pastelspain-blog

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reminder to:

straighten your back

go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT

go take your meds if you need to

drink some water

go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while

maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)

reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about

maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?

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why does using someone’s name in conversation feel so intimate, like the way a touch feels gentle as someone is fixing ur hair or brushing out a stray strand

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Bing-FUCKING-o was HiS nAme O

Not mine, found on Facebook but so fucking relatable

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Just some lil BPD feelings

-oh wow I’m actually happy right in this moment HAHA JOKE’S ON ME THIS ISN’T GONNA LAST AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO INTERACT WITH THIS FEELING LATER oh look at that I’m crying now

-emotional whiplash like WOAH I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK THAT WAS. THAT SHIT WAS WILD. NO I DON’T NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I’M FINE.

-I am so emotionally and physically exhausted and I can’t do even a single thi—OH YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SURE I’LL USE ALL OF MY RESOURCES TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO COME SEE YOU

-I love this [media] I am this [media] now

-choosing to interact with my favorite content means you love me right?

-they don’t want the thing I tried to give them so clearly they hate me and I deserve to die

-sorry I can’t come to work I’m too busy fantasizing about a reality in which I was never born and trying to stay as still as physically possible so I don’t act on these intrusive thoughts

-me: no worries. plans change sometimes. *digs giant hole in the forrest and buries self under moss and rocks so that I may return to the earth*

-everyday is cosplay day

-someone: Hey chill out you’re overreacting. Just breathe. It’ll be fine. Me: *thinks about all the self destructive things that I can do later when I get home* yeah you’re right it’ll be fine

-them: everyone feels that way sometimes. You’re just being too hard on yourself. Me: [[[KILL BILL SIRENS SCREAMING IN MY HEAD]]] no see I don’t think you actually understand…

- I ASKED DIRECTLY FOR MY NEEDS TO BE MET SO THAT MEANS I’M TOXIC AND DESERVE TO BE THROWN OFF OF A CLIFF BETTER NOT TALK TO THAT PERSON FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS SO THEY CAN DETOX FROM HAVING COME INTO CONTACT WITH ME

- someone: you can call me any time. Seriously I’m here for you. Me:uhhhh…maybe. *bitter internal laughter as I mentally file that offer under “things that I will never do if I want this person to stay in my life”*

-GOD MY BRAIN IS ON FIRE IT IS SCREAMING I WANT TO JUST FUCKING KI—my body is weird weird weird my body is weird my buddy is werd weeeerdbody weirdedededed skin fingers alien eyestalks everything is vibrating body weird body weird vibrating vibrating vibrating—HOLY SHIT THREE HOURS JUST PASSED WHAT THE FUCK

-apologizing heartbrokenly to my cat for being like this while sobbing and petting him

-I don’t deserve oxygen because I failed to do a thing that I said I’d do to complete strangers on the internet

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Friendly reminder:

What folks don’t realise is that trauma/abuse survivors can and often forget their trauma (Dissociative amnesia) until many years later when they understand better and are ready to process it. (Which may never happen). Memory loss is a natural defense mechanism humans develop in an attempt to protect themselves from pyschological damage, and mostly regain those memories later on.

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why does everybody have crush anons? where is mine? where is my assigned crush anon??

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Question

I’m not sure what’s going on but I’m going to my family doctor tomorrow how do I get them to take me seriously as my fibro doctor didn’t take me seriously. I’m just afraid I won��t be able to get the help I need.

#pain #question

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Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

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Can you draw stuffs, if yep, can you draw some stuffs? if nep, don't, or if you're too hurty, then nep

Im horrible at drawing 😅😅😅 but if i could draw id draw u

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L is for the way you look at me

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Okay I used to HATE roses as a symbol of romance and shit or whatever until I learned why they’re signs of love bc it’s the most metal creation myth of all time

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some bpd dissociation moods

- intense, uncontrollable sobbing when you get hit with that wave of unreality

- or screaming

- or both

- lying on the cold floor. that’s it. you’re just laying there, empty.

- doing something impulsive because you want to feel real/things to feel real

- i dont have a personality and nor do i have a body

- feeling more alone than you normally do because no one else is real

- stressing out for a few hours only to dissociate on continuum for the next couple weeks

- hopeless laughter as you sink further into the void

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me: time for sleepy :)

my garbage body: hot hot hot no cold no HOT bad bad, throw up??? no, hungry, NO remember that mistake you made at work. Internalize it. Never forget. Back hurt yes headache YES hot yes roll over r-RA RA RASPUTIN, RUSSIA’s GREATEST LOVE MACHI-

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Tfw you’re too sick for sex but you want it

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This is my new favorite hangout spot. I walked here from home with a cup of tea and my watercolor supplies. A floating dock out of the reach of sun or rain floats underneath the marina. And it has friends. 😍