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paulorwell-blog · 5 years

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The Shittery: A Lexicon of Modern Trumpspeak

(From Total Sh*t Donald Trump, available as a free ebook here)

Donnie’s shit so permeates every aspect of our lives that he is turning America into a total shittery, a place so muddied by browns that even familiar shit can be unrecognizable. This Shittery will help you get your bearings in our Trump-centered world, providing explanations for how and why the shit truly hits the fan. Just below it are some un-shitty bonus definitions.

We welcome suggestions, revisions, and insertions. Email [email protected]

AIN’T GOT / Ain’t got shit on me: Trump’s position on Russia

ALL OVER / Shit all over: Donnie trolls latest target

BAD / Bad shit: Trump not happy

BANG / Bang like a shithouse door in a gale: door noise as fired staffers exit

BARR / (i) complete idiot (ii) current Attorney General BE- / Beshits: soil with presidential 70 BE- / Beshits: soil with presidential excrement

BEAR / Does a bear shit in the woods?: Does Trump fabricate facts?

BEAT / Beat the shit out of: punishment meted out to dissenters at Trump rally

BED / Shit the bed: Donnie tweets in the morning

BETWEEN / Stuck between a shit and a sweat: Republicans facing re-election

BIRD / Stick that bottom lip out any further and a bird might shit on it: Trump pouts at Merkel

BRAINS / Shit for brains: matter inside Trump’s cranium

BREATH / Shit breath: Donnie needs Tic Tacs

BRICK / Shit a brick: start building The Wall

BRICKHOUSE / Built like a brick shithouse: able to withstand caravans

BULL / Bullshit: only language Trump speaks fluently

BURGER / Shitburger: dinner ordered for college football championship teams

CANNED / Shitcanned: fired while literally sitting on toilet, e.g. Rex Tillerson

CAT / Slicker than catshit on linoleum: Sarah Huckabee Sanders

CAT- / cat-shit crazy: DJT after unfair segment on Fux News

CHEAP / Cheap shit: Trump-branded rubbish meant to evoke wealth

CHOCOLATE-COVERED / Chocolate-covered shit: sweeten it up, swallow it down!

CREEK / Up shit creek: our environment at present; both water and climate not good

CROCK / Crock of shit: Barr’s summary of Mueller report

DADDLE / Shitdaddle: run away from the president

DEEP / Deep shit: Trump thinks for a second

DIP / Dipshit: stock market goes down after a Trump tweet

DOG / Dogshit: women Donnie finds unattractive

DUMB / Dumb shit: Donald J. Trump

EAT / Eat shit: work for POTUS 45

-ERATI / Shitterati: celebrities attending the 2016 inauguration

FACED / Shit-faced: Trump after applying tanning lotion

FAN / When the shit hits the fan: Trump bodyguard punches protester

FIT / Have a shit-fit: Donnie reads bad press

FLIES / Like flies on shit: religious right visits White House

FOR BRAINS / Shit-for-brains: Tillerson’s assessment of Donnie

FRIGHTEN / Frighten the shit out of: Russian pee-tapes

FUCKING / Fucking shit: Trump has extramarital sex

FULL OF / Full of shit: 2+ days since Trump had bowel movement

GET / Get one’s shit together: prepare for deposition

GIBBON / Shitgibbon: Trump explaining himself

GIVE / Give a shit (or two shits): POTUS 45 does not

GIVE SOMEONE / Give someone shit: be Donald Trump

GOT / Got the shits: Trump gets letter from the Southern District of New York

GRIN / shit-eating grin: Donnie after Mueller report

HAPPENS / Shit happens: Trump’s work philosophy

HEAD / Shithead: golden hair on pate

HOLE / Shithole: any country in Africa

HOLY / Holy shit: The Pope; Donnie calls him “disgraceful”

HORSE / Horseshit: Trump University coursework

HOT / Hot shit: (i) Trump under a sunbed; (ii) attractive female to Donnie

HOUSE / Shithouse: Mar-a-Lago

HUMAN / Shitty human: Donnie

IGNORANT / Ignorant shit: Stephen Miller

IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD / Shit in your own backyard: pro-Trump rally in your home city

JACK / Jack-shit: what Donnie gives to charity

KING / King Shit: Donald Trump

LIST / Shit list: (i) Democrats who annoy Donnie; (ii) loyalists who contradict him

LITTLE / Little shit: Marco

LOT OF _ TO DO / Lot of shit to do: many attorneys to speak to

LUCK / Shit out of luck: Trump’s casinos close down

LUMP OF / Lump of shit: Donnie MEAN / Mean shit: (i) Robert Mueller; (ii) lie

NASTY / Soft as shit and twice as nasty: Trump in bed

NO / No shit: Trump out of office

NOSE / Shitnose: head up Donald’s rectum, e.g. Barr, Bolton, Jared

OH / Oh shit!: realization on waking that it isn’t a dream - Donnie is POTUS

OLD / Old shit: Donald Trump

-OSPHERE / Shitosphere: within farting distance of DJT

OUT OF LUCK / see Luck

PACK UP / Pack up your shit: electoral result of 2020

PANTS / Shit one’s pants: defeated by Nancy Pelosi

PAPER / Shitpaper: Washington Post, New York Times

PIECE / Piece of shit: any Democrat in Trump’s eyes

PIG / Happy as a pig in shit: Stephen Miller

PILE / Pile of shit: inbound mail to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

PISS AND CORRUPTION / Shit, piss, and corruption: Donnie’s daily routine

PUSHING UPHILL / Pushing shit uphill: reasoning with Donnie

REMEMBER / Can’t remember shit: Trump under oath

RICH AS / Rich as shit: as rich as Donnie, i.e. not that rich at all

-SACK / Shit-sack: Donnie’s physique

SACK DAY / Shit-sack Day: holiday celebrated after Trump loses, retires, or is impeached

SACK OF / Sack of shit: Donnie’s physique

SAME OLD / Same old shit: another day in the Oval Office for Donnie 76

SANDWICH / Shit sandwich: squashed by Donnie on the mattress

SAUNA / Shit sauna: Trump’s tanning bed

-SCRAPER / Shitscraper (i) Trump Tower at 725 5th Avenue, New York; (ii) metal bar to remove shit from boots

SCENE / Shitty scene: Donnie explaining to wife where he has been and with whom

SHERLOCK / No shit, Sherlock: Donnie to Mueller

SHINOLA / Know the difference between shit and Shinola: Trump doesn’t

SHOOT / Shoot the shit: apprehend illegal immigrant with gun

SHOVEL / Shovel shit: hold press conference for Donnie

SHOW / Shitshow: The Apprentice

SNIFFLE / Shit sniffle: subtle sign that Trump’s parking a turd

SOFT / Soft as shit: Donald Trump without an election/erection

SQUIRREL / Nuttier than squirrel shit: Ben Carson

STACK / Didn’t know you could stack shit that high: (eventual) realization of Rex Tillerson

STAIN / Shit stain: self-tanning lotion on clothes

STINK / His shit doesn’t stink: Trump guarantees it

STIR UP / Stir up shit: send a tweet

STIRRER / Shit-stirrer: New York Times

STOMPERS / Shit stompers: supporters at Trump rallies

STORM / Shit storm: Hurricane Maria

SWEATS / Shit sweats: what congressional Republicans feel when defending their man

TAKE / Take shit from: remove papers from Resolute desk

THE / The shits: (i) feeling after listening to Donnie; (ii) the Cabinet

-TER / Shitter: place where Donnie tweets

THICK / Thick as shit: born with Trump’s intelligence

THROW / Throw shit against the wall: manhandle a protester

TICKET / Shit ticket: Trump + Pence for 2020

TON / Shit ton: large number two

TOO OLD / Too old for this shit: Steven Bannon

TOUGH / Tough shit: President Putin

TRUMP- / Trumpshit: pure presidential excrement

TURNED TO / Turned to shit: Donnie touched it

UP TO YOUR NECK IN / Up to your neck in shit: investigating Donnie, e.g. New York district attorney

WEIRD / Weird shit: POTUS 43’s opinion of POTUS 45’s inauguration speech

WENT OUT / Went out to shit and the hog ate him: staffer went to see POTUS and got fired

WRITES ITSELF / This shit writes itself: ink from Steven Miller’s pen

ZERO / Zero shits given: Trump aid to Puerto Rico

(From Total Sh*t Donald Trump, available as a free ebook here)

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paulorwell-blog · 5 years

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New Book ‘Total Sh*t Donald Trump’ Skewers the President

Author Paul Orwell’s new book Total Sh*t Donald Trump (ISBN: 978-1733807302; ppb; Oceania Press) released today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple and many other platforms, makes the case that the president is, in a sense, “the physical embodiment of our nation’s collective excrement” and that “we citizens have a duty to flush it, not just shovel it.”

While Orwell acknowledges that Trump is consistently inconsistent unlike any other President before him, he asserts that Trump is a conscious, committed and unapologetic turd.

The book contains numerous pithy author insights, including:

Hundreds of phrases of Trumpspeak in a “sh*ttery” at the back of the book. “Trumpspeak” is POTUS 45’s version of Newspeak from namesake George Orwell’s book “1984.”

Reasons why many Americans think the President’s sh*t doesn’t stink. Not a matter of olfactory glands but a matter of mental avoidance, delusion and the collective suspension of disbelief.

Advice to all Americans as to how to help evacuate Trump from the American body. A simple step remedy is described, which would make a timely and effective laxative for the U.S.A.

(and much more, uncensored!)

“The general public is not as comfortable as Don is in the land of lying, litigation, exaggeration and misinformation, which gave Trump great advantage through the election,” says author Paul Orwell. “But in November 2020 the electorate will have a chance to get toilet plungers out and give politicians their quadrennial cleaning at the ballot box.”

Land of the Free: Total Sh*t Donald Trump is published by Oceania Press today as a free eBook at https://pr.bookfunnel.com/gqcknk.

Available in Print: The book is available for purchase for $5.95 in paperback from major booksellers; and available in Kindle and print at Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QMSX3WD. It contains 82 pages.

About the Author:

Paul Orwell is the author of Total Sh*t: Donald Trump, a satirical essay about our president that uses “sh*t” as a metaphor to describe Trump, and the book SAD! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President, which catalogs the striking similarities between Donald Trump and the bully Biff Tannen from Back to the Future II.

Orwell is a businessman and writer living in Washington, D.C. who believes that Dirty Don is soiling America and that regular Republicans and Democrats have much more in common than Big Media wants them to believe. He fervently hopes that once the “Trumpster fire” has been extinguished, America can heal again.

Learn more at: http://www.paulorwell.com.

Follow Orwell on social media at: Twitter: https://twitter.com/paulorwell1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/paul.orwell.56

Special book supporter launch account on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TrumpTruffles

*PHOTO link for media: https://www.Send2Press.com/300dpi/19-0510s2p-totalshtrump-300dpi.jpg

Media Only Contact: Julia Smith Oceania Press [email protected] 202-922-3100

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paulorwell-blog · 5 years

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Introducing the New Book 'Total Sh*t Donald Trump’

The latest book by Paul Orwell, author of SAD! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President, will be released on Thursday, May 9, 2019. Total Sh*t Donald Trump is a satirical essay about America’s current president that uses “shit” as a metaphor to describe Trump: the doofus, the dotard, the dog. It will help you satisfy the urge to purge and cope with the pall of that two-hundred-and-sixty-six-pound poser living in The White House whose fetid smell is wafted all day via mass media into your living room, your bedroom, and up your nostrils. It’s a cathartic read that’s as satisfying as a good shit—plus, it takes about the same amount of time.

Learn:

• Hundreds of shit phrases of Trumspeak in a "shittery" at the back of the book. • Types of Trumpshit as graduated on the medical diagnostic Bristol Stool Scale. • Why many Americans think this guy's shit doesn’t stink. • What you can do to help evacuate this shit from the American body.

Paul Orwell is a businessman and writer living in Washington D.C. who believes the Dirty Don is soiling America and that regular Republicans and Democrats have much more in common than Big Media wants them to believe. He fervently hopes that once the Trumpster fire has been extinguished, America can heal again.

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paulorwell-blog · 6 years

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Orwell Predicts Trump Will ‘Rectify’ Midterm Results

Author Paul Orwell predicts that after losing the House in the midterm elections, Big Trump will—using the language of 1984—make a flurry of decrees to confuse opponents and implement his manifesto.

“As we saw in 2016, when confronted with facts, Big Trump will simply deny them. Instead he will shirk his responsibilities, shift the blame, and attempt to rectify the record, declaring victory after suffering a defeat, and making several dayorders, some of which may be blackwhite or contradictory.”

Big Trump has many times spoken of mutability and shapeliness of truth and I predict that he will appoint Alex Jones to the Ministry of Truth (formerly the National Archives and Records Administration). Jones will revise the historical record according to a newly-implemented truth-fake axis. The Records Department (Recdep) at 1515 Pennsylvania Avenue will increase its supply of corrected information to media organs in the United States of America. In all media, “fake news” will be replaced with goodthink.

Memory holes will be widely distributed to State Governments so records of election results can be conveniently disposed of.

At the Ministry of Love, General Sessions will be declared an unperson and replaced by Stoogey Graham. Michael Moore, Jimmy Kimmel and Chris Hayes will be declared Enemies of the State. Books by Stephen King will be burned.

Comrade DeVos will introduce the zero-sum game into the school system which will deprecate facts and learning, and emphasize the importance of winners and losers. 2 + 2 = 5 will also be taught.

Comrade Sanders will introduce a Two-Minute Press Hate (distributed by State-Sponsored Fox News via telescreens to proles) immediately prior to White House briefings.

Kanye West will head the Ministry of Truth’s Fiction Department, pornosec.

The Department of Homeland Security will be renamed The Ministry of Peace and tens of thousands of Peace Officers will be hired and despatched to the borders. “There will be so much love out it won’t be believed! Incredible!!” Big Trump announced. Anyone who crosses Oceania’s borders without correct documentation will be transported to joycamps.

The war with Eurasia will be declared over. Simultaneously, a new war with Eastasia will be started. Eastasia will be the enemy and will always have been the enemy.

There will be changes to Newspeak itself. The period will be deprecated in favor of single exclamation mark (neutral), double exclamation mark (good) and triple exclamation mark (doubleplusgood). In addition “bigly” will be officially added to Newspeak (adverb, super big), as will “yuge” (adjective, bigger than “bigly.”)

Paul Orwell, a writer and businessman, has lived in New York, Moscow and Washington DC and yearns for an era where Newspeak is abolished and the world can return to political conversation and bi-partisan compromise. He is the author of Sad! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump is President https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HQYY28N.

Media Contact: Julia Smith Oceania Press [email protected] 646.918.8807

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paulorwell-blog · 6 years

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‘Women, you have to treat ‘em like shit’: An exclusive excerpt from SAD! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President

Sad! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President is out now. Below is an exclusive excerpt. To order a copy of the book, click here.

WOMEN: YOU HAVE TO TREAT ‘EM LIKE SHIT. ~ Donald Trump, New York magazine (November 9, 1992)

DONALD TRUMP, THE GRABBER-IN-CHIEF of this great nation, has shamed, slandered, and abused women, yet many voters just look away. Why? Does anyone defend Biff Tannen when he mocks Lorraine, sexually assaults her, or shoves her to the floor? No. Why should “Biff” Trump get a pass?

How are people who ignore the bad behavior of “Biff” Trump able to do the right thing in other situations? When presented evidence of a priest’s misconduct, they don’t say “Yes, he abused children but he gives a great homily, so let’s keep him on.” Apparently anything “Biff” Trump does is “just his personal business” or “water under the bridge.” And besides, “he’s good for the economy.”

Are our pocketbooks really more important than our morality? What does that say about us as a nation? Men, what does it say about us as men if we are able to silently overlook or excuse abusive behavior toward women?

It’s impossible to overlook Biff Tannen’s behavior. Throughout the Back to the Future trilogy, Biff doesn’t ask, he simply takes what he wants, from both men and women. His perverse masculinity confuses force with strength; he views women not as individuals, but as things to be taken, things that exist to serve his needs. It helps that both Biffs are over 6 feet tall. If either was a foot shorter, there’s no way they would get away with acting this way. At least not in public.

In BTTF1, young Biff Tannen personifies the worst fears of American parents who send their daughters off to school each morning. Oversized and oversexed, Biff is feared by classmates and cheered on by his sidekicks, all three of whom are yes-men, fixers, and hooligans.

Biff considers himself a “dreamboat,” but to a girl in his crosshairs, he’s a nightmare. In the scene set in the 1955 school cafeteria, Lorraine sits at a table with a friend and Biff pulls his chair directly behind hers, preventing her escape. Though he’s seated, he’s terrifying in action; he’s easily twice her size. He practically engulfs her; his arms snake around her as he pulls at her clothes. Back in the real world, female airline passengers have complained that “Biff” Trump’s hands were all over them, too.

But 17-year-old Lorraine sticks up for herself and tells Biff to leave her alone, even as his sidekicks encourage him from the next table. The word “no” isn’t in Biff’s vocabulary, though, and he declares with a sneer, “You want it, you know you want it, and you know you want me to give it to you.”

Later in the movie at the dance, things get even worse when Lorraine disagrees and slaps Biff. He grabs her arm and pins her in place with a look that’s as fierce as his grip—and releases her only when Marty McFly rushes over and yanks him off.

It’s an ugly scene, made even uglier by the fact that it takes place in full view of others. If you asked the older, successful version of Biff in BTTF2 to look back and recall his interaction with Lorraine the night he sexually assaulted her, perhaps you can imagine the casino owner describing it like this:

You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything … grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

These, of course, are Donald “Biff” Trump’s words on the 2005 “Access Hollywood” tape.

Thirty years later as either middle-manager Biff or car-detailer Biff, does he remember this misbehavior from his school days? If thirty years later the FBI went back and interviewed the other kids in that school cafeteria or at that dance, would they remember those events the way Lorraine does? For George, his memory of the parking lot incident would be as much about punching Biff as it was about Biff’s actions in the car.

But in the movie, the cameras were there and so were we. We saw it. We know what happened, just as Lorraine knows and will never forget, and we can rewind the movie and watch it again. If we don’t, our memory of it will fade because we were only spectators. Lorraine was the object of the abuse and her memory won’t fade—even if others doubt her.

Fast forward from 1955 to the alternate 1985 timeline in BTTF2, when Biff is a wealthy and powerful casino owner. According to Team Biff, he’s now a giant among men:

His power and influence made him the model of world leaders and heads of state. Marvel at Biff’s ongoing relationships with the rich and famous. We’ve all heard the legend. But who is the man?

That’s what we must ask ourselves today. Too bad it wasn’t Biff Tannen who had the following conversation on a radio show, because it would be far easier to excuse these words coming from the mouth of a fictional villain than from the future president of the United States.

Howard Stern: Will Dakota Fanning grow up hot?

Donald Trump: No. No.

Stern: She will not?

Trump: She will always be cute.

Stern: But she’ll never be hot.

Trump: She’ll never be hot.

Dakota Fanning was 11 years old at the time.

Trump sexualizing young girls is not a one-time incident—in a 1992 TV special, he speaks with a 14-year-old girl as she’s riding up an escalator, and he says, “I am going to be dating her in ten years. Can you believe it?”

“Biff” Trump’s sexual thoughts roll around like a loose cannon on deck. A very loose cannon. When his own daughter Tiffany was an infant—just a year old—he commented and gestured on camera about what her breasts might one day look like.

Many adults feel the need to give back to their communities through their PTA, Little League, or Girl Scouts. Not “Biff” Trump; the owner of the Miss Universe beauty pageant was too busy prowling around the dressing rooms of teenage contestants.

“You know, they’re standing there with no clothes,” said Trump, according to Rolling Stone. “And you see these incredible-looking women. And so I sort of get away with things like that.” These young women later recalled feeling like “cattle” being graded by the rancher who owned them.

Now let’s compare the two men’s current marriages. Both Biff and “Biff” show a repeated and willful lack of concern about their wives, as if they were chattel, or even just cattle.

Lorraine Tannen is Biff’s abused, unloved third wife. Their relationship is usurious. If we look back at the video clip of the day they got married, we hear Biff saying “Number three’s a charm” as he pushes his tongue into Lorraine’s mouth, ignoring her discomfort and disgust. This, on their wedding day.

“Biff” Trump’s third wife, Melania, has recently displayed frostiness toward him in public, including incidents when she wouldn’t hold his hand. Numerous times she’s decided not to appear in public with her husband, or even travel in the same vehicle with him. It must be difficult for her today to hear explicit details of his times with Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal—from a time when Barron was just an infant.

In BTTF3, Biff Tannen lounges in a jacuzzi with two women while his wife is in the building; Lorraine could have walked in on them just as easily as her son Marty does. “Biff” Trump gave Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal a tour of his New York apartment shortly after Melania had given birth to their son, Barron. Assured that Melania wasn’t in the building, Ms. McDougal asked about the staff. “Biff” told her “they won’t say anything”—as if they knew the drill, they knew the score.

Multiple wives and women, accusations of multiple offenses and denials from Trump, but sexual perpetrators almost always deny their guilt.

“You could have just walked away.”

These are Seamus McFly’s words of wisdom to his great-grandson Marty in BTTF3 after Biff goads Marty. This was meant to teach Marty that masculinity doesn’t require responding to violence with violence, to reassure him that no one would think less of him if he’d simply walked away.

But what about people who sometimes can’t walk away? Like your daughter, your mother or sister.

“Biff” Trump is in a position of dominance when he meets his prey; he’s the boss, a rich man, TV star, beauty pageant owner, or even president. Walking away simply isn’t a choice for many women. And what about the countless others who did walk away, those who did have a choice? How many are out there and have yet to speak up?

Ask “Biff” about his attitude toward women and he’ll tell you he was one of the first to promote women to high positions in a male-dominated field. This is somewhat true—but remember, when he promoted them, he was in charge, he was in control.

But when he’s confronted with a woman who’s his equal, not an underling, Trump displays ape-like dominance and an imagined superiority. When meeting with Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany and one of the most powerful women in

the world, “Biff” Trump refused to shake her hand. On another occasion, he flung candy on a table in front of her, saying “don’t say I never give you anything.” Trump referred to the Prime Minister of the U.K. by her first name, Theresa, instead of her title; he didn’t bow to Queen Elizabeth and later walked in front of her because he couldn’t be bothered to learn protocol.

And his stalky, leering performance during the second presidential debate33 with Hillary Clinton raised the hackles of many women watching.

Whether interacting with women in power or with more vulnerable women, “Biff” Trump reveals his utter lack of respect. He objectifies women; they’re merely things for him to use. More than a dozen accusations of sexual assault have been lodged against him.

Biff Tannen and “Biff” Trump are the same man. No introspection, no regret about their infidelities, no compassion, no sympathy for their partners. Serve the self, do it right now, and move on.

There is no chance the original Biff will ever address these issues, but in the real world, “Biff” Trump should. Brett Kavanaugh’s anger before the Senate Judiciary Committee in September 2018 and Trump’s demeaning responses to the accusations leveled at him over the years show how hard it is to effect societal change on this topic. Nearly 20 percent of American women have experienced rape or attempted rape during their lifetimes, often committed by someone they know, but false accusations are very rare. A man has no clue how the possibility of sexual assault can shape a woman’s behavior at a social gathering or when considering the safety of transportation options or public restrooms—or even walking down the street.

For the good of all American people, Trump (and Kavanaugh) must exhume and prioritize these issues, not deny and bury them.

Women exist only to serve men’s primal needs, after all. Biff and “Biff” both are devoid of morals and unbound by cultural norms. When it comes to interacting with women, they either don’t know or don’t give a damn what kind of behavior is acceptable—or even legal.

To order a copy of Sad! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President, click here.

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paulorwell-blog · 6 years

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Time Travel and the 2016 Election: An Exclusive Excerpt from SAD! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President

Sad! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President is out today. Below is an exclusive excerpt. To order a copy of the book, click here.

COULD “BIFF” TRUMP, WHO’S SO SIMILAR to Biff Tannen, have traveled back in time to gain the advantage he needed to win the 2016 election? After all, for what purpose did old Biff go back from 2015 to 1955 but for the almighty dollar?

Through time travel, characters in the Back to the Future trilogy are able to rewrite or restore the future depending on where they go and when they go there. So, for example, Marty ensures his parents fall in love in BTTF1, saves his future children from a life of crime in BTTF2, and prevents Doc’s murder in BTTF3.

And old Biff in BTTF2 transports the stolen Sports Almanac to his younger self in 1955 so he can use its knowledge to become rich and powerful. He could have looked deeper into himself and sought to figure out why he was a bully, chosen a completely new direction, and made a change to become a better person. He could have thought about his family or about the reasons he still lived with his grandmother, or could have gone back even further to fix his parents’ lives, like Marty did.

But no, the streak of selfishness was always there. Old Biff doesn’t try to change young Biff’s personality because he knows the leopard would not—could not—change his spots. Goodness goes against the grain for Biff who, like a wild animal, is driven by base instinct.

So he just handed himself the Sports Almanac, and with it, the golden ticket.

“Biff” Trump would likely take a trip in the DeLorean out of similar instincts: for vengeance, to settle an old score, for profit, maybe to switch one wife out for another, or to tip an election in his favor. We’ll never know, but he likely wouldn’t be curing cancer or donating money to charity.

Looking back over Trump’s campaign for the Republican candidacy—and later, the presidency—it’s still shocking how unconventional they were and how “Biff” Trump seemed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Did he have a DeLorean? Did he use it to tweak his performance and win after-the- fact? Perhaps you and I unknowingly lived through that time while “Biff” Trump went back in time over and over again, creating little time tangents until he finally got it right and managed to win the election against all odds.

Let’s return to the evening of August 6, 2015, the night when Fox News hosted the first Republican debate. There are 10 candidates on stage and news anchor Megyn Kelly, one of the moderators, poses this question to Trump:

KELLY: “Mr. Trump, one of the things people love about you is you speak your mind and you don’t use a politician’s filter. However, that is not without its downsides, in particular when it comes to women. You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals. Your Twitter account …”

TRUMP (interrupting): “Only Rosie O’Donnell.” [RESOUNDING AUDIENCE APPLAUSE/CHEERING]

But as the camera then pans over the debate audience, we see that it’s divided. Many people are smiling or laughing, even clapping. Others sit stone-faced and motionless.

Why did half the audience, including both men and women, respond so positively to Trump’s cruel taunt? Could Trump—using the DeLorean—have taken the opportunity to test different responses and found the one that worked the best? Or was it the sheer shock factor of the inappropriate insult that startled the audience into laughter? Whatever it was, “Biff” Trump never looked back and never pulled his punches—nor was he ever held accountable for what he said.

Of course, it’s also possible that someone else futzed around with the space-time continuum. Maybe Vladimir Putin, exasperated by Hillary Clinton, sent a small Russian interference team through time to manipulate the 2016 election.

Then again, it could simply be that the audience actually wanted a boxing match, preferring jabs, hooks, and knockout blows to a political debate. Let’s hope not. That would a harbinger for the end of intelligent debate, and political campaigns would be just part of primetime TV entertainment.

And what if we had the chance to borrow the DeLorean and go back in time ourselves? Where or when exactly would we go? As we learned from Doc Brown, time travel is tricky. You have to be v-e-r-y careful what you tinker with, or you could “create a time paradox … that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe.”

That means we can’t go too far back in time or choose a moment that involves too many people, for fear of doing something that wipes out the historical record. So we can’t kidnap Donald and we shouldn’t waste time on getting Stormy Daniels’ story out in the final few weeks: that might or might not change anything.

To stop Biff’s rise to power in BTTF2, Doc and Marty had to pinpoint the exact moment when Biff first got hold of Gray’s Sports Almanac. Then they hopped into the DeLorean, traveled back in time, and tweaked the past just enough to destroy the Sports Almanac. In doing so, they created a new time tangent, but one in which the future is better for everyone in Hill Valley—except Biff. We should try to do the same.

To order a copy of Sad! Donald ‘Biff’ Trump Is President, click here.

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paulorwell-blog · 6 years

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New Book Compares ‘Back to the Future’ Bully Biff Tannen to President Trump

Book and ebook to be released on Back to the Future Day, Sunday October 21st; “Was a time-travelling DeLorean used to win the 2016 presidential election?”

From PRNewswire: A new book from Oceania Press will be released on Back To The Future Day—this Sunday October 21st—which ponders whether Donald Trump, or perhaps The Russian Government, used a time-travelling DeLorean to influence the 2016 Presidential Election. Debate performances, punchlines and information leaks could have been tweaked after-the-fact to cause the upset win.

The book compares the character of bully Biff Tannen from Back to the Future II to President Trump (referred to as “Biff” Trump in this book) who share physical characteristics (hair, height) as well as the number of wives, a similar business history, and belligerent personalities.

The book’s conclusion is that time travel is fanciful but the comparison between the two men is not. While Biff Tannen did use time travel in Back to the Future II, it was thick skin, stubborn persistence and showmanship that put Donald 'Biff’ Trump into the White House.

Author Paul Orwell draws striking similarities between Biff Tannen and “Biff” Trump and bemoans “the transition from issue politics to 'death by tweet.’” "We shouldn’t have to wake up and wonder who the president is going to bully today,“ he adds.

The book is critical of Trump but not of Republican politics, and loaded with scene and theme references from the beloved movie series. It discusses why Trump’s message resonated with small-town America (Hill Valley, in the movie series).

DONALD TRUMP ON WOMEN: "YOU HAVE TO TREAT 'EM LIKE S**T”

Trump’s well-known quote about women (spoken to friend Philip Johnson, according to New York Magazine) and the other various allegations of Trump’s interpersonal misbehavior are compared in the book to the behavior of Biff Tannen, who sexually assaults Lorraine McFly in Back To The Future I and mistreats her in Back to the Future II. The book asks the question: why do we tolerate this behavior from a President when we cannot tolerate it from a movie character?

There are also chapters on President Obama’s humiliation of Trump at the White House Correspondent’s dinner in April 2011, and how President Pence would be a very different President.

“Sad! Donald 'Biff’ Trump is President” is available as a book and ebook from Amazon.com at https://www.amazon.com/Sad-Donald-Biff-Trump-President/dp/0692183574 on Back To The Future Day, October 21st, the day Marty traveled in time in the movie series.

Extracts and cover art are available. Audio extracts (as mp3 files) are available to freely post.

Back to the Future is the 14th highest grossing (US) movie trilogy of all time and it stars one of the most famous bully characters—Biff Tannen—in movie history. Screenwriter/producer Bob Gale is on the record (Daily Beast, October 21st, 2015) as saying that the character of Biff Tannen in Back to the Future II was based on the Donald Trump of the late 1980’s.

Paul Orwell is the pen name for a businessman who admits to benefiting from Republican tax cuts. He’s an immigrant, but the kind the US President currently welcomes to the country. Orwell has lived in London, New York, Moscow and Washington DC, and yearns for an era where political conversation and bi-partisan compromise are possible.

Contact:

Julia Smith 646-918-8807 [email protected]

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