bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24-7 going “saw a snail today…. effervescent” or some shit equivalent
It's stupid that bread goes bad so fast. Bread should last ten million years on your countertop. You should be able to feed yourself off the same loaf of bread from the day you are born to the day you die. They should pass down bread between generations like a family heirloom. There should be remnants of still-good bread after the heat death of the universe.
guy who tried to impress me with card tricks and failed every single one of them
old man who attempted to get my number when his wife walked away and slipped me his email address ending with “@ aol.com” when i said i don’t do that
cute gay couple that came back to tell me i was cute and then called the shop to ask me out
older professor who i talked to about folklore and told me he dressed as a wizard for recitals saying “this is really embarrassing but umm.. i’d love to get to know you more..” and gave me a receipt with his email address on it
dude in his 40s asking me on a movie date and me saying yes but then he kept starting text conversations with “ahoi hoi”
military guy who said it’d be hot if i killed him with a baseball bat
most notable time a customer did not ask me out:
a man who i knew had a wife and children getting really flustered and saying “um. ive been, uh.. idk if you remember me but um. i come in here a lot and ive uhhh haha umm ive been wanting to ask you for a couple weeks now.. um. have you read the green lantern issue i recommended??????”
One of my favorite things about Jane Austen is that she knew the real fear wasn’t running into some terrifying Frenchman or finding your lover’s wife in the attic…it was having to spend time with someone who is slighter cooler than you are, or playing piano in front of a critical audience, or thinking a picnic will be the perfect time for your jokes but then it isn’t