nhamidah

[nhamidah]

Baru menemukan penyebab kenapa sulit bagi saya untuk mengutarakan perasaan kepada orang-orang yang saya anggap dekat. Alih-alih bercerita, saya malah membuat jarak supaya mereka tidak bisa merasakan emosi negatif yang saya keluarkan. Dan inilah yang membuat jembatan itu menjadi retak dan terputus dengan sendirinya.

[nhamidah]

Tiada yang lebih sendu dari jalanan Jakarta malam hari.

[nhamidah]

Dear mother nature,

I am sorry that we stress you out

I am sorry that we are too selfish

Only think about our wealthiness

Disregarding your healthiness

I understand if this is how you heal your self

But please forgive us and get well soon

There are people who love you and are trying yo protect you

Seeing you are mad makes us sad 😢

[nhamidah]

“I didn’t feel anything.  It’s not even a holiday here.  I woke up early, walked through the streets, and listened to prayers on my headphones.  I might have bought myself a cupcake after dinner.  If I was back in Egypt, I’d have gathered with the whole family for dinner.  We’d have a specific type of juice, dried figs, dates, apricots in water.  On the way to the mosque we’d give all the children treats.  Everyone would speak to each other in the streets.  It’s quite beautiful.  You see all the happiness around and think, ‘Yes, it is Eid.’  But here I celebrated all alone.  My plan has always been to go back home eventually.  I knew if I wanted to go further in journalism,  I would need to study in the West.  But the plan was always to go back.  I always imagined having a family, and getting married the traditional way.  But I’m finishing my doctorate in November.  And now that it’s getting close, I’m not so sure.  It feels like maybe I’d be sacrificing myself for tradition.  I’d be like everyone else: becoming a mother, raising my children, and nothing else.  Maybe I could become a lecturer at a nearby university.  But there’s not a research culture.  It’s not about innovation.  You can easily get stuck teaching the same content for years.  I want to keep going to conferences.  I want to travel, not just for tourism, but to do something important.  To develop myself.  To share my ideas.  To have people say: ‘We learned from you.’  I don’t have to be better than everyone else.  I just want to contribute.  But at the same time, my mother is back home.  She’s all alone.   She’s growing old.  And I don’t want to miss this part of her life.  I’m not sure what to do.  But I need to decide soon.” (London, England)

[nhamidah]

[nhamidah]

“My parents didn’t know any better.  They just bought the food that they saw in the market: the cereals, the cookies, the canned foods.  And I didn’t know any better either.  I was just a kid.  I ate the food that I saw in my house.  There were words on the label that I didn’t understand: added this, added that, chemicals to make it last longer, chemicals to make it cheaper, chemicals to make it thicker, chemicals to hold everything together.  But I didn’t question any of it.  Because they used kids in the advertisements.  I always saw other kids eating the food and promoting it.  The government wasn’t helping.  With their pyramids and their charts that everyone follows.  It all seemed OK.  But it was all junk and sugar.  Now my mom and dad and brother have diabetes.  I have fibroids and stuff like that.  Recently they took out my thyroid because it was showing signs of cancer.  I’m starting to think that it’s all linked.  They sell us poison so they can sell us pills.  I’m trying to eat better now.  I’m trying to learn.  But the more I learn, the less I know where to go.  I know that everything in the aisles is killer.  But even the fruits and vegetables have chemicals.  If I wanted to be completely sure, I’d have to have my own farm.  It’s just not possible.” (Montreal, Canada)

[nhamidah]

The way out of miserable feeling is to let the past go and to live up the present.

Once upon a time, I ever read that INTP is hard to let the past go. I chose not to believe it without realizing I lived (or maybe live) with it. I was in denial, even though a few times I admited it and promised myself to let it go. But in practice it's not that easy, Markonah!

Why so serious? I just want to fill up my tumblr after so long time. Half of those texts are true anyway. Ha!

[nhamidah]

One of the easiest ways to feel good is to perform good deed to someone (if not everyone). Because that feeling can be contagious through smile and brighter eyes.

[nhamidah]

In the end, you are the one who must think and fight for yourself. To draw strategy that fits your strengths and weaknesses. To find company that completes and brings out the best in you. To choose path that your heart tells you. To decide what will be on your shoulders.

Si Muang Mai

[nhamidah]

Merayumu pun aku gagal

Mereka bilang, rayulah Tuhanmu. Aku jawab, baik.

Nyatanya itu tidak mudah. Sulit keluar dari zona nyaman. Sulit mengubah kelakuan. Sulit mengukuhkan pertahanan. Sulit merendahkan pengharapan. Sulit.

Dan aku gagal lagi.

[nhamidah]

Recharging

I cannot just let it go, then put regret on my self. If one way doesn’t work, I should try another way. Never again I say “I cannot do it”. Instead, “I’ll learn to do it in different way”. It's hard indeed, but I won’t give up for the future of me and the present of them.

.

Background: after urban village tracking with besty in Bantul and watching Al Gore new movie: Truth to Power. I’m fully recharged. Hope it does not drain soon

[nhamidah]

I shouldn't think what I don't have to think. This burden is not for me alone. Just a little pieces of it. Just a little pieces of it. I shouldn't let everything come in. I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed.

[nhamidah]

Nalar dan Naluri

Ibarat sebuah neraca. Mereka harus seimbang. Jangan bebani yang satu dengan perhatian. Sementara abai dengan yang lain.

Ibarat otak kiri dan kanan. Mereka punya keahlian masing-masing. Perkara A adalah ranah Naluri. Dan perkara B adalah urusan Nalar.

Ibarat sepasang sepatu. Kerjasama mereka adalah kunci perjalanan. Meski mereka tidak pernah bersatu.

Ibarat ying dan yang. Keseimbangan mereka adalah tujuan. Menuju kebahagiaan.

.

Tidak semua hal bisa kamu urai dengan nalarmu, barangkali itu jatahnya naluri.

[nhamidah]

Rindu

Ayah, apa kabar? Belakangan aku sering memikirkan kemiripan kita. Aku mewarisi dirimu yg gemar membaca. Aku paham mengapa engkau suka menghabiskan waktu di kamar dengan buku (yg itu2 saja), tidak terlalu banyak bersosialisasi, namun bisa tenggelam dalam diskusi. Walau kadang engkau cukup keras kepala mempertahankan pendapatmu, tetap ada keinginanku menjadi lawan diskusimu.

Ayah, Aku juga mewarisi dirimu yg gemar berjalan kaki. Ingin aku melakukan rutinitas berjalan kaki setiap pagi bersamamu dan mendengar ceritamu tentang tempat yg biasa kau lewati, lalu tersenyum kepada pemilik rumah yg kita lalui yg sudah pasti mengenalimu karena hanya engkau yg melewati rumah mereka di jam yang sama dengan berjalan kaki.

Soal makanan dan minuman, air putih paling baik untuk kita. Kecuali aku kecanduan kopi. Aku mengagumimu yg benar2 hanya minum air putih panas (bahkan bukan hangat). Makanan dari dulu kita sama, kita bukan omnivora yang baik namun juga jauh dari vegetarian. Yg jelas kita suka tahu, kentang, sayur, kacang, dan ikan dari pada daging merah. Aku masih ingat caramu memotong kentang yang menurutku tidak estetis. Hahaha. Untung rasanya enak.

Ohiya Yah, hari ini aku sadar kecanggunganku di depan kamera mirip denganmu. Aku ingat saat aku memintamu jadi model satu jepretan kamera baruku. Kamera dan foto itu masih disimpan oleh Ibu. Tentu dengan ekspresi canggungmu.

Ayah, aku juga tidak begitu peduli urusan orang lain dan apa kata mereka. Tindakan kita sering membuat Ibu yg selalu memikirkan pendapat orang lain menjadi jengkel. Sekarang Ibu benar2 sedang jengkel dan sedih padaku karena aku belum menikah :)

Ayah, ingin aku mendengar pendapatmu tentang hidupku sekarang. Ingin aku menjelaskan keputusan2 hidup yg kuambil dan bercerita rencana2 ku ke depan.

Ceritaku sungguh tidak terstruktur ya, Ayah. Aku hanya sedang rindu padamu.

[nhamidah]

Meet (connect) soul with body

Soul and Body

Both need to be in the same place and time. To be happy.

Both need to be in the same place and time. To reduce worry.

Both need to be in the same place and time. To avoid sorry.

And.

Both need to be in the same place and time. To live life to the fullest.

Both need to be in the same place and time. To afford forgiveness.

Of you, who neglected their togerness.

Let the past go, let the future wait. Connect them both, and live the present with grace.

-

Inspired by Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie

[nhamidah]

Feeling like I left something in the place I could not go back. But I can't let it go too

[nhamidah]

To protect Americans you say? Read a bit about hurricane and sea level rise

U.S. withdrawing from Paris climate agreement, Trump announces

President Trump said Thursday that the United States will withdraw from the Paris climate agreement to reduce greenhouse gases because it would cost American jobs, but he added a signature Trump condition: that he would be willing to renegotiate the agreement on more favorable terms.

“I don’t want anything to get in our way. I am fighting every day for the great people of our country.  Therefore, in order to fulfill my solemn duty to protect America and its citizens, the United States will withdraw from the Paris Climate Accord,” he said.

But he quickly added a caveat that the United States would also seek to re-enter the agreement — or some other treaty — on terms that were more favorable to American workers. “So were getting out, but we’ll start to negotiate, and well see if we can make a deal that’s fair,” he said.

Trump complained that other countries had attached too many conditions to their voluntary agreements to reduce carbon emissions. China, for example, said it would begin reducing emissions in 2030 — meaning they could continue to build coal-fired power plants every year until then. “In short, the agreement doesn’t eliminate coal jobs, it just takes coal jobs out of the United States and ship them to other countries,” he said.