onlybones666

[onlybones666]

sorry

[onlybones666]

26/7/22

hi erm i’m back i didn’t realise i’ve not posted in a week. i have literally just not had the capacity to do anything. i’ve binged every other day and i could bring myself to think about it afterwards. ive felt like a failure and i didn’t want to post everyday that i was binging n have other people view me the same way i guess. i have just been procrastinating it really and i have just spent a week pushing it to the back of my mind and not wanting to face things afterwards. i haven’t binged today however i still feel like shit because i’ve still eaten lots of crap that i don’t want to think about or work out the calories or cause it just makes me want to die honestly. at least i burned 100 calories on a brief walk at around 8pm but it doesn’t make much difference realistically. although i say this, i weighed myself for the first time in just over a week and i am now 132lbs. i don’t really believe it i think the scales r just lying to me and r broken because they r old. im just confused as i have eaten horribly this week yet still lost this much i don’t get it. that’s y i don’t think it’s true. i’m not gonna get my hopes up about it until next time i weigh myself n see if it’s the same or less

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #disordered eating in tags #@n0r3x1a #@na #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food #anabllr #edbllr #@n4 #restrictive ed #sk1nnie

[onlybones666]

20/7/22

today was not utterly shit but it wasn’t great yk. at about 1pm i snacked on some chicken pieces which was about 100 calories. then for dinner at 7:30pm i had lots of tortellini in a pasta sauce. this was around 800 calories. i then later decided to go on the exercise bike for 10km and do a 10 minute arm workout which burned 350 calories. i also went on a short walk earlier which burned 100 calories. overall i have eaten 900 calories and burned 450 leaving a net calories of 450. i don’t really have much to say today i just feel numb honestly. i guess i’m glad i didn’t eat the three cookies that where offered to me several times.

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food #@n4 #anabllr #edbllr #restrictive ed #sk1nnie

[onlybones666]

19/7/22

i wish today was alright but to be honest it wasn’t at 1pm i had lunch which was rice n a little bit of chicken that i snacked on while it cooked. this was about 450 calories. for dinner at 6pm i had chicken breast and a jacket potato which was around 500 calories. afterwards my mum handed me a bowl with a singular meringue and a handful of chocolate chips i never said i wanted it but she just pasted it to me and i didn’t have a choice. i didn’t even want to eat it and it wasn’t like i couldn’t help myself either i just had to because she had already gave it to me and i couldn’t just say no. this was 180 calories. the worst part about this is that earlier while she was shopping she asked if i wanted any sweets or dessert but i said no so that she wouldn’t buy or tempt me with anything. i also told her when she got back i was trying to eat healthier when she asked why i didn’t want anything. yet she still made me this knowing that, i know it was probably a kind gesture i’m her eyes but it felt like she was purposely trying to stop me losing weight and become fat again. i just feel shitty about it because if i hadn’t eaten that it would have been a better day but no. overall i have eaten 1130 calories i haven’t done any exercise because i’ve just been feeling shit and didn’t have the energy to do anything. to be honest it’s days like today that made me loose any motivation i had to begin with, all i want to do is give up and cry. i feel like i’ll never get to my goal weight or have the body i actually want. i wish i could live on my own so there was no one to make sure i eat and i could starve myself to death in peace. i just want to not feel like i’m uglier than everyone else for once, to actually feel slightly confident and comfortable in my own skin. i’m just so sick of being jealous all the time but feeling too exhausted to actually do anything about it. i just feel like i’m wasting my life away sat doing nothing, procrastinating and then going back to sleep. it’s no wonder no one has ever liked me when i am like i am. in my head i want to never eat again but i know ill still eat a thousand calories and more day after day still complaining that i am a literal piece of shit that can never be fixed

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0rex14 #an0r3xic #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food #edbllr #anabllr #@n4 #restrictive ed #sk1nnie

[onlybones666]

18/7/22

today has not been too bad i guess. i had my first meal at 2pm when my mum got home from work. ik i said that i would pretend to have it before but i lost track of time. i was tempted to have a large lunch around 800 calories however i had a sandwich again, it is kinda becoming a comfort food as it is usually less calories than other options especially without having butter on it. this was around 300 calories. i’m honestly so happy i didn’t have anything bigger for lunch as i didn’t feel as guilty about it. then at 6:30pm i had dinner which was more than usual. i had a beef burger on a bun (no butter) with one cheese slice and one piece of english bacon without the fat. i also had some homemade chips and some dip. this was around 800 calories. i didn’t expect to have that big of a dinner but i didn’t get much choice in the matter as my mum had already served it. although i then decided to go on the exercise bike in which i burned 300 calories. i then did 200 sit-ups and the same 10 minutes arm workout burning around 180 calories again. i think i’m going to try and do at least 200 sit-ups every night along with the workout to see if it makes any difference. overall i have eaten 1100 calories and burned 480 leaving a net calories of 620. i am also proud of myself as my farther tried repeatedly pushing me to eat one of the remaining chocolate bars from yesterday but i said no and didn’t eat it. i finally weighed myself today and it is what i weighed last time. although i’m still upset i’m not at my lowest weight anymore i thought it would have been a lot worse and i would have gained more since. i am currently 136lbs. it makes me feel disgusted in myself even thinking about it but now i’ve shared this i will feel more motivated to loose weight so i don’t humiliate myself and show how pathetic i am if i don’t. it’s my father’s birthday on sunday and i am supposed to be baking a cake but i know once i make it i’m gonna binge on it. it is already stressing me out but i said i would so i can’t really go back on my words. maybe i’ll be able to control myself and only have a small piece but i know that it’s highly unlikely. i am also thinking about joining a gym because that way i have an excuse to burn a shit ton of calories but i’m just too anxious to actually call the place to sort out the membership and how things work. idk if ill end up doing but it’s a good idea especially when i’ve got nothing better to do with my time.

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0rex14 #an0r3xic #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food #restrictive ed #@n4 #edbllr #anabllr #sk1nnie

[onlybones666]

17/7/22

i fucking did it again. the day started off okay i didn’t wake up till around 2pm and went downstairs around 3. as soon as i came down my parents started nagging me to grab something to eat and i tried brushing it off saying i wasn’t hungry cause i only just got up but they made me anyways. i made the same sandwich as i had yesterday which was 300 calories. because it was hot outside we had a bbq for dinner. i didn’t have much i had one chicken breast that was slightly seasoned, some boiled new potatoes and sweet chilli dip. this was around 500 calories. however i was then offered a boost ice cream that i didn’t really want but proceeded to eat anyway. looking back i didn’t even enjoy eating it i was just eating cause i was bored. this was 220 calories. although this only made me want to eat more just because i could because it was there. i had two chocolate bars which were 180 calories each. i wanted more i felt like i needed to eat the other two that were left but i finally controlled myself again and went upstairs away from the food. i was so angry, thinking of all the different ways i could hurt myself as a punishment. instead i decided to do 200 sit-ups and a 10 minute arm workout. i don’t think i burned many calories however, probably only around 180. i have not done anything else except sit around again today so i haven’t done any other exercise. overall ive eaten 1200 and burned 180 leaving a net calories of 1020. i was going to go on the exercise bike but my parents r in bed and it would have woken them up. maybe i’ll go on it tomorrow instead cause it will be to hot to go walking outside. tomorrow i’m going to be home alone over lunch so i might fake that ive eaten something idk how though. i’ll finally get the chance to weigh in but i’m shiting myself about it already just thinking about it.

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food #restrictive ed #@n4 #edbllr #anabllr #sk1nnie

[onlybones666]

16/7/22

today i ended my fast at 3pm (43 hours overall) i wish i could have waited longer until it was two full days but i had just got home from being out since yesterday and my mum had already made me some late lunch which i didn’t have chance to refuse. this was a bread roll filled with one slice of meat and no butter which was 300 calories. then at 7pm i had a jacket potato with a little butter and cheese, and a seasoned chicken breast. this was around 500 calories and i did have some dip on the side as well. overall ive had 800 calories but i have literally just sat around all day so i haven’t really exercised. this leaves a net calories of 800. i don’t know when the next opportunity to fast will be but hopefully soon. it was relaxing not having the guilt or regret taunting u for a while and i felt proud of my self like i was actually achieving something yk. i haven’t weighed myself in such a long time like months i’m scared that i am not the same weight as i was and i am no longer at my lowest weight. since christmas things dramatically went down hill and i haven’t lost much more since that point. i want to go back to restricting like that again. i feel such a failure like all that effort was for nothing if i gain anything back. next time i’m home alone i’m going to weigh myself and confront it, whether that causes me to have a meltdown like previous times or not. if i do i can start to keep a proper record of my progress not just guessing

#tw ed vent #disordered eating mention #tw calories #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food

[onlybones666]

15/7/22

today has been a great day unexpectedly. i have fasted all day today which is very unusual because my parents always make sure i get something to eat but i have been out most of day over lunch and dinner. i am very proud of myself and i feel like i have some what made up for yesterday. i did some walking today not tons but i burned around 175 calories. im glad because i felt so shitty about things and it made slightly better in a way. it’s unlikely tomorrow will be the same but ye

#disordered eating mention #tw ed vent #tw calories #an0r3xic #@n0r3x1a #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #an0rex14 #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food

[onlybones666]

14/7/22

today started off great ish as best as it could have been with at around 11:30am i had a omelette with cheese for my lunch that my mother insisted which was about 400 cals if i round it. then for my dinner it started turning down hill where i had a chicken fillet, this was breaded unfortunately and oven chips. i had no choice in this as my mum had already cooked and served it me before i had a chance to say. this was around 500 calories. however we then went to the supermarket and ended up buying a cake which was a small cake for sharing. i ended up eating the entirety of this even though i wasn’t hungry n felt sick to my stomach. about half way through the thought of eating more almost made me heave in disgust but i couldn’t control myself. i would say the whole cake was around 1000 calories which makes me want to kms. the guilt and regret afterwards was even worse as i promised myself today was going to be better. i made sure that my mother didn’t buy too many things that could tempt me yet it didn’t stop me. i wanted to stab my father when he jokingly called me a ‘fatty’ afterwards. although he didn’t mean it maliciously it felt like someone had just rubbed salt into an open wound n then squeezed lemon juice on top. the only positive out of today is that i have done a lot of walking in between all of this burning around 300 calories. so overall i have eaten 1900 calories but have burned 300 leaving a net calories of 1600. i feel like a piece of worthless shit now and i cant even look in the mirror. i feel physically uncomfortable to be in my body and honestly want to rip all my organs from inside of me until i am truly hollow. i wish the walls weren’t so paper thin and my parent were home that way i could have purged it but no instead i’ll probably just cry and think about death :) hopefully tomorrow is slightly better but as usual it won’t be.

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food

[onlybones666]

13/7/22

at around 2pm i realised i should probably get lunch cause if i ate any later i know i would be too full for dinner. i didn’t want to eat anything anyway even though i was hungry. i could have probably gotten away with not eating anything as no one was home but my hunger got the butter of me and i had some uncle bens rice. i know one pack of rice is supposedly 2 serving which made me feel shittier about eating the whole thing. it tasted bland so i added a slight bit of chilli sauce. overall it was around 450 cals if i round it. i didn’t eat anything then until around 7pm when i had a pizza. yes a pizza which i choose, i couldn’t stop myself it sounded so nice when my mother suggested it and i didn’t have the energy to think of other options as to what i could eat. i ate around 5/6 of it but that didn’t help the fact i felt disgusting afterwards n regretted it even thought it tasted nice at first. the pizza overall was around 900 cals. i then went on a walk after dinner and burnt about 150 cals not much but better that sitting around all day. i watched as my dad consumed several chocolate bars and told to myself i was not going to have one as i had already eaten too much and stuck by it when my mother offered me one repeatedly. ive also drank about a litre of water today and a can of cherry pepsi max. overall i ate 1350 cals and burned 150 leaving a net calories of 1200. i don’t feel proud of myself i feel unaccomplished as it is still way over 1000 which even then i still feel deep down is too much food. i might start using the exercise bike again if i have the energy to do so as i can burn a shit ton more cals than walking. i know tomorrow won’t be much different as my mum is at home all day and the day after so i won’t have the opportunity to skip any meals accept breakfast like i always do because i sleep in later.

#tw ed vent #tw calories #disordered eating mention #an0r3xic #an0rex14 #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #@n0r3x1a #@na #disordered eating in tags #🦋check #🦋diet #🦋food

[onlybones666]

so i’m basically making this account as like a diary of what i’ve eaten n shit like that. i know what i usually end up eating is much more then i should or want to so maybe documenting it will motivate me to change because i have to confront it again in a way.

my goal is to be at least 20lbs lighter before christmas but i don’t have hope in that actually happening

just a general TW for this account please don’t report if u don’t like the content just block me

this is a secondary account btw my main account is ignore-me69

if anyone wants to be friends or wants to talk i’m always here :)

#disordered eating mention #disordered eating in tags #an0rex14 #an0r3xic #🦋food #🦋diet #🦋check #@n0r3x1a #@na #tw ed rant #tw ed sheeran #tw ed vent