plaid-maniac

[plaid-maniac]

[plaid-maniac]

things i’ll not call you a whore for:

sexual activity

how you dress

things i’ll call you a whore for:

stealing my food 

stealing my lemons

my cat likes you more than me

[plaid-maniac]

Realistically, a household the size of Wayne Manor needs more than just a butler, and while Bruce might imagine he can keep his proclivities secret from his own domestic staff, Alfred certainly harbours no such illusions. I've gotta wonder what the orientation lecture he's worked out looks like. Like, of course they're going to be extensively vetted before they ever set foot on the premises, but at some point during the onboarding process the subject of the Batcave has gotta come up – I just wanna know how Alfred broaches that.

[plaid-maniac]

Put an egg in your ramen. Put scallions in your ramen. Put chili oil in your ramen. Put kewpie Mayo in your ramen. But nori in your ramen. Put tofu in your ramen. Put miso paste in your ramen. Put mushrooms in your ramen.

[plaid-maniac]

going off the alley/Gotham fate post from last night: a world where Bruce doesn’t find his Robins but is still Batman, and every single one of his kids is drawn to him even though their lives are complete and relatively safe without him.

Dick has living parents who love him but has always felt like something was missing. He makes eye contact with a man in the crowd at a performance and feels a bizarre, all encompassing urge to go talk to him.

Tim meets Bruce Wayne at a party hosted by his parents and wants to cry when he shakes the man’s hand.

Jason runs into Batman on the street one night getting medicine for his mom from the pharmacy and briefly considers following the man home.

Maybe Bruce knows their original fates, maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he believes they’re better off without him. Better off without Batman. But he doesn’t realize that the second their lives intersect again (they were always meant to) his children could never look away from him again into blissful ignorance.

[plaid-maniac]

[plaid-maniac]

If you're fifteen or older an still sleep with a stuffed animal please reblog this.

[plaid-maniac]

Internet Safety

[plaid-maniac]

person who has only watched one anime: what i really love about dungeon meshi is how it subverts our expectations of a typical anime by not sexualising women and having a good plot!

[plaid-maniac]

#I take a shower when I need it #which is usually every other day or every three days #but sometimes the brain worms get me and the only way to get rid of them is a scalding shower #or like if there is an event I know I need to be nice for I shower before that

[plaid-maniac]

its rude to reblog things from people you arent mutuals with fyi. :/

💀 my brother in christopher

[plaid-maniac]

can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying

[plaid-maniac]

ive never liked the phrase "manmade horrors beyond your comprehension" but i cant think of a better way to describe texas roads

biblically accurate highway

[plaid-maniac]

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

[plaid-maniac]

The default length of pasta is designed to fit on a supermarket shelf, not to be the best length for cooking/eating.

Feel free to break it to any length you want (don't let the Italians know I said this)

[plaid-maniac]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[plaid-maniac]

when he’s bored bruce daydreams ways to reveal his secret identity that cause tony the most psychic damage

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