niemandgefunden

[niemandgefunden]

Loving into the Abyss

Do you ever feel that loving is pointless? That the love you pour onto others will never come back to you? That it is forever thrown into the wind, into the void; lost forever, leaving you in cold loneliness waiting for an answer to a prayer never expressed? How many times shall I fall in love before finally giving up on it? How many heartbreaks must I endure before the last one breaks the camel's back?

#HeartbreakHotel #LostLoveLetters #UnrequitedThoughts #LonelyHeartsClub #EchoesOfTheHeart #SolitudeSeeker

[niemandgefunden]

what do I do?

actually, I know what to do. We should break up. Stop pretending that we can work together because we don't. I struggle to communicate, but when I do, you are annoyed. When you communicate, I am annoyed. We are tired of each other. You are tired of yourself and I am done with pretending I don't hurt with your dumb shit.

[niemandgefunden]

jajaja corte Berlín :v

#berlin #fashion #lol

[niemandgefunden]

I’m tired of being the nice girl

Because nice means no boundaries

Means taking every blow

Means suppressing myself for the sake of us.

And you. You notice nothing.

When you realise how hard it is for me

You dismiss my struggle, my fights,

You, who can love me only in a triangular relationship

You, who is too selfish to put yourself in my shoes

You. You stupid asshole.

Now you’ll see a side of me that no one has ever seen. You will see how terrible enemy I can be. You’ll pay tenfold what you’ve done to me.

[niemandgefunden]

[niemandgefunden]

Me las arreglé para amar intensamente nuevamente, con miedos y todo, sólo para terminar destruida otra vez.

Habrá un amor tan fuerte en tu vida que te destruirá por completo. Después sólo amarás por trozos.

Sin Sombra.

[niemandgefunden]

Deseo que nadie se sienta tan solo y miserable, como yo me siento en estos momentos.

[niemandgefunden]

Tan cierto, ya no tengo fotos suyas en mi teléfono, solo aquellas de cuando era un tiempo mejor.

Te tomaba tantas fotos porque eras mi todo... si te preguntas por qué dejé de hacerlo, vuelve a leerlo

[niemandgefunden]

Estoy tan triste porque te quise tanto, y no quería que lo nuestro acabará, estoy triste porque te estoy dejando ir, mis ojos llueven porque quería que seas tu, entonces lloro porque no haces nada al respecto. Y lloro porque todavía te quiero pero me quiero más a mi, y siento todo este dolor por mi, porque siento que al dejarte me dejó ir, a mi, la versión que se perdió en ti, se irá junto a ti, porque es en dónde pertenece entonces duele, duele dejarme ir, pero se que todo es un proceso para volver a amarme, amar mi soledad, pero como dueles.

[niemandgefunden]

Tal vez algún día regrese, pero no me esperes. Continúa tu camino, y si realmente somos el uno para el otro, estaremos juntos de nuevo.

Tehimely Marrufo

[niemandgefunden]

Por mucho tiempo pensé que la paciencia lo era todo. Esperar a que este lista, esperar a que se desocupe, esperar que quiera hablar, esperar que me elija, esperar a que cambie, esperar a que me ame. La paciencia tiene un límite y la vida no está hecha para ser soportada.

-A quien corresponda.

[niemandgefunden]

Countdown

The days come by, and I feel my patience fading away.

The nights come by, and I wonder if I am only a sheet heater.

The months come by, and I question my role in your life:

Am I your partner or a distraction from the loneliness?

Do you love me or do you love my attention?

Do you love me or the warmth I give off?

Do you love me or the difference I make

Between an empty room and a filled space?

Can I consider you an equal or a child I must raise up to adulthood?

Can I count on you to hold me close when the weight of the world

Is crushing me down?

Or will you distance yourself like a spectator turns his face

disgusted by a cheap theater play?

And if you do, if you make up you mind,

Will I still be around to embrace you tight?

Or would it be so late that you won’t be able to

Even bid your goodbyes?

#waiting #desamor #night thoughts #tired of this shit #im sad and tired

[niemandgefunden]

Sometimes I just wanna disappear, vanish as if that was the only wish to be granted. I made it to this week. Didn’t know how to feel about it.

#SoundCloud

[niemandgefunden]

THIS SUMS ME UP

[niemandgefunden]

“Tips to prevent mood swings: avoid caffeine, alcohol and sugary foods” that’s me diet tho mate

[niemandgefunden]

Not desperate to die, just resigned to continue living

Yesterday somehow my terapist and I started talking about my suicidal thoughts. She acted shocked to realized that, albeit she knows me for more than a year, she hadn't realized how rooted the idea is in my mind, about the blood-coldness with which I could talk about my death as if it were a business plan or the weather. I am still afraid of the idea of hell, of Godly punishment and of causing pain to the people I care about after I am gone. Those are the only guardrails that prevent me from taking my life. So I won't do it. But I am so tired of living. I don't feel the same as I used before, not smart, not social, not strong. I don't know how to overcome this dark feeling within me, that sucks all the energy and light in my life like a black hole. I don't feel good enough to be around people, I want to but I don't wish they to notice how broken I feel. However, it would hurt me the most that, even as broken as I am, nobody would notice that there is something wrong with me. I feel like I will do something desperate at any moment and I am afraid of myself. Yet, I am too coward to kill myself and I despise myself for being so weak. My terapist wants me to stop seeing suicide as an backdoor alternative. My problem with that approach is that she wants me to come up with an intrinsic reason to be alive considering that all my motiations to keep on living are extrinsic. I wish her luck. I told her that I used to be desperate to die, nowadays I am only resigned to continue living. It's like, I won't jump in front of a car, but if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness, I wouldn't be getting treated, not only because I don't care, but because I don't have enough money now to undergo a potencially expensive treatment. I feel simultaneaously too numb to perceive or conceive any joyful thought or emotion, and sensitive enough that the slightest touch would break me. A silent desperate cry for help lost in the vastness of nothingness. I just want to be happy again.

#sadness #confessions #cry #depression #sadmusic

#Youtube

[niemandgefunden]

New Year?

I still feel lost. Like a blown away candle, I feel cold, sad and numb; freezing and vanishing in the silent prison that depression has chained me to. I want to break free, but desire alone ain't enough. I am starting anew to get out of this dark place of my mind.

#bringmetolife #sad #tired #numb

#Youtube