once-upon-a-shake-weight

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

The first aspersion Tucker has ever levied against me.

I’m stubborn.

#t. #s.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

The song ‘Let Me Hear’ really is a trip.

#t.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

kiss kiss fall asleep

#Hey! Hey! Hey!

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

You do have a problem.

#t. #dw.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

I see some of us still take personal stock in the machinations of our crafters and ventriloquists.

#t. #dw.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

You’ve mistaken me for someone who wants to help in the slightest with your ridiculous and grotesque first step into parenthood. Couldn’t you have just adopted?

tantalustestified​:

Nurse Rohais, I’m going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

You must be dehydrated. Will you settle for an episiotomy plus two husband stitches?

#t. #It's hard to welcome you opening your legs with open arms. #But welcome back. Since apparently I am your welcome wagon conductor.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

It may take longer than a fraction of a fraction of a second, and it’ll have to wait until you’re done shoving that watermelon out of your shredded beef.

tantalustestified​:

Nurse Rohais, I’m going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

You must be dehydrated. Will you settle for an episiotomy plus two husband stitches?

#t. #I’ve spent so long avoiding this conversation that I forgot if there was ever even once a purpose behind it. #What a relief that this site is so empty. I won't have to figure out how to tag this.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

tantalustestified​:

Nurse Rohais, I’m going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

You must be dehydrated. Will you settle for an episiotomy plus two husband stitches?

#t.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

tantalustestified​:

Hang on, it seems my water just burst. I’m going into contractions, or whatever. I need you to hold my hand as I clumsily waddle around in search of a medical professional and bemoan the destruction of my nonexistent Diesel jeans. Undoubtedly ruined by the (censored because I’m similarly stricken with Bart Simpson Syndrome and haven’t progressed past 13 still).

I decided to wait responding out until your labor was (with an ounce of luck) over.

For the record, your nonexistent jeans would have been spared if you had swallowed your pride and gave in to having your equally nonexistent ass peek through the open back of a pretend hospital gown when you found out your synth cervix had spontaneously dilated.

#t.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

It lives on in our hearts.

rohais dot com!

#t. #Kris Option #Misery and woe.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

Bluh, he says, ignoring my tooth necklace.

#t. #Tumblr isn't out of my system yet. It just keeps coming back up.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

I can’t think of anything I’m less tolerant of at the moment. Congratulations. You’ve ruined my good mood with your past shenanigans.

I’ve been erring for melodrama for the past hour. Did you not notice before dropping in?

Cool.

#t.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

This is what you’ve subjected me to, @itsbrainghostdirk​. Now I’m here for whatever cooked rice post he makes next.

Cool.

#t. #Apparently Among Us is the new game to play. #In case my posts are the only ones you tune in to.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

@itsbrainghostdirk

I was so excited, I spilled hot chocolate all over my favorite pajamas.

Now they’ll be ruined because you’re not here to do laundry.

#t. #He His Self and Him

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

One more day, by the grace of Him forcing me to reblog a damn horse.

#t. #He His Self and Him

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

#Shit! #What a gorgeous hooved beast. #And you - you're a bastard with terrible timing.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

I miss you.

#t. #Mission complete. #I stop posting once more.