panoramicgirl

[panoramicgirl]

Yesterday he said "I'm a grown ass man and I know what I want. And I want you, if that's okay."

I don't know why such a simple statement gave me such security but it just amazes me how much our relationship has grown in the last two weeks.

It's also a breath of fresh air. So many people have told me that it's probably a plus that he's much older and more mature because he is going to be honest and what he wants; otherwise why would he waste his time? It's the most satisfying feeling ever.

[panoramicgirl]

I'm in love for the first time in a long time and it's sort of a mood.

But at the same time grieving old love is one of the most painful experiences in the world.

[panoramicgirl]

He has one bad day and it made him think about us, and me. He said he kept thinking about when I was going to leave him or when I'd finally get tired of being around him. I laughed because that's incredibly unrealistic at this point; I can't get tired of him. He still said it was something he thought about because he realized he doesn't want anything different right now.

I didn't know how to feel about it but I feel like as a man at 34 he probably has enough life experiences to know what he's talking about but: he said he's ever really been in love. Until now. Which blows my mind because why me? Haha. I'll always feel incredibly out of his league. Whether that's because of his good looks, social status, or just absolute genuine, caring personality, I don't know. It's probably a combination of both but I feel like I haven't deserved it.

I don't know. I'm floored. "I've never been in love until now. Sure, I've liked people, I've had a lot of sex, but these human feelings are new for me and I realize now that I am in love with you."

Dear god. Never change. I never expected to feel this way about anyone again or anytime soon. Yet here I am. Feeling deeply in love and like, definitely confused about it.

[panoramicgirl]

Saying something like "don't fall in love with your best friend" for me sounds hypocritical; I married my highschool sweetheart. But we were married before we were best friends. We became best friends once we were married and it was brilliant.

There's something particularly painful about falling in love with a person who started out as your best friend. They're your best friend and you'd never jeopardize that, right? But, the wonder of what a relationship with that person would be like is there. And it'll always be there and it'll always probably hurt.

[panoramicgirl]

My work crush is an exceptional person who for whatever reason has opened up himself to me and is just the sweetest most caring person I've come across in a long time.

[panoramicgirl]

[panoramicgirl]

“The silence is the worst part of any fight, because it’s made up of all the things we wish we could say, if only we had the guts.”

— (via perrfectly)

[panoramicgirl]

When does the like head over heels phase end for crush's because damn

[panoramicgirl]

Never have I felt feelings for a person like this before..

[panoramicgirl]

Are You Bored  Yet?

Is it that time? Maybe? I feel weird writing about it on this interface where I’ve never really talked about this topic. Which is funny because I would say 85-90% of my Twitter is me literally only tweeting about this one thing/person. It almost makes me feel like writing about it here about be annoying? Even though I bet less people(especially less people I know) will see it, I feel like it’s just a sort of “shut up already” sort of topic. 

Also what do I even say? I’m trying to basically just make a post about my work crush; who’s name I like have never accurately revealed on twitter and have the weirdest urge to keep it a secret here too, haha. But it just seems silly making a post about this when most of my tweets about him are usually sent of randomly based off weird thoughts or because I’m currently with him/been with him recently. So just sitting here trying to like type something about him feels weird,

Like, I definitely have no idea really how to perceive what mine and my work crush’s current relationship is? Complicated is probably a really good way to put it but, it’s also not a bad sort of complicated. (Maybe an eventual background/story time post about our relationship may be necessary some day but right now that just feels weeeeird).

As I currently sip my mimosa (which I blame him for my peaked interest in wine recently) and think of what to say, I can say that currently I miss him. It’s not been like forever since I’ve seen him but the last time I saw him was sort of a sad/weird day for me and of course I now feel self conscious about that last interaction. I’m deeply in my feels about him right now as we are both sort of on the same weekend from our job? Obviously, I don’t expect to see him every “weekend” or like week (outside of work obviously) but it’s been a really weirdly consistent thing that now it’s sort of what I expect and I lowkey hate it. We haven’t texted much today which is fine but of course it makes me paranoid to text him literally anything; for example I have a meme in drafts because I don’t want to impose on him, heh. Will I send it? Probably. Was thinking around like 5:45 pm ? Maybe 6pm? See, I’m fucking weird about this, haha. In most relationships, ESPECIALLY this one, I never want to seem annoying or like an obligation so I make myself paranoid and do weird shit like draft texts and plan on when to send them. Is that healthy? Probbbabbly not BUT neither is the trauma my brain has endured since I was a child that has shaped me to behave this way. (Ooph that’s another post lol)

Anyways, my work crush is super great. He takes great care of me and at the end of the day that’s like.....pretty cool and surprising.

Anyways, that’s all on him for now, I guess. 

#lol this was so dumb #im so dumb wtf #hahaha

[panoramicgirl]

[panoramicgirl]

via weheartit

[panoramicgirl]

Skater boii

(via)

[panoramicgirl]

meirl

[panoramicgirl]

Conjunction: Moon, Jupiter and Saturn over Alborz mountain, Iran

Image Credit: Alireza Vafa

[panoramicgirl]

Loving someone you probably can't definitely have is even harder. Especially if it's mutual. More to come later as my brain melts away this Christmas Eve.

[panoramicgirl]

Being in love with one of your closest friends is the most painful love in the world.