pocketrants

[pocketrants]

Lyrics from Vampire Empire by Big Thief.

References from Melanie Martinez, Jack Stauber’s Micropop, Big Thief, Sushi Soucy, The Waiters, and Mother Mother.

“ Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time. It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow. Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go. So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in. You spin me all around, and then you ask me not to spin. You say you wanna be alone and you want children. You wanna be with me and you wanna be with him.”

That’s how I feel about you. Why? Because you are constantly controlling me like a puppet. You ask me to do something, then all of a sudden I can’t do it! Why must I be your emotionless puppet? When can I take the strings? Why must I walk into your dagger over and over again? I put my heart on every cursive letter for you. You want to be friends with me, and then you want to be friends with him instead? You make me feel like I deserve to bleed. But I still stay with you. Why? Because I love you so. I ask myself everyday, “Do I need you to survive?” The answer is, yes. I thrive off of the times we had fun. I love and cherish our friendship. I love and cherish our awesome memories. But, not only do I love and cherish those, I love and cherish you. I love and cherish your amazing family. I love and cherish the times when we go swimming and would always push your brother in. These small reason is why I will never let you go. Why I always raise our friendship back up from the dead. Why I will sit and wait. I sit and wait until you’ve decided you’ve missed me. I don’t do anything because you are the angle I couldn’t kill. If you find this rant, my beloved friend, I am sorry, but it needed to be said.

#Spotify

[pocketrants]

While you’re watching the daylight fade, I’m watching my childhood fade. I go from thinking that anyone who puts on makeup or puts an effort on there outfits were dumb, to not being able to leave my room without, makeup, brushed hair, nice clothes on, etc. I went from having actually fun, to just sitting in constant boredom. I went from crying when I scraped my knee, to crying while singing lyrics to sad songs. I went from not having a care in what anyone said, to being so self conscious that I think everyone talks shit about me. These are just one of many examples of what growing up turns you into.