mr-kym-blog

[mr-kym-blog]

WHAT’S HOT  F-ING ROCK HARD HOT.

YOLO you soy beta bitches! It feels like only a week has gone by since I last wrote. In reality is has been a year. A full year...what have I been doing you ask? 

Well I’ve been travelling all over the world discovering fashion looks and trends in places we didn’t even know existed. I was basically a Cuck in the jungles of Poor Costa Rico...Nicaragua. I saw looks that kept me up at night, I saw looks that made me feel bright and I saw looks that made me think I was high as a flying object on a string. In fact I usually was fucked up on some sort of powdered version of a plant. When I didn’t have enough resources for that, I would just eat bat shit. Also known as Guano, and I’d wash it down with some Guava Juice. 

Needless to say I have been learned and learned you soy beta chuck fucks, and happy to be home. With out further ADO I present to you a look I found in the deepest darkest parts of Chile, as much as it was as F - Fest it was a look at this look fest. 

So there I was just minding my own business slapping some rocks making some fine azz tunes in the mountains and taking a big ole steamy dump when this majestic young man crosses my path wearing what I can only describe as an article from gods closet. 

Needless to say I had sex with the man on the mountain side and here’s a D.I.Y of this bad boy.

D.I.Y

1: Let’s start with the head. This looks like a version of the sleeping pillow you see business man using on a plane or an old person uses when they sit down. What...normal seats aren’t good enough for you old person? Your’e in your third age and decided that the normal seats were for the first half life folk? Ya well fuck you old person...fuck...you.

So this hood can be made easily from 4 small intestines of a common sheep. 

Go to a farm where sheep reside. Knock on the door of the farmer, spin a tale of woe and earn yourself a sleep over. When the farmers sleep, go ahead and light a fire in the house. Run outside with a hammer or piece of wood and hit a couple sheep down dead. 4 to be exact because this hood takes 4 sheep’s to make. Have fun with this part, go ahead and make it ritualistic. Full moon helps, a sacred knife and a slab of stone, some Slayer.

Once the intestines are acquired, don’t forget to thank your guests. 

2:  As soon as you get home put the intestines in a blue dye, don’t have a blue dye you say? Go buy one at the local Dollar store. 

3: Steal grandma’s wig for this next bit. Black is ideal but any wig will do. If you can find a wig, just collect hair from the hair brush. Everyone has a hair brush so don’t be afraid to take what they don’t need. Don’t forget to kiss grandma on the lips and make sure she’s tucked in with some soothing Christmas music. 

4: Steal some sewing supplies from grandma or an ex. I recommend visiting your ex unexpectedly, this way you can catch them doing something no body wants to see. 

5: Simple...sew the intestines to the wig and or brush hair. My friends you have just made yourself a hood to this god type article of Chilean fuck clothing.  

Side note...make sure you droop the hood as much as possible to show off chest or high nipples. This goes for men and woman. Nipples are just nips people. Some do look weird...

6: Let’s make us a bottom bit to this bit. Believe it or not folks...this furry looking sweater can be made with a simple tar and feathering. I like using a simple asphalt from any local construction zone. Walk up and offer the construction person a Fresca and then when they are taking a break. Roll around in hot asphalt. Make sure you have no shirt on, this is meant to stick.

7: Once you are covered in the black stuff, go source a chicken. I recommend whoever inherited the farm you burnt down. Go there and there are bound to be chickens. Pluck them while alive to make sure they have an opportunity to grow their feathers back. It’s about looking good and being humane. 

8: The sleeve bottoms are simply sheep intestine remains. 

WELL there you have it...this look is sexy...easy and fucking worth it. 

Remember when you’re getting laid because you look phenom it was yours truly who put you there ;) 

#whatshot #loveforfashion #comedy #hobby #fashion #highfashion

[mr-kym-blog]

WHAT’S HOT...ROCK HARD HOT

  Hey Fuckos! In light of New York’s Fashion week I thought it only appropriate to grace you with my up to date fashion tips. This is a prestigious blog that only the elite may follow. If I find out you are some slag reading this and trying to steal my fashion tips or pawn them off as your own, I will find you and make you do Heroin. I will make you an addict and you will lose all your friends and family in the long process of becoming a user. 

  That being said, this blog is for the D.I.Y folks, the creative the everyday folks, the users, the slag, the fuckos, the kunts and cunts, the single dads, the single grandmothers and the folks who don’t have thousands to spend on trendy clothing items to get you laid. I allow you to recreate iconic pieces that will guarantee you to get your dick sucked or whatever the female version of that is, I’m looking at you single grandma’s ;) 

  Without further ado, this look is perfect for that awkward transition to Spring from Winter. Let’s see how we can D.I.Y it!

I”M BACK BABY!

My...oh my. If you aren’t rock F’ing hard from this then you simply haven’t lived. 

D.I.Y

STEP 1: Let’s start from the head down. Now most of you have done the sock bun look. I understand you may think this is just a couple socks together to get that big poofy top knot look. Wrong fucko. This is actually a processed look. You’re going to need a 2 year old’s diaper. Make sure it’s soiled! You need the weight to keep the look full. Wrap your hair around the diaper, outside inward. Super glue the hair to the soiled! diaper. 

STEP 2: Get your dad’s staple gun, it’s in the workshop next to his crushed beer cans and tear stains on his work bench. Staple the soiled! diaper to your skull. 

STEP 3: The colourful hair clips are hard to obtain, I found that if you order anything online from Japan it’ll do. Most items are full of bright colour and are odd shapes. Also nobody understands Japan so it’ll be unique. Simply go online type in your uncles credit card information and order absolutely anything from Japan. 

STEP 4: The balls of fur are easier to D.I.Y than you would think. These can be identically made from finding a farm near you that sells Barred Plymouth Rock Chickens. 

Ask the farmer kindly if you can have 7 of these little bastards. If he says no, you gotta hook him in the jaw and hopefully the first hit knocks him out. If it doesn’t, farmers are tougher than you, so run. They have worked their whole lives trying to supply you with food, all you’ve done is jerk off in your parents basement and complain that the microwave is broken. You entitled little shit. So hope you knock him out immediately, go and stomp out 7 of these majestic Plymouth's, rip their heads and legs off with your bare hands. Rinse the feathered carcass in your moms bathtub. Light candles for ambiance. 

STEP 5: Go to aunt Julies apartment, in her closet will be a pleather trench coat she still thinks is cool. Usually they will have a damp old smoke smell to them. This is fine. Tell your aunt that “everything is going to get better” and crack her another Palm Bay.

STEP 6: Use that staple gun, staple the beautiful Plymouth Rock Chicken bodies to your chest and neck.

STEP 7: The orbs on this models hands are actually massive anal beads. Any local sex shop will carry them. If you want, you can get used ones on Kijiji or Craigslist. 

 Well there you have it, a classic Winter to Spring transition. Happy New York Fashion week Fuckos. 

Kym Wyatt McKenzie, Fashion gawd signing off. 

#NYFashion Conan MarkyMark DIY Educate comedy

[mr-kym-blog]

What’s Hot... Rock Hard Hot.

 Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. It’s been too long! Where have you been?

 Where have I been you ask? Personally I was locked up in a prison cell in Slovakia for the last couple months. It was hard to get anything done because I was focusing on not stepping in my own feces. You see, they never cleaned my bucket I defecated into, it became quite the mess in there! Lol lol. Life.

 Now I have traveled the world and seen some pretty amazing fashion’s. I myself am a trail blazer in the world of fashion. There isn’t a trend I can’t sniff out, I am always ahead of the game. That’s why I have this blog, I want the lame, old, boring, regular public to be aware of what’s coming and more importantly DO IT YOURSELF. I don’t want you to be a fashion step behind and look like a real cock sucker when you are shopping at your favourite discount grocery store. I don’t want Martha your next door neighbour to start spreading rumours about you and her husband.

So without further ado, here is the hot look for the month of August. 

Oh my...oh my...oh...my. YES!

 I just fell in love with this look when I saw it in Belize. I couldn’t believe how well the officer was wearing it. I just knew it was going to be hot, hot, hot. 

D.I.Y you ask???

Step 1- Let’s start with the hair, this hair style will take a couple weeks to get just right. First you have to give up on those lame jane showers. JUST STOP SHOWERING, STOP IT! If you want this hair to work, I would rub a little bit of bird shit in your hair every morning until that fancy dinner or that nephews birthday party. What kind of bird shit? Good question. 

Step 2- A classic Seagull will work fine. In my experience capturing the bird was the key. It’s not enough to scrape bird shit off a car or the ground. Go to the source, go to your local parking lot. Spread tons of garbage around to attract the birds. HINT (The best kind of garbage is the garbage with the most maggots. Let that garbage pile up in the house for a couple weeks first;).

Step 4- Leave lego spread out on every floor in every room in your house.

Step 5- Tie trip wire’s between every door way.

Step 6- Okay so by this point it’s been a couple weeks of no showering, we have some premium seagull shit in our hair and were ready to rock and roll. The lego part will take a full 24 hours, plan ahead! You will need to leave work early and head to your neighbourhood pub. Drink at least 14 pints. Drink them fast. When you go home make sure you have a glass of wine waiting for you and a glass of whiskey. Drink both quickly. 

Step 7- spin around 4 times and run as quickly as you can in any direction. You will trip on the wire. As you are falling make sure to keep loose, you want your face to hit the ground as hard as possible. This is important to make sure the lego is really stuck in your face. It should cause extreme pain, the artistic part of this look is the random way the lego will penetrate your face. 

BOOM, you are ready to make the ex’s jealous. Go out have some fun!

Thank’s for reading, this is Kym Wyatt McKenzie Fashion Expert signing off. 

#d.i.y #lego #seagull #fashion #jimiboy #conan

[mr-kym-blog]

WHAT'S HOT

 Hello nerds! Kym Wyatt McKenzie here. Some people call me the guru, some people call me master Kym, most people call me "fat fuck". That's okay though because I run a highly successful fashion blog and that's all that matters. My acute vision into what is going to be HOT for the coming months in the fashion world. Do I have any fashion background...no. That's fine though, because I feel it. Fashion is a feeling. 

 Without further ado, this is a look that is going to sweep the scene in March. 

Oooo, every time I look at this number I get chills and a hard on. 

D.I.Y you ask?

1: We can create this helmet look with a Flamingo uterus believe it or not. So go to the local zoo, steal a Flamingo and cut it's uterus out and stick it on your head.

2: The eye stripe and lipstick can be made with a quick squid ink spray to the face, go to your local asian food market. Grab a silly squid and squeeze it into your face and all over your lips. Voila!

3: The necklace can be done with simple needle's. Just grab a shit load and stick them in your neck, make sure to go all the way around.

4: Go through your parents house and find something green. Then find something pink. Cut them up a whole bunch. 

5: Get a glue gun (Honey works too), glue the green thing and the pink thing together. Don't forget hole's for the head and the arms. 

HINT (It can be anything green and pink, the uglier the better. seriously)

6: The gloves are actually just green paint. So go to your closest hardware store and buy a can of paint on clearance. If you don't want to pay for it, just have them open it for you and stick your hands in the bucket. Most stores are fine with this.

7: Unfortunately the pants can't be done yourself. You will have to purchase these for $4,332.98 from Louis Vuitton. 

HINT (Ask a rich person for money, they love to talk about how much money they have and can spend. This will usually work, if not just go apply for lots of credit cards and use the free money they give you.) 

Well that's it folks, don't say I never did anything for you. Kym Wyatt McKenzie signing off...your welcome ;)

#Louisvuitton Fashion Conan thejimiboys hardon Flamingo

[mr-kym-blog]

What's Hot

 Hi, my name is Kym McKenzie, I don't know anything about what looks good on people. I couldn't even choose a proper t-shirt for today so I just decided to wear an elastic band around my chest. I know what is going to be super cool though.

 There has been a lot of talk about my fashion blog, more so a lot of people telling me to "go fuck myself" and "don't post your shitty blog on my Facebook wall". I respect these comments, so I have decided to dig deep into this week's fashion trend. I did lots of research on this look and it will prove to be Facebook wall worthy.

Did I mention it's super cool and practical!?

 This is one of those looks that screams "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!". I know this only shows the top of this cool athletic look. Let's focus on this first then we can talk about the bottom half. This look is the equivalent to wearing a Lulu lemon head band or a pair of stupid fucking bike shorts. Very practical and very breathable. 

How, you ask?

1: Run to that closet where you keep all your shoes.

2: Grab one of those sneakers you just don't wear often.

3: Undo your laces! We all know you slip your shoe's on you lazy bastards.

4: Tie the shoe around your face, toe facing down for visibility purposes. 

Hint (use someone else's shoe for extra style points ;)

But wait! What do I wear on the bottom? This is the usual bottom style to give the "Shoe in the Face" look compliments. 

Abs...fucking sweet abs. That's how you wear the bottom half of this look. Rock...Hard...Abs.

Don't say I never did anything for you. Fashion man Kym McKenzie, signing off. Peace.

#thejimiboys conan comedy fashion trending

[mr-kym-blog]

What's hot

 Hey my loyal followers, Kym Wyatt McKenzie here. The man with absolutely not knowledge of the fashion world or the immediate world surrounding myself. I do have however a keen sense for what the upcoming trends are going to be and what is going to be hot. 

The days are getting hotter and hotter and I know what everyone is thinking..."why did Topanga break up with Cory for Sean?" " Was Sean that cool?" " Is Topanga still a babe?" Yes we all have these questions and of course..."Where the fuck is the pool party at dawgy?" 

 While saving baby Beluga whales during my travels overseas, I spotted a trend that I know will take off in North America. It's perfect for the hot weather and it is guaranteed to get you laid by literally anyone. I don't care if you are straight, gay, bi-sexual, a tree "lover"...anyone. 

Without further ado I bring you the next hot thing.

OHhhhhh baby yes yes yes and of course more yes! I knew this was going to be a huge fad when I saw it during my humanitarian work that I do frequently because I am a caring individual and am filthy rich so I travel non-stop. 

 This number is pretty self explanatory, it's for the extra hot days and yes females can wear this too...  

Let me explain how to D.I.Y

1: Take off all your clothes. (and I mean everything ;)

2: Go searching through your grandma's jewelry box, find a velvet change purse. Empty the change out of it and cut off the latch.

3: Go to your mom's workout drawer, raid her Lu Lu lemon head bands. Just take them all because Variety is nice, she can buy more. 

4: Sew the change purse to the Lu Lu Lemon headband

5: Take an old rusty razor and dry shave your pubes. (faster is better to ensure a clean shave)

6: Sling the headband up and around your thigh all the way to your crotch. 

7: Put your little dick in the change purse! 

8: Remember I said it can be for females as well, do everything I just told you but here's the key...shove a hacky sack in the change purse instead ;) (Don't say I never did anything for ya)

9: Get some fucking mix drinks and go enjoy that pool party we know you deserve!

#buzzfeed #conan #jimiboys Comedy Comedycentral Canada

[mr-kym-blog]

So hot right now.

YO YO YO gangster's! It's your favourite boy Kym Wyatt McKenzie!...

I'm so sorry I don't speak that way, let me try again. Hey everyone! Time for the fashion update for the week. I am your man in the pits, Kym McKenzie. I have absolutely no knowledge of the fashion world or what looks good on people. What I do know is what's hot and what's going to be hot. 

Now last week we had a sexy little number I call "Bored Face". It is a personal fav. of mine. I started thinking, not everyone can pull that off. What about the smart sophisticated look. The man who means business when he goes out for lunch. The blackberry never leaves your hand man. I don't tip because "fuck you" man. Get your stinky feet off my carpet man. That's right the every day business man!

So without anymore delay, here's a super smart look that will show you mean business but shows your sassy side as well.

Now I really do love this outfit, it's a mix between the 50's and the 30's. Very fancy and almost too formal for a business lunch. It takes a special type of businessman to pull this off.  How to we create this look you ask!?

1: Yes those are just pieces of Tupperware cut up into sections and safety pinned together to create a stylish faux pant look.

2: Keep the Tupperware going all the way to the waist, now for this cool underwear look go to your moms dresser.

3: Steal a pair of your mom's panties.

4: Shove your junk in those panties.

5: This vest believe it or not is a compilation of old man beards glued together on a regular sweater vest. Now I found this to be expensive and timely so here's an alternative way to get this look.

6: Kill a black bear, take it's hide, leave the rest of the bear for waste. Bleach the bear's fur. BOOM! COOL VEST!

7: You guess it...get those old chandeliers out people! Take only a couple strands from the chandelier. Connect a fishing hook to both sides, but one end through your ear and in the top of your head, put the opposite end through your lips. (Make sure you stretch your face to get that business look.

8: Cut the bottom of two liter pop bottles in a flower style.

9: Staple the bottom of the two liter pop bottles in your head. 

DONE AND DONE! Another awesome look brought to you by the fashion man Kym Wyatt McKenzie. Until next time nerds!

#Fashion Conan comedy jimiboys Sohotrightnow Iloveyoumom

[mr-kym-blog]

What's hot

 Hey everyone, it's yours truly Kym McKenzie. The man with no knowledge about fashion. I can tell you right now, that even though I don't know jack shit about fashion doesn't mean I can't spot trends from a mile away...

 I have been raving about what to wear this June for wedding's and I have gotten a lot of hate mail. Letter's that say "Kym what if I am not going to a wedding? What if I just want to prance around on the street? I am going to kill you." Or hate letter's that read such as "Mr.McKenzie, your blog is not only a waste of time it's struck a chord in me and I can't stop thinking about how much I hate it...I don't know why but I think I am going to kill you. Also I am not going to a wedding this month, what do I wear when I am getting lunch!?"

Without further ado, here's a hot little number for the gentlemen. 

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this easy breezy summer look, it's light and has that " I truly don't give a fuck" feel to it. This is the perfect outfit for a first date, or even an evening out to the movies. 

 Here's how we create this look.

1: Rip apart your favorite sweater, a dark colour is best. (make sure it's light material)

2: Rip apart a wind breaker, a rain jacket will do but remember we're trying to get a light summer feel here. 

3: Throw both the sweater and the wind breaker pieces into a boiling hot cauldron. Mix them together for 15 hours. 

4: Take out the top from the cauldron, it will be all mashed together. Flip that bastard inside out and boom you got that cool fucked up top look. 

5: Go to a local supermarket and find a skid (pallet) out back, rip apart boards off the skid. 

6: Buy some nails. (finishing nails work best)

7: Buy a hammer.

8: Hammer the boards into your face, remember it's not how you do it, but where you do it. Nail them directly into your face. (more boards is better)

I am Kym Wyatt McKenzie and you have just created that cool summer look gentlemen! Thank me later ;)

Until next time readers. 

#fashion conan comedy jimiboys tumblr blog

[mr-kym-blog]

So hot this month.

 Hey what's up my best friends in the whole wide county. My name is Kym Wyatt McKenzie, I have absolutely no knowledge of the fashion world or for that matter experience.

 I do have an extremely alert eye though and I guarantee to give you the heads up on the hottest trends coming. I'll keep you ahead of the curve so you don't get made fun of at bbq's, weddings,  on walks, super cool pool parties, cross fit work outs, having sex, the list goes on my friends. 

 I have a bukkaka of information in my head and it needs to be released, so without further delay this is the hottest item for the ladies to wear during wedding's this month.

 This is by far one of my favorite looks, it shows a confidence that can only be described as "why". This is a beautiful summer garment, it'll keep you fresh feeling and light as you stroll onto the dance floor to move those arms and legs in the attempt of dancing. 

 A single titty on the chest will convey the message to the bride "hey... I can steal your man at any moment and you know what, later I will. This boob is his boob". Don't be afraid to go big with that areola, the bigger the areola...the bigger it will be. 

Believe it or not this look is actually a old design developed in hell by Satan himself. It's a sort of "ode' to Hell Raiser but keeping it summery with a very cool sleek, slip and slide feel. 

How to create this look you ask?!

1: Find old flesh, preferably Caucasian just for the summer feel. Flesh can be found at your local morgue.

2: Make opposing double triangle's with malleable wire, hot glue gun the flesh around the wire to create a this super hot dress look. 

3: Force both of your boobs into one boob...

4: Squid tentacles will be needed for the arms, so get that old dusty diving gear and start the search! hint (Giant squids have been known to be found in the belly of Sperm wales). 

5: Wrap your head in a plastic bag and super glue some tin foil strips in a linear fashion to create this melted silver look. hint (Make sure to poke a couple air holes in the bag ;) 

6: If you don't have long hair to wrap up, just find a GMO Turnip and shove it into your head. This will give you that finishing touch and that unicorn look that we all strive so hard to achieve. 

That's all folks! Until next time, I am Kym Wyatt McKenzie and that is what's hot this month. 

#fashion jimiboys blog giantsquid comedy #conan

[mr-kym-blog]

So hot in the month of June.

 Hey what's up, my name is Kym Wyatt McKenzie. I have absolutely no experience in the fashion world. I have a really good eye on what to wear and what not to wear though. 

 This is not going to necessarily be a blog dedicated to what's hot in fashion, but what's hot everywhere. It could be what the new "saying" is for the month or even what's hot to do before a date. I have a bukkaka of information in my head and it needs to come out. 

 So without further delay, this is going to be the hot item to wear to wedding's in the month of June. 

 I have done a lot of research on trending combo's and this is definitely going to be the next hot item for wedding's this coming month. 

 It shows confidence and style, you'll walk into a wedding sporting this look and heads will turn. Woman will say, "holy fuck, who the shit is that?" and other woman will say to that woman, " I don't know, but what I do know is later when we are all drinking I am going to smash genitals with that guy". 

 You could literally kick over the table with the wedding cake on it and nobody would give a fuck, because you're the man. This look guarantee's respect and will keep people guessing at who this mysterious (obviously super rich) guy is.  

 Now this look is going to be hot this month like I said so let's get started.

1: Go find a suit from a second hand store.

2: Get it tailored to your body type. 

3: Spray paint it with a basic matte silver spray paint, I prefer Home Depot's brand because it's a store that is close to me. 

4: Kill a baby elephant. 

5: Wear the elephant's face on your own face. (don't mistaken a baby for an adult, this face will be too big.)

6: Don't forget a pair of fancy Brogue dress shoes, spray paint those bastards as well. 

7: Get laid. 

OKAY! I am Kym Wyatt McKenzie and that's what's hot this month.