onemore-thought

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I could function in a society that had an actual nightlife that isn't synonymous with just clubbing. Where are the night markets what if I want to go to the library at midnight

[onemore-thought]

“There are some people you’ll never see again. At least, not in the same way.”

— Iain Thomas

[onemore-thought]

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

— Robin Williams

[onemore-thought]

“…but you’ve fallen for someone who will never be able to be brave enough to fall for you.”

- R.H Sin

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I feel like that’s besides the point? For example, OP/Twt basically says “hey, you have a chronic disease, here’s how to treat it” and your reply is “well, what’s the point? Death is inevitable and are u even worth saving”.

A lot of humans are greedy af, but that shouldn’t stop us from providing basic necessities and have resources available. The current way of living isn’t helping with crime at all. Might as well do what we can to lessen crime which might lead us to being able to delegate and send the correct resources for bigger and more insidious crimes.

[onemore-thought]

I wanna love like you made me feel when we were 18

[onemore-thought]

okay i genuinely love paul and him saying “isn’t that what love is? how much effort you put into loving someone?” is one of my favorite lines of the entire movie because tbh he’s RIGHT like love isn’t just some abstract nebulous feeling, love isn’t just a noun it’s a verb, it’s showing up for the other person and putting in the effort and actively working on building your relationship with them instead of expecting it to just suddenly all fall into place one day…

and it makes sense to me that that would catch ellie off guard because up until that point the most important relationship she has in her life is with her father, who is not a man of many words or actions, especially after ellie’s mother died. and of course that relationship is important because they only have each other in this entire world, but i understand how the idea of love as putting effort into loving someone is foreign to ellie

so much of her relationship with her father is built on small acts of love—the two of them watching movies together, cooking and eating together, every time ellie pulls up his blanket after he falls asleep in front of the tv, ellie calling the power company because they can’t understand her dad’s accent—but in chinese culture (& even more so given ellie’s family situation) that all gets mixed up with obligation and filial duty and responsibility and how she had to basically become a tiny adult at 13 after her mother died in order to take care of her father. so of course ellie would never think of love in that way, as something you do and not just something you feel, because to her the things you do are things you don’t think about because you can’t not do them, not things you do as conscious and intentional acts of love, and also because she has never felt that from someone else—she’s never had someone else put that much effort into loving her

[onemore-thought]

Sometimes you just gotta say. in another time, it would have been you

[onemore-thought]

You know it is unreciprocated, but she holds so much space in your ribs. She is folding a napkin to tuck under her plate. She has a habit of pushing her hair back behind one ear, only for it to slip back in front of her face the next second. The sun hits her like a halo. Her artist hands skip over silverware.

You want to say: you make me feel like temple, like holy ground.

Two weeks ago while box-wine drunk, she lay down next to you on your ugly rug and wrapped her hands in yours and whispered "it must be an honor, being yours"

you want to say: being around you sets embers under my tongue. Being around you is a snakebite.

Last Tuesday she waltzed with you in the kitchen & slid her hands over yours and spun you and kissed you on the cheek.

You want to say: I cannot come to you if I don't know how much you're calling. I know you are used to less gentle desires. But I am not hunting.

You say: "How's it going?"

She tells you about her life and you listen because you love her voice and you want to be there and you want her in your arms. You will not act first. You don't want to hurt her. You are probably imagining all of her affection. She is probably just always flirty with friends.

You eat instead of confessing. She draws one finger over your cheek to catch a fleck of pepper. You feign snapping at her finger, she cackles. She tells the waiter - yes more wine! we are on a date!

It isn't the feeling that is snapping your spine in tiny jaws. It's the almost of it all. Does she even know? Are you just her problem? She is a soft space to you. Your first and last thought. Are you reading it all wrong. (Of course you are).

You make her laugh because you'd eat your whole hand to make her laugh and you can't make eye contact because her eyes are so lovely they render you inert and close your throat. You nod about her boyfriend and don't tell her to leave him, to pick up and go. You try fries off her plate and she smacks your hand, just a little, and starts a tiny food fight - she steals one of your onion rings every time you take a fry.

You say - hang on lemme get a picture of you. This is how you make an excuse to stare at her, and her hair, and the smirk she is always wearing. You want to say - just kill me. I have spent so long aching for you that it would be easier, the dying.

Instead you say - "Perfect."

You know it's unrequited. But how lovely to imagine saying - please. Be mine.

[onemore-thought]

Let me show you how much I love you in every meal I cook for you, every tea I brew for you, every treat I bake for you

Let me show you how much I love you in every daydream I share with you, every idea I show you, every dumb thought I tell you

Let me show you how much I love you in every time I tell you where you left your phone, every time I remind you of something you need to do, every little thing I remember about you

Let me scream my love for you in every little moment and let me be heard because you deserve to hear it

[onemore-thought]

Mary Magdalene (2018) dir. Garth Davis

[onemore-thought]

Isolation on autopilot?

Oh damn, this is super interesting. Relatable, too. From the Coping book:

[onemore-thought]

when christian artists change the line in hallelujah from “maybe there’s a God above” to “I know that there’s a God above” >:c

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[onemore-thought]

not to get too deep on main but did anyone else have such deeply rooted issues with their self worth for so long that they thought as a kid/teen that their only redeeming feature was being “low maintenance” and now as an adult you give yourself guilt pangs asking for any more than the barest minimum in virtually any relationship because asking for things might negate your only good quality which is just “doesn’t ask for things”

[onemore-thought]

I worry there is something broken in our generation; there are too many sad eyes on happy faces.

Atticus