palespiderblog-blog
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32, fucked by multiple autoimmune disease and overall poor health.
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Infinity Ring by HappySlothPatterns by boleroo
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its been over a month and i am still not ok to be alone. it was nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, yes i do not LIVE alone but there is serious lacking of connection. im 32 acting like a teenager. maybe not teen but... i dont have physical friends where i live. And my friends back home are all in relationships or have someone. Id like to say i have Violet my dog but shes does not like to cuddle or show much affection but she is getting better.
Im trying new crafts, usually my arthris kicks up. but since the crash my hands have been ok. stil weak but not crippling painful. I have been working on a cross stitch project i had gotten off amazon months ago to try and have a hobbie per pats request. I have been working it but its amazing how slow it goes.
like i said. Ambious enough? the background is all printed, i am told that if i wash it, it will be white. But the idea of stitiching the background scares me. I really should have picked a smaller project. I would like to finish to give a panel to each “set” of family. my grandparents. And something else speical for my mom and her husband.
My medical binders are looking damn good. i dont know why but i got a pretty amazing good luck today to meet with a very talented dr who is mostly in research. SHe is willing to see me for free. Hopefully she can help me. My goal is to go back to work, or school or just anything but sit around in bed all day. Energy! No more organ envolvmnt,
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Couldn't even handle today. Lost my shit on social media. Facebook again. Why am I like this. I don't want to be like this. I'm pathetic.
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Embroidery Art by Carolina Torres on Etsy
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Sympathy is only for the able.
People only care that you are sick as long as you are going to get better. Once they find out it is a forever thing, their sympathy suddenly has an expiration date.
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Am i dying?
so tired of being scared all the time about my health. im told to look after myself and then criticized when i do as a hypochondriac. who really thinks this is fun for anyone? im scared all the time. i run around like a crazy person just trying to find out why most treatments for my lupus wont work. then i wonder that maybe its because i might now have lupus but something else or something else with lupus tat is preventing me from having a life of any quality.
im also pissed that my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me and moved out in between rituxan treatments. im wondering if my emotional health is what triggered a bad response from the chemo because thou i have had it before with good response. Now my blood cells are going nuts. my WBC are all over the place, well.. all of them. a clot just feel out of my nose. so much blood.
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Not sure what this blog might be. not even sure it is a blog. I need some place that makes me feel connected to something. Facebook was that place but i dont feel welcomed there anymore. My life is turned around. no one wants to be around me in case im fucked. Everyone wants to joke around to lighten the mood but it just hurts my feelings. Im so tired of having a fuckd body. One autoimmune disease is bad enough. Now i have so many issues and maybe a rare blood disorder. i wont find out til wed. maybe thursday. im scared.
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