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happy lesbian visibility week

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In a piece for The New Inquiry from back in 2017, George Dust states that when queer people complain about there being a top shortage, what they really mean is “nobody is fucking me the way I want, and I have no agency in that.” Alongside co-authors Billy-Ray Belcourt and Kay Gabriel, Dust suggests that many queer people align themselves with a passive or “bottom” position because they believe that role will absolve them of the guilt of really wanting things. They present themselves as what they believe to be the sexual party with zero power; the receiver, the accepter of action rather than its cause.

This position is drawn in contrast to the bottom-identified person’s idea of a top: the one who approaches, the person with hungers and desires, the person who decides which sexual activities will happen and how intense they will get. The top, from this perspective, is the stronger, more capable, more dangerous person. They’re the only one who can ever be guilty of intruding or harming somebody else. This power is scary, but it’s also compelling.

Dust calls this fantastical version of a top a “brute” — and they are the most cartoonish stereotype of what it means in society to be a man. Because it’s a cartoonish stereotype, no human actually lives up to it — and we’d probably revile a person even if they could.

Though queer people know we are harmed by the gender binary and heteronormativity and all the social scripts those things force upon us, its biases are still embossed on our brains. Without meaning to, we reproduce tired gender stereotypes in our relationships. And so we see expressing a sexual want as masculine, and being masculine as being more capable of violence and coercive control, and thus bad. We see failing to communicate one’s desires openly as desirably feminine, as well as a sign of blamelessness and purity — because on some level we still feel it is wrong to have desires.

But this entire worldview is a complete lie. Desire is not evil. Expressing attraction is not a violation. Failing to express oneself can be just as dangerous as not listening to someone else’s limits. Women can be abusive. Bottoms can sexually assault. No matter our gender, presentation, or sexual role, we are each capable of harm. And the only way to make a safe, mutually pleasurable sexual encounter happen is by going after it, actively, and communicating from a position of inner strength.

So how do you do that, if society’s been telling you all your life that you’re meant to date by acting like a deer passively snapping twigs in the woods, waiting for some hunter to hear you, and pursue you? (That really is dating advice that Evangelical Christian counselors give to women, if you can believe it).

By not fixating so much on what you’re doing or not doing to draw other people toward you, and instead thinking in terms of what you want and what you observe beyond yourself.

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ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

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Clara Balzary, 2017

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oil painting (29,7 x 42 cm) of that bumblebee from last week <3

i post more traditional art on my instagram !

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It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

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pig,,

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Aziraphale appreciation post. Always.

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save a horse ride a cowgirl

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“Nobody’s going to want to sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours to get from New York City to LA.”

Me. I will sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours. I’ll sit on it for days. I’ll write and read and nap and eat and then do it all over again. I’ll stare out the windows and see America from ground level and not have to drive. I’ll see the Rockies and the deserts and cornfields and the Mississippi River and your house and yours and yours too. I’ll make up stories in my head about the small towns I see as we go along. I’ll see the states I’ve yet to see because driving or flying there is a fucking slog and expensive to boot. I’ll enjoy the ride as much as the destination. And then I’ll do it all over again to come the fuck home.

#i also need this in my country #my mom tells me all the time about bow cool train trips were #and how much she preferred them over plains #how much more of the country you see when you travel by train #I WANT IT BACK #trains

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christian rock bands are a backbone genre in the amv scene

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wait... good omens is gay???

No, Good Omens is a book and a TV series.

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You shouldn’t like things that people tell you you’re supposed to.

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The scriveners tracking Aziraphale and Crowley’s miracles approximately one (1) minute after they get back together

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?????

Hello,

So! From what I understood, with my artwork, I’m contributing to make the Good Omens fandom a worst place than what it used to be before S2.

While it’s okay to not like my stuff I heavily encourage people to block or mute creative accounts bothering them!

I’m certain your experience will be better and you’ll finally find the stuff you enjoy just the way it used to be, the fandom is still very active and creative!

That said, I will never be sorry for what I post on here

Bisous !

#huh???? #how??? #what???? #bro whoever is saying this about ops art needs to find a hobby #dont listen to them dude #i love your art #it makes this fandom so much better to have you here