onein12million

[onein12million]

Let’s start from the beginning...

Greetings fellow internet wanderer, 

You have stumbled across a page of the deepest thoughts and worries and otherwise unfiltered thoughts of a mrs living in Los Angeles, CA in 2021. She’s been through alot, currently going through alot and more likely have more going on, but hopefully positive. She is currently dealing with a massive amount of psych type stuff, one that ties heavily to a roommate who was once a friend. She is me. 

I won’t tell you my name, but for this narrative, I am Felis. I turn 30 in 2021. Yes, I’m a 1991 kid. Smackdab in the middle of millennial season. I’ll be married for 2 years this August, and hopefully publicly married by the end of the year. I’m the breadwinner, but the other half is ok with that. I adore cannabis so much I work in the industry. I may journal while elevated, be mindful. We live an amazing life, I built an amazing life, career, and more. However, I cannot enjoy any of it due to what’s happening in our life right now. It both makes me livid, and heartbroken. 

This isn’t how I envisioned my life. This isn’t how I wanted my first two years of marriage, stressed and walking on glass due to others. We have maintained good sync through these hard times and haven’t taken anything out on each other. We go to couples therapy and individual therapy. At the time of this writing I’m also in intensive therapy. So for me it’s 4x a week.

I’m sick of CENSORING everything in the real world. I feel like Eminem when he got popular. SERIOUSLY. Let me fucking say what I want to say and if you are offended, then it’s your issue. Not mine. Life has been “safe space” “Mute words” “Censor” “Reword” so many times, I cannot freely express myself in real life without fear of being shunned from society, be it reasonable or no. So if you think I’m gonna censor here, you should go elsewhere. I’m speaking directly from my mind, it will get offensive, but remember much of this is just thoughts. Unfiltered thoughts. I may say something here but it doesn’t exactly translate to the real world. Real world has social constructs that we must adhere to in order to survive, mentally and physically. Right now that narrative is too much for me to handle. Therapist suggested a journal (like pen and paper) but my handwriting is shit and I wanna look back at this someday. 

Buckle the fuck up. Get ready. If I share a story and you are in my life and read this, I will protect your privacy. Internet is ruthless. I need this though. Again. Unfiltered thoughts. Don’t take it personally. Please. Ok. Let’s do this, and hope I don’t have a panic attack producing this. Get ready to know me, as raw as it can get. No condoms, bareback. Let’s go. 

#the beginning #los angeles #tell it like it is #unfiltered #no censorship