ntandosindanesays

[ntandosindanesays]

28 Jan 2024

Ngilinga ukutlola ngelimu lekhethu isiNdebele ngombana amalanga la ngizizwa ngitlhoga amandla wokobana ngitlole ngendlela engithanda ngayo begodu nangendlela ejwayelekile. Umraro omkhulu uthome lokha abeswa bamakhuwa barhubhulula okhunye engikhe ngakutlola konapha. Ngokwehloko nanyana ngokomkhumbulo, lokhu ngikundlulisile kodwana ngokwehliziyo ngisararedjekile kancane. Engingakutjho kukuthi amakhuwa aneenhliziyo ezimbi begodu ayathakatha. Njengendlu enzima sisajamelwe mberego omkhulu - mdele silwele ikululeko netjhaphuluko. Kub'dhisi ukulwa nabathakathi bamakhuwa ngombana ababeregisi imiriyana. Ngathana bebaberegisa imiriyana mhlamunye nga kungconywana. uZimu ukhona.

[ntandosindanesays]

love epistemology?

Twas probably a random Whatsapp status when I posted “How do you know that you are capable of loving?” Most of us know how we want to be loved, it is probably linked to our preferences and stuff like that. So, what we expect from others is somewhat easy to describe. But, I doubt that we are ever certain of what it means to love others, and how to love them. The basic (layman) definition of epistemology lies in the response to two questions, (1) What do we know? and (2) How do we know that we know? The question of how do we know if we love the next person becomes complex in the context of old lovers. Do we still love them? Did we ever love them in the first place, to begin with? Or, not everything is about love? For it to be a knowledge, we have to know, and what we know must be certain. If we do not know, and have no answers for these questions, then love is not within a epistemological paradigm. Or ngiyabheda? Many questions. Sure. Okay.

[ntandosindanesays]

lit review, innit?

I said somewhere that dissertation-writing is a weird experience because on some days it feels l am cooking something really special, the on other days I feel like I do not even know what I am doing. But, I know for certain that I am actually good at this - I have done it before, and I think I did it quite well. At this moment, I am crafting the literature review. I can’t shake off the words of one colleague  - in a conversation a few months, he said to us that PhDs are scheme that was started by a group of old silly white male academics. Apparently, they wanted to ensure that their work gets cited by many people, so they introduced PhDs and subjected each candidate to a literature review - see how it works? Even if I do not like what you have written, or even if it is not remotely resonating with my own intended study, I have to cite you anyways, albeit in a footnote, I still need to show that I have engaged with your work. It sounded like hilarious academic conspiracy when he said these things to us, but now they make so much sense. Yes, I have had to mention John Locke again somewhere - in fucken 2023! Oi! 

[ntandosindanesays]

Students, again. Generally.

At first it was a hunch, but now it is more concrete. I am bothered by how students seem not to be interested in education. Of course they want this degree, for certain they want to graduate and eventually get a job. But, that’s where it ends. There is no desire for anything else, let alone education. All of this is evidenced in their complete lack of interest in the actual content that is taught. What seems to be at the zenith of their focus is strategies, schemes and plans to pass the degree, by hook or crook. The Marxist in me places the blame at the door of capitalism and the ruthlessness of its “get rich or die trying” heritage. On the same score, the not-so-Marxist in me cannot help but ponder as to whether there might be other factors that contribute to this sort of thing. 

This is not a rant, I am deeply concerned. [18-04-2023]

[ntandosindanesays]

“muhle uLekshaah wethu!”

[ntandosindanesays]

White Students

But Sirrr, What about Farm Murders?

Yes, Racism,

Yes, Poverty,

Yes, Sexism,

Yes, Xenophobia,

.

.

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But Sirrr, What about Farm Murders?

all we hear and see, all we know and fear,

old and young, scurrying, breaking in and out,

blood on the floor, on the walls, we are dying,

.

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But Sirrr, What about Farm Murders?

do you not know?

do we not matter?

or is it white tears?

or is it white fragility? 

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[19 July 2022]

[ntandosindanesays]

professional decadence is a problem

The one student is suffering. It is definitely mental health. I will not diagnose because I hardly know anything about mental health. He is going for counselling but it appears that his situation is not improving. From a distance, I cannot help but think that he’s getting worse. I cannot say for certain but I do think that the therapy is making it worse. At postgrad, the relationships are much closer between student and supervisor - I know he is a devout Christian. In my mind, I immediately want to close the door, and propose that we pray together. Actually, I do not want us to pray together, I want to pray for him, ngifuna ukumthandazela - lay my hands on him, zayoni style. All of this is instinctive - when all else fails, we revert to faith and related socialization. Right. But, I am at work. We are at a university - a white afrikaans conservative university. What about professional standards? So, I listen to him, and do nothing. The prayer is best kept silent, and in my heart. I hope that he recovers from whatever he is going through. I certainly do want him to finish writing his thesis - he is a bright chap, and his research angle is freshly exciting. Amen. 

[ntandosindanesays]

Eddie who? Always! :) 

[ntandosindanesays]

It is not easy, as you can imagine, but I am happy to let you know that the dissertation is beginning to take shape. Thanks for asking. :) 

[ntandosindanesays]

Reflections after year 1

It comes off as elitist, and sometimes even snobbish, when people say that one of the inherent tasks of a University Academic is to engineer solutions for all problems facing society. It makes a lot of sense - we are civil servants, paid to observe, analyze and think very deeply about the nuances and intricacies that define our world. In theory, this true. In praxis, universities are not centres of engaged thinking, instead we do more teaching/training than thinking. Of course, this is partly caused by capitalism and its vulgar fetish for profit maximization. 

Capitalism has a specific demand for productivity - it thus captures institutions of higher learning (universities in particular) and redirects them from being spaces for engaged thought into factories that produce graduates. One lecturer teaches two modules, one is an elective and the other a core module. Cumulatively, each lecturer may have an average of up to 900+ students per year. How are we(lecturers) able to have time aside for engaged thinking when we have such a hefty teaching load? How are we expected to teach thinking skills to students when we do not think ourselves! The calamity in all of this is that the university produces graduates that do not think, and continues to host academics that also do not think. This, I believe, is the reality of all South African universities. 

I will make no comment about the racism here. The fact that it is brazen does not make it any different from the racism anywhere else in the world. I have always said that I prefer these ones here, because they do not have the time to pretend like they are humans. They racism with their chests, and that fine. 

In the second semester I taught second-level students. They are mostly immature, very needy and full of tricks. The trickery is sometimes annoying, and other times sincerely frustrating. I think I enjoyed teaching them more than the final-level students that I taught in the previous semester. Unlike final-level students, these ones are full of energy and excitement. Most of them have envisioned themselves as attorneys and advocates, and this brings them a lot pride and joy - as a result, they approach each lecture session with this sort of emotion. They will enter class, interact with each other, and sometimes even take me on. Of course, I enjoy this - I mean, where’s the fun in teaching a class where there are no debates? 

What I figure, from the previous semester experience, is that the LLB degree is a very long qualification, and that there’s an incredibly big distance between first year and final year. By the time these guys get to my final year class, they will be beaten, bruised, battered and in no mood to debate with the lecturer. All they want is to consume course content, regurgitate it in the exam paper, and get the degree certificate. By the time they enter the profession as candidate attorneys, they are so beaten, that they have no choice but to be meek and docile, much to the appreciation of their usually-abusive principals. This is one aspect of the LLB degree that requires some urgent rethinking. Perhaps, sometimes when we talk about decolonisation/transformation we neglect the non-epistemic aspects of the curriculum. 

I am a researcher. In my first year as permanent academic, I have three research outputs, published in three different peer-reviewed academic journals. I also succeeded to put together a PhD research proposal that was accepted(without amendments) by the higher degrees committee. I am a researcher, and I am extremely brilliant at what I do - I will come back and read this sentence every time when self-doubt visits. 

Nothing on the personal front, thank you. 

[ntandosindanesays]

Reflections after semester 1

I will keep this short. Tis one semester, after all. I reckon that I would reasonably need more time to be able to reflect fully. As the old adage goes: “history lends perspective”, and history is the present - stretched and elongated. 

Cebisa asked me a few days ago, “between lecturing at Unisa and UFS, where would you rather be?” (I hate that everything has to be reduced to a comparison) It is not a complex question to respond to. I am happy to be here - I am here for a reason, I may not know what it is yet, but my entire life story suggests that nothing is ever random. Everything has always had a reason. As soon as the reason is discovered, the mission is assumed and fulfilled, I’ll probably shift to a different space. Well, all of these are intuitive and largely observations from the outside. 

The place is incredibly strange and lonely. The strangeness is embedded in its unpredictable weather patterns, in its people too - whites are brazen in their white nonsense (racism), blacks are not kind - they hardly greet or receive strangers warmly. Lonely because I rent a two bedroom house in a strictly-white Afrikaaner suburb. My neighbours don’t greet me - it has been just over 6 months. I greet them. They greet back. They never greet me. Lonely because of the annoying episode in my former lovelife. Lonely because I only have two black colleagues. The one is an unrepentant crook - with some unstudied bouts of peeving psychotic behaviour. Okay - I am livid because of a personal altercation. The other is new too - she keeps to herself, so I do not really bother her. Lonely because siblings and friends are all 550kms away. 

The working conditions are fair. The biggest highlight about the workspace is its democracy - one is allowed time and autonomy to take charge of their work as they deem fit. This is a breeze of fresh air, considering the draconian senseless micro-managing that I was once subjected to at Unisa. When you club this democratic reality together with loneliness, it is produces an eventuality that is probably very good for me = the autonomy allows me freedom to focus on PhD studies, the loneliness creates a gap that can only be filled by the PhD thing too. By the look of things, this place will give me my PhD sooner rather than later. Of course, a few publications too. Time will tell, I guess.

I said I’ll keep it short.

[12-7-2021]

[ntandosindanesays]

Forever in my heart. 

[ntandosindanesays]

MAHLANGUs

I moved to Bloemfontein and met a wonderful family that took me in as one of their own. Papa, Mzala, Bakithi, [Kwame & Sina], and Mantombazana. The move here was coupled with, or in the aftermath of, that other annoying horror in my former love-life. Their home, their selves, their warmth, their spirit - has been everything I could have ever prayed for. They do not know it, but there is nothing that I would not do for them. Partly, they are proof [and validate] that my ancestors love me, and that wherever I go, they will always provide. uMabhoko unekani! 

[ntandosindanesays]

Annual Postgraduate Research Indaba 2020 – Keynote Address

Theme: Accelerating online research support of postgraduate studies in the wake of Sustainable Development Goals Program director, Professor Lindiwe Zungu, Principal and Vice-Chancellor, Professor Mandlenkosi Makhanya, President of the National SRC, comrade Wadzanai Mazhetese, and your leadership collective, Members of the organising committee of this year’s Postgraduate Indaba, Fellow students, comrades and friends, members of Unisa family, Lotjhani, I should wish to begin this address by thanking the National SRC, particularly comrade Lucas Mamabolo, for approaching me to present this year’s key-note address. I do not take this invitation lightly because I understand what it means to be given audience in this fashion. I am thus extremely thankful.

The first thing that I noticed when the draft program was sent to me is that, with the notable exception of Mr Ayanda Noma, I am the only person on the list of speakers that does not have either the “Prof” or “Dr” title. Under normal circumstances, this should have me feeling somewhat overawed and intimidated, but in this instance it has me accepting that perhaps this is crucial to set the tone for today’s address. In so saying, I am humbled as a postgraduate student that I am given an opportunity to address you, because it is validation of the calls that some of us having been making for a while now – that in the quest to decolonise higher education, and transform the university we should engage in a project that de-centers longstanding hegemonic orders, these include the colonial logic that has students as perpetual juniors and academics their automatic seniors in the University setting. Among other things, I think that this is mostly the best time to be addressing you because the release of my Masters of Law exam results is still fresh, and thus the postgraduate experience is still fresh too. This is an experience that I would want to briefly talk about as I get into discussing this year’s theme of “Accelerating online research support of postgraduate studies in the wake of Sustainable Development Goals”.

I enrolled for this LLM degree in the second semester of 2017, wherein I immediately registered for the research proposal module. I passed the research proposal module in February 2018 thereafter began with the dissertation, which I ultimately submitted in February 2020. Today I stand (well I am actually sitting, thanks to Covid lockdown) before you a Master of Law. Well, at this point I expect you to be applauding because what I told you sounds like a success story. But, if you are not applauding that is also fine because I am about to briefly paint a much bleaker picture behind the proverbial Masters success. I do this with the intention to bring to the consciousness of the room that there are hurdles to cross first before we accelerate online support. Unfortunately, most of these hurdles have nothing to do with actual research work or the tasks expected from a postgraduate student, but are a product of the University’s shoddy admin systems. I repeat, and emphasize, “Shoddy admin systems”! Even more unfortunate, these hurdles are not of the fault or cause of the student but solely of the university.

More than a year ago, the university migrated from physical submissions to online submissions of M&D dissertations. By January of this year, I was ready to submit my dissertation, and the M&D department (as well as the college of graduate studies) had provided me with the magic link to submit the dissertation but the link simply could not work. I was frustrated, so much that in the end I was not able to submit through the link. I had to mount a huge fight, send various heavily-worded emails, and swear at a few people before an alternative arrangement could be made for me to finally submit the dissertation by way of an email to one of the managers at the M&D department.

The dissertation currently reads that it was submitted in January 2020, but it was actually submitted in February following the impi of Isandlwana. The implication of this administrative blooper is the final academic record now suggests that I finished my studies in 2020 academic, when I actually did so in 2019. I had thought that the war is over, after submission when I was told that I should be able to get feedback from examiners within 6 weeks, little did I know that I would have to wait close to 7 months before the results were released. Even their release did not come without controversy – Again, I had to behave like a lunatic, calling people, sending a thousand emails and throwing in a few threats here and there. All of this culminates in a very terrible experience, weighing negatively on my social and emotional wellbeing.

My story is not unique – my colleague Mutondi Maluleke (not her real name, because of obvious reasons), submitted her LLM dissertation in labour law in March of 2020. She submitted this dissertation almost 4 months after having been dumped by two supervisors owing to one going on AQIP leave, and the latter resigning from the university. As a result, she had to fend for herself, and submit the dissertation without a supervisor. Just last week, I am told that the department responsible for her Master’s degree has lost her LLM file, as a result they do not know who her Non-Examining Chair is, who her examiners are, and whether or not the actual dissertation went out to them. The only response the department could give her, was that she should re-submit. I cannot begin to imagine the trauma and anguish that Mutondi is going through right now. Mutondi and I are not alone. We have another colleague, Mr Solomon Maake (not his real name) – he submitted his LLM in Public International Law with me in February 2020. After more than 7 months of waiting for his results, he tells me just two days ago that last week that the M&D department (and college of graduate studies) communicated with him, letting him know that it is only now that they are appointing his panel of examiners. The likelihood is that, if he is lucky, he might get his results next year. I cannot imagine the sheer mental abuse that Solomon is going through right now.

Mr Vice-Chancellor, I am relaying these stories to you because I want us to have a deepened conversation about the first part of today’s theme. In the phrase “accelerating online support”, I want us to specifically focus on the word “accelerating”, not its etymological foregrounding, neither its epistemic nor ontological possibilities, but instead its metaphorical realities. Those of you who know how to drive a car would know that before it can accelerate, there are a few things that should happen. First, you have to get into the car, place the key in the ignition, switch it on, start the engine and wait for it to warm up. Once the engine is warm, you then apply all gears accordingly, so you place gear one, then gear two, right up to the 5th gear – only then can you realistically accelerate. For those of you who do not know how to drive, I invite you instead think of a bicycle. Imagine that before you can realistically accelerate on a bicycle you need to first take off, be on a constant speed, then increase the speed accordingly. But program director, let us focus on the car metaphor for now, and specifically on the 5 gears that have to be chronologically engaged before the car can accelerate. Apply this metaphor directly to Unisa. Because I am a lawyer, allow me to “Put it to you” that the Unisa vehicle, has not only failed to engage gear 1, but the car is off and the engine is cold. What I am saying that is that we have no business even talking about acceleratingonline support when the vehicle that we are supposed to accelerate is off, let alone on gear 1.

Mr Vice-Chancellor, as regards support for postgraduate students, I argue that Unisa is a 5 –gear vehicle, and these gears are as follows,

 Gear 1: Functional, effective, responsive, sensitive and student-centred M&D administration that primarily responds to all student queries via either phones or by emails. The University has to get this right, because at the rate we are going, we are not too far from Home Affairs horrors, or traffic department corruption, where citizens are expected to bribe traffic department officials before they can get proper service. It may sound alarmist and largely dramatic, but that is where Unisa is headed.

 Gear 2: Decisive, indiscriminate and consistent consequence management for all those lazy bums that put our university into disrepute by thinking that they are on holiday when they are supposed to be doing their jobs. I am a former trade unionist, so it is does not come easily to me to suggest that the University should take harsh measures against its lazy employees, but it is something that has to happen. Fire the rotten rubbish, and get people that work and appreciate the value of efficient service.

 Gear 3: Having a deepened appreciation of the digital migration before toying with things such as 4th IR. Sometimes I laugh mischievously when I hear some members of management talking about the 4th IR as if it is something that the university understands. The reality is that we are nowhere near talking about the 4th because we’ve failed to fully grapple with the 3rd. Where are the gadgets that you promised students? Why are some of your academics using laptops that they received in 2012? How do you expect the university to function online when your online systems are constantly failing.

 Gear 4: Stop paying lip service to the Grow Your Own Timber(GYOT) program. Train properly, emphasize on working mentorship programs,careerpath and a promise of jobs for performing and meritorious students. There are a few postgraduate students like me in the GYOT program, who finished their Masters degree in record time, and also published two research outputs in two different academic journals yet I am unemployed. It shows how scandalous and ineffective the GYOT program is, because it grows the timber then when it is grown, it throws it away. Mr Vice-Chancellor, this is something that you need to pay attention to.

 Gear 5: Reverse. Because a car without reverse button is useless.

Only when you have applied all these gears that you can begin to imagine accelerating. For now, the car is still off. We need to put the key in the ignition, switch it on, start the engine and apply all the gears accordingly.

I thank you once more for inviting me to deliver this Key-Note address, I bid you well wishes for this Postgraduate Indaba, may it be a success, and I do certainly hope that your discussions will reflect deeply on this stagnant vehicle. Ngithokoza kakhulu, uMabhoko sindeni, uMabhoko usinde mhla kunethuli, mhla kunganathuli kuyaliwa!

Thank you and Good Morning.

[ntandosindanesays]

Fleas dream of buying themselves a dog, and nobodies dream of escaping poverty: that, one magical day, good luck will suddenly rain down on them – will rain down in buckets. But good luck doesn’t rain down, yesterday, today, tomorrow or ever. Good luck doesn’t even fall in a fine drizzle, no matter how hard the nobodies summon it, even if their left hand is tickling, or if they begin the new day on their right foot, or start the new year with a change of brooms. The nobodies: nobody’s children, owners of nothing. The nobodies: the no-ones, the nobodied, running like rabbits, dying through life, screwed every which way. Who are not, but could be. Who don’t speak languages, but dialects. Who don’t have religions, but superstitions. Who don’t create art, but handicrafts. Who don’t have culture, but folklore. Who are not human beings, but human resources. Who do not have faces, but arms. Who do not have names, but numbers. Who do not appear in the history of the world, but in the crime reports of the local paper. The nobodies, who are not worth the bullet that kills them.

Eduardo Galeano, “The Nobodies” (via murenga)

[ntandosindanesays]

A Prayer for tomorrow

Not done this in a long time,

At least not on my own,

Lately been doing it with others,

You know those family things, before we go to bed

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But this time, I did it on my own,

Closed my eyes, pressed my palms together,

God bless me, so I can be a blessing to others,

Paused and smiled for a short while,

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Thought to myself - this is probably what capitalists say in their prayers too,

Bless me, so I can be a blessing to others.

Why can’t he just bless all of us equally.

Opened my eyes, checked Whatsapp messages,

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Sigh, this is pointless –

Pulled a blanket,

Closed my eyes – now to sleep,

Maybe this jobseeking thing will go better tomorrow.

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[16-07-2020]

[ntandosindanesays]