notice-this-princess

[notice-this-princess]

07-30-21

i um,,, kinda miss my disordered eating habits. i don’t know why but school is starting and i know it’s easier not to eat while i’m at school so i’ve been having thoughts of relapsing. i am going to try my best not to. because i know deep down that they are bad habits and very very dangerous. i am doing well in my recovery i think? but portion control is still very hard for me. if anyone has any tips feel free to drop them in the reply! after my shower i’m gonna eat avocado toast!!!!!

[notice-this-princess]

07-19-21 11:52pm

i’ve only been eating once a day for the past few days but no counting because it’s stressful. today i had a cheeseburger and french fries from culver’s and it was yummy but man,,, it was greasy. but i still ate it. and tomorrow i’m going to my boyfriends house and i know that he will make me eat,,, but it’s okay when i’m with him so i don’t mind all that much. i also went on a walk today and burned some calories so i don’t feel that bad about the burger. i really hope i’ve been losing weight.

[notice-this-princess]

i decided to make today my cheat day and um- i ate a fuck ton of sugar and then i crashed and now i feel like shit.

[notice-this-princess]

everyday i starve for 23 hours just to binge for one hour. i think i need help

[notice-this-princess]

I am back. it’s uhhh just the 6th and i’m gonna go back to restricting on the 11th. i wanna try again for- reasons. yea.

[notice-this-princess]

today sucks cause i want to recover but i want to be skinny. idk what i’m doing if i’m recovering or restricting… who knows i just- i am so unsure.

[notice-this-princess]

>:( angy

[notice-this-princess]

6-23-21

is it bad that i feel jealous because my partner in an instagram live and not paying any attention to me so i leave thinking they’ll notice but i go back and see that they’re live with the person who they were talking to instead of me so now i feel icky and upset and unloved and generally deserving of death because i’m so unimportant to everyone?

[notice-this-princess]

6-19-21 Binge Day

my sister triggered me so badly by bringing up my sexual trauma and i relapsed in self harm and binge eating. i wish i could say it wasn’t because of her, but it is. she told me that i should be ashamed of myself and a bunch of other hurtful things. it really really hurt me. and i need to drown it out. and i guess i chose self harm and eating until my stomach hurts.

[notice-this-princess]

TW:ED NEW RULES

1. 700cal limit, OMAD

2. if under limit for 6 days a cheat day is allowed on mondays

3. try to get out at least once a week

4. brush teeth at 30 minutes after eating

5. maintain a fasting window of at least 20:4

^ it should be 23:1 since i’m only allowed 1 meal

6. try to have at least 3 16oz bottles of water a day

7. do not to body check every day it’ll be hard to see progress

8. if you are feeling dizzy or lightheaded have a small snack less than 100cal

9. if my family buys fast food don’t freak out!!! save it for the meal tomorrow

10. no binging, but if you do make sure to take care of yourself after. no fasting for longer than 12 hours after a fast.

[notice-this-princess]

06-18-21

today i started OMAD

[notice-this-princess]

06-6-21

so i am continuing to recover. i had such a bad weekend that i was making rash decisions, but i’m better now. and i’m gonna keep getting better.

[notice-this-princess]

06-4-21

i feel so ashamed because i’ve relapsed again. and i really really tried to get better but the summer is ALWAYS a trigger that i can’t escape from... the way i have to wear less and try on clothes and EVERYTHING!!!! i can’t. i have to lose weight.

[notice-this-princess]

05-31-21

the mix of emotions i am feeling right now are so intense and frightening!!! i’m angry and sad and anxious and i feel like my heart is going to explode from it all. it’s so strange because i was just okay and happy and now it feels like my whole world is ending. this happens multiple times every day and i am sick and tired of being like this. being afraid of myself and i hate wanting to hurt myself. i know i’ll go back to being okay in a few moments but it feels like everything is crashing down and i hate it so much. i hate living like this!!! i just turned 17 last week!!!!!!!! my youth has been spent keeping myself alive and survive my toxic environment and i’m so fricking angry and sad about it.

[notice-this-princess]

05-29-21

i am in emotional distress because i feel like i’m not getting better... i can’t tell when i’m full... i don’t know how to stop it’s so fucking hard!!!! i can’t give up yet. but i just want to it feel just as, if not harder than having the disorders in the first place. i’m so upset i just want to lose weight. i want to be happy in my body but how when i still eat so damn much. i’m trying so hard but it feels like it isn’t working and i’m so unhappy and uncomfortable and hyper aware of everything on my body and i’m so over it.

[notice-this-princess]

05-19-21 Update

i’ve been doing okay. it’s a lot harder than i thought. sometimes i forget i’m battling anorexia and BED, so i lose control for a little. i’ve also noticed i have a fear of feeling hungry, but i also have a fear of not feeling physically full. so i don’t want to be hungry but i also don’t believe my body when it tells me i’m not hungry. but i’m also afraid of being full? it’s like when i have a meal my stomach is like “okay you aren’t hungry anymore.” but u find myself thinking “is that really enough?” it’s a battle. but i’m gonna keep going. i want to get rid of every fear food i have. i’m gonna work at it.

#ed recovery #bed recovery #ana recovery

[notice-this-princess]

05-16-21

It’s been a couple of days and i just wanted to put a short post on how i’m doing.

this is very hard, even harder than the last couple of times i’ve tried to recover and maybe it’s because i’m actually taking it seriously? but i’m not going to let the thoughts win. i’m going to get healthy and lose weight the safe way.

today i had half a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, and a chipotle burrito for lunch, and chips as a snack. i did feel bad about it but i’m also not as hungry today! if i do end up getting hungry later!!!

i hope you guys are doing okay. i really care about all of you. i’ll be back in a couple of days to update you guys! be safe and listen to your bodies please.

#ed recovery #bed recovery #ana recovery