only1lorrie

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

They hurt you. You will likely carry that for a long time. It wasn’t fair. You’re allowed to say that.

I get so tired of people who respond with “life’s not fair,” or “you’re letting them win by holding onto the past.”

Yes, it’s important to move on and not let it run your life, but it still wasn’t fair. And sometimes, we need to let that out.

Denying us that or making us feel bad about that is very invalidating. It’s okay to be angry, sad or whatever else and acknowledge the wrong that was done to you.

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

the intimacy of having your efforts reciprocated in the same intensity and with the same tenderness

[only1lorrie]

I was told not to talk about my rape because it would upset other people.

I was told not to talk about it because it would harm the community.

I was told not to talk about it because other things were more important.

I was told not to talk about it because other people were more important.

I was told to keep quiet and show no signs of my trauma and put others first and pretend to be okay.

So I did.

Even though it broke me every day I pretended to be okay and I shut up about my rape and trauma and I fucking smiled.

I was the perfect actor.

Until I couldn't anymore.

[only1lorrie]

Do not punish the behaviour you want to see

I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?

But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize,  snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?

Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)

Or any sentence containing the word “finally”. 

If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.

Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.

[only1lorrie]

I was told not to talk about my rape because it would upset other people.

I was told not to talk about it because it would harm the community.

I was told not to talk about it because other things were more important.

I was told not to talk about it because other people were more important.

I was told to keep quiet and show no signs of my trauma and put others first and pretend to be okay.

So I did.

Even though it broke me every day I pretended to be okay and I shut up about my rape and trauma and I fucking smiled.

I was the perfect actor.

Until I couldn't anymore.

[only1lorrie]

People who support rapists and abusers make me so fucking angry and disgusted! Without them rape culture wouldn't exist!

[only1lorrie]

I feel a deep rage towards people who call themselves feminists and leftists and who are so quick to judge others who they consider to be less educated on feminism than themselves - just to turn around and support a rapist and silence a victim.

I hate that hypocrisy!

[only1lorrie]

it frankly pisses me off that what is essentially “rapists and abusers should be depicted as monstrous caricatures because humanizing them is inappropriate” is considered a very moral and enlightened position to have on art by so many people. a rapist can feel pain, have moments of vulnerability, be amiable and charming, express remorse and compassion at times, be a victim themselves, and so on in real life. they are even capable of doing good things. they can have different sides to them and have individuals in their lives that they are kind to or have a decent relationship with. they will be a human being, and that fact encompasses a lot. conflating that with the claim that they deserve forgiveness or absolution is an issue. nurturing a mindset that believes they need to be one note and uncomplicated to be a correct and tasteful depiction of a rapist inadvertently falls in line with the logic of “how could they have possibly raped you? they are so normal and kind to me. they did all these good things here and there.” ok that doesn’t change that they are a rapist.

[only1lorrie]

“Too many people are walking around living someone else’s definition of success and wondering why they haven’t made it.”

— Kandia Johnson

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

[only1lorrie]

Pray for the girlies with the high sex drives who remain sexually disciplined. May your sexually compatible lover enter your life expeditiously.

[only1lorrie]