pbjs2

[pbjs2]

I just don’t want to hurt. Part of me wishes that were true, it would be simpler, but it’s not. I stress over being what is right which is wrong. Why do I see it this way? How can I change my perspective of living in line with You? It’s so much more than my vision. Help me to see You. Please give me peace. Thank You for giving me the heart I have.

[pbjs2]

Yah is not restricted to my futile efforts. reading it you’d think I’d never misunderstand this. What I mean is, I certainty don’t give Him enough credit. I struggle trying to do whatever I’m supposed to do, thinking this amounts to His will. I hate our nature, why are we this way? I’m always trying to be right with Yah, how exhausting. I can’t keep this up, how do people do this. Im just tired is all, please come soon.

[pbjs2]

What a joy it is to think about what we are made for: to love God with all our heart. What’s even greater is the fact that we are literally incapable of doing so apart from God. This is the deepest form of our reliance on His love. We can’t do what we were made to do without the one who made us. What a brilliant plan. Where we really just made to rely on You? The peace my soul would feel if this were true. Please let it be true.

[pbjs2]

The right way of living: that’s what I was seeking when I first started reading the Bible and I still haven’t grown out of that mindset, just doing it right. I thought now that I’m out of drugs I need to get on the right path. It had nothing to do with the love that Yah has shown me and pretty much still isn’t. I’m stuck in old thinking habits, causing me to do everything for the wrong reasons. How do i beat this out of me. Thinking it’s me who can solve it idiot. This is the thought process of doubt I had/have: if Gods not real then I don’t have to live up to whatever and I can relax and quit stressing(not true) but it feels so true at times that God not being real is the answer I feel like right not as I type this. Why is our nature to reject You? Why have You made us with such a nature as this? I’m sorry. Then the side of me who believes, believes from a place of ok now that I know He’s realz I gotta do xyz. There’s no love in that. I know it’s my ignorance that causes this. I don’t know You enough. I’m sorry. I wish I knew the real You. Please show me that, please show me You’re real. Amen

[pbjs2]

I wonder, did God made every inclination of our hearts evil, just so we can glorify Him? What a beautifully chaotic idea that is. Was God thinking “ I’ll make them almost the opposite of what their intended to be so that they rely on Me and know My name.” Only God is so patient. To have us realize our need in this manner. We can only trust, giving it all to Him. Only this way will it be pleasing. My heart does not have a passion for love. But the more I think and rely on You, my love grows. Thank You for showing me my selfish heart, can I only give it to You and hope? I know You love me, I hope my love for You grows each day. Thank you for Your beautiful nature, let me see it each and every day. Amen.

[pbjs2]

Let’s say your watching someone trying to parallel park is it more enjoyable to watch someone get it perfectly on their first. Go or is it funny to watch that one guys adjust his parking for the tenth time looking like a goober (love u man). Be this goober The saying God is glorified in our mistakes can even be reflected in this one scenario. He made me laugh and that’s one thing that God has given me that keeps me going. So be goofy, be funny. No pressure tho bc ur mistakes alone are enough for God to work with.

Good job