talk to me. my bites are gentle and come from affection
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he learned how to ride a bike.... they grow up so fast
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25/04/24 (344 words)
152.672 words, 516 pages
Tomorrow tomorrow, but not for me, for Ruben.
Took my walk, after way too much hesitating. Best choice ever. Backslide? Uff. I'm disappointed. But I was with next semester too and now I love it. But Backslide... it's just... so undertone. Sad in a boring way. I don't know. Talking about the instrumentals bc of course the lyrics are a completely different thing. We'll see if this one will become an acquired taste too.
And, and. I've began translating (manually) Dark-Crimson-Ethereal... and turning it into a fanfic, since original works on ao3 don't attract readers. Which doesn't require any real change, just swapping Azka's name into Blurry and Micha into Josh's. They fit like gloves. But it's so awkward, and I find it funny that I feel awkward in doing this... for other reasons... It's so silly. Especially because it's usually the other way around, fanfics adapted into original work so their writers can publish them, and I'm doing the exact opposite... for the sake of opinions. I'm my sole reader. It's fucking lonely. I want my stories to be read and people to tell me hey this sucks, this is cool, it could be better if you changed that... And well, I knew from the start DCE would have been a good twenty one pilots fanfic. It's rated gen tho, it's a Blurryface&Josh. Technically, they aren't even friends. They are... Blurry is Josh's twisted "caretaker". Ah, it seems that after all these years, I had to give my contribution to the fandom after all.
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24/04/24 (359 pages)
152.328 words, 515 pages
Hi! My name is Clifford. Gypaetus Clifford.
I even had to show my brother the cover of Trench because he asked why I chose the nickname Clifford ahahahahaha.
It's a long story.
Speaking of top... I always listen to everything but top when I'm walking/moving from place to place, both because I simply don't feel like listening to them and because they're like... a medicine. You don't take medicines unless you're sick.
So yesterday night I experienced a sudden "re-attraction" to their """stuff""" and thought that the next day (so today) I could listen them in the morning. Again, thing that I never do. (Also, they're exclusive for my afternoon walks, so...). And well, Vessel. Boy did it feel good. It was sunny and it was kinda cold and it made me feel good. Which led me to realize, or better, to confirm since I already had the suspicion, that I'm in a preliminary state of stress. Apprehension. The times when I seek their music are when I'm stressed. I've learned that, in the six years I've known them. I'm not stressed right now, not yet, but I'm gradually getting there. My mind doesn't feel it yet, my body doesn't feel it yet, but my subconscious does.
So what can I do? Well of course, work on the causes. Which I know: the next exams. And how do I work on them? Studying. Which is what I've been doing in this week and what I will keep doing. This will certainly help. And go take those walks, instead of hesitating and staying home doing nothing. Because they will help too. This isn't the chemistry exam, a 28 prepared in 20 days with less than 4 or even 2 hours of work per day: this is analysis. My literal nemesis. It's going to crash on me like a crazy horse, and I must resist. And if this means that I will feel the need to listen exclusively to their music for two months, so be it! Thanks to them, I survived everything that I had to go through. They're my home nest, my safe space. I will make it. I will go throught this and get out unscathed.
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Caves are weirder and more varied than you think
#this is some SPICY JUICY ruben series material OH YESSS#this post appeared at the very right moment#ruben series material#nwre
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i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal
#what is my favourite thing though? bs i have many things i love and like a lot but not a fav FAV#uhm#nwre
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Music fans reblog this with an album you consider “your” album… one that is part of your personality, one that means a lot to you, or just one you really like… Mine is The Perfect Shade of Green by Skittish :>
#trench by twentyonepilots#and#living as ghosts with buildings as teeth#by rishloo#lagwbat is not from this world#nwre
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23/04/24 (351 words)
151.970 words, 514 pages
It's poisoning me. I should study more, and I'm trying to, but some things just... I don't get them. Fucking complex numbers. And fucking CLion that won't let me debug. So I have to do the debig in my head! And I just can't get to make C work in VSCode, on which I COULD debug it, so I'm fucked! And my brother in on his shit again, asking me to learn Java so I can make minecraft plug-ins for him. But he doesn't know that I'm going to make him pay for my work. Not much, of course, but fuck if I don't make him pay me for learning a new programming language exclusively for his requests, oh no. Sharing the blood doesn't mean free gifts. Not with all the work that is going to be behind them.
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the nuisance of our language is stunning
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22/04/24 (377 words)
151.619 words, 512 pages
The headache was (almost) completely gone, but the sickness followed me today too. Left early to go home. And... uh. Tomorrow I'll better get my ass on the chair and do a good load of work. I have two scarce months to prepare analysis.
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21/04/24 (352 words)
151.241 words, 511 pages
My parents really appreciated the "kishes" (quiches) I baked yesterday. Today... day long headache, started from the moment I woke up. Took an Enantyum in mid afternoon, which did nothing, and along with the headache I began feeling generally bad while inside Ikea with my parents. I ended up lying on bed right after we got home... and slept something like 3 or 4 hours, or more, until 22.30. That nap resuscitated me. But also left me without sleepiness and now it's 1.43 am and I'm barely tired. I'm lucky I have class at 13 tomorrow.
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20/04/24 (432 words)
150.884 words, 510 pages
Complex numbers today, and tomorrow I want to either continue or finish this topic. Part. Argument. Whatever it is. Lighty hopped, so nothing happened. I made two small quiches.
We're getting close, we're getting close!
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19/04/24 (510 words)
150.456 words, 508 pages
Nine hours today, nine. I've taken up some more decisions: full on analysis and algorithms, and on one of the three parts of which algebra is composed of. The goal is to pass the first two asap, then algebra, and physics for the summer. Also reread a good piece of Morph... there are things to fix, but fuck I did a good job.
Edit: and there's another thing I've gotta say. I may be short and thin af, but I am fit. 16 years of violin gave me very defined shoulders and upper back, and my legs are sculpted by the 7~ km I walk every day. I like my body. There are things that I wish i could change, but overall, it's my body and I appreciate it. And boy, how long it took to get to this point.
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$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think
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18/04/24 (410 words)
149.951 words, 507 pages
I'm content with myself today. I did some analysis, and a bit of algebra.
I really like Bailu. She's cute, she's great, she resuscitates the first who dies. And she's very very short, and I always put her next to Jing Yuan because of how tall he is and how small she is. It's like she's protecting her.
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