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Why Do I Feel Unlovable?

Often when people feel unlovable, it is tied into one of the following reasons:

1. As a child, a parent or authority figure either told you – or sent out the message that – you were unloveable. Because of that, you came to believe that your core self was deficient, unacceptable or inadequate. Now you find it hard to believe that anyone could ever love you for just being you.

2. You experienced rejection, desertion or abandonment in one of your closest relationships. Now love feels scary - and is a source of anxiety and fear – rather than of healing and security.

3. You feel regret for something you did, or the way you treated a person you loved. Hence, you don’t believe you deserved to be loved, or you fear you will badly hurt someone again.

4. You have developed a series of flawed beliefs which have coloured your expectations for love. For example, you may have concluded that love leads to pain …. or that no-one can be trusted … or love always ends.

5. A voice in your head says you cannot change so you don’t believe that “you have what it takes”. But none of us is perfect; we’re all on a journey; and if we choose to take a risk then we’ll find that we can change.

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Buscarron's Druthers open world roleplay on Balmung. Whenever until Whenever, primarily 8PM US Eastern. We'd love to see you out there helping the old trading post become a bustling hub of roleplay activity.

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“Life goes on whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking of what could’ve been. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I’m so lonely here, there’s nothing for me here anymore.”

— Stephanie Smith

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🌀

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

He couldn't remember where he'd heard that, but some where, someone had said it offhandedly and whether it'd been directed at him or not, he couldn't help but wonder if it had been meant for him after all.

How many times...how many times was he going to do this? To end up in this same position?

Osric stood, letting the water of the shower run over him, wishing it would take all of the emotions - the anger, the pain, the heartache with it....and just leave him empty. Numb.

But it didn't. And the ache remained.

A fucking specter that haunted his dreams, as one-sided as it was.

He shook his head as he cut off the water.

There was work to do...and ruminating on the ache that filled the center of his chest wasn't going to help him move on.

Thanks nonny.

#asks #and answered #of lances and lament

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Ishgardian fog.

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Sylvia Plath, from The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath; "Three Women,"

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Night in the Brume

— Foundation, Ishgard

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A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

Robert Frost

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DRAGOON ARMOUR - Final Fantasy XIV Opening Cinematic.

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17. — audience

He should have known something was off.

It had been long enough, and he had been taking daily walks with Freyja and Tyr often enough, for the pups to know better than to wander off ahead of him. It was a behavior that was decidedly out of character for both of them, and so when both of them perked their ears up as the trio approached the door to Osric's apartment and immediately took off to sniff at the door, he should have known.

There was only one other person besides him who had a key - and he'd forgotten to have the locks changed after the last time they'd abused said key to enter the apartment at some ungodly hour to have a conversation with him.

A fact that somehow slipped in mind in this moment as he frowned and clicked his tongue at the two wolf pups, motioning them back behind him as he unlocked the door.

"I don't know what's gotten into you two, but honestly..." He exhaled sharply, opening the door enough for the two pups - both now about knee height, to slip into the apartment, which they did quickly, following after whatever scent they'd caught.

He rolled his eyes, pocketing the key before stepping into the...well lit? Hadn't he turned off the lights before leaving? He scowled, closing the door behind him and turned hearing the pups and a noise from the direction of the couch. He just managed to catch sight of a something - a pillow maybe? - flying in his direction and moved his head. The something did happen to be a pillow, which hit against the door with no small amount of force.

"You stupid fucker."

Osric blinked slowly, turning towards the figure who'd thrown the pillow, his sister - who stood, arms crossed over her chest glaring at him from across the room, the two pups sniffing at her boots.

"Hello to you too, Edalene? You couldn't have, oh...I don't know? Warned me you were coming?"

"I could have accosted you outside and yelled at you in front of an audience - would you have preferred that? Still can - I'm sure there are plenty of people just down the hall."

That earned her a sigh, as Osric bent down to pick up the pillow, which he considered returning to the couch before thinking better of it. "...And what exactly are you here to yell at me about?"

"I can think of any number of reasons."

"Well, let's not, hm? If you're here to discuss my failings - don't. I've heard enough about them. If you're here to say 'I told you so' I don't need that either. You still have a job, nothing has changed for you."

Edalene's gaze narrowed further. "But plenty has changed for you - and this is why you're a stupid fucker. You had no issue being selfish when it was time to abolish the house. But then it was all about what someone else wanted. What you thought someone else wanted. And where did that get you?"

His jaw clenched tightly, his voice low in warning, "Edalene..."

"No - you can shut up and listening for just a gods damned minute. Am I happy to still have a job - yeah, and I'll happily keep my job. It's a nice job, a good paying job. But at what fucking point do you stop trying to appease everyone else and start living for your gods damn self?"

Osric exhaled slowly, clicking his tongue and motioning back behind him - both pups moving away from Edalene and over towards him quickly. "...I will say this once, and either you hear this and understand or you don't - your choice. My decisions have not been made to appease anyone. They were made because when I found out about the twins I made a decision that they were not going to have the childhood that you or I did. I was going to be a better father than what we had...or father figure."

Edalene tilted her head curiously but didn't press.

"My choices aren't performative, Edalene - they're not made for an audience, they're not made for anyone else. No one else needs to understand them. They haven't been fucking easy - it would have been easier...in a sense...to stay. Any everyone would have been more miserable for it. I don't want anyone to be miserable. I...care too much. I want those children to have a better life than I did. Isn't that selfish enough?"

Another pillow went flying across the room - and this one he didn't have time to dodge.

"No. I still think you're a stupid fucker. I can read through your bullshit, remember? And I'm going to keep reminding you about it until I leave."

Osric winced, leaning down to pick up the second pillow turned projectile. "...and when do you leave."

"I have a few days before I need to get back."

"...wonderful....just fucking wonderful."

"Just be glad I didn't come to say 'I told you so'. Because I could be doing that."

"Edalene..."

"Yeees?"

"....Just shut the fuck up."

Thanks @the-sycophant

#asks #and answered #of lances and lament #siblings are fun