t always used to be like that. However the gaming world has hit one big problem, the market is becoming saturated. We have too many games and not enough gamers. Now we have more gamers in the world than ever before, it’s the go to hobby for most millenials and gen Z in first world countries. Whether they are noobs, casual or hardcore, people play video games. The problem is that more games release in a week then what used to release in a year, 10 years ago. Sounds nutts I know. But what does this mean? Well lots of those games slip through the cracks and die out, or they just suck but even so we have tons of great games that simply don’t get enough players to sustain it. I have now watched 3+ games that were rather amazing games, simply die because there isn’t enough gamers to go around. We can only play so much and dedicate our time to so many games. I recently got a bunch of games for free thanks to E3 and I haven’t the time to put any real effort into most of them. Now something similar happened back in the 80’s. There were too many games and most of them were poor quality and gaming almost died. Now gaming will never die, we love them too much as a culture but will players counts start dropping? Or will game developers fade away due to a high demand that often doesn’t pay off? I don’t know, but I’m nervous to see what comes of my favourite hobby and what is sorta like my hometown. I grew up in gaming and though it has become something quite amazing, there are some turns that gaming is taking that concern me. On the other side there is good news.

Remember back when EA released Star Wars Battlefront 2 and it had a few “pay to win” elements. Well they fixed that and did a full overhaul on the game to remove that aspect. But more importantly every developer, including EA has done a lot of work to go out of their way to be better. At E3 no games were announced with any possible way to spend money to help level up a character and many games are instead making microtransactions only for cosmetic items. This is exactly what gamers asked for, because now that money made off microtransactions is used to provide DLC and game expansions to the whole community, allowing the developers to not divide the player base. It’s a good thing. Before if you didn’t want to pay for the DLC then you’d be left with the few other players who didn’t pay for it and made it nearly impossible to find a match, or you just felt left out and it was not good for the players, even those who paid for the DLC has less people to play with, it was dumb but necessary but thanks to the community rebelling against EA’s big mistake the who gaming culture has learned how to do better and it has made a better place for all gamers. Woot woot. WhoooRahhh.

Anyway folks, I’m doing pretty good and I hope to be writing more really soon…. Like later tonight or first thing in the morning. Peace out!

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Some Stuff To Think About

Sorry my posts haven’t been very frequent but…. Meh, who cares? Anyway I have been having a hard time balancing rest and work. I either work too hard or I feel like I’ve rested too much. Rest is a very important thing to have or else you’ll get weak, tired or have a number of other symptoms of which are all bad. My performance at my new job was lacking once my two jobs got too overwhelming. Plus I was writing for an website for gaming journalism but lately I haven’t heard anything from my boss, despite me sending him articles…. Guess he died or something? I don’t know. This is probably a blessing in disguise though because not only do I need the time to rest but I want to use more of these gaming article ideas for my website which is basically complete, just a few more touch ups. Anyway I’ve had so much to write about but didn’t write a lot of it down, however I do still have lots to talk about so lets get started.

So the lead pastor at my church thinks that ideally we’d all get one day off a week to be our “Sabbath” (one day to enjoy what God has provided and rest) and we should also aim to have ONE HOUR a day to do the same and maybe through in some Bible reading and stuff along with it…. AN HOUR! Ok so I thought that’s no so crazy I’ll try it… didn’t work. However I have been finding it to be plausible to do 30 minutes a day. I usually do it before bed which is not ideal since I’m usually ready to sleep so if there is ever a natural break in my day then I read then and relax. It’s been going very well and I’d suggest it to anyone wanting to get closer to God, but I know how much time that is, it’s more than you realize when you have a busy day. Which brings me to main point. You know how we all struggle to be good enough in today’s world of overly high expectations? You know you we put so much pressure and stress and anxiety to be perfect!? Well it hit me recently that Jesus never had that. I mean Jesus was literally put on earth by God to be a perfect example…. PERFECT and he never broke a sweat. I mean I’m sure he did sometimes when it was hot or if he had to run long distances and that one time before being murdered he sweated blood. Jesus did show stress and anxiety before being tortured and hung on the cross as he prayed to God but he wasn’t worried about being good enough or perfect ever. I think in Jesus prayer in the garden when he was sweating blood I bet the prayer was something like this:

“Dear Father in heaven…. You want me to DIE? Seriously? You sure there’s not a less painful options?” but then God was like:

“Nope”.

So Jesus did as he was told and let Judas be a dick. And that is what I learned recently, fun stuff eh? Let’s move on.

So I used to play competitive video games in leagues and stuff and I still have an itch for competition that needs to be scratched from time to time. I was wondering is our competitive spirit simply a human thing? Is it taught? Is it something some people are born with? Why do we have a need for this. I mean I hardly care to be better than someone at stuff so why do I enjoy the odd competition from time to time? I don’t even know the answer but I know that the feeling never truly goes away. I’ve spent months on end without any real competition but still I find myself eventually wanting to play something competitive. I dunno, just something to think about I guess.

Anyway folks I’m probably going to be at my girlfriends house all weekend so the chances of me working on another blog post is not likely since I have other stuff I’d rather write this weekend should I get the chance. Peace out!

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Catch Up

Wow a lot has happened. So folks I took a break a while back to regroup and de-stress from all the hard work I was doing on my website among other things. I wrote a blog post and not long later I was offered a new job. I was a janitor as of my last blog post but I just quit that job and only have a few shifts left. I am now designing postcards, letters, signs, business cards etc. I format and print them, cut them down to size and mount them on the clients preferred medium. I also have to do some face to face with clients. This job is the kind that I could make a living doing and frankly it’s really enjoyable. There are a fair share of “natural breaks” where I have to wait for things to print or wait for a client to get their crap together. Also it’s low stress and mostly importantly when I leave the office, I leave work at the office. The job is pretty great. It’s not my dream job but I’ve done some more research into gaming journalism and I’m not sure that would be super great either, for practical reasons. They often work over 40 hours a week and they don’t get to leave work at the office. Everything they do must revolve around gaming and using what they do and learn to write about to make a living. It’s not a bad job and perhaps something that would suit me well if I was single but I’m not. I want to marry my girlfriend and move out. Could I still become a gaming journalist? Sure I don’t see a big problem with that if I somehow get noticed for the work I do for free already. However the idea of working so much and not getting to see my girlfriend much is not a great thought. It’s not like see her would be rare but still. Have been working 40 hours a week now for a few weeks and frankly to see her and work on my other work like this blog, website, art, book, etc. It’s hard to find time and not work too much. Hence why it’s been a while since my last post. I was working a lot and stressed about being the best at this new job so I can make a future out of it someday. So far so good but still it was a lot. My girlfriend strongly suggest I take a break and I only half listened. I decide to work less at home but not totally stop. Not long later I became depressed again and was totally exhausted and she got to say “I told you so”. Anyway I’ve been relaxing in my time off and just gaming, no productivity of any kind. I feel so much better too, I should’ve listened to her the first time.

Speaking of gaming, I want to mention my gaming habits and how the timing has worked out so well. My whole gaming life has been a gift from God in a sense but let me explain. I grew up playing such a wide variety of games and got really good at them. I slowing grew into a very competitive player and I competed at some pretty high levels. I was at the top of my game about 2 or 3 years ago. I was very high up on the CSGO community and was on some live streams as I battled to be the best in the top 5-3% of the players (not quite pro but not too far off either). Long story short I had my time in the spotlight and I enjoyed it. But I’m not the same person anymore. I have more to my life than practicing 5-12 hours a day. The timing for my Esports competitive lifestyle was perfect though. It helped me cope/ignore my depression and it was extremely cheap! However now I am more interested in games that I can play my way, open world RPGs, MMOs, and a games that simply bring me joy. That’s not to say I won’t ever play in a league of any sort again. I mean if  a game comes a long that I really like and it’s competitive I might give it a try but I know I won’t ever be the best and I won’t ever be practicing so intensely.

In the next 5 years I think we will see some major improvements in the field of affordable virtual reality gaming and that’s something I’d be interested in if I can afford it. But as of right now I think it’s still got a long way to go before it’s worth investing in. I think the number one reason I want VR so much is for the ability to be gaming and exercising at the same time. There are some failed attempts to get gamers to be more active by tricking us into exercising but the games are never any good. For example the Wii Fit, Pokemon GO, Xbox Kinect. They all have these games trying to get us to be gaming and moving at the same time but without good online multiplayer and better gameplay, they are doomed from the start. VR however is something new. Something that can put you into a war zone or have you battling monsters and even meeting other people in VR worlds (though some seem very strange so far). But still it’s a step in the right direction.

I recently discover “Sword Art Online: Ordinal Scale”, it’s a movie of the popular Anime series. In the movie though the players where a AR headset (augmented reality) that means all the digital stuff is seen by the player using the headset and not actually being put in a virtual world. However this AR headset is used by every person in Japan (amazing marketing and good prices I guess). So this allows everyone to see and share the digital things in the real world. A company makes a game where you have to physically go to a certain place like a park or something where a battle will begin and players fight digital monsters in the real world but like a super high tech version of Pokemon go. But instead of just swiping up on you phone they actually have to run, jump and swing swords to play the game. It’s cool and the mention several times about how much they are getting in shape while playing this game. This is the type of thing I think the world could need. I know that ideally we’d all have the discipline to go to the gym or go running but let's be honest folks, it’s not very fun and other than getting in shape it’s pretty useless, even when it comes to making friends while working out. Playing a game to get in shape is fun, can be done in co-op with others and makes you want to get in shape more to be better at the game. Let me tell you a little story. When I was working out in highschool we used to have rowing machines and each machine had a mini game you could select on this little screen. The game was a side scrolling game where you controlled a fish on the screen by rowing faster or slower. The faster you row, the fish would swim up and the slower you row the fish would go down. You had to use this to dodge on coming sharks. The game got gradually harder over time and forced you to row at a variety of paces to keep your fish alive. The school had a chart write down your highscore and your name next to it. After months of training on this dang rowing machine…. I doubled the school record. Yeah suck it bitch! I bet I still own that record. However after I doubled it I stopped doing that exercise cuz I was now quite ripped and no longer had to prove I was in shape. I still worked out for a couple more years but I never played the dumb fish game again. Anyway the moral of the story was that playing that game was super duper motivating for me and made me want to get in shape to be good at it. Imagine this on a grand scale of games that are more than the fish game. Something like a war game. I’ve played paintball and I’ll tell ya there is so much squating or crawling, sprinting, jumping plus wielding the gun. It’s a full body exercise, a VR war game once we get a full dive suit would make a soldier out of any gamer. We’d all be in great shape. Would really help our first world problem of obesity. Anyway rant over.

Actually I’m going to have to bring this whole post to an end. I’ve been away for a long time so you can bet I have a crap ton to write about but I don’t have a crap ton of time. Peace out!

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Re-branding

Hello ladies and gentlemen it’s still me I promise. As you can tell I have re-branded my blog and my twitter which if you haven’t seen is here:

https://twitter.com/PunkWhoDrinkTea

If you have been following my latest posts over the past month or two then you’ll know that I am making a website and for my book and other things which will act like portfolio and possibly even a master placeholder for all my creations which I hope people will enjoy enough to donate or even sponsor my work. However in order for me to get paid or to direct people to my site it will work better if I can attach my real name to the site. This means that this blog sadly had to be left under a totally anonymous name so I can continue to write it with complete freedom. I decided to change the name of the site for that purpose since I wanted to use the previous name for my new Site and as a pen name. Under that pen name is another pen name and finally under that is my real name… yeah I guess I want people to have to work to find my true identity but it won’t keep people from contacting me since there will still be plenty of ways to do so. Anyway let’s move on.

So folks I have been playing a game called “Heroes of the Storm” since 2015 I think but since I started taking my writing, website and other things more seriously I wanted to cut out playing this game since it was the easiest part of my life to throw out for the sake of time. However the reason I used to play it was because it was easy to limit how much time I play and it gets out my competitive spirit. I find it mostly enjoyable and honestly with all the work I do on a daily basis I need something to give me a break. As of right now I sometimes take a break to play a game but there is never really an end to any of these games unlike Heroes of the Storm. Basically is what I am say is that I have decided to start playing this game again because it works well with my lifestyle. Instead of waking up, going to work then getting home just to go directly back to doing more work. I used to use this game as a buffer that I played while I ate lunch and would use it to relax before writing or doing more work. Ever since I stopped getting to work has actually been harder. I tried to find other ways to get in the zone to get work done but doing something competitive and something I enjoy beforehand acts as a great break between work and gets it all out of my system. Anyway so I started playing that again and I kind of feel guilty for… enjoying and not being productive at every waking hour but I know that it’s good to spend some time doing something simply because you enjoy it, so this is my thing. End of story.

Next is college, it looks like I’ll be returning to full time college and hopefully I’ll get a job out of it this time. I do have a car now so that should save me 3 hours a day since I used to have to take the city bus. The bus wasn’t bad but the time to use it was brutal. Last time the colleges here went on strike and ruined my year but I did get a full refund and a chance to realize what I really want to get into. Luckily I am going for Journalism which will hopefully be my “official” way of proving myself to be a great gaming journalist since that’s my dream job other than maybe just doing what I am already doing but for money. The program is only two years and should grant me a job when I finish… however. Honestly if I’m not doing journalism in the field of gaming or tech related stuff, I think I’d hate it. Would I be good at it? I guess but I want to mostly like my job. I did some research on the average day of a game journalist and they write about 3 articles a day and have to self edit and publish without screwing anything up. So that means I get to sit and write about one of my all time favourite topics all day for money. Sign me up. But if I have to write about something dumb like…. Sports or news that takes place around the world I’d be pretty sad. Also parts of being in journalism is also being heard on podcasts or seen on podcasts where other journalists sit around and chat about latest stuff. I could probably do this once I get comfortable with those I’d be working with but getting into that sounds like it’ll be hell for me. I’m not a fan of talking or being in front of a camera…. Do I need to rethink my career choice again? Am I over thinking? Second guessing myself… again? Dah. The Journalism program does also have a few classes on things like Photoshop and indesign and other software which are important tools used for journalism.

Anyway I had more to write about but I forget and I have more to do today so peace out folks thema… PunkWhoDrinksTea, signing off. *static sounds*

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Day 7,519

Howdy folks! You know when you want to be really productive one day but it just doesn’t work out for some reason. Well today has been like that for me. I have 90% recovered from a bad virus I just had and apparently my body is very tired. I’ve had a couple late nights and now my body is just like uhhgbgdbkjkjvdnjkfd…. NO. So today is Good Monday for Easter and I got the day off work so I thought I was going to steal the day and get tons of writing done. Well so far no. I’ve gotten this done and I wrote a 15,00 word essay about my depression for a website that is looking for people to write about that type of stuff (if it gets published on their site they’ll pay me $250 which is nice). Yeah I’ve been looking for writing jobs and this is one of the ones I found. My girlfriend has been helping me find jobs she thinks I’ll like so she has been helping lots by sending me links to some good sites.

Moving on to my morning. I simply wasn’t in the productive mood and instead of forcing myself to be productive I remembered I had some arons to run and something I needed to pick up from EBGames (An Xbox controller for my laptop so I can play games like SUPER MEAT BOY). Anyway so to get my blood moving and to wake up I thought I’d go do that before getting to work. Slowly through my driving and walking through the mall and observing people I was slowly losing my hope for the human race. I mean with all the little things, for example at a stoplight the very first person had to turn left and would therefore delay everyone when the light turns green because they have to wait for the oncoming traffic. However this person didn’t pull up in the slightest and the oncoming traffic just kept coming and coming so eventually it turned yellow and then red… and the driver who is still holding us all up hadn’t moved up yet and decided not to go turn left because they were still sitting so far back that they think they wouldn't make it…. So for an entire light we all just sat there and made a traffic jam. I mean doesn’t this person know how to drive! And a similar thing happened later but this time it was a right turn… how do you mess up a right turn, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! So there we are at a 4 way stop light and we are all backed up in the right turning lane (a dedicating right turning lane) and it was a GREEN! But no… the person at the front didn’t think it was safe and we all sat there until the end of the green light and then the person went…………. Like what the heck!? Was there a bomb on the road! No. Everyone else was moving, just this moron. Uhghngfjnkfdgnjkfgd how do people like this get a drivers license. Anyway beyond this I saw to many kids like 15 and under dressed as if they were about to attend a late night bar. It wasn’t even like one big group of slutty teens/preteens. No it was like hundred groups of 2-4 of them roaming the mall. Man when I was 14 I was basically a 5’5” toddler who hated all the other kids… actually I am still like that.

Anyway as I watched all these things I was like uhhhhg humans are so dumb, so off I went to EBGames (or gamestop for muricans). I went in and this old dude in his mid 50’s was working and he seemed to be the manager. My sister asked me if they had any SNES Classics that I should buy one and she’d pay be back. For those who don’t know, a SNES classic is a mini remake of the old Super Nintendo Entertainment System with pre installed games on it that was released a few months back. So I thought wow how perfect the manager is here this should be easy. So I looked for a controller which was only list and didn’t find a decent game controller… at EBGames… a video game store… dafuq. Next I asked the manager,

“do you have any SNES Classics left in stock?” and he replied,

“What’s a snesss classic?”. I had to explain to him what it was…. WHY! Why do you manage and run a video game store if you don’t know anything about video games!? Like dude you must’ve sold them at some point and at your age you should definitely know what a SNES is. It’s a legendary part of gaming history which defined a generation of gaming. People who get jobs at video games stores that don’t know this stuff should be put down to make space for all the real Gamers that actually know their shit to get jobs there instead. I mean I’ve known everything and everything about gaming since forever and they never hired me like why?! Anyway this old dude is in the wrong business of selling stuff that he knows nothing about…. It just bugs me… just a little………..blah.

Anyway I’m really tired apparently. I’ve had two naps today and each was about an hour and a half. My grandparents came over for some reason and to be nice I came out of my room which is pretty rare. Then I sat down to listen to them talk and I just slowly slid onto the floor and fell asleep and when I woke up, they were gone… it was nice.

Anyway folks I am currently writing all this just because I enjoy writing and frankly none of this really has a purpose. However I have been inspired to write even when it isn’t super important or deep. I found a couple cool artists/writers/youtubers who just create content and they just make whatever they want no matter what and though I do the same I sometimes think about how some things are not really super important or worth writing down. So I guess I’ll try harder for some more fun and lighter type of stuff. Now this will be much easier now than it was a year ago. My depression is extremely minor compared to wear it was even 6 months ago and I’ve noticed a huge difference. My thoughts are less self damaging and more positive. I have a little more ‘bubbly’ thoughts if you will, the kind a person who isn’t depressed would have (or so I’d assume). The best thing about being less depressed is how much less crippled I get when I’m tired. When I was in the heat of my depression and I got tired, I was basically crippled. It caused a crippling effect and would really weigh on me. I would get sad and kinda be a downer (I mean come on I was depressed) anyway now I simply don’t get like that. I can usually be more productive and have more energy even in times when I find things depressing. I can handled it in a better way. Anyway I’ve going to move on now, just cause I want to.

So I had a few uhh mature questions roaming my mind for a little while and somehow this topic came up recently with my girlfriend and we ended up having a super long chat about ummm these mature topics. Apparently I didn’t pay much attention in health class when I was in highschool but luckily my girlfriend did… plus she’s a girl so she knows what happens with her uhhh own stuff, 10/10. Anyway after a long and productive discussion we grew closer together like a good mature couple and I only laughed a couple times… I’m apparently uncomfortable with some of this stuff haha. Anyway I may write a blog post on some of that stuff since I had been considering it before that discussion and now I’m better prepared. However now that I know everything I wanted to know I have less motivation to write about it since I don’t have a need to discuss it with, myself here online. However it may help someone else and I will have a good approach to the subject so I will likely bring it up sometime.

Lastly, I am having a problem with my author name. I have decided that my author name will be traceable to my real name and not my secret blog name and my secret blog will just have to be here, alone, in limbo, as it always has been. However now I need a name for my website/ my author name. I really like the name I use here but at the same time it suites this blog so well that it would be a shame to change the name of this blog just to move to my website and Author stuff. However if I use this name then I already know it’s good. It’s nearly impossible to find someone else with it and it’s a good name (at least I think so). I think I will be looking into switching this blog back to a name I had for it once upon a time. I can’t say it here but let’s just say I like Tea. Anyway folks, that’s just a bunch of my thoughts that I’ve had lately and I have so much more work to get done so I’m gonna go. Peace out.