pretentiousasspoetry

[pretentiousasspoetry]

StromBringer [sic] by Jay Jiwoo Park Source: https://ift.tt/2VjitZh

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Cowboys are witches and horses are their familiars

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this is the best thing that’s happened to me 

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I AM WHAT I AM

I am what I am Stupid, dumb, reckless. Scared, unprepared in a world unfair. Can’t you see the pain in my stare?

I am what I am. Victim fool, bipolar tool. How can I live in a world of hate? Damned from the start that is my fate.

I am what I am. I wipe the blood from my eyes, The tears from my cheek. Under it all I’m so fucking weak.

I am what I am. So fucking insane. Got a broken soul. Fucked up brain.

I am what I am. I tried I tried So hard to die. But the outlet failed me in my suicide.

I am what I am. What the fuck can I do!? I’m a poor, broken fool In a world so fucking cruel.

I am what I am. Scars on my soul. I force a smile, Wishing I’d died all the while.

I am what I am. The blows they still come. I’m bleeding, not fleeing. Gasping and wheezing I do not succumb.

I am what I am. I face the oncoming storm. I weather that weather, Barely keeping my form.

I am what I am. Rain slams around. The lightning strikes. The thunder resounds.

I am what I am. Victim, fool, bipolar tool. A friend and ally, In a world so cruel.

I am what I am. I wipe tears from my cheek, Blood from my eyes. I may be weak but I refuse to die.

I am what I am. I am the storm! Lightning strikes me, I’m unbroken, untorn!

I am what I am! Covered in so many scars. But I’ll never give up! I’ll scream at the stars!

I am what I am. There’s light i my eyes! And if the shadows try to snuff it, You’ll see the world’s darkness defied!

I am what I am. A brave, reckless fool! You’re not alone. I’m right here with you!

I am what I am. So full of rage and of pain! Been torn down again, And again, and again!

I am what I am! I’ve had it rough. I still weather the weather, I still rise above!

I am what I am, stupid, dumb, reckless, Unprepaired, still scared in a world unfair, But can’t you see the resolve in my stare!?

I am what I am, I got your back! Together we’ll weather This storm of attacks!

I am what I am, Still just a fool, Scared, unprepared In a world so cruel.

I am what I am, so fucking insane, I weather the rain. There’s a storm in my brain, Fire in my heart, Lightning in my veins! Bleeding, not fleeing, I stumble and sway. I fall and I stand, Still finding my way! I’LL SUFFER AND CRY, STILL ASKING WHY, ANITHER FUCKING FOOL WAS PUT IN A WORLD SO CRUEL I’ve had it so hard from and early age, And I’ll cry and I’ll RAGE!!! But I AM WHAT I AM…

and i am okay.

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Stand

I face the rain of the coming storm And know that I've been here before The rain strikes like icy knives The thunderclaps and lightning strikes And through the clouds I see no light It's an impossible unfair fucking fight And the lightning strikes and tears the land But through it all I stand. The fire licks at my face The inferno takes what fire takes The raging blaze produces smoke And I cannot breathe I can only choke The building begins to fall apart And I know I was doomed right from the start As I see the building fall I understand. In the end I choose to stand. The enemy surrounds me on all sides. And I look at them through iron sights. With blood in my eyes and tears on my lips. I shoot and am shot and I know I missed. And back I do stagger back to the wall. One bullet is left, one bullet my all. I point at the door till I see the first man. In the ragings of war when I die I still stand. I bleed as I walk away from it all. I stagger and limp and stumble and fall. I try and try to get to my feet. I taste sand in my mouth the taste of defeat. A hand grasps mine and helps pull me up. Arms round a shoulder, words to stay tough. I hear those familiar words and I understand. "Friend, I am with you, I'll help you stand." Life is unruly and unkind to us all. So many are hurt so many will fall. But please keep fighting and stay on your feet. Please keep fighting keep fighting with me. Through storms and fire and bullets and hell, Through hate and love only time will tell. But I will stand here and offer my helping hand. And together as friends we'll stand.

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My eyes winced at the light As it died It fades away Once our futures seemed so bright, I don't know why You went away I remember when we did delight My oh my The good old days The days before our friendship died Oh God I tried To save the day My eyes shut with the dying light The bullet bites I fade away

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Heroes

Life has been a little hard Leaving me with a few scars Been dragged through mud and rock and tar Bones been broken flesh’s been marred

Been crying out my whole damn life For a hero a savior to set me free Or at least a fucking gun or knife So i can at least fucking die as me

I know what it’s like to cry to the void And hear nothing but your own noise I know what its like to cry alone Just holding out for a hero

I see broken hearts and souls of fear Screaming out for a hero I was all alone and broken in here I’m not a fucking hero

I’ve got my scars and broken bones And broken heart and broken moans And broken soul and all alone I suffered and hurt and strong I’ve grown

And I had no heroes no helping hand And no help to help me be a man And no fucking one else to hear my cries And no fucking success to take my life

But the brightest light is in the dark And on this world I’ll leave a mark And I’ll fight with might and bite and bark I’ll be the light in the fucking dark

And I’ll proudly bear my marks of shame Through hate and love and strength from pain And when I hear you cry like I did once I’ll be at your side all at once.

Life’s been so fucking hard My soul and skin are nought but scars I’ve been dragged through hell’s hot tar But though my soul is marred…

You won’t cry into the fucking void I’m with you now so make some noise I know what it’s like to cry alone And we’ll be fucking heroes.

I see hearts of strength and souls so bright And we’ll be fucking heroes The darkest void can’t quench our fucking light And we’ll change the world we’re heroes

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Origami

You fancy yourself to be a piece of art, Origami paper lacking a heart, all angles and sharp edges that cut. But you hide your secrets inside of your folds, and who knows what mysteries your angles hold? And I...watch helpless, as you use your angles to cut. And I won't be standing on the sidelines, no I won't be watching you BLEED. I won't recoil when you scream, "don't you dare pity me!" And I do hope that you'll find, that we're just what you need. Because we are just what we seem, and you're all that I see. You're sharp angles and edges or so I've been told, and you hide cutting secrets inside of your folds, and the way you rebuff us is ever so cold. But we'll keep at it till you break your mold. Until you admit the pain of the secrets you hold. Because my Origami friend... I'll see you unfold.

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A Song of Rage (And Healing)

Burning soul of burning hate, yearning for a bloody fate, barred from turning heaven’s gate this song of rage will not abate For I sing a song of rage. I built my walls of pain and tears of broken glass to bleed my fears, out of hateful, fateful jeers. (And no one’s near no no one’s here.) For I sing a song of rage. I HATE this hateful song I sing this melody of suffering these dark lyrics that I fling and I want and love and need nothing for I SING A SONG OF RAGE. For my soul is full of naught but rage. I’ve written evil on my life’s page. And I am the Beast and this is my cage. So fear my song of rage! But… They came and shared inside my pain, they came and did not go away, they came and they chose to say, they came and they worked in vain, their mission was to drive me sane, but I sing a song of rage. And they shared inside my suffering, they sang along the song I sing. (This song of rage and murdering THIS SONG OF ENDLESS SUFFERING). And they added new lyrics to fling. They sang a song of... healing. And I sang a song of rage. My soul was full of burning hate, I yearned for a bloody fate. But I have turned heaven’s gate, and heed my words, it’s not too late. I sang a song of rage… My walls are made of friends and love, I found the strength to rise above. And though I bled the scars have formed, for together we weathered the storm. I sang a song of rage. So hear this song that I now sing, this deliverance from suffering. And though it may mean nothing, please take it from Rage’s king. Please hear this song of healing. For I sing a song of healing.

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Here

“I’ll always be here,” are empty words. The shallowest ones I’ve ever heard. The weakest words I’ll ever see. So I’ll let my actions speak for me. More than once you’ve been told, “I’m here to stay till we grow old,” and if I just may be so bold, I’ll actually be here when it gets cold. For staying here is no great feat. I’m just here with you sharing body heat. Acts are strong and talk is cheap. So trust in me and trust we’ll keep. Please my dear forget your fear, For if the world ends I’ll still be here.

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Baptism

I was not born once but twice, once in fire and once in ice, once in heat and once in cold, once when young and once when old. In my first life I was cruel, I was just a stupid fool, I suffered from a world unkind, I could not see, I was blind. Yes this suffering drove me insane, It broke my mind and heart and brain, But I did not die in vain, for I am reborn, baptized in pain.

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Soldier

All my life I’ve been a soldier, marching to my own beat. I’ve been in step for quite a while, soldiering on through the heat. Casualties and loss of life, are all I’ve ever known. But in different steps we march together, because soldiers don’t march alone.

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Keeping Hope

Logical mind that logic breaches, I have the world in my reaches, but, you must understand, I cannot grab it in my hands. Creative mind buzzing thoughts, life’s lessons have been taught, these buzzing thoughts they fly away, ideas unexpressed today. Rushing for the rush, the thrill, suddenly mad enough to kill, brought up to boundless joy, crying like a child boy. Shakespeare said the play’s the thing, playing like my mood don’t swing, creative mind uncreates, logical mind disintegrates. Mind unkind it makes me blind, but I see now and I find, that I can survive, live and cope. Fuck the madness, I’m keeping hope.

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And What Army

You made me lost but now I’m found, I will not be tossed around, when I was alone you struck me down, and dragged my body through the town. You came when I was all alone, and then you made me atone, for sins that were not my own, evil was what I was shown. But now I am strong, alarming. Reap the crops that you’ve been farming. I am found, and you can’t harm me. No longer alone, now face my army.

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Lands of Death

There is darkness to my right and shadows to my left. I walk now into the dark lands of death. I am surrounded and beset by demons and fiends. I am haunted by the demons of what I have seen. I am besieged by horrors unclean. I am attacked by horrors unseen. But I do not fear. I do not tremble nor trepidate. I will not yet meet the darkest fate. My doom is not here. My death abates. For God may not be with me. But They are all I need to see. The world is demons and death and mayhem. The world is a broken house, unclean and condemned. The world is a house of mirrors reflecting flaws. The world is a backwards court interpreting unfair laws. The world is dark and nothing but pain. The world is evil and will drive you insane. But The World is not My World. For, with friends at my side and back and front and all around, I will face any threats that come or go as The Fates abound. For they will bring my fears and make them come unfurled. I am beset by demons and fiends. I am haunted by demons of what I have seen. The World is doomed and dark and unclean. But MY World shines with the most beautiful sheen. I need no God or power watching and plotting and uncaring Above. The powers and mortals around me are what I truly love.

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Stories

As a writer there is one thing I know. Everyone alive, we just do what we can, True for every child, woman and man. For life is a story, of joy and of woe. What can anyone do but stand up and go? Everyone leaves their prints in the sand. Every life’s a story, exciting or bland. As a writer that’s the one thing I know. There is no real structure, to our lives’ tales. And I question the truth of a writer, one who chooses who wins and who fails, who chooses when it rains or when it hails. So in this story I am a fighter. And I’m reading through this lively old tale.