mypralaya

[mypralaya]

Signing out for the last time.

Haven loves you.

#out of haven

[mypralaya]

So I know yesterday I said that my plan was to keep running this blog until I'd finished up my plots in servers, so that I could then quit them and here at the same time. . . I've decided not to wait. As of now, I'm no longer RPing here. I'm going to begin reaching out to folks to say goodbyes, and responding to those who already did, and I plan to be gone entirely from here and my other RP blogs by the end of the week. I know this seems sudden, but it's a decision I've been really wanting to make for some time. I just didn't have it in me to let go til now, but trust me it's what's best. Thanks so much for making my time here fantastic. And to those of you I never got to actually write with, I'm very sorry, I promise I did intend to. But this is what it is, and it's what's better for me at this point. Again, thanks all of y'all, you really made things special and I'd never have lasted this long without you.

[mypralaya]

So in March, I quit the X.men boards I was at, but remained at two servers out of a sense of obligation. Last night I sent the admins of both this message: "Hi there, I know this is a big thing so a quick response certainly isn’t needed/expected. But I was wondering if we could work towards a plot in the future—doesn’t need to be the near future either—that includes Shaw’s death in the server canon? I just feel increasingly disinterested in continuing to be in the Marvel/X.Men fandom, and I want to eventually disconnect from…everything. But I also don’t want to just drop him ASAP and leave, I’d like to play out our stories to the fullest first. Even if it takes six months, a year, more. That’s fine. I sincerely want to fulfill my commitment to this server and get the most out of doing so, and have a great time with the people here, not just up and vanish one day at random. But since I also do want to eventually go, I’d like to do it on a good note that helps the story out. Can we plan something like that? Again, does not need to be immediate at all." Both of them agreed to plan something with me. My goal is to see it through to the end, then leave the servers and this blog as well as my Haven, my multi, and the Tumblr RPC entirely. I just really can't take the bad feelings anymore; I think the L//ourdes retcon was the nail in the coffin even if I rode it out initially. I don't know when that will be. Server plots can take a long time. Of course, I may just snap and leave here sooner. Speaking of snap, this wasn't a snap decision. It's something I've been considering hard since last year. I love you guys and you bring me a lot of joy, but that joy is increasingly outweighed by frustration, anger, and despair, and that's just ridiculous for a comic book roleplay hobby. I've gotta get out. And it's not today, even if tbh I kinda want it to be rn, but I wanted to give you notice before starting anything new with me.

[mypralaya]

So in March, I quit the X.men boards I was at, but remained at two servers out of a sense of obligation. Last night I sent the admins of both this message: "Hi there, I know this is a big thing so a quick response certainly isn’t needed/expected. But I was wondering if we could work towards a plot in the future—doesn’t need to be the near future either—that includes Shaw’s death in the server canon? I just feel increasingly disinterested in continuing to be in the Marvel/X.Men fandom, and I want to eventually disconnect from…everything. But I also don’t want to just drop him ASAP and leave, I’d like to play out our stories to the fullest first. Even if it takes six months, a year, more. That’s fine. I sincerely want to fulfill my commitment to this server and get the most out of doing so, and have a great time with the people here, not just up and vanish one day at random. But since I also do want to eventually go, I’d like to do it on a good note that helps the story out. Can we plan something like that? Again, does not need to be immediate at all." Both of them agreed to plan something with me. My goal is to see it through to the end, then leave the servers and this blog as well as my Haven, my multi, and the Tumblr RPC entirely. I just really can't take the bad feelings anymore; I think the L//ourdes retcon was the nail in the coffin even if I rode it out initially. I don't know when that will be. Server plots can take a long time. Of course, I may just snap and leave here sooner. Speaking of snap, this wasn't a snap decision. It's something I've been considering hard since last year. I love you guys and you bring me a lot of joy, but that joy is increasingly outweighed by frustration, anger, and despair, and that's just ridiculous for a comic book roleplay hobby. I've gotta get out. And it's not today, even if tbh I kinda want it to be rn, but I wanted to give you notice before starting anything new with me.

[mypralaya]

Whoops, thought depression was over but it’s hitting so hard at the LARP that I can’t interact

#out of haven #Posting here since it gets les traffic than my Shaw blog #Cuz I wanna feel my feelings are Seen but also not like I’m bothering people with them by whining #Haven would be fine with it

[mypralaya]

“But of course,” Haven promised. She did want to know why Shiori was crying. But she didn’t want to start prying until Shiori was actually warm and comfortable and out of this downpour. If she tried too much too fast, Shiori might jump back in her shell and not go with her, and be out here, cold and wet and unsafe. So questions could wait til that bear claw.  “Happy coincidence this time. Third time you probably should be concerned. After all, you were followed before,” she said, recalling their first meeting. Again, she was in the precarious place of wanting Shiori to trust her, but not trust strangers in general, as a young woman, a girl, who to all appearances seemed to be alone.  “But no, in this case I was in the area. I’m staying in this town right now. My work brought me here. What about you?” Not asking where she lived, which would be very dangerous from a stranger. Just. . .what she was doing here, and Shiori could give as vague or specific an answer as she wished. No pressure. 

mypralaya​:

“There certainly can be,” Haven replied, voice still kind and calm and even, not pressuring Shiori, not making any sudden movements or moving closer, let alone trying to touch her, even though a very strong part of her yearned to embrace the shivering child or at least put an arm around her. Haven had learned to suppress this urge, both out of respect—no one should have their personal space invaded without permission, especially a vulnerable child who might have terrible experiences with that—and out of practicality. The practicality aspect being it could send someone running. “We went to a cafe before. Would you like something like that again? You could get a hot drink.” And that way, of course, someone else would be making it, so Shiori could be sure Haven wasn’t putting anything suspect in there.

Shiori had to think about it for a second; she would be in a public place, still soaking wet and risking breaking down in tears again. Not the most ideal situation, given her pride. But the promise of food… If she shoved enough of it into her face, maybe the dopamine boost would keep the tears at bay.

“And a bear claw. And maybe a cake pop.” She dragged her hair to one side and squeezed the water out of it as they walked, eager to get anything to eat at this point. But she kept her guard up; the woman still hadn’t asked why she’d been crying.

“Either this is a happy coincidence or you’re stalking me.”

#aapothic #sorry for the absolute eons this took!

[mypralaya]

There's this one account on DA and they're dedicated to assembling a Hellfire Club Inner Circe for every major city in the world. And for some of them they changed up the titles. In the case of their Mumbai Inner Circle, they based the seats on CHATURANGA which I thought was a really cool idea. I told them so and they said that yeah, their thinking was that after the British Raj left, the locals kept the club for the power and networking but changed up the titles to reflect their OWN culture. And I....really love that. I'm not gonna steal it, but it is cool af. Also hey, the American branch makes shit up all the time for no reason anyway!

#out of haven

[mypralaya]

office mug

#SOBS OVER CANON

[mypralaya]

Crack hc the Marvel office actually keeps offering to bring Haven back but she keeps politely declining “oh no, I’m quite fine here, thank you so much :))”

[mypralaya]

1) Bean is still alive and moving around and such

2) the rats got turkey gravy tonight of which they eagerly partook but Maia still wants attention more

3) no one died at the Gala they all went to Haven’s pralaya dimension and she’s not giving them back til it’s safe/til Marvel can play nice with their toys

[mypralaya]

Me: *gets misgendered in chats bc of honest mistakes* Me: *absolutely does not care* Haven: *gets misgendered by a literal generator with no person behind it* Me: *FUCKIN INCENSED*

[mypralaya]

Loving-kindness towards ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. It means we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already.

~Pema Chodron

[mypralaya]

The purest form of love is consideration. When someone thinks about how things would make you feel. Pays attention to detail. Holds you in regard when making decisions that could affect you. In any bond, how much they care about you can be found in how much they consider you

[mypralaya]

Babe, uncomfortable feelings are a part of life. They will come, as they have right now. They will go, as they always have. Then they’ll come back again, but they’ll also go again. There is no ‘peak existence’ that doesn’t include emotional discomfort. So, make some space for it, watch your little show, eat a little treat— a little enjoyment can co-exist with your discomfort. Try again tomorrow.

[mypralaya]

Inspired by the bit in the League of E.xtraordinary G.entlemen where Captain N.emo, who is a literal prince, an engineering genius, and speaks like 11 freaking languages has to pose as the manservant of two white characters. I get that it's Victorian England but I felt the need to do a better verson with the modern-day (despite their "Victorian newsboy" attire lol) alt-Marauders, guest-starring Monsoon/A.loba D.astoor. Also I love "bait and switch" type humor.

[mypralaya]

I believe that Nothing Bad would be happening in the comics or, hell, the MCU, if Haven had not died , or if she had at least been brought back. Characters, stories, and readers would all be saved.

This makes absolutely NO sense at all of course, but TECHNICALLY you can’t prove that I’m WRONG.

[mypralaya]

let it never be said I'm not at least a little self aware