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“samurai wakes up in the present day”

this was the best vine ever and it’s not even close

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Unmute !

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Dialogue Responses

"I hate you."

"That's ok."

"Aww, love you too."

"Welcome to the club."

"Well, you're not special."

"Wow, that makes me sad."

"Happens to the best of us."

"And you're not the first one."

"That won't change anything."

"Great, I hate myself too sometimes."

"That's a strong emotion you feel for me."

All the Dialogue Responses can be found here.

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Well ???

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THEY'RE MY COMFORT TROPES AND YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME

look, I have a type okay??? those are my emotional support tropes. i need them to make the brain do the thinky thing.

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I cannot put into words how much I Fucking Loathe the fact that when you search something on youtube now it will randomly intersperse blocks of "people also watched" and "for you" into the results. That's not what I searched for, youtube. I typed in a search query because I wanted to see search results, not random unrelated garbage you have placed in my way apparently to either inconvenience me or force me to scroll further for actual results. I despise your wretched little games and every time I see it I can only instantly close the tab as I am overcome with the urge to burn something down.

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These are pure fucking gold and you can't convince me otherwise.

Just some random BG3 Tav sketches that didn't fit in with anything.

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Your daily dose of fluffy animal content ♡

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They're good friends.

(If you want to be able to suggest art like this, join my Patreon! My monthly mailbag for February has just opened for submissions!)

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IF I DONT TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT MY TAV IM GOING TO EXPLODE

Here he is, his name is Urzire. He is (was) a pirate.

(Look at how pretty he is in these blue robes. He's so tranquil UwU)

He is a tiefling charletan bard, college of swords, former pirate captain. He fell in love with Astarion while committing scams. Unfortunately he has a condition where he only gets the Brain CellTM during the full moon (dumb of ass)

He was actually born 150ish years before the events of BG3, in a small village. His parents were farmers and he has 8 siblings and is the second youngest. He was 5 when his younger brother was born, and made it his life's mission to protect him. His parents were farmers and, unfortunately, their village was razed when Urzire was 15. He lost his entire family, and was captured and sold as a slave.

For the next seven years, he labored deep beneath the surface of the earth mining for coal and rare minerals. At one point, he and a handful of others were trapped in a cave in, where they were stuck for over three weeks waiting for rescue. So... Yeah. He's not a big fan of the Underdark. Or the caves.

He secured his freedom after seven years and found work as a sailor. Though TBH he wasn't very good at the whole "honesty" and "not stealing" thing and he was a within like three months. It was a real quick turn around.

He met Astarion in a bar—Astarion, at this point, was only eighty years or so into his slavery, so he was, admittedly, in a different mindset. A little more desperate, a little less jaded, just starting to lose hope. They met at a ball Cazador dragged his spawn to; Astarion claimed to be a magistrate, Urzire claimed to also be a magistrate, and they then proceeded to seduce each other. Astarion wanted a victim for Cazador, and Urzire wanted a victim to hold as ransom. Unfortunately neither succeeded but, by sheer happenstance, they met up again in a bar months later.

Look, it's the perfect meet-cute: boy meets boy, boy1 confesses to being a vampire, boy2 confesses to having a hostage in the basement that needs to die so "I guess I wouldn't mind so terribly much if you happened to steal her away to eat..." Look, they both think they're manipulating each other, okay? Astarion thinks he's putting on a sob story to gain a powerful ally, Urzire thinks he's doing favors for a powerful vampire who will be in his debt. UNFORTUNATELY THEY BOTH CATCH FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER.

Honestly, who could have seen it coming?

The truth is revealed, they fall in love, Urzire makes plans to kill Cazador, he also reunites with his long-lost little brother (who is married and has. Tiny baby eee!) It's all very lovely and nice.

Except then it goes to shit.

His ship sinks, and he washes ashore on a tiny island in the Feywilds, because the fey who rules the island, Callipso, fell in love with him and wants to make him her husband. He resists as best he can, but Urzire is trapped with her, and she's a fey. She charms him, and takes what she wants, even though he doesn't want to give it. Every time they are intimate, he loses a piece of himself—literally. His skin turns grey, he loses his ability to play the violin, to sing, to do much of anything, and he's losing his memories. After 12 months, Callipso finally releases him and when he washes up on the shore back in the mortal plane, he barely remembers who he even is. All he knows is that he's in love with somebody, and they're suffering, and he has to find them.

He wanders aimlessly around the city, like a zombie, before a Nautoloid appears out of nowhere and BAHM! Tadpoled.

Except, here's the thing: time passes differently in the Feywilds. While only 12 months passed for Urzire, 120 years passed in the mortal plane.

And Urzire has no idea. In fact, when he meets Astarion, he doesn't recognize him, his memories are too fractured. But Astarion looks at Urzire and sees the ghost of a man who abandoned him, who betrayed him, who left him to rot for over a century. He doesn't believe it at first. But once he realizes... It's bad. He bites the Tiefling that night with 100% the intention to drink him dry. But Urzire seems completely in the dark and that throws him off.

They fall in love slowly. Urzire continues to show Astarion relentless compassion and, at first, the vampire wants none of it. But slowly, he warms up to it. He pieces the story together from the bits and pieces Urzire tells around the campfire—the Tiefling was just as trapped as he was, in many ways. He's still bitter... But it fades. He falls in love.

By the time they reach Baldur's Gate, Uzire still doesn't recognize him, but he's fallen in love, and he feels guilty about it—after all, he loves somebody back in the city, somebody who needs him.

Astarion tries to hint at the reality of the situation but doesn't have the courage to tell him outright. So when they reach the city and Urzire realizes how much time has passed... It's a doozy.

But it gets worse. Remember that bit where Urzire reunited with his long lost little brother, who is married and has a child? Well, when Urzire disappeared, Astarion didn't handle it well. He hoped for a long, long time but eventually gave up and his hope died and became rage. He took his anger out on Urzire's brother by stealing their young child in the dead of night (Astarion had been invited into the home, he had been Urzire's partner after all) and presenting him to Cazador to be eaten.

It's a secret that Astarion intended on taking with him to his grave. Until... They arrive in Cazador's palace and three guesses who's in that cell with the rest of the malnourished spawn? That's right. It's the little boy. Urzire doesn't actually recognize him, he'd only been a baby when he saw him last, as Calliope fried his memories pretty badly. In fact, Astarion doesn't even realize he's in there because he's too emotionally charged after the confrontation with Sebastian.

But after Cazador is dead, and they're climbing up the stairs to leave the palace, the realization hits Astarion in the chest like a fucking freight train. To his credit (perhaps he's only able to do it because he's already so emotionally numb), he tells Urzire and they go find the little boy, and Urzire insists on taking him back to camp.

He and Astarion do stay partners, even though their relationship is a little bit strained for a while after, understandably so. But they work it out, and Urzire goes on to adopt his nephew. Instead of living in the underground with the spawn after the game, he and Astarion and the boy immediately head to Waterdeep with Gale (because they are homeless lol) to start researchih cures for vampirism. Which they eventually find! Because it really isn't all that hard to cure vampirism in DnD.

So that's it. That's the story of my son.

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me when my ears dont work n im also a white man

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Honestly same.

can i give you a nose boop? your ominous vibes are just too perfect for me not to ask lmao

Careful, I bite. Not in a sexy way I'll just nibble your finger like a hamster

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My favorite thing about Baldur's Gate 3 is the idea that Tav is traveling with these people for weeks and only knows one of their last names until near the end.

Like the full grade school behaviour of "You're all my best friends and I'm in love with one of you also what the fuck is an Ancunin. No saer you're mistaken Gale's last name is 'Ofwaterdeep'. My boy Wyll Ravengard *poses* the Blade of Frontiers. Where is Cliffgate."

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When the heroes are not in the camp

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no content only thoughts