natty-anne

[natty-anne]

“I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t.”

— Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

[natty-anne]

She had been here,

I could tell.

Come to spy on me as I slept.

Why all of these

Games?

I shouldn't complain,

We both do this.

Appearing as ghosts do

Only for a moment

As a shimmer at the edge of perception

Careful to leave

A single stone turned

And a chill on the air.

Just to see if the other would notice.

...

Well,

I've noticed.

So what now?

Am I to chase you now,

Reciprocate the gesture?

Because I will,

If that's what you want.

Me?

Oh,

I'd prefer to simply end this game.

You see,

I don't think you understand.

When this ends,

We both win.

Why wouldn't you want that too?

[natty-anne]

“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain.”

— Johanna de Silentio

[natty-anne]

[natty-anne]

*

peopleiveloved

[natty-anne]

What do I do? My heart is semi holding on but the universe is obviously saying in order for my life to work out 100%... I've got to let go.

[natty-anne]

She said, “do you think of me?“

And I said, “only in the morning. Only then. But sometimes when it’s late at night. And when I drive those long trips, short ones too. When we see each other and when we are apart. When I pull your sweater out of my drawer, and smell you still. When our song comes on. Or when my song comes on. When my phone rings, but also when it sits there waiting. When I take home someone new, but when I am home alone. Everytime I wish, and every time I want. I think of you sometimes when the day is bright and warm and breezy, or when its rainy out and the drip keeps time with my heartbeats. Only then……”

And she said, “I was your favorite?”

And I said, “let me think about that.”

[natty-anne]

[natty-anne]

now i am forced to somehow un-love you. as if i never craved your touch, your kiss, or simply your presence across the room. i am forced to pretend this heart is not longing for your return. we are now two strangers who shared a past, and an imaginary future together. i am forced to dry my tears at night and make myself believe this is for the better. my arms no longer have a home. and your absence will forever torment my soul.

- dee (i am forced to forget us)

[natty-anne]

“I have learned that when sadness comes to visit me, all I can do is say “I see you.” I spend some time with it, get up, and say goodbye. I don’t push it away. I own it. And because I own it, I let it go.”

— Carolina Zacaria

[natty-anne]

[natty-anne]

As long as I keep remembering all the moments, both good and bad, internally.

You'll never be fully dead to me.

I might not verbally ever speak to you again.

But my love was real, my love will always be there.

Even when time keeps moving us forward and away.

I'll remember everything, always, because that's what I do best.

It's not killing me, it's helping me, it's helping me cope with your stupid decisions, because that's all I can do now.

It is what it is, even after all this time, it is what it is.

I still thank the Universe, for everything. For you.

❤️‍🩹

[natty-anne]

Vladimir Mayakovsky, from a letter featured in "Love in the Heart of Everything; The Correspondence between Vladimir Mayakovsky & Lili Brik, 1915-1930,"

[natty-anne]

[natty-anne]

[natty-anne]

Your soul knows. It will tell you when it's time to distance yourself from those who no longer align with you mentally, emotionally, physically, or energetically.

[natty-anne]

I Will Always Be.

I'm externally one person.

I'm internally another.

On a daily basis, struggling with my thoughts, my memories, my sadness.

An internal whirlwind of chaotic ness and love.

Mixed with a little bit of confusion and prayer.

I struggle constantly with the wonder, while externally I function just fine.

"I'm fine."

I'm thriving, I'm vibing, I'm loving and I'm stronger.

"Life is fine."

Fine? Just fine? Why not amazing?

Well I'm still writing my story. My character is still developing.

The world is my adventure and the sky is my limit, but I would love to go to space.

Everything is fine yes, because I am the one who is amazing.

I'm thriving, I'm vibing, I'm loving and I'm shining. I will always be.

_______________________________________

-"I Will Always Be." Me, Myself And I writings.

It's crazy how it's been a while since I've really done any type of writings, especially on here. I've gone through a lot these last few years truth be told. So much has occurred, so many experiences, so many lessons, so many people..well not a lot of people, maybe a nice dozen or so due to my job(s). But yet, my heart, my soul, my brain, my energy and my body have gone through a whirlwind. I've established intense connections and reached better, higher understandings, and I'm proud that I have never faultered with who I truly am. I love that the Universe, despite it's mean girl hatred of me since literal start of my independence has an individual, has only shown me true love and guidence and I am so thankful for the position in life that I am currently in. I treaded through all the bullshit and bullshit people and their bullshit lives and lies. I endured the violence on many different levels, one even masked as love. I cried my tears, some which I'm so mentally fucked up from that I still cry from time to time about. I dodged bullets and I protected my family. I've been playing a very good game of life, and it keeps getting better. I am thankful for my loving partner now, I am thankful for the individual my amazing daughter is becoming. I'm a very proud mama bear, y'all have no idea! And I continue to thank the Universe every day for allowing me to be this unequivocally happy.

So yes Tumblr, moral of my writings and my post: I'm doing fine. (: Happy Monday! 🩷