petiteimposter512

[petiteimposter512]

When I was first losing my period I wanted it like after a couple of months without it I would try and get it and hate not having, so I started telling myself that it doesn’t matter and I don’t need it, it’s normal.

I now never get my period and I was thinking about and it’s not normal and it’s weird like people eat and are healthy and are normal like how I was two years ago but I was fat, I don’t know how to put this in words but

My current *normal* activities aren’t normal, I smoke weed everyday multiple times a day, I don’t eat enough calories to carry normal functions, I know the calories for everything where I don’t even feel recovery is possible bc Ik the calories, I count my brothers, sisters, moms, friends, strangers calories when I see people eat foods ik, I don’t talk to anyone to a point of being sorta afraid to talk to ANYone, thinking that the world is yours, dissociating reality, making a fake world bc you think u know the truth about this one, wanted to move out of parents house but laying in bed all day, writing down distractions for your self for the next day as a distraction, trying to explain to close friends how you think and see the face on their face making you realize they don’t understand so u cut it short and keep it to your self next time, I don’t think anything I wrote will make sense, but to anyone on tik tok or anything how wants an Ed let me tell u this,

I wanted one too I knew what I was doing restricting to 800 at the beginning but I didn’t think it would be this but hey at least I’m not a fat as I was but still overweight with a BMI of 25.8

(I didn’t reread this)

[petiteimposter512]

People have been telling me how small I am and shit and idk I literally maintain I’m literally and anoxeric wannabe I maintain which sucks but I say better than gaining and I have a bad emotional eating habit but anyways idk it been making me feel small but I been doing very good this week I worked everyday so I just be starving monday-coffee

Tuesday-cofffee

Wednesday-cottage cheese pickle

Thursday-water

And Friday is suppose to be water as well but I probs coffee and then Saturday a small meal pretty much and then a water/coffee day lol

[petiteimposter512]

So I had posted a lil back that this guy was taking off his shirt and let’s just say I make out with Hutus dude just that tho we just made out and cuddled each other to sleep but anyways after that he eventually stop snapping me but he put me on his private so I still see that…. He got a gf now wtf and I swear this man follows me around the fucking school have never seen him before I made out with him but now all the time I don’t like it I was going to go upstairs but I saw him go up so I avoided was successful

[petiteimposter512]

[petiteimposter512]

One month difference I don’t really see a difference idk

And sorta face reveal lol

[petiteimposter512]

Theses are bc from last night and this morning when I weighted myself I lost a pound making me 119 I want to be 110 for my first goal weight actually happy with the scale today process over perfection

Height-5’0

[petiteimposter512]

Co currently I have my lil friend group and it consists of 3, 5’7 girls 1, 5’8 boy and me a short motherfucker but idk they like my body and I get like they admire it in a way like I always wear over size clothes but when we were all trying in my clothes they were fitting them but not really like for an example my waist trainer they were trying it on they only got the first button and I put it on easily and on the third row of buttons and I have this really ugly play suit where it’s doesn’t flatter anyone and Landry put it on and then I put it on because one person under there everyone else wanted to see me in it I looked like shit but I didn’t don’t realize how fat my ass is idk I just want to be skinnier

[petiteimposter512]

Idk I feel like there’s a lot going on and it’s all so confusing but that means I do my best at striving when my emotions r out of control but when I’m sad I gain I end up not caring about how much I eat and it’s just one it won’t hurt where I slowly gain weight bc of it but I’m honestly grateful when I’m at my sadness and eating it’s not crazy overeating like I’d say for the last 9 months I’ve maintained my weight at 120 but I hit 130 and was scared and started getting better for senior trip so last time I weight myself was 122 so hopefully by the end of this week I’m at 120 and start losing from there to get to a new lw

[petiteimposter512]

I can’t help but think about him lol he started caked my hair behind my ear and was rubbing my back and thighs omg I can’t my whole friend group is going to talk about it. At least he was attractive for being younger than me and his big muscles the muscles muscles

[petiteimposter512]

This guy just took off his shirt

[petiteimposter512]

[petiteimposter512]

I didn’t know till today that twitter thinspo is way better than tumblr, tumblr just blocks all the worse ones yk

[petiteimposter512]

I like people better when they don’t talk

[petiteimposter512]

THIINSPO! imagine looking like ari one day, don’t give up!

starting work outs today, you should to

imagine being petite and perfect

keep working hard

food is our only enemy

[petiteimposter512]

I have an internship at a salon and gossip is common is salon so truly Ik everything happening in this small town but they were talking ab this one girl and “how she’s fucked up and no wonder look at her parents she’s on anti depressants, anti anxiety med and smokes weed and day and can’t eat bc she battles with and eating disorders” it sounds like me but this is number one reason I don’t tell anyone anyone that I have a eating disorder it’s not a illness to me it’s a lifestyle and people gonna hate

[petiteimposter512]

[petiteimposter512]