paranoidkid

[paranoidkid]

I'm watching a video essay about a game ive been interested in playing. The creator of the video, who has crossdressed multiple times, makes a "women arent funny" joke, and i suddenly realize ive never witnessed him acknowledge a woman in an uplifting way before.

I'm on a dating app for lgbt+ people. I've stated multiple times on my profile that i would rather lose an arm than recieve nudes without consent. I will be sent five dick pics for every 2 people i talk to that night.

I'm talking with my dad, who informs me he's been trying his best to learn about trans issues. He says the same things steven crowder brings up when trying to ridicule trans people. I gently but firmly correct my father and get told that ive been fed propaganda.

I'm on instagram, under the comments of a post ridiculing someone for being a misogynyst. Someone's left a comment saying "it must be hard being a woman on the internet" and i respond "it is." I will have every aspect of my appearance scrutinized as a reminder that no matter how well i pass, it will never be enough for someone with bad intentions.

I'm back on that dating app for lgbt+ people. I'm messaged by an attractive looking person, but i can see their partner prominently displayed in all but their main photo, oftentimes striking what im sure they thought was a very intimidating pose. Their bio says "looking for a third for our anniversary." I know that even if I did feel up to it, the gruff partner wouldnt approve of me because i don't pass.

I'm at a job interview for a clothing store. I tell the gracefully-dressed woman interviewing me that ever since i began my transition, i've discovered an interest in fashion, and that this job would allow me to dip my toes into the industry in a safe way. I'm told that i've reduced womanhood to a stereotype, and i can tell by her tone that i lost any chance at the job the minute she realized i was trans.

I'm at the same hospital i got facial feminization surgery in, trying to figure out what's wrong with my bowels. When the person behind the desk gives me a wristband with my patient info on it, i notice a single, lonely, letter M. I ask a nurse in private why it would say that despite me having changed it nearly a year prior. They say they have no clue, and bring in paperwork for me to fill out and have it re-changed again.

I'm living with my mom at the time. I'm new to transitioning, and decide to try my hand at voice training. It feels a bit off, but otherwise im feeling neutral toward the whole thing. I try speaking in this new voice to my mom and she laughs. Now, when people ask if i intend to voice train, i find speaking at all difficult for minutes after.

I didnt have some sort of grand message to convey by this. I just had a thought and then that thought spiralled into whatever the hell this became. Some, okay most, might call it complaining; they are right to do so.

[paranoidkid]

one time i was walking home from classes and i saw a tesla exit the uni parking lot and i said out loud "reddit car" and the guy heard me

[paranoidkid]

[paranoidkid]

[paranoidkid]

Hey can you tag sfw please? I only want to see posts about sex.

Ok

[paranoidkid]

laughed really hard about this I'm sorry

[paranoidkid]

We need to bring back children’s programming that focuses on reading. I’m so serious

[paranoidkid]

Whimsical Wizards and where to find them

#good art #insp #fav

[paranoidkid]

i was born with a neurotic, pathological need to chill & be cool

[paranoidkid]

Sending my unconditional love to addicts and people with horrible compulsions and people who are suicidal and everyone who feels utterly alone and all the psychotic people who society disdains and the homeless and people who feel lost and everyone who doesn't want to get better and people seeking vindication and people who can't let go and people who are undesired. I love you all so much.

[paranoidkid]

gadget peed and pooped in her new bedddd baby. now I gotta wash that thang. it’s ok I had to do her laundry anyway

#.txt #gadget

[paranoidkid]

It took two whole days but it's done. The concept is simple: AI generated art, sent to a company who does paint by number kits, and then completed by an amateur. It's an interesting thought experiment - at what point is it truly art? Is it ever art, because it's AI generated? Is it ever art, because it's paint by numbers? Is it always art, because it elicits a response from the viewer?

#insp

[paranoidkid]

getting ready for bed

#dunmesh

[paranoidkid]

everyone say in the tags what their current custom discord status is

#what the fuck this is like a jumpscare from five fuckers at uncle festers get me the fuck out of here

[paranoidkid]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#DID > OCD > Anxiety/Depression #in that order #the autism is fine actually I’m chilling on the autism #but having a dissociative disorder fucks me up daily

[paranoidkid]

"arent you hungry" in reaction to unthinking self-deprevation response to trauma is going to haunt me forever actually.

something about suppressing your needs to feel safe and in control. something about someone not admiring the endurance or self-control but instead asking "aren't you hungry," a question which you are entirely unequipped to answer. "Aren't you hungry?" Aren't you impressed I can tune it out? I worked hard for that, for everyone else's sake, don't you get it? "Aren't you hungry?" I don't know, stop asking me questions I can't answer, why is answering so easy for you? "Aren't you hungry?" All I'm any good at figuring out is how much longer I can go without eating, and I thought that was the same, but it's not, is it?

#throws up and cries and dies and sobs #dunmesh

[paranoidkid]