petersaint

[petersaint]

I think having a baby niece is great cause my brother will send me just a constant stream of messages that sound indistinguishable from how someone at Jurassic park would text if they were being hunted by the raptor

[petersaint]

Does anyone have the fucking post where it's a screenshot of someone googling john wick scenes but it's like "his focking name is beb yegah - jam wick scene" I feel like I'm being gaslit by tumblr search

[petersaint]

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

[petersaint]

I had a dream I was pregnant but I remembered that wasn't possible as I'm not havinng any sex so I ended up giving birth to some creature instead of a normal human baby and it grew up to be sort of fat and I was like sorry..

derivative

[petersaint]

Thinking of the larger context of LOTR and like, the fellowship swapping old war stories and shit and Sam just says “Yeah I killed a huge spider…Shelob, I think?”

And Gandalf just blinks and is like, “You what now?”

“Yeah, killed it. Had to save Frodo”

Gandalf elects not to tell Sam that he killed the spawn of a primordial demon.

[petersaint]

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

[petersaint]

guy who has never seen a girl: hey why is this table so tall and hot

guy afraid of horses: HAY?????

[petersaint]

I could probably beat most bugs. There are a few bugs that could bite me and I guess I'd die of poison or maybe a bunch of bugs could crawl into my body through my mouth and force me to go to the gas station to buy scratch off tickets until I am bankrupt but other than that. I could beat most bugs.

[petersaint]

[petersaint]

My boss is making me work even though theres discord channels to read like morning paper?

[petersaint]

[petersaint]

[petersaint]

“Lie close,” Laura said, Pricking up her golden head: “We must not look at goblin men, We must not buy their fruits: Who knows upon what soil they fed Their hungry thirsty roots?”

A wolf goes for a walk in the woods and meets a dog for the first time

[petersaint]

[petersaint]

“hey bruh lemme stuff this toilet with ps1′s. im gone kill the tumblr game with this one”

[petersaint]

[petersaint]

me: wait... but... why for me? I cast you aside. I forgot you...

the last single sip of water in the bottom of the glass I was drinking from an hour prior: you didn't think I was gonna leave you behind, did you?