planks-and-plants

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What moms are like when guests are about to be coming over…

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not to be fake deep but… there was something in the air that night… the stars were bright… fernando…….

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Me: I don’t know if I ever want to be pregnant, I’d rather adopt a kid or two that are a bit older

Someone: Are you SURE? Older adoptees present UNIQUE CHALLENGES

Me: We are discussing human beings not digital pets

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thats just the way the pussy crumbles

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Netflix and avoid people

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Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

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I’ll never understand influencers doing ads for bottled water like “this is the only one I drink and it’s the best and I bathe and shave with this and my dogs drink this and I water my flowers with this”

ITS LITERALLY PLAIN WATER IN A BOTTLE how do you prefer them over another i just don’t know i’m confused bye

#ad #advertising #influencer #instagram #water

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“I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.”

— Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself (via thepersonalwords)

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things that are enjoyable:

showers

things that are not enjoyable:

getting in the shower

getting out of the shower

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i’m a better, better man

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We pay tax on items we purchase with money we earn that has already been taxed.

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I needed to make this to express a Mood

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Couples | Quotes | Indie

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I ordered a blonde flat white from Starbucks while on my break and the barista must have been having a long day bc he goes “that would be my stripper name” and there was like five seconds of dead silence between us before he looked up realized he said that out loud

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some of you have never had a customer service job and it shows

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This should be a good meme but please forgive my poor editing skill

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do any of you even like my blog or am i just here entertaining myself