moviesessionwithmyhubby

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

Atonement: what if it's too late?

I recall a time during my third year of university when I was tasked with writing an essay on either a movie or a book. I honestly don't recall all the options I had at that time, but for books, I had the choice between "Norwegian Wood" and "The Great Gatsby." As for movies, I could choose either "Meet Joe Black" or "Atonement." In the end, I decided to go with Meet Joe Black. However, I made sure to read all the books and watch all the movies. It's evident that they are all of high quality. Nevertheless, after viewing Atonement, I experienced an indescribable sense of profound sadness. I have never watched that movie again, perhaps because I still find it difficult to handle the emotions it evokes.

I often tell my husband my belief in the concept of second chances. I firmly believe that everyone deserves an opportunity to make amends for their past actions, and that it is never too late to rectify mistakes or pursue new endeavors, like I always tell myself that “Hey Huong, it’s never too late to learn French, let’s do it! Or It’s never too late to exercise at the gym!”.  But now, upon reflecting on the film Atonement, I have come to the realization that there are situations or individuals who reach a point of no return, where they are unable to rectify their actions, or make amends.

On her fourteenth birthday during the summer, young noble Briony Tallis (played by Saoirse Ronan), a young ambitious writer, gazes out of the window and catches sight of her sister Cecilia (portrayed by Keira Knightley). Cecilia, a recent graduate from Cambridge University, is walking out of the bath in the courtyard. Her clothes cling to her body, revealing their transparency, while she captures the attention of Robbie Turner (played by James McAvoy), son of a housekeeper who worked for the Tallis family for 20 years and also a friend of Cecillia who is studying at Cambridge University. At that time, Briony had a sense that Robbie had feelings for his sister. Overwhelmed by Cecillia's captivating presence, Robbie hastily penned a brief letter to apologize for what happened the other day, he wrote so many drafts but regrettably, he inadvertently placed the letter filled with flirtatious and seductive words, intending to send it to Tallis, instead of sending a more suitable one.

By a twist of fate, the letter found its way into Briony's hands. Upon reading its contents, she accused Robbie of being a pervert and promptly shared the information with her cousin Lola. Then that day, at the fateful party, Briony unintentionally stumbles upon Robbie and Cecilia in the library, precisely at the moment when they are confessing their feelings for one another. And during the dinner, Lola’s twin brothers go missing. While everyone else searches for them, Briony ventures into the woods alone to look for them.That is when she saw that Lola was sexually assaulted by an unidentified man. Briony made a direct accusation against Robbie, claiming that she witnessed him being the rapist, stating, "I saw him with my own eyes!" Lola, unable to see the rapist's face, also suspects Robbie as the perpetrator due to the impression and assumption that he is a pervert, based on the inappropriate letter he wrote to the Tallis family. After searching for Lola's twin brothers, Robbie made his way back to Tallis's house. However, as soon as he arrived, he found himself apprehended by the police, with Cecillia's broken gaze. 

Subsequently, in an effort to atone for her errors involving her sister and Robbie, Briony chose to pursue a career as a nurse in the army, opting out of attending Cambridge. Briony also wrote a book called Atonement, where Cecilia and Robbie find happiness in their life together.

However, it is now too late. Ever since Briony falsely accused Robbie of a crime, she set in motion a series of events that would ultimately lead to the unraveling of her sister's life, as well as Robbie and Lola's. This downward spiral continued until everything fell apart at the bottom, with no possibility of returning to where it all began. As a prospective student, Robbie finds himself burdened with guilt that he did not commit, and he must come to terms with the fact that he has to become a soldier, which means being separated from his lover and abandoning his initial dreams. Cecillia's faith in her family waned, leading her to stop communication with her sister. Additionally, she made the decision to enlist in the army as a nurse. And Lola, sadly, made the decision to marry the person who had previously raped her.

When I watched this movie six years ago, I couldn't comprehend how a 14-year-old child could exhibit such cruelty, effortlessly lying and causing immense harm to the lives of the people she holds dear. I believe that Briony does not view Robbie as a pervert; rather, she harbors feelings of love for him. However, due to Robbie's affection for her sister, Briony experiences feelings of jealousy. She doesn't want them to be together, so she intends to sabotage their relationship by tarnishing Robbie's image in her sister's eyes. She believes that by doing so, she can prevent him from being with her sister. 

For me, the portrayal of Briony is one of the captivating aspects of Atonement, owing to the intricate nature of her actions and thoughts. In my opinion, this character is impressed by the author's exploration of a fundamental human nature: the inherent capacity for wrongdoing or selfish action in every individual. Doesn't it sound strange? It is often said that humans are born with kindness and have an inherent capacity for goodness. Would you agree with this perspective? I did back then. I still do now but gradually, I am beginning to believe that some individuals are inherently evil and selfish, some people are just narcissists and abusive, whether they choose to reveal or suppress it. And Briony was lying without a blink of an eye to destroy Robie’s life. Who would suspect that a 14-year-old child, especially a nice and cute girl, could falsely accuse someone else? However, it appears that a child is capable of exhibiting such cruelty and evilness. Perhaps, it is due to their young age that they fail to comprehend the repercussions of the abhorrent actions resulting from their immaturity. And when they grow older, more mature, wiser, it becomes too late for them to heal or fix certain things.

It’s too late for Robie, Cecilia, Lola and even Briony. But how about us? Do we wait until it’s too late to fix things? I believe that none of us wants to be burdened by the word "regret" in our lives. However, there are times when we find ourselves unsure of how to rectify things, where to begin, how to set aside our ego, and how to effectively communicate our emotions in order to find solutions to our problems.

I personally don't want to live a life of regret. My spouse frequently says that one of my positive qualities is that I don't wait until it's too late to fix things; when I realize I've done something stupid, I attempt to rectify it right away. I send adorable photos of myself wearing a cat ear headband, sometimes with clothes and sometimes without haha. And surprisingly, these pictures have a magical effect on him, instantly improving his mood. I am just joking, cute photos don’t solve the problems, girls lol. I used to struggle with effectively communicating my feelings and emotions. While I still have room for improvement, I am gradually becoming more skilled in this area. Whenever something happens, I have a tendency to become silent because I immediately start crying as soon as I try to speak and it becomes challenging for me to articulate the reasons behind my emotional response. Hence, I just go silent. But gradually, I have come to realize that if I do not communicate my thoughts and feelings to my husband, he will not be able to comprehend what is happening within me. It is through speaking and expressing myself that he can truly understand me. Because as humans, we have a tendency to make assumptions. Similar to Lola in Atonement, she mistakenly believed that Robbie was the one who assaulted her due to her negative feelings towards him following the story she heard from Briony involving his flirtatious letter. And sadly, she eventually married the man who was truly responsible for the assault. For me and my husband, sometimes, I assume that my husband understands why I get upset, or that he understands Vietnamese culture as if he is Vietnamese lol. Similarly, he may assume that I understand why he acts in a monkey way. And then we became frustrated when it became apparent that each person didn't understand anything. It’s clearly that without communication, we would never be able to know or fully comprehend things. 

But thank God, me and my husband are always able to communicate, and for that, we should be grateful.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The yellow bird and The white bird_part 5

Day after day, as the summer weather becomes increasingly oppressive, the yellow bird feels as if his shimmering golden feathers are sticking together uncomfortably. He lies stretched out on the verdant green grass, trying to relax his mind and ignore the scorching heat. Suddenly, the yellow bird senses a gust of wind sweeping across his face. Swiftly opening its eyes, he spots the white bird rolling back and forth, covering the grassy expanse. Unable to contain his amusement, the yellow bird bursts into laughter, clutching his belly.

The sound of laughter catches the attention of the white bird, who turns back with a hint of irritation and remarks, "You're quite cheerful, aren't you?" The yellow bird's laughter doesn't abate, and he continues, "Absolutely, every day I wake up is a joyful day." The white bird playfully retorts, "Right, you just stay in one spot all day, as if there's nothing to do but enjoy yourself." The yellow bird stops laughing and seriously asks, "Oh, could you explain that a bit more?" The white bird begins, "Sure, listen to this. In a day, I have to tackle countless tasks. The Nightingale is building a nest, so I lend a wing by flying to gather dry branches. The Green Parrot is diligently practicing human speech mimicry, needing my input. My parents haven't been well lately, so I have to help gather food for my younger siblings. And I'm also in the process of honing my ability to remember flight paths for myself. You see, everyone's pressing me, everyone wants me to help finish their tasks first. I've put in tremendous effort, but I also know what exhaustion feels like. Meanwhile, you're enjoying yourself, just rolling back and forth on the grass." The white bird finishes speaking, her demeanor reflecting a sense of unfairness and frustration.

When the yellow bird heard this, he couldn't help but chuckle and replied, "Let me tell you this. Once upon a time, when my mother had just given birth to me and my siblings, our family had moved to a new forest about a month ago. That summer was scorching, with an extended drought and limited food. My mother was unwell, so only my father went out to find food. Every day, he would fly a long distance from morning till evening, saying he had to fly far and visit multiple places to find enough food. And it wasn't just for our family, my father also gathered food for my uncle's family. And you know, flying such distances under that scorching weather, any bird would get tired. One afternoon, my father returned to the nest looking exhausted, and a chorus of hungry fledglings were demanding food and water with their incessant "Chirp chirp chirp." In a moment of frustration, my father raised his voice to my mother. He said that she didn't do anything while staying at the nest all day, not taking care of us, and just letting us cry for food all day long. You know what? That was the first and only time I saw my mother cry. She told my father that even though we were young and played and messed up the nest all day, by evening the nest was always clean and orderly. My father always had a place to rest, and the children were always clean, smelled good, and were fed on time. These things might have escaped my father's attention or he might have considered them as obvious, but my mother tried very hard for the family too. Her contributions were different from my father's, it didn't mean she did nothing. After my mother finished speaking, my father fell silent. Later that evening, my father apologized to my mother for his moment of annoyance that had made her sad. He told her that he saw and appreciated everything she did for the family. Upon hearing this, my mother turned to embrace my father, burying her head on his shoulders. She said she also saw and valued all that my father did for the family. She knew my father was working hard too, and she was very thankful to him."

The yellow bird stopped speaking and turned to look at the white bird, "Do you understand the meaning of this story?" The white bird hesitated and said, "The meaning of the story is that you only see your own hardships, thinking that everyone else is happy?" The yellow bird burst into laughter, "That could be one way to put it. Or more accurately, you can't know what others are going through. Everyone has their own life, their own path. You struggle in this way, others struggle in different ways. You contribute to the collective in this way, others contribute in their own ways. You achieve success in this way, others achieve success differently. You can't take yourself as the standard and assume that if others don't contribute like you, they're lazy, or if others don't face the same difficulties as you, their challenges are insignificant, or if others don't have the same success as you, they're failures. Isn't that right?"

The white bird nodded slowly.

The yellow bird continued, "I know you're helping the nightingale build her nest, so whenever I see dry branches, I collect them and put them here. Do you see that? I know also you have to find food for the little siblings, so I always gather extra food for your share, so that when you come here, there's food ready for you. I also know you're practicing memorizing flight paths, so I always have the routes ready for you to check every day. It's not like I'm doing nothing all day, right?"

The white bird said apologetically, "I'm sorry."

The yellow bird laughed, "You're too silly."

The white bird cheerfully added, "You know, I learned something else from this story. I learned that we shouldn't compare and calculate who does more, who sacrifices more, especially within a group, within a family. We all contribute because we want the collective to be better, because we want the family to be happy, right?"

The yellow bird laughed brightly, "You're getting smarter day by day."

The white bird responded happily, "Of course.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

Short story of the two dogs

Today, while I was sitting at a café and exchanging passionate messages with my boyfriend about recent news on the internet, I accidentally noticed two stray dogs growling at each other on the sidewalk. The black dog was sleeping under the shade of an electric pole when a lively yellow dog approached, seemingly wanting to share the shade for a bit. Well, that makes sense since the weather in Saigon has been around 34-35°C these days. I'm even looking for an air-conditioned place to sit, let alone these dogs. When the yellow dog was about a meter away from the pole, the black dog suddenly became alert, its ears perked up, and its eyes widened as it stared straight at the yellow dog, giving off a threatening vibe. The yellow dog was also quite feisty, bravely getting closer. When they were just about a step apart, the black dog unexpectedly stood up, growled loudly, barked fiercely, and bared its teeth as if saying, "Try taking one more step and see if I won't bite you." And naturally, the yellow dog didn't dare to approach any further, so it retreated and lay down in the sun. At that moment, I thought to myself, "Wow, the territorial instinct of animals is truly powerful." Then I turned back to my laptop screen and saw the messages my hubby had sent, expressing his viewpoint on the topic we were debating. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself and realize, "In fact, we humans also have a strong territorial instinct." I believe our minds are like territories, containing our thoughts, life perspectives, and viewpoints on the phenomena in life. Therefore, when someone appears with thoughts, beliefs, and viewpoints entirely different from our own, our instinct to protect our mental territory gets triggered to the maximum, and we react much like the black dog in the story above. Our minds will try every way possible to counter these different viewpoints in order to safeguard our mental territory.

When my hubby and I first started dating and began engaging in heated debates about challenging topics like religion, life perspectives, social media, influencers, and more, I found myself thinking, "Why does this person have such different thoughts from mine?" And even though I didn't consciously intend it, during those discussions, I always had an unconscious desire to prove that I was right, and I subconsciously wanted to change my hubby's thoughts. But of course, that wasn't effective because our minds have a territorial instinct, and the ruler of that mental territory isn't willing to let anyone come in and disrupt their land.

I couldn't enter my boyfriend's mental territory, dig up all his thoughts, and plant my own ideas just like I couldn't invade his territory and replace his strawberries with my mangoes. Likewise, my hubby couldn't enter my mental territory, uproot all my thoughts, and plant his own ideas just as he couldn't invade my land and replace my mangoes with his strawberries. So how could my boyfriend and I survive through these territorial invasions? We learned to respect each other's mental territories. I respected my hubby's opinions; I am willing to invite him and his basket of strawberries into my mango orchard, just as he was willing to invite me and my two mangoes into his strawberry patch. Thinking about this, I couldn't help but laugh. We learned to accept, or more accurately, I learned to accept that we can't change someone else's viewpoint, and sometimes it's unnecessary to argue about who's right or wrong. I know that in theory it sounds easy, but in the heat of a debate, I sometimes forget that "We all have our own perspectives." Yet, when the argument gets too tense, I realize that this debate isn't crucial, who's right or wrong isn't important. I don't want to hurt the person I love because of this argument. That's why my hubby and I always end our discussions with the phrase, "I respect your opinion, baby. I love you."

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The yellow bird and The white bird_Part4

Spring has passed, and summer has arrived. The weather is getting hotter each day. The golden bird feels increasingly lazy, not wanting to do anything except lying on the lush green grass and counting the gusts of wind. Today, he counted three gusts of wind! That's the most in the entire week; the past few days didn't even have a single gust of wind. Therefore, the yellow bird is in a very cheerful mood today. He stretches out on the grass and hums a silly tune, "la là lá la," dreaming of a sumptuous dinner with all sorts of worms and grubs. Oh, life is so beautiful. And while deeply lost in these pleasant thoughts, a suddenly loud voice jolts it back to reality, "That's so frustrating!" The yellow bird furrows its brow slightly, lets out a sigh, and thinks to himself, "Here we go again."

The yellow bird slowly opens its eyes and immediately meets the sight of the white bird fluffed up, looking very angry. The yellow bird chuckles and asks, "Who bothered you this time?" The white bird, still upset, turns back to the yellow bird and says, "You're still laughing? I just got picked on!" The yellow bird stops its mocking laughter and seriously inquires, "What happened? Who picked on you? Calm down and tell me."

The white bird recalls the recent incident, "This morning, I encountered the Green Parrot, the Nightingale, and the Flamingo. They were engaged in a very lively discussion, so I flew over to listen. It turns out they were debating a riddle they heard from humans, 'Which came first, the egg or the chicken?' The Green Parrot confidently stated, 'Obviously, the egg came first. Chickens hatch from eggs.' I immediately countered, 'But where did the egg come from? There must have been a chicken before it laid the egg.' The Green Parrot retorted, 'Then where did the chicken come from? Eggs come first, and then they hatch into chickens.' I argued back, 'You don't understand at all. How could eggs suddenly appear on Earth? Someone must have brought them here.' The Green Parrot disagreed, 'You're the one who doesn't get it. How could chickens appear on Earth? Chickens must hatch from eggs.' After that, the Green Parrot and I continued to argue, and in the end, neither of us could determine who was right or wrong. But it's clear that chickens came first. How could there be eggs before chickens? Don't you think that's correct?"

Upon hearing this, the yellow bird could only burst into laughter and said, "So, this is what you meant by being picked on?" The white bird, still annoyed, replied, "Exactly! He didn't listen to me, and he acted as if I were the foolish one."

The yellow bird spoke slowly, "Actually, this question doesn't have a definitive right or wrong answer." The white bird asked in surprise, "How can there be a question without a right or wrong answer? If it's a question, there must be a correct answer and a wrong answer." The yellow bird composedly replied, "There are some issues without clear-cut answers; we can only look at them from various perspectives. For example, like what your friend, the Green Parrot, said – the egg came first. It's possible that millions of years ago, a species that wasn't a chicken laid an egg, and from that egg, the chicken species developed. Or, as you said, perhaps millions of years ago, a chicken-like species existed, but not the exact chicken we see today. Over generations, this species gradually transformed and evolved into the chicken we know. We can't know for sure." The white bird began to calm down and reflect on what the golden bird had just said.

The yellow bird continued, "I remember when I was young, my father and my uncle used to argue loudly. It was a very hot summer, much hotter than now, weeks went by without rain, the trees were dry, and it was rare to find a worm or an earthworm. My father tried his best to find food and store as much as possible, because he said we didn't know how long this drought would last. We should eat sparingly, only enough to avoid exhaustion, not waste, and not eat too much during this time. My uncle had a different perspective. He said this wasn't the first summer we had experienced, every summer was hot and had little rain, yet we survived. If we ate cautiously like my father suggested, sooner or later our family would exhaust itself before anything else. At first, my father disagreed with my uncle and argued back. My father said my uncle couldn't see beyond the present, while my uncle accused my father of only troubling the trouble before the trouble troubles him."

The yellow bird paused and turned to the white bird, asking, "Who do you think was right? My father or my uncle?" The white bird hesitated and said, "I… I don't know. I think both had valid points." The yellow bird smiled and continued the story, "Eventually, my father stopped arguing with my uncle. I asked him why, and he replied, 'Son, I realized both your uncle and I had our reasons, our own perspectives.' I asked again, 'So who is ultimately right or wrong, Dad? If the weather remains hot and dry for another 1-2 weeks, and my uncle's family runs out of food, would that mean you were right?' My father looked at me and said, 'Do you hope I'm right? Do you hope your uncle's family will suffer due to lack of food?' 'No, I don't,' I innocently replied. My father continued, 'You see, in a debate, it's not always necessary to argue about who's right or wrong. I don't want to see your uncle's family suffer just to prove my point. Neither can I change his perspective, nor can he change mine. Instead, your uncle and I are learning to respect each other's thoughts. If the dry season continues and your uncle's family lacks food, I will help within my capacity, and I believe your uncle will do the same.'"

After finishing the story, the yellow bird turned to look at the white bird and said, "Do you understand now? There are questions and issues that have definitive answers, like cows having four legs and living on land, elephants having trunks, a year having four seasons, etc. But there are also matters where we simply have different viewpoints. Instead of trying to argue about who's right or wrong and causing harm to each other, isn't it better to learn to respect each other's perspectives?"

Upon hearing the yellow bird's words, the white bird turned and left.

Perplexed, the golden bird called out, "Where are you going?"

The white bird replied, "I'm going to apologize to the Green Parrot. I was a bit hot-headed earlier. I don't want to make him sad, and I want to keep being friend with him."

The golden bird smiled and said, "Fly safe!"

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The yellow bird and The white bird -Part3

Time keeps passing, the yellow bird and the white bird are becoming closer and closer. One day, while the yellow bird is happily enjoying a cool afternoon by the tree, the white bird flies over with a sad expression. Worried, the yellow bird asks the white bird if something is wrong, but the white bird doesn't respond. The white bird just lowers her head to the ground, avoiding the yellow bird's gaze. The yellow bird tries everything—offering food, dancing, telling jokes—to cheer up the white bird, but the white bird remains sad and doesn't speak. Finally, the yellow bird sits down next to the white bird and says, "I'm here, everything will be alright." The white bird starts to sob, its shoulders trembling, and suddenly bursts into tears. The yellow bird embraces the white bird, comforting it, "It's okay, it's okay, I'm here."

After crying for a while, the white bird finally regains her composure. The yellow bird looks at the white bird affectionately and teases, "You're a crybaby." At this point, the white bird has regained her spirit and doesn't back down, "You're the crybaby." And they both burst into laughter. The yellow bird looks at the happy white bird and asks again, "Now, will you tell me what's wrong?" The white bird pauses for a moment, then starts speaking, "I… I'm a loser." Surprised, the yellow bird asks, "Why do you think that way?" The white bird starts to slump again, "I'm not good at anything, I'm a loser." The yellow bird immediately responds, "Don't be foolish like that." The white bird defiantly retorts, "I am foolish like that." And then bursts into tears again. "Today, I met my childhood friends again. When we were young, the nightingale could sing beautifully, and now she sings even better. The green parrot, when he was young, he could mimic human's voice, and now he's even more skilled at it. And the flamingo, not to mention, she was always beautiful, and now her feathers are even more stunning than before. Look at me, I can't sing as well as the nightingale, I can't mimic like the green parrot, I don't have beautiful feathers like the flamingo. I, I only have plain white feathers, I'm a loser." Saying this, the white bird bursts into tears again.

The yellow bird, seeing this, feels a mix of amusement and sympathy, "But we all have our own strengths, you can't look at other birds' successes and think you're a failure." The white bird stubbornly argues back, "Well it's easy for you, you have a shiny golden plumage, a beautiful voice, and you're intelligent. You're good at everything." The yellow bird sighs in helplessness and then speaks, "You know, when I was young, I used to think just like you. Why were other birds so talented, so beautiful, so melodious, and I wasn't? Among my siblings, I was the last to learn how to sing, the last to learn how to fly. Other birds always teased me. At that time, I thought, why was I so unlucky, why did my parents bring me into this world like this? I started to hate everything, I hated my parents, my siblings, I didn't want to learn to fly or sing anymore. Until one day, a storm swept through our nest. The nest fell to the ground and broke apart. My parents and siblings could all fly away to find shelter, but I kept flapping my wings and couldn't take off. At that moment, I thought I was really unlucky, I thought I was a loser. I gave up and stopped trying to fly away from the storm. But from a distance, I heard my father's loud call searching for me. My father came back to save me, ignoring the storm, ignoring the branches hitting him. When I sat on my father's back, I apologized for disappointing him. My father replied, 'Yes, I'm disappointed, but not because you don't know how to fly or sing. I'm disappointed because you gave up. You were born with a healthy body, with wings and feathers. You are loved by your parents. But facing a few challenges early in life, you decided to give up. You blamed everyone else except yourself. Instead of asking if I'm disappointed, ask yourself if you're disappointed with yourself." After that, I threw myself into learning to fly, learning to sing, I never missed a single practice session. At first, the other birds always laughed at me because I kept flapping my wings but couldn't take off, I would just fall down. But I didn't care anymore, I focused only on practicing. And gradually, after a week, I could fly up one meter, after two weeks, I could fly up two meters, after a month, I could fly up to the top of a tall tree. And I will never forget the first time I flew up to the sky. The sky was so beautiful and blue, I was so absorbed in looking at it that I didn't realize my father had flown up next to me at some point. He said to me, 'My son, I believe that we all have our own path to follow. If you try to compete with other birds, you'll never catch up with them. Don't compare yourself to others, don't race against others. You have to race against yourself, the you of today has to be better than the you of yesterday, the you of tomorrow has to be better than the you of today. Make a little progress every day, that's what's important.'"

You see, to be where I am today, like what you said, "having a shiny golden plumage, a beautiful voice, being intelligent, good at everything," I put in a lot of effort in the past. And who knows, your friend, the green Parrot, might have practiced mimicking human's speech every day to become as good as today, your friend, the Nightingale, might have worked hard to improve her singing skills, your friend, the Flamingo, might have taken care of her feathers tirelessly, right?

The white bird starts to fall into deep thought, knowing that the yellow bird is right, but not wanting to admit that she was wrong. The white bird replies in a childish manner, "But I don't know what I like, I don't know what I'm good at to make an effort, to put in the work for it. They are much luckier than me. The green parrot knew from a young age that he could mimic human's voice, the nightingale knew from a young age that she had a beautiful singing voice, the flamingo knew from a young age that she was beautiful. I don't know what I like, what I'm good at." The yellow bird patiently responds, "It's okay, we all have our own unique paths. The Green Parrot, the Nightingale, and the Flamingo have smoother paths, so they reached their destinations earlier. Our path might be rockier, so we arrive a little later, and that's okay. You will find something you're good at, something you enjoy. You don't need to be good at singing, mimicking, or have beautiful feathers. Who knows, you might excel in something else. You know, you belong to the Dove branch, and Doves are known to be the most intelligent birds among all. You are already unique and special."

The white bird's eyes widen, "Really?"

The yellow bird continues, "Of course, I've heard that doves have an amazing memory for directions."

The white bird remains skeptical, "Why don't I feel that way? I forget things all the time."

The yellow bird laughs heartily, "It's okay, we just need to practice. We don't need to be better than anyone else, just focus on making a little progress every day, that's what matters."

The white bird smiles brightly, "You're right!"

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The yellow bird and The white bird -Part2

Day by day, the yellow bird and the white bird became close friends. Every evening at sunset, the white bird would land on the familiar tree branch and share stories with the yellow bird about the places she had flown to, the daily happenings, and they would laugh and play together. One day, the white bird excitedly landed on the ground, carrying delicious food for the yellow bird. The yellow bird was surprised and asked, "Where did you get so much food?" The white bird eagerly recounted what had happened, "You know what, today when I was flying near the outskirts, I suddenly found some food on the ground. At first, I was puzzled, wondering why there was food there. So, I cautiously approached and took a bit of it before flying away. Then, I heard a soft voice calling me back, saying it was alright and that there was plenty of food there. I turned around and saw a cute little boy with a bright smile, and he was missing two front teeth. He looked so adorable. So, I flew back, grabbed some food, and brought it here to share with you. Tomorrow, I'll go back there again, and I'm sure there will be even more delicious food." The eyes of the white bird sparkled with happiness, as she was already imagining the delightful food she could have every day. In contrast to the white bird's joyful imagination, the yellow bird anxiously said, "You must not go back there!" The white bird was surprised and asked, "Why not? There's delicious food there, and we don't have to go searching for it." The yellow bird spoke earnestly, "It's a trap." The white bird became even more puzzled, "A trap? What do you mean? That's just a cute little boy who kindly offered us food. Do you think I've never seen a bird trap before? I've seen a flock of green birds get trapped in a cage before. Do you think I'm foolish?" The yellow bird sighed, looking at the innocent white bird before him. He realized that no matter what he said, the white bird would not understand. So, he said, "Let me tell you this story."

The yellow bird gazed wistfully at the crimson horizon, a part of the sky he hadn't soared into for a long time. He spoke slowly, "Once upon a time, there was a naive little yellow bird who left the nest for the first time to explore the world. After a day of flying in the sky, he felt exhausted and his stomach began to growl. But now it was dark, and he didn't know where to find food. Suddenly, he spotted a bunch of food on an empty patch of land. Without thinking, he flew down and gobbled it up. Feeling satisfied, he thought, 'Oh, this place has such delicious food; I must come back tomorrow.' And so, the next day, the little yellow bird returned to that empty patch of land, and once again, he found another bunch of tasty food on the ground. But this time, while he was eating, he suddenly noticed a little boy standing far away. Startled and afraid, the yellow bird was about to fly away when the boy said loudly, 'Don't be afraid, I won't do anything, just keep eating.' And so, the naive yellow bird continued his dinner. Day after day, the little yellow bird kept coming back to that empty patch of land, gradually getting used to the boy's presence. He thought the boy was adorable and lovely. 

Until one day, while the yellow bird was happily eating his dinner, suddenly, there was a loud noise, and the world seemed to turn upside down. The bird felt a sharp pain running from his foot, and he tried to fly away, but he couldn't because his foot was tightly tied with a string. In a panic, the yellow bird heard laughter echoing around him, and it was the boy's laughter, the same laughter that accompanied the bird's meals every day. But why? The yellow bird kept asking himself why until he found himself trapped in a cage. He felt the pain and realized it was all a trap. The yellow bird almost gave up and accepted his fate to live in the cage for the rest of his life. Until one day, while the boy opened the cage to put food inside, the yellow bird saw an opportunity and quickly flew away. From that moment on, the yellow bird no longer easily trusted anything.

After listening to the story of the yellow bird, the white bird fell into contemplation for a while before speaking up, "But not everyone's the same. For every bad person, there is also a good person. You cannot judge all humans just because one person treated you poorly."

The yellow bird responded, "I'm not saying you can't trust anyone. My point is, before trusting someone, you should be cautious and do your research. Things may appear one way, but in reality, they might be different. If you want to verify it for yourself, tomorrow when you return to that empty patch of land, hide far away and observe if there is any thin string near the food, if there is any hidden cage."

After a moment of contemplation, the white bird said, "I believe the boy is not a bad person."

The yellow bird smiled at the white bird and replied, "I hope so too."

The next day, as the sun began to set, the white bird flew back to the familiar tree with a weary expression. The yellow bird didn't need to ask; he knew something had happened. The first thing the yellow bird said to the white bird was, "I know you're sad, I know you feel betrayed, but I'm glad you're back here safely. What I told you yesterday wasn't to make you doubt everything; I just wanted you to protect yourself. Because sometimes, the person who offers us sweets isn't necessarily good, and the one who gives us bitter medicine isn't necessarily bad.” The white bird remained saddened. The yellow bird then said, "But keep believing in the good, the positive side, because no matter what, I believe life is still beautiful."

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The yellow bird and The white bird -Part1

Once upon a time in a forest there lived a little bird with dazzling yellow feathers. When the young bird grew up, he said farewell to his mother and his siblings and sisters and set out on an adventure to discover new regions. After a few days of flight, he became exhausted and couldn't raise his wings anymore; the bird searched for a limb of a tree where he could land and rest before continuing his journey. The unfortunate situation was that as soon as his foot was touched, the branches of the tree abruptly snapped in half, the bird plummeted to the ground, and one side of his wing was gravely hurt. He looked at his bleeding wing and thought, "It's okay, let's take a break, and then fly to find another branch." After a moment, he expanded his wings in order to rise higher into the air, and he kept looking for another branch of trees that he could use as a perch. This time he noticed a bigger branch, and since it seemed to be more certain than the prior time, he assumed that this time he had located the ideal location to rest. After his landing, thankfully, the branches were not damaged as they were the last time. He sat down and relaxed, peering up at the view from above, the sky was beautifully blue, and the green rice field was far away, how magnificent they were, the yellow bird even started to think that he may have built his nest on this sturdy branch. After a few days, everything looked to be going very well, and the yellow bird seemed to be extremely satisfied with the limb that he had selected to perch on. Until one day the branch suddenly split in two, the little yellow bird with the injured side of its wing could not react in time and fell straight down to the ground, which resulted in the other wing also being injured. After the fell, the bird had been gravely injured, the fur on its body was no longer as silky smooth as it had been before, and he had no option but to remain on the ground while to wait for the wounds in its two wings to heal.

After some time had passed, both of the bird's wings had completely recovered from the damage they had sustained, but for some reason, the bird was unable to return to fly again. The wounds that the bird had sustained on its wings gradually stopped bleeding, but the scars that were left behind acted as a continual reminder of the misery that the bird had through in the past. He had a feeling of dread. He is really terrified that he may fall once again. The yellow bird is now perched on the ground, but he can't help but stare up into the sky and think back to the good old days, when he could fly anywhere he pleased.

After one day, one week, one month, and one year had gone, the bird was used to living on the ground by this time. Then, on one particular day, a bird with white fur landed on a branch of a tree that was near to the yellow bird. The yellow bird was wandering around the tree when the white bird looked down and spotted it. The white bird then called out to the yellow bird, saying, "Hey yellow bird, fly up here, the view up here is beautiful." It seemed as if the yellow bird was in a hurry. It was the first time he had ever seen such a beautiful white bird, and because of this, he formed the opinion that, if his mother's stories about an angel were true, the angel could only look like this bird. The yellow bird raised its voice and called out to white bird, "Come down here; the branches are not safe, I've fallen twice, and both of my wings have been injured." As it asked the yellow bird, "So, are you still hurt that you can't fly?" the white bird, who was looking worried, talked to the yellow bird.

Once upon a time, in a certain forest, there was a young bird with dazzling golden feathers. When he grew up, he bid farewell to his mother and siblings to embark on an adventure to explore new lands. He flew continuously, day after day, wandering through different places and reaching new skies. Until one day, the little bird felt utterly exhausted after flying tirelessly for many days, and his wings could no longer muster the strength to soar. He looked around and found a tree branch to land and rest upon. Unfortunately, as soon as his feet touched down, the branch unexpectedly snapped, causing him to tumble to the ground and injuring one of his wings. The little bird thought, "It's alright, I'll rest for a while, then fly again to find another tree branch." So, he mustered the strength, flapped his wings, and took to the sky once more to continue his journey in search of a new resting spot. This time, he spotted a larger branch that seemed more secure than the previous one, and he thought he had finally found the perfect resting place. He landed, and luckily, the branch didn't break like before. He sat down to rest, admiring the view from above— the clear blue sky and the distant rice fields— it was truly magnificent, and he even considered making this sturdy branch his permanent home. 

Time passed peacefully, and the little bird was content with his chosen branch. However, one day, the branch suddenly snapped in two, catching the bird off guard. He fell straight to the ground, injuring one wing, and unfortunately, the other wing got hurt as well. The bird looked bedraggled, his once shiny golden feathers were now ruffled, and he had no choice but to wander on the ground, waiting for his wings to heal.

Time passed swiftly, and the wounds on the bird's wings had completely healed, but strangely, the bird no longer soared in the sky. The wounds on the wings had stopped bleeding, but the scars remained, serving as a constant reminder of the past painful falls. The bird was afraid. Afraid of falling once more. The bird stood under the tree, occasionally gazing up at the sky, reminiscing about the moments of happiness when he could freely glide and soar up high.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into a year. The once-adventurous bird had grown accustomed to life on the ground. Then, one day, a bird with lustrous white feathers landed on a nearby branch. The yellow bird, going about his usual business, caught sight of the white bird peering down at him. The white bird called out, "Hey, yellow bird, come up here! The view from above is breathtaking!" Intrigued and a bit flustered by the beauty of the white bird, the yellow bird couldn't help but imagine that this bird must be an angel, just as his mother had described. The yellow bird responded, "Come down here; it's not safe on the branches. I've fallen twice, and my wings were injured both times." Concerned, the white bird inquired, "Are your wings still hurt, preventing you from flying?" The yellow bird replied, "No, the wounds have healed long ago. But no matter what, I'll fall off that branch again, so I'd rather stay grounded for my safety." The white bird paused, then gently said, "But you are a bird, and your strength lies in your wings, not the branches under your feet."

This statement brought out the frustration in the yellow bird, who replied, "You don't understand because you've never been humbled! How could you possibly comprehend how much it hurts? How could you possibly grasp someone's fear of falling?" After a moment of contemplation, the white bird humbly responded, "You're right; I don't understand, and I apologize." The white bird then gazed at the awe-inspiring crimson sunset and looked down at the yellow bird, who remained upset on the ground. With compassion, the white bird offered, "Would you like to know how the view is up here? Let me describe it for you." As the yellow bird looked up at the beautiful white bird, a year's worth of emotions seemed to converge, and he mustered a smile for the first time in what felt like ages.

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The touch

This morning when I was sleeping soundly, all of a sudden I was startled awake by the piercing wail of a child. I had no idea what was going on, so I slowly attempted to rouse myself and open the window so that I could see what was going on outside. As it turned out, the culprit was a little child who lived in the area. I believed that while he was probably running around, he must have tripped and fell. And even though his mother was there, standing in front of him and assuring him that everything was okay, he continued to weep until his mother walked up behind him and hugged him while reassuring him that everything was going to be fine. After then, as if by some kind of miracle, he stopped sobbing. At that moment I realized touch is such a powerful thing; it's almost like a language that transcends words. I mean, we've all felt the warmth of a hug, the comfort of a hand on our shoulder, or the tender caress of a loved one at one point or another in our lives. It's almost magical in the way it can communicate thoughts and sensations that words on their own are unable to do. Take into consideration the feeling you get when you finally get to see your parents after being gone for a while. At that very instant when you are reconnected with them and feel their arms around you, it is as if all of your concerns and pressures vanish into thin air. Their touch is a subtle reminder that you are loved and treasured; it speaks more than words ever could about how they feel about you. Or when I rub my cat's hair, I can sense how happy she is, and I can hear her purring with pleasure. My touch conveys to her that she is secure and cherished, and in return, Simba reacts with warmth and friendship. It's a language of affection and trust. Or, the simple act of your partner holding your hand might be seen as a silent pledge of solidarity and support. Their touch is a physical manifestation of their presence and reassurance that you are not traveling this path of life alone. It's another way of expressing the sentiment that "We're in this together, no matter what."

My husband and I are separated by around 7,000 kilometers since he resides in Saudi Arabia and I live in Vietnam. Being in a relationship that is long-distance means that physical contact is something that is very valuable and scarce. When my husband is going through a difficult period or is feeling vulnerable, it is times like these that I fully grasp the benefit of being physically near to him. How I wish I could be there to provide him the peace and support he needs, holding his hand and comfortingly hugging him when he is craving it. But because of the distance between us, it is quite difficult. We rely on other channels of communication as a substitute. We try to overcome the physical barrier between us by sending love messages to one another and by making video calls so that we can see and hear each other's faces and voices. But it's simply not the same thing at all. No digital display can convey the same feeling of comfort that I get from his touch or the sense of safety I get when he hugs me close. And knowing that I can't physically be there for him at the time when he wants my assistance the most gives me a sense of powerlessness.

My husband had a difficult day yesterday. He was stressed out at work and so many things were going on at his side that he wanted to go for a drive simply to unwind. When he returned, he spoke up about some old trust problem trauma that was still troubling him. I could see that he was looking for validation and comfort from me. And at that time, I thought, “Fuck this distance.” I wanted to help him and soothe him, but I didn't know how. It’s like I watched him fall, just as the mother saw his child fall, but unlike her, I couldn't go up to him, embrace him, and raise him up. I felt useless. I felt like my words were helpless, and I thought I needed to do something more significant to show him how much I cared. I want to relieve his suffering and his past trauma, but it's like trying to restore a shattered mirror. No matter how hard we try to put the parts back together, it will never be the same. The trust that previously existed has been damaged, and I recognize that rebuilding it will take time and work. "The human touch. That's what counts." This is what Sean told Will in the movie “Good Will Hunting”. With heartfelt empathy, Sean gently cradles the fragile pieces of Will's wounded soul. He understands that the power of healing resides not just in words but in the tender caress of compassion, in the embrace of a caring hand on one's shoulder. Human contact then becomes an elixir for Will's wounded heart in the sanctuary of their treatment. It mends the cracks, thread by sensitive thread, putting together the parts of his broken soul with love and compassion. Just like when Sean tells Will a heartbreaking tale about his late wife's quirky behaviors and the treasured times they enjoyed together. He tells how he used to clutch her hand even while they were sleeping simply to feel close to her. Sean's eyes welled up with tears as he recalled his wife. In that moment, he gives Will a significant insight. He reveals that his love for his wife was not simply about spectacular gestures or words they shared; it was the simple act of holding her hand, the human contact, that actually mattered. 

I want to be my husband’s Sean, that I understand that beneath the scars and the bravado, lies the universal need for compassion and empathy. I want to touch him, not merely skimming the surface for warmth and solace, but to delve deeper and touch him on a profound level. I want to trace the contours of his scar with tender fingertips and press my lips against it in a gentle kiss, telling him that, "We're in this together, no matter what."

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Everything Everywhere All Within Me

I still remember the Oscar ceremony that took place earlier this year. It was back then a topic of great discussion among those in my area, with much chatter revolving around two notable films: "Everything Everywhere all at once" and "The Whale." Naturally, the conversation revolved around the captivating and remarkable plots of the movies. Furthermore, the conversation delved into the esteemed actors and actresses who graced the screens in both of these cinematic masterpieces. What was it that made these actors so special? It wasn't just because Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan and Brendan had endured years in the shadows, but also because they once shone so brightly, brimming with potential. Like Michelle Yeoh said when she won Best Actress award for Evelyn role in “Everything everywhere all at once”:  “This is proof that dream big, and dreams do come true. And ladies, don’t let anybody tell you that you are ever past your prime. Never give up.” Or Brendan Fraser said when he won Best Actor award for Charlie role in “The Whale”: “I started in this business 30 years ago. And things, they didn’t come easily to me, but there was a facility that I didn’t appreciate at the time until it stopped.”  They are all the star of a glorious past, destined for a limitless future. Ke Huy Quan's significant part in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" when he was 12 years old should have paved the way for a successful acting career. Being crowned as Miss Malaysia in 1983 and attending the popular film "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragons" in 2000 should have opened the large door to Hollywood and Michelle Yeoh's career. Brendan was intended to be a great star for action movies in Hollywood with the smash series The Mummy. But all of this didn’t happen. Their life and career path should have been wonderful right? Given their ability, skills, determination and a good start. Starting out on the right foot, as they say, leads to a good voyage. But, I suppose, life, like a movie, has a way of delivering unexpected plot twists at any time. Some of the twists come from above, the Almighty. Some other twists are often the result of our own decisions, whether deliberate or compelled, that lead us down the unexpected road despite our best intentions. When I received a very good score in the high school entrance exams and was accepted into one of the best high schools in town, my parents and relatives all said that I would be extremely successful someday. When I passed two universities, my parents, relatives, and uncles all said that I would become somebody significant. And I, for one, believed in it. Until I got my French Linguistics bachelor's degree and didn't know what to do with it to make money or get a decent career. Or until one day I realized the career path I had diligently pursued all this while was not aligned with my true calling. It failed to ignite a sense of passion within me; instead, I found myself akin to a fish floundering in the mud, rather than reveling in the freedom of the water. There were some moments I did think that I had failed myself, and I tried to make it right via my actions, but with each decision, I felt like my life was slipping more and more off course, despite the fact that I had gotten off to a good start. Just like Evelyn in "Everything Everywhere All at Once". The central idea behind "Everything Everywhere All at Once" revolves around the notion of choices and their profound impact on one's life. What is the pivotal moment in Evelyn's life that she wishes she could have done differently? Against her father's wishes, she made the bold decision to embark on a new life in the United States alongside Waymond. Her heart was captivated by the alluring allure of the American dream, a vision that had long danced in her dreams. However, at present, Evelyn finds herself in the role of an overworked mother, tasked with the delicate balancing act of managing a struggling laundromat business while also tending to the needs of her father, Gong Gong. The weight of these responsibilities has taken its toll, resulting in heightened levels of stress and tension. And upon a profound reflection, she came to realize that the life she currently led was far from the one she had envisioned. In many of my previous articles, I wrote about the influence of my parents' expectations and societal norms on my personal development. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, nor did I wish to fall short of societal expectations. But there is a part of me that believes, at the core of my being, I don’t want to disappoint myself the most. I believe that with each passing moment, every decision we make is a sincere endeavor towards achieving success and creating a promising future. Sometimes, the choices we make lead to triumph, while on other occasions, they steer us towards an unforeseen trajectory. And in instances where the outcome diverges greatly from our initial expectations, it is typical for us to seek solace within the protective embrace of a cocoon, which is fabriced by self-shame and self-esteem. The feeling of shame that arises when we fail ourselves and the desire to protect our self-esteem by concealing our failures from others. And we continue to reside within that cocoon which appears robust to the external eyes, yet harbors a delicate vulnerability within. Similar to the character Evelyn in the movie, she holds a deep dissatisfaction with her life and the reality she finds herself in. She regrets the decision she made to relocate to the United States, yet she remains fiercely protective of her cocoon. She doesn’t want others to perceive her choice as a grave mistake. But when her husband reveals his desire for a divorce, her cocoon begins to crumble, and she starts embarking on a journey through alternate realities where she opted to stay in China. Because for her, that is the pivot moment where everything went wrong. If she were not currently a struggling and unhappy wife in the United States, she would aspire to pursue a career as a chef, or a renowned singer, or even a skilled master of kung-fu. Like we can see in her other universes.  “You have so many goals you never finished. Dreams you never followed. You are living your worst you.” - Alpha Waymond said In that very moment, Evelyn found herself obliged to admit that her endeavors did not result in the success she had aspired to achieve. She had not made the wise choices she had anticipated, and, most dishearteningly, her life had not unfolded with the brilliance as she had thought it should be, and she let herself stuck in this unhappy version. I was also living in my own cocoon. When my husband asked whether I had any regrets, I replied I wished I hadn't studied French linguistics, that I hadn't pursued a profession as a project manager, and that I had done things differently. I occasionally imagine other possibilities, much like Evelyn did when she traveled across multi-universes and met her other selves and saw her other outcomes. You know, there are times in my life when I wish I could reset everything, I reflect on my past actions and find myself wishing for a different outcome, I consider the choices I've made and imagine alternate paths I could have taken. Just like Evelyn.

But what Evelyn and I were unaware of at that time was that when the cocoon collapses, it is not a negative occurrence. In fact, it is quite the opposite, as without the breaking of the cocoon, our beautiful butterfly wings would be unable to open and display their beauty. When Evelyn ceased her search for alternative outcomes in other universes and instead embraced her present situation along with all the choices she had made, she ultimately discovered a means to rescue her daughter Joy and restore harmony within her relationship with her husband. Or like Brenda Faser, after all of the struggling in the mud, after all of the rejection during his career path, Brenda still rose above it all and ultimately emerged victorious, earning the highly esteemed Oscar award. Or like Ke Huy Quan said when he won Best Supporting Actor for Waymond role in “Everything everywhere all at once”: “Dreams are something you have to believe in. I almost gave up on mine. To all of you out there, please keep your dreams alive.” I still wholeheartedly embrace every experience I've had, for the choices I've made that shape the very essence of my being in the present. Despite the lack of success I encountered in my career over the past six years, I have found contentment in my current pursuit as a writer and YouTuber. Although uncertain of where this path may ultimately lead, I am genuinely pleased with the direction I am heading.

But I know this is not a happy ending, not yet. Inevitably, we shall encounter challenges once more, and regrettably, we may find ourselves making wrong choices once again, leading to potential failures in our endeavors. Because  But now I have come to believe that failure is not something to be feared. If we allow fear to hinder our progress, if we are too afraid to go ahead, we will be deprived of any opportunities, whether they be opportunities for success or even opportunities for failure.

Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, and Brendan Fraser, they possess an unwavering determination that knows no bounds. Despite experiencing numerous rejections in both their personal and professional lives, and making several choices in the hopes of paving a path to success, only to find themselves in unfavorable circumstances. They persist in their onward movement.

I believe life can be likened to a vast ocean, continuously filled with waves, while we, as individuals, are akin to the grains of sand scattered along its shores. As the rhythmic tides and surges of the ocean persists, each wave gracefully approaches the shore, caresses the soft grains of sand, and then flees, making way for the next wave to follow suit. This mesmerizing cycle continues, wave after wave, in a harmonious dance with the shoreline. As the wave gracefully approaches the shore, it delicately caresses the sand, inevitably carrying a small portion of it back into the vast expanse of the ocean. In return, it leaves behind a gentle residue of its aqueous essence, moistening the grains of sand. However, despite the countless waves from the powerful ocean, the sand remains resolute, unwavering in its steadfastness. Similar to the multitude of challenges and failures that come to us throughout our life, it is inevitable that these failures will leave a permanent imprint upon us. They extract fragments of our joy and confidence, while leaving behind remains of self-doubt and fear. However, we shall remain still, akin to the grains of sand, as the radiant sun showers its warmth upon us, causing the sand to regain its dried-out state once more.

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The forest

I remember there was a particular dialogue that stood out to me from the pages of the graphic novel entitled “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse”, written and illustrated by Charlie Mackesy. This dialogue likely unfolds in a scenario where the young boy finds himself grappling with a sense of overwhelm and uncertainty regarding a situation he is lost in the forest.

As the boy expresses his uncertainty, his words take the form of a statement,"I can't see a way through," In response, the horse offers a concise yet thought-provoking inquiry, "Can you see your next step?" The boy's response is one of unwavering confidence as he affirms, "Yes," revealing his understanding of the immediate small steps he can undertake, despite the uncertainty that lies beyond his sight.

“I can't see a way through”, said the boy. “Can you see your next step?" “Yes” “Just take that”, said the horse Back then, I failed to comprehend the immense power held within this dialogue. Until yesterday. Behind the small wooden cabin in which I currently reside, there lies a small hill covered with a diminutive pine forest. Every morning, I embark on a trek to that hill and small pine forest, enjoying the serene beauty of nature while relishing the crisp, refreshing air. Today felt like any other day. However, I began my ascent earlier than usual, at approximately 7am. As a result, the hill was devoid of any other people, leaving me in solitary company. The road proved to be a more difficult path to traverse than its usual state, due to the extensive downpour that transpired the previous day. The road became flooded with mud, rendering its surface treacherously slippery. Walking without slipping and falling became quite challenging. But I still managed to reach my intended destination. Seated upon the verdant carpet of grass, I found peace in the gentle caress of the crisp, refreshing air. I had been seated there for quite some time before deciding to gather my belongings and embarked on my journey back to my original destination. As I descended, the road conditions grew increasingly challenging. I found myself relying heavily on the strength of my legs and knees to maintain my balance, for the road was in a state of disrepair. As I walked forward, my path followed a familiar route, the one I had traversed on numerous occasions. Lost in my thoughts and enjoyed the sight on the way,, I failed to truly observe the road before me, assuming its familiarity would guide me effortlessly. But as I continued my journey on foot, a growing sense of unfamiliarity enveloped me. The landscape before me seemed to be different from my memory, as if the path I had traversed earlier had gone through a subtle transformation. The presence of an unknown tree and an unfamiliar view further heightened my confusion, for I had no memory of encountering such elements during my ascent. So I retraced my steps to the closest turn, which was supposed to be a fork in the road. However, the left turn of the fork, which was the intended route, was covered by a tangle of branches, rendering it invisible to my sight. As I stood in that moment, my gaze fixated on the single road ahead, and it became apparent to me that this particular path was not the correct one. Considering the situation, I reasoned that I must have missed a turn somewhere further up ahead. So I ascended once more, I tried to pick out and recollect in memory the various flowers and branches that had caught my attention during my ascent. As I continued my journey, a magnificent red flower caught my eye. It was the very same one I had noticed on my ascent, confirming that the path leading from the top to the flower's location was indeed correct. The issue, therefore, must have lied somewhere between the flower's spot and the fork in the road. I ascended and descended twice, carefully attempting to figure out if I had missed a turn or a path, yet my eyes saw nothing. At that moment, a wave of panic washed over me. In that desolate place, a complete absence of signal rendered me unable to make any calls or access Google Maps (Though I was aware of its inefficiency in such faraway places, I still held a foolish hope that it might prove useful). There was no one on the hill, and I just had a bottle of water that wasn't very full. And it was at that point that I realized I'd gotten lost on that hill. My first thought after realizing I was lost was, "Why am I so stupid to go trekking after a heavy rainy day?" The road was difficult to walk and didn't seem like it did before since so many limbs had fallen down. My second thought was, "What if there is no way out? What about my parents? How about my husband? They'd be shattered into bits.” At the time, my mind was racing with ideas, negative ones especially. Until I thought about my husband, a logical Capricorn, and what he would do if he were me. Of course, he would think rationally. So I told myself to relax, take a deep breath, and drink some water. And I was suppressing my emotions in order to concentrate on rationality. Okay, let's stick to the facts: what I knew for sure and what I overthought. What I knew for sure was that the road from the top of the hill to the red flower was the proper route; the road from the red flower to the folk road had no bends or minor trails, therefore what I did wrong was take the incorrect direction from this fork road. So I rose up, turned 360 degrees to search for a passage, and prayed to God, "Please God, show me a way out." And suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I saw a little track covered by branches; the branches must have fallen down after I passed through on my way up the hill. And I thought to myself, "This should be the road." So I grabbed that path and started walking. And that road brought me home. But now I sit here, with Puma the cat gently meowing on my lap, a sense of pride washes over me. Even at that terrifying time, getting lost with no signals, all by myself, I didn't allow myself to simply sit there and do nothing. Because I knew that even if I couldn't see a way out, I could see my next steps, and each step may bring me to the proper path. And then I remember the tale of "The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse," and it dawns on me that this narrative holds significant meaning in various aspects. This tale describes a genuine experience of mine, wherein I found myself lost within the depths of a dense forest, grappling with the challenge of finding a way out. Also, it accurately portrays the moments of uncertainty I encountered, which led me to engage in excessive overthinking. It's either when I'm attempting to solve an issue or when I'm pursuing a road, a dream. Like when I was trying to solve the issue of becoming lost in the forest, I allowed my thoughts to get overwhelmed by overthinking about negative consequences and self-blaming. Or, when I resigned from my 9-5 job and began following my love of writing and vlogging, I let my mind get overwhelmed with overthinking several possibilities with negative results. However, as my husband often says, "worrying about something will not get you anywhere; you will end up in the same place over time." I must say that my hubby is quite intelligent, and he really inspires me. 

After I figured out the correct way on the hill, and while I was moving downhill, seeing the familiar view, and hearing the familiar dog barking sound, I recognized that everything is figure-out-able. Every problem and dream can be figured out. If a problem cannot be solved, it is not a problem; it is a fact of life, similar to death. If a path or a dream is not reachable, take a moment to reflect upon if you possess a genuine passion for that path, that dream, or if your desire to pursue it is truly sincere.

Presently, I am beginning to accept the idea that all occurrences within the physical realm originate within the confines of our thoughts. And it is through changing our beliefs that we possess the capacity to transform our situations. In a moment of transformation, I shifted my belief from being perpetually trapped in the forest to embracing my belief that I possessed the ability to navigate my way out through the power of logic and careful observation. And as I reflect upon my aspirations of pursuing a career as a writer and YouTuber, I find myself growing increasingly convinced that this path is indeed the right one for me. With newfound confidence in my decisions, I am now taking concrete steps towards making these dreams a reality.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

Are you happy?

“Are you happy?” Lately, my husband has been posing this question to me repeatedly. I gave little consideration to the matter, my thoughts occupied my mind, without any feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, or concern, so I consistently responded to my husband affirmatively, stating, "Yes I am happy. Super duper happy”. This morning, he once again posed the question to me, and I responded to him as usual. However, his following questioning sparked a quite tough discussion. The conversation delved deeper into the previous question, as my husband told me that there was something I had mentioned wanting to do in the past, believing it would bring me happiness, but I had not been pursuing it lately. As my defensive mode kicked in, a strong surge of emotions coursed through me. At that moment, my initial response was a confused question,"What is he talking about? I would never do things like this". And despite my husband's suggestion to take some time to consider and introspect, I remained firm in my response of "No." I questioned him why he didn't simply tell me directly what I said and what I'm not doing now. You see, I didn't even want to reflect on myself. Stubborn. I know. And my defensive mode persisted until my husband expressed that the topic at hand was about me. He conveyed his genuine concern for my happiness and the impact of my decisions on my well-being. He confided in me, expressing that we all engage in self-deception to construct a more favorable perception of ourselves. He admitted to doing the same. That’s why he told me, he started this discussion not because he wanted me to explain anything to him or prove him right or wrong; instead, he wanted me to communicate with myself and reflect on myself. And I did it; I looked at myself and asked myself whether I had ever lied to myself. I must confess that this was a difficult talk, since it is never simple to confront yourself. So I wondered, "Have I lied to myself?" The answer was yes. But I didn't want to confess it because I was ashamed of myself. Now looking back, I realized how many times I had deceived myself. From the smallest and unharmful lie, "I'm fine”. When my boss yelled at me, when a man ghosted me, or when a man told me he needed to prioritize his career at this time, or when a guy left me outside his place, booking uber home myself. I kept telling myself, "I'm fine. It's fine." Because I didn't want to be viewed as a weak girl, and I wanted to look more in control, in control of my emotions and in control of the circumstances that I placed myself in. This lie had been gradually gaining strength, reaching a level where my ability to shed tears or reveal my genuine emotions in the presence of others seemed impossible. Moreover, I even felt strange and regarded people as weak when they cried or showed a vulnerable side. For quite some time now, I have maintained a facade of strength in the presence of others, and then finding myself succumbing to overwhelming emotions as soon as I am alone, often finding relief in the privacy of the bathroom where tears freely flow.

“Am I happy?” - Me asking myself To the greater lies, such as the choices I've made. For example, when I decided to join a company, I told myself that it was good, that this company was better, that it would offer me an opportunity to progress. And by telling myself this, I was subtly telling everyone around me, "Hey, I made a good decision joining this company, this company is amazing." But I didn't believe it deep down. Or when I chose to leave my 5-9 job and pursue the business I founded with my husband, my writing and youtuber career, I told myself that the business, the writing and youtuber profession would provide me with something, that I would be able to earn a livelihood from it. But I didn't believe it deep down either. “Are you happy with what you’re doing babe? - My hubby asked Little did I realize that what I think on the inside will reflect on the outside and influence my behavior.I persuaded myself that I wanted to preserve the business because I was enthusiastic about it. But deep down, I was hoping that owning a business would give me a positive image, as in, "Okay, I quit a stable job and I still have a business." But it was all a lie to maintain my excellent image, the nice presentation I portray to the world. Deep down, I didn't trust my choice to keep working at this business. And as a consequence, I got dissatisfied with it. I set it away and didn't put effort in it. Or I didn't believe in my choice to seek a profession in writing and vlogging. "Okay, now I not only have a business, but I also have a side job as a writer and youtuber," I told myself. Sounds like a successful woman right? But I didn't believe it deep down. I refused to embrace writing and YouTube as serious pursuits. And it all came back to haunt me. I felt disoriented, did not take decisive action, and began to doubt everything I wrote and said. After having the conversation with my husband and while reflecting on myself, I thought about the movie American Beauty, wherein I observed a multitude of people who appeared unhappy, residing within a fabricated life they had created, in an attempt to suppress their authentic selves And as a result, they’re not happy. Consider the case of Lester Burnham. He displays himself as someone who has accepted his unhappy and unsatisfying life. He goes through the motions, putting on a smiling face, but on the inside, he is extremely unhappy and disillusioned. He tells himself that he is content with his unsatisfying career, his failing marriage with Carolyn, and his troubled relationship with his daughter Jane. He denies his genuine aspirations and feelings while pretending to be pleased with his suburban life. Or Carolyn, Lester's wife, may deceive herself about her marriage. She pretends that everything is normal and that her relationship with Lester is healthy, despite the fact that their marriage is clearly failing. She avoids addressing the flaws in their relationship by burying herself in her profession and personal ambitions, assuming that success and control will make her happy and pleased.

Or Angela, for example, presents herself as a confident and sexually experienced young woman, exuding wisdom beyond her years. She loves attention and validation, which drives her to make up stories and exaggerate her experiences in order to appear more appealing to others, particularly men. She brags about her sexual escapades, for example, claiming to have had countless interactions with various boys. But despite her confident demeanor, Angela struggles with her own insecurities and low self-esteem. There are moments in the film when her facade cracks, revealing a young girl who is unsure of her worth and place in the world. 

As I watched this movie, I found myself unable to stop thinking about the profound sadness and empathy that came from these individuals. I told  myself that I would not allow myself to live like this. Never. However, I did live in such a way. It is quite ironic, I know. And then I thought, how about living like in “The Dreamers” movie. The characters within this cinematic masterpiece, on the other hand,  initially struck me as individuals who portrayed a sense of liberation and happiness. They lived their lives on their own terms, seemingly unaffected by the happenings of the outside world.Sounds good right? But when I thought about it, I discovered that the underlying tone of the film indicates a feeling of unhappiness and discontent, which echoes the sentiments portrayed in "American Beauty." As the story develops, I learnt that the individuals' happiness is, to some degree, a façade or an effort to escape from their own troubles and the harsh reality of their surroundings. The characters, particularly Isabelle and Theo, often claim that avoiding contact with the outside world is preferable than dealing with it. They persuade themselves that their intellectual debates and impassioned conversations inside their apartment are more important than the insignificant worries of the outside world. So, how can you live a happy life? I became confused. Shouldn't worry too much about societal standards and try to establish a nice image for myself like “American Beauty”, but also shouldn't ignore reality and live in my nutshell, do whatever I want, like “The Dreamers”. After almost a day of reflection, I realized that the answer lay in being truthful to myself.

But you know, staying true to ourselves is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It's a constant battle between the image I want to project and the reality of who we truly are like “American Beauty”, or between the self-created world and the challenges I have to face to grow, like “The Dreamers”. So, we tend to deceive ourselves, either to run away from our authentic self or run away from reality. I believe being true to ourselves takes courage. It means facing our fears, embracing our vulnerabilities, and accepting our imperfections. It means making choices that align with our true values, even if they go against the grain. Yes, it's difficult. It means risking rejection, judgment, and doubt. But in the end, staying true to ourselves is the only path to genuine happiness and fulfillment. 

This morning, I told my husband that I have reached a point where I am beginning to have faith in the decisions I have made. That I’m believing that writing and youtuber are now my career and I will be able to make something out of it, I just need to take action that aligns with my belief. I have come to accept the ugly aspects of myself that I did lie to myself, not once, but many time, to create a good image to show the world, to escape the reality and live in my nutshell. But of course being true to ourselves is not a destination but a journey. It requires constant self-reflection, self-compassion, and the courage to make changes when needed. It’s not that you reflect on yourself one day and Boom! it works forever like magic. But it's a journey that's worth it. Because I believe when we live in alignment with our true selves, we can experience a profound sense of authenticity, joy, and fulfillment that can't be found anywhere else. Just like my husband tells me, my inner belief will manifest outwardly, and he will serve as a reflection to show my happiness. And all he wants is me to be happy.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The passage of time

I've been thinking a lot about time recently after watching two movies, "Sleeping Beauty" and "Arrival." These two films discuss time in two distinct ways, but they all talk about one thing in common: the passage of time.

In the movie “Sleeping beauty” directed by Julia Leigh, Lucy, the main character, finds herself involved in a clandestine service where she is drugged and sleeps unconscious while clients, old men, engage in various activities with her. To be honest, I found it difficult to watch this film, particularly when I saw these old men in a room with an unconscious sleeping naked young girl, doing things to her without her knowledge or agreement. But when I looked deeper at these scenes, I saw a conflict between youth and old age in that space, I could plainly see in that room, the cruel flow of time. I saw three distinct old men entering the room one by one. They're all wealthy and accomplished, I supposed, and they walked into that room with various purposes in mind, different things they wanted to do with Lucy. But they all have one thing in common: they all reveal their impotence due to old age, and they all express regret for their youth, for the good old days they once had. In this room, Lucy represents their past, embodying their youthful strength, characterized by silky skin and shiny hair. These men, on the other hand, are worn and fatigued, carrying the weight of their years upon them. The first man, he was filled with remorse, regretting his failure to appreciate his wife, friends, and children. Above all else, he regretted his youthful days. He gave Lucy his greatest appreciation, for in her presence, he could briefly recollect the vitality of his youth. He would tenderly caress her skin and gently run his fingers through her hair, finding comfort as he went into sleep nestled against her body. The second man, upon entering the room, assumed a facade of strength and dominance, treating Lucy as a mere object of desire. This behavior, however, revealed a deep-seated insecurity stemming from his diminished sexual potency due to old age.  And the third man, grappling with the reality of their fading strength, treated Lucy as a means to test their own physical prowess. He lifted her up, only to accidentally cast her down, a futile attempt to deny his own impotence in the face of time's cruel flow And outside of this room lies the destiny or the future of these elderly men, a fate that eagerly awaits them on the distant horizon - the inevitable embrace of death. In a single room, a seamless and lucid progression of linear time is shown, including the realms of the past, present, and future.

The “Arrival” movie, on the other hand, gives cinematic expression to the concept that accepting the chronology may be more relative and dependent on your point of perspective. In the movie, a linguist interprets a Heptapod ( a species that is described as alien) message as “there’s no time”, which philosophically and figuratively means for Heptapods that time doesn’t exist. As the Heptapods possess the extraordinary ability to perceive time and events in a non-linear way. This implies that there exists neither a past nor a future; rather, each passing moment occurs within the realm of the present. Alternatively, it can be stated that Heptapod possesses the ability to perceive events that are yet to occur. Heptapod arrives on Earth to offer humanity a "weapon," eventually revealed to be their language or the capacity to live in non-linear time. And as quickly as Louies, the main character, excels at interpreting the Heptapods' language, she begins to have visions of the future. She then witnesses her daughter-Hannah's whole life, from her born to her last moments in the hospital bed. Louise: If you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?

Ian: Maybe I’d say what I felt more often. I don’t know. Louise is still deciding to spend these years with her daughter and eventually lose her. She knows she will lose her daughter years from now. She knows she would feel suffering and emotional despair when she sees the image of her dying child. But yet, Louise can see all the joy that she would have expected to witness in the years ahead. And she chooses to embrace every minute. 

Both the films "Sleeping Beauty" and "Arrival" discuss the merciless passage of time and the ultimate endpoint of a human's existence, stating that no matter what timeline we live in, linear or nonlinear, able to glimpse the future or not, we will inevitably get old and die. However, unlike "Sleeping Beauty," which discusses time passing and the eventual end point with sorrow, "Arrival" takes a more optimistic attitude, redefining the well-advised guidance that life is a journey rather than a destination on the horizon. Human beings are meant to go through this journey not just with joy, but also with grief and sorrow, and that journey is more important than the destination. Why are the elderly men in "Sleeping Beauty" are not happy? What is Lucy is not happy? These men, residing in the present moment, find themselves burdened by remorse over past actions and yearn to revisit the days of their youth. Meanwhile, Lucy resides in the present, yet she harbors a hopeful anticipation for the future, envisioning it as a realm of greater brightness and happiness. The characters above seem to lack the ability to fully immerse themselves in the present moment, to truly embrace its essence.

And that brings to mind, the movie "Arrival" poses a thought-provoking question that continues to occupy my thoughts. If you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?

I begin to wonder if the 18-year-old me had known that the major I chose in university would lead nowhere or that I would be on a hard road when I started working, would I have changed anything? Would I change my major in university or change my career path?

I honestly don't think so. Because I sincerely value all of my experiences, whether positive or negative, and I appreciate all of the individuals I've met along the way. If I hadn't chosen French as my major at university, I wouldn’t have gone to my first job as a translator and met these fantastic coworkers, and one of these coworkers would have suggested that I should work at a game company. And if I hadn't worked at my first company, I wouldn't have pursued a career in project management at my second company, where I met this fantastic co-worker who inspired me to work at the company where I met a group of friends whom I adore and my loving husband. I also believe that the delicate dance between sadness and happiness in our lives holds a profound truth: without experiencing sorrow, it's difficult to fully appreciate the beauty of joy. The stark contrast of emotions allows us to recognize blessings in a new light. When I find myself in the depths of sadness, I get a precious gift: a heightened feeling of gratitude for the moments of happiness that I experience. Memories that previously seemed ordinary now glow brightly against the background of our difficulties. Like right now, I find myself in the midst of an inconvenient situation at my cabin in a small-town village. One day, I am blessed with an ample supply of water, only to be deprived of it the very next day. This unfortunate circumstance has left me feeling quite frustrated as I struggle to contain my bodily functions. However, this situation has also granted me a newfound appreciation for the comforts of home, such as a solid roof over my head, accessibility to clean water, and a source of electricity. Or back then, during the profound sorrow of losing my beloved grandmother, I experienced a heightened sense of gratitude for the well-being of my parents and cherished the moments spent in their embrace. Or when I experienced the depths of my ill health, I developed a profound appreciation for the vitality of my body. I became highly conscious of the steady rhythm of my heart, the sharpness of my mental capacities, the freedom to walk and utilize both of my hands, the ability to see the beauty of the world through my vision, the ability to hear the melodious sounds, the ability to speak meaningful words, and the ability to simply breath the fresh air. I believe within the complex fabric of life, where sorrow and delight entwine, we acquire the wisdom to cherish the gifts of happiness. They transform into delicate blossoms, tenderly nurtured by the tears shed from the depths of our sorrows. This symphony of emotions teaches us the art of cherishing the blessings given us, both as writers and as the audience of our own stories. I know it's easier said than done, because I'm human after all. And human is a strange species, we don't seem to accept nature as it is, we always want to change things. We want to fix things that we cannot fix, and we want to prepare ourselves for things that yet to come. But I truly want to live like Louise in “Arrival”, despite the pain and emotional devastation that has occurred along the road, I want to choose to treasure joy and live each moment fully. Because the significance lies in the journey itself, for the road holds greater importance than its ultimate destination. And even if, by some chance, I were to acquire the knowledge of what lies ahead, it would not stop the never-ending flow of time.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The swan

My husband derives great pleasure from engaging me with intellectually stimulating films, ranging from the thought-provoking "Dangerous Method" to the mind-bending "Black Swan". I must admit that these two movies have piqued my interest in the field of psychology, particularly in Sigmund Freud's theory regarding the three layers of human personalities: the superego, ego, and id.

First, let us delve into the concept of the superego, ego, and id.

The id represents the most basic and primal part of our personality. It operates on the pleasure principle and seeks immediate gratification of our desires and instincts. It is impulsive, irrational, and seeks pleasure while avoiding pain. The id is present from birth and is driven by primitive instincts. Example: Imagine a hungry newborn baby. The baby's id would demand immediate satisfaction of its hunger by crying out loudly until it is fed, without considering the needs or convenience of others.

The ego develops as a person grows and interacts with the world. It acts as a mediator between the id and the external reality. The ego operates on the reality principle, seeking to balance the desires of the id with the constraints of the real world. It employs logical thinking and problem-solving to find practical and socially acceptable ways to fulfill desires. Example: Consider a child who wants a piece of chocolate but realizes that they can't have it at that moment because it's close to dinnertime. The ego helps the child delay gratification and find alternative ways to satisfy the craving, such as waiting until after dinner or asking for a smaller portion.

The superego represents the internalized moral and societal values. It develops through socialization and the influence of parents, teachers, and society. The superego acts as the moral compass, enforcing rules, norms, and ideals. It strives for perfection and imposes feelings of guilt or shame when its standards are not met. Example: Let's say a student is taking a test and notices their classmate's answer sheet is within sight. The superego would discourage the student from cheating, reminding them of the importance of honesty and the consequences of dishonest behavior.

Upon beholding Nina's portrayal in Black Swan, I found myself wondering that her journey was not solely centered around a passionate pursuit of perfection in the realm of ballet. It covered more than mere concepts; it delved into the art of harmonizing the superego, ego, and id. At the beginning of the film, we see Nina with compassion and moral notions shaped by her mother's upbringing. Nina's ego is nearly fully controlled and dominated by these moral notions (Super Ego). And because of the enormous imbalance, she was perfectly capable of playing a brilliant, pure White Swan but unable to do a Black Swan with the charm that comes naturally from instinct and desire (Id). But due to the excessive and prolonged suppression, Nina's id starts to revolt, becoming more assertive. Unconsciously, this rebellion is expressed through scratch marks appearing on her back. However, a turning point occurs when Thomas, the director of the ballet Swan Lake, encourages Nina to loosen up and embrace her desires. For the first time, Nina's id finds satisfaction through self-pleasure, only to be abruptly halted when she catches a glimpse of her mother (representing the superego) sleeping on the salon chair. Despite the emergence of the id and its resistance, the underlying desires remain confined within the bounds of the controlling influence of the mother (superego). This can be observed through actions such as Nina's mother pressuring her to cut her nails, demanding that she refrain from scratching, and even staying close to her while she sleeps. Nina's id gets stronger in its opposition when she meets and interacts with Lily, the ideal Black Swan she aspires to be: beautiful, sexy and naturally uncontrolled. Nina's ego first tries to imitate Lily's performance style, but this is inadequate. The id starts to triumph over the superego, Nina longs to be Lily completely, particularly when she is overwhelmed by her mother's dominance - the superego. She loosens herself completely in visiting a club, indulging in drugs, dancing wildly, and attaining a climax while she masturbates and fantasizes about being personal with Lily. Nina's id broke out aggressively at this time, utterly overpowering her ego. Her mother - the superego, once in control, becomes weakened. Nina's id begins to think in primal and animalistic ways, driven by the need for survival. It is vividly expressed through scratch marks on her back, wings of Black Swan sprouting, through the violent act of smashing her mother's hand against the door, and through a climactic act of grabbing a shattered mirror and thrusting it into the abdomen of someone she thought was Lily, mirroring her own likeness. Indeed, after that pivotal moment, Nina begins to rediscover herself. She becomes acutely aware that she is self-destructing and engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to her well-being. In the process of losing herself completely, Nina also finds a sense of absolute self-control. This signifies that her ego has recognized the ultimate aspects of both the id and the superego, achieving a state of perfect balance. Like Nina said “I was perfect”. I couldn't stop thinking about myself when seeing Nina in Black Swan. I feel like I've been fighting the same delicate struggle to achieve the balance between superego and id my whole life. I have always been a good girl. Growing up in a middle-class home, I witnessed my parents work hard to provide me with a fulfilling life, so that I could go to school, graduate university, and acquire a secure career, which my parents did not have. And I wanted to make my parents proud and happy, so I worked extremely hard in school to obtain outstanding grades, attend the best high school in town, get approved by two good universities and get a quite stable job after work. I've always obeyed my parents and seldom said no. I've never been out with my friends beyond midnight, and I've always kept them up to date on where I go, when I get home, and who I go with. I applied to Architecture university because I didn't know what I wanted to pursue and because my father was interested in Architecture. I have never lived far away from my parents and lived on my own. My parents are very protective, which I realize is because I am their only kid. And I had spent the whole time living in the shadow of this superego of being a good girl for my parents, being a good independent successful woman for society. And, like Nina, my id, my natural and spontaneous side, began to battle against the harsh constraints placed on it.  My first revolt was little and uncomplicated. For example, I began dyeing my hair, beginning with a natural color like dark brown and progressing to more flamboyant colors like pink, orange, and blonde. I began piercing myself, such as the helix piercing and navel piercing. All of these acts are my tiny rebellion, attempting to inform my parents that I am no longer a typical nice girl. And as I grew older, the schism between me and my parents became stronger. I recall going on a short trip with a buddy one day; the destination was close to the city, and the whole journey took us about 7-8 hours. I just updated my father that I was going out with a buddy when I left early in the morning. So, when it was afternoon and Mom didn't see that I had returned home, she began phoning me constantly. But since I had left the phone in the scooter trunk, I didn't realize she was calling until I stopped to eat something. And when I phoned back, my mother was kinda yelling at me, asking where I was and why I hadn't said anything before I left. I knew she was concerned about me, but I also wondered why I was being so tightly controlled. So, when my rebellion grew in size, I began rebelling by refusing to communicate with my parents because I believed they couldn't understand me. Or, more exactly, I didn't know how to speak with them or discuss an issue with them without making them think I was nuts, or with my mother breaking down in tears and asking if I didn't love her. And I've been living like this for a long time, a seemingly decent life, but I've never felt satisfied, I felt lost and settled. And I felt like there was a voice inside of me screaming at me to break through, but the point is that this id voice didn't tell me what I needed to do. 

My id: Hey Huong, let's break through. Live openly, courageously, and extravagantly. 

Me: How?

My id: I'm not sure; you figure it out for yourself.

Me: … This conflict became stronger and stronger until it reached a breaking point when I was working at my prior company. This location was not suitable for me. I noticed the red flags from the start, yet I still opted to go in.

"You need this job, Huong, it has a good title, it can guarantee you a good income, it can make people look at you admirably," my superego kept reminding me.

But my id was screaming, "You really want to go through this Huong? Is it what you're looking for?

"And my ego was perplexed: "But I don't know what I want."

"Yes you do," my id says, "You just don't want to admit it." And then, just as Nina's id was awakened by the effect of Lily's picture and by Thomas' advice to lose herself, my id was supported by my husband. He consistently expresses his enthusiasm for my work and encourages me to really consider pursuing writing as a profession. But even with the encouragement and assurance of my husband, this is still a difficult fight; I still have struggled with self-doubt and the fear of failure. However, by filing the resignation email and living in a woody cabin in one month, I have cut all social ties that had been tying me down. "Having a good title job," "having more and more money," "being a successful independent woman," or "being a good daughter who lives forever under my parents' wings." 

I titled this article "The Swan" rather than "The White Swan" or "Black Swan," as directed by Darren Aronofsky. I think director Darren Aronofsky called his film "Black Swan" to emphasize the human id, which is largely hidden and controlled by the mask superego and ego. But, for me, the goal is to strike a balance between the superego, ego, and id, not to emphasize either of them. I'm now allowing my id to take over, but not completely. I'm still learning how to balance the superego, ego, and id in order to live the life I want, rather than pursuing more than I need and being a slave to what society or other people around me desire.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The fortune telling

I have a vivid recollection of visiting the fortune teller on two separate occasions. The initial occurrence took place during my time at university, while the subsequent incident happened a mere two years ago. On both occasions, I came to that place in the company of my friends, driven by  my own curiosity. Initially, my primary objective was not to gain insight into the future. However, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness as I took in the words spoken by the fortune teller.

The first occasion took place during my time as a university student, and I accompanied my two closest friends to participate in this interesting activity. I remember that time when our curiosity was piqued by what the future held, we were young university students filled with boundless imagination, filled with dreams and hopeful expectations for the days that lay ahead. Therefore, we longed for a sense of reassurance that the days ahead held promise for us. You know, there are several fortune-telling methods in Vietnam and across Asia, ranging from East horoscopes and palm reading to card fortune-telling and tarot readings, among others. Like seriously, I'm curious as to why we, Vietnamese or Asians, have so many different sorts of fortune telling. Personally, I believe that the deep-seated impact of traditional belief systems plays an important role. Taoism, Confucianism, Buddhism, and indigenous faiths have all contributed to Asia's spiritual tapestry. Concepts of fate, destiny, and cosmic forces connect with the art of fortune-telling throughout various belief systems, allowing people to acquire insights and advice in navigating life's complexities. Anyway, returning to my story when I first visited the fortune teller, I joined my friends in experiencing the domain of fortune-telling via the East horoscope, which can disclose one's whole life destiny only by examining the circumstances of their birth. I don't remember every detail of the fortune teller's remarks that day, but I do remember him assuring me that I would have a happy and successful life, full of longevity, and that I would find peace and reliance in my loving husband. He predicted that in the course of my life, I would meet my loving husband in the later phases, when destiny would bring us together. My future spouse would become the embodiment of my first love, and later, my only and eternal love. He would have the excellent attributes of compassion and patience that my dear father had. In addition, he would lavish me with the utmost care and consideration, treating me with the utmost devotion and tenderness, as one would treat a princess. He would also give steadfast support for my career ambitions. That is the extent of my memory. Everything is fantastic, right? I recall feeling relieved after hearing the fortune teller's comments, even though I had no idea how accurate they were. As I pondered the situation, a thought occurred to me: "Ah, indeed, regardless of the outcome, my forthcoming days shall be brilliant, for such is the decision of destiny, written in the stars above." And it was as though a flood of imaginative relief rushed over me, not the true relief since I'm not sure what he stated will really happen in the future. But hearing positive things about my future makes me feel kind of settlement. Like the proverbial "All roads lead to Rome," I felt relieved that no matter what choices I made or pathways I took, they would all lead to this beautiful ending. And on a Saturday night, just before embarking on the next chapter of my life, a flood of memories of these fortune telling came rushing back to me. I have recently resigned from my long-standing 9-5 occupation, which I served for a period exceeding six years. In truth, my commitment extended beyond the conventional working hours, often stretching from 9am until as late as 7pm or 8pm. In light of this significant change, I have made the decision to rent a charming cabin nestled within a small-town village. In precisely one month's time, I shall embark upon this new chapter of my life, seeking to delve into the depths of my being, while enthusiastically pursuing my aspirations as a writer and influencer. This journey fills me with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, as it presents itself as a new experience I have yet to explore.

As a human being, the notion of an uncertain future tends to evoke a sense of unease within me, although accompanied by a certain degree of exhilaration. I have been thinking about my forthcoming voyage to a new destination, wondering upon all of the possibilities that lie ahead. Questions have arisen within me, such as how shall I occupy my time there, shall I successfully execute the plans I have meticulously crafted, and most importantly, will I become the person I aspire to be. In an instant, a longing increased within me, yearning to catch a glimpse of what lay ahead in the future. I was seeking relief even though it was just an imaginative relief. That I wished someone would tell me, "Hey Huong, don't worry, you'll be fine, this path will lead you to success and a bright future, it's all written in the stars." Or someone could tell me where the traps are along the route so I can avoid them ahead of time.

And then I found myself wondering the reason behind humanity's deep-seated obsession with unraveling the mysteries of the future, just like when my friends and I went to the fortune teller to find out about our destiny. I think, the major source of this concern is the innate human fear of uncertainty. Humans usually seek comfort from regularity and control over their environment. So the idea of learning what lies ahead creates a soothing feeling of security. In our quest for future insights, we want to minimize worry and build a feeling of control over our lives. In other words, the search of safety comes from our fear of failure. We yearn for an ideal existence, one characterized by a smooth and constant trajectory rather than the unpredictability of a drifting path. We believe that through our understanding of the future, we can consistently make better choices. It's true, in my opinion. For example, if I knew that route A would go to a cliff, I would avoid it in favor of way B.  But is this the way to live?

I recall struggled with Chemistry as a high school student since I had no understanding what plus what equaled what, I only understand the fundamentals, such as H2 + O2 equals H20. So I began to concentrate on memory and rote learning. I attended the Chemistry additional class after school, and the instructor would usually give us several practice tests, with the identical questions and answers that would probably appear on a forthcoming exam. So, rather of studying and grasping the subject matter, I merely remembered the answers without understanding the underlying principles. As a consequence, although I received a passing score on the tests, I did not have the chance to properly absorb and comprehend the true principles of Chemistry.  The fear of failure the Chemistry exam prevented my efforts to learn and grow. As I reflected about it, I suppose I could have predicted the future back then right? I knew some of the questions and answers before the exam, and I felt confident about the outcome. However, this outcome had no meaning after the exam because I had learned nothing. The fear of failure, unfortunately, restricted my progress in various other pursuits. It led me to postpone or avoid any endeavor or situation that carries the possibility of an unfavorable result. And I sometimes found myself gripped by fear, hesitant to venture into unknown waters, reluctant to take risks, and resistant to personal growth, all due to my deep-seated fear of failure. As the trip approached, a sense of fear began to grip me, intensifying with each passing day. I am an only child, and throughout my entire life, I have never resided far from my parents. This trip, this voyage is presenting me with numerous challenges. I find myself wandering through the intriguing haze of the unfamiliar, burdened by the weight of expectations I have placed upon myself, that I derive some form of purpose from this expedition. But now sitting here, situated at a location roughly 300 kilometers distant from my home, surrounded by the presence of two adorable cats, engaged in the act of penning these very words, taking three deep breaths like my husband always does. I have come to a profound realization: the true essence lies within the voyage itself, rather than the ultimate arrival point. As Miley Cyrus sings: There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb Throughout the voyage of life, we can expect to encounter numerous challenges and obstacles similar to tall mountains and challenging uphill battles. And sometimes, we may even face defeat. But such outcomes hold little significance, for the true essence lies in the process of climb and conquering these trials. We just need to keep on moving, keep climbing and keep the faith.

I recall this great remark from the movie Forest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get."

Life is characterized by its beautiful unpredictability. The uncertainty of each passing day leaves us unaware of what lies ahead, yet we can hold firm in the assurance that it will undoubtedly be a remarkable experience.  For that I believe I no longer require the services of a fortune teller to provide me with a fanciful sense of solace. I entirely embrace life in its entirety, firmly believing that the divine presence above, God, has meticulously crafted a magnificent plan for my existence. Every challenge and failure that I encounter serves as an opportunity for my personal growth, fortifying my inner strength. Simultaneously, each achievement I obtain humbles me, reminding me of the vastness of the world and my place within it.

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The onion

Have you ever peeled away the layers of an onion? What is the sensation like? Does it have a sweet flavor? No, the release of specific compounds triggers irritation of the nerves surrounding the eyes, ultimately leading to the shedding of tears. In my introspective moments, I often liken myself to an onion - a stubborn one with a multitude of layers to peel back.

My decisions tend to be impulsive when I’m emotional, not of importance that would significantly alter the course of my life, but rather the kind that are somewhat bold and reckless. As I thought about various choices, I decided to dye my hair a vibrant shade of pink, embellish my belly with a piercing, trim my hair into stylish bangs, resign from my position at a company, or even considered adopting another kitten - though my husband thankfully intervened. The reason behind my inclination towards impulsive and unconventional choices had always eluded me. My friends often regard me as a person of boldness and courage, a quality that my husband also acknowledged upon initially observing my behavior. I, too, shared the same thought. I once believed myself to be a daring young woman, unafraid to make bold choices and venture beyond the confines of my comfort zone - something that many of those around me seemed unable to do. I felt a sense of pride in myself and in this particular trait, as if I were a unique individual among my peers. I have friends who embody diverse lifestyles. One of them is a dynamic young woman who possesses a clear sense of direction in life, and is driven by her ambitious career goals and financial aspirations. Another friend of mine is fortunate enough to have a wealthy father who can afford to finance her education abroad. And another friend who is similar to royalty in her family, and is so pampered that she has never had to learn how to ride a scooter. As I gazed upon my reflection, I found myself lacking any noticeable traits that set me apart. So I chose to embrace this audacity unintentionally as my defining feature. Over time, as I engaged in conversations with my husband, he gradually peeled back the layers of the onion. "Have you ever thought about the reason behind your impulsive choices during moments of heightened emotion?" he asked. And in that moment, a sudden realization dawned upon me - the reason behind it all remained a mystery. I had always considered it to be one of my characteristics and had never before thought about the reasons behind my tendency for such behavior.

But as I settled into a reflective state, I started reflecting upon the choices I had made thus far. It dawned on me that my tendency to make unconventional and daring decisions was often a means of avoiding the true issue at hand. As I reflect on a past experience, I recall dyeing my hair a vibrant shade of pink when I was struggling with a sense of professional uncertainty in my former workplace. The trajectory of my career there was unclear, and I found myself at a loss for how to proceed. And rather than confront this challenge head-on, I made the impulsive decision to shift my attention towards my hair. Or in another time, during a particularly stressful period at work, I sought comfort in the form of a belly piercing. The physical discomfort of the piercing served as a welcome distraction from the mental stress of my job, allowing me to momentarily escape the pressures of the workplace. Or one day, as I dealt with a spin of emotions and an uncertain outlook on the future, a stray kitten crossed my path. My office took the small creature under our wing, providing it with shelter and care until we were able to find a suitable home for it. The adorable kitten was giving a soft, endearing "meow" each time it caught sight of me. I asked my husband, "Baby, can I adopt this adorable kitten?" Do you see the random nature of my decision-making process? But the important thing is that I have never in all honesty been satisfied or gratified as a result of these actions; rather, I have just been distracted from the actual problems. Perhaps the image of a bold and courageous young woman is merely a facade that I have constructed to conceal my inner cowardice. I do not consider myself devoid of courage, nor do I pretend it entirely. To some extent, I maintain a valiant disposition and possess a firm "go-for-it" mentality. However, in moments of heightened emotions, my decision-making process tends to be impulsive. I make these decisions with great speed. But I must admit that I have become somewhat attached to the persona of a bold and daring individual, often using it as a crutch to avoid confronting challenges in my life. The memory of the film American Beauty, which I viewed alongside my husband, comes to mind. The film portrays the miserable characters who reside within their own personas, constructing a facade to present to the world while concealing their genuine inner selves. As I observed Angela, a youthful young lady who displayed an air of seduction, I couldn't help but notice a striking resemblance between us. The way she behaved and looked seemed to embody the classic sex symbol. She covers herself with plenty of cosmetics, enjoys the admiration of men, and endeavors to accentuate her physical allure, primarily due to her aspiration of becoming a model. So, if you don't look at Angela too closely, you'd believe she was overconfident and perhaps arrogant to the point of being insufferable. At the conclusion of the film, though, we witness a completely different side of her. After spending the whole film acting to be this experienced girl, she finally admits to Lester that she is a virgin. After that, it's as if a curtain is lifted, revealing the actual Angela, who is fragile and very insecure.  So, beneath my brave girl veil, there's a scared young girl who doesn't know how to deal with her own difficulties. However, my husband is willing to be there to guide me through. Do you remember my earlier mention of my husband's gradual unraveling of the onion's layers? You know, the act of peeling an onion is far from pleasant, as it inevitably leads to tears. My husband and I have faced various challenges while peeling off the layers of my onion. Gazing inward to confront my authentic self is a difficult task, one that proves equally challenging for him, given my resilient nature similar to that of a sturdy onion. I remember that night when I was explaining all of this to my husband, he asked me why I didn’t simply confront the issue and work on finding a solution. I was taken aback, and all I could say was that I had no idea how to do it. Perhaps at my core, I have long been used to avoiding challenges throughout my existence. It was the sole method I had to confront the issue at hand - shifting my attention and fleeing. Until the moment I encountered my beloved husband and embarked upon our romantic journey. The experience of being in a relationship with my husband has brought to light a multitude of realizations. It makes me realize I have flaw, and I have come to the realization that certain behaviors I had previously deemed acceptable, or commonplace may in fact be negative to both myself, and those around me. He encourages me to confront my imperfections and errors, for he believes that it takes courage to acknowledge one's faults and tackle the ensuing challenges. So this is what I did, I engaged in self-reflection. I meticulously peeled back the layers of my being, much like one would peel back the layers of an onion, and wrote about my journey in this post. Upon reading my written words, my husband said that he perceived me to be a courageous girl, possessing an innate bravery that allowed me to openly acknowledge my innermost demons. He held onto the hope that when the world delved into the pages of my book, they would approach their critiques with a gentle touch, recognizing that imperfection is an inherent trait of humanity. 

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The vows

Have you ever been there for a wedding ceremony or seen a movie portraying one where the newlyweds exchange vows to one another? Do you remember what was said in those vows?

“For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you." But what is for better or worse? What is for richer or poorer? Is it when a husband or wife causes unintentionally harm on the other and expects the other to continue to be there "for better or worse"? Or is it when one partner loses their job and, rather of looking for work elsewhere or helping the other with household responsibilities, they just lay in bed and declare, "You need to stick with me when I'm poor because we made the vows for richer or poorer"? No, I think these vows are comparable to the work we do in our relationships. It means, "I vow to you I will do my best to make you happy to make us happy, I will not be lazy and take you for granted, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you."

My husband and I also exchanged vows, but little did I know at the time, the gravity that these vows would hold. The exchange of vows serves as a binding agent, uniting two individuals in a sacred covenant, and each party is entrusted with the responsibility of upholding their end of the agreement.

“For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.”

The power of these words lies in their ability to reveal themselves only in times of challenges, “for worse”. Their true weight cannot be fully appreciated during moments of ease and comfort, “for better”.

My husband and I, like all human beings, are far from perfect. Our imperfections are numerous and varied. My husband even remarked that we made for an odd couple. Do you know what my biggest issue is?  My emotions are like a raging storm. Like I wake up one day and decide, "Today, I shall embrace happiness," or perhaps, "Today, I shall allow myself to feel deeply." And in moments of heightened emotion, my tendency is to fixate on the negative aspects of a situation. When it happens, I naturally seek comfort and safety in the presence of my husband. More often than not, my husband is a constant source of comfort, always there to pull me out of the depths of despair. But in moments of heightened emotion, my stubbornness takes hold and my ability to think clearly becomes affected. My husband usually provides logical advice and efforts to steer me towards comprehending the root cause of my emotional vulnerability, but rather than acknowledging his efforts and advice, I am frequently throwing tantrums at him, as his comfort does not align with my expectations. You know, it is often said that women may become upset with their significant other without a clear cause, seeking comfort and reassurance from their partner. In the past, I found myself wondering about the confusing behavior of these women. I couldn't help but feel that I was somehow distinct from them, as though I possessed a unique capacity for empathy and rationality when it came to matters of the heart. However, during the course of my relationship with my husband, I find myself becoming upset and emotional with him quite frequently. Sometimes, these emotions are triggered by seemingly insignificant reasons or even for no reason at all. So I came to realize that women possess a natural inclination towards being nurtured, protected, and cared for, as a means of experiencing comfort and love. Who among us does not enjoy the solace of comfort, right? And to me, his patience cultivates the greatest sense of security. For a considerable period, my husband has been dealing with my “girly” mode, allowing me to overstep his boundaries. However, yesterday, he finally reached his breaking point and erupted, or perhaps I provoked him to do so. Yesterday I woke up and decided to be emotional. And my husband devoted his entire morning to consoling me and lifting me out of a state of negativity, despite being overwhelmed with work and stress. But I was like a juvenile girl, exhibiting a stubbornness that intensified in proportion to his patience. Until one point, one breaking point, I ventured beyond a reasonable limit and provoked him excessively. I looked for his counsel and perspective, yet upon receiving his opinions, I found myself upset, as they did not align with my desired outcome. And once again, I found myself falling into old patterns. I remained quiet, allowing my emotions to settle before extending an olive branch to him. But unlike my previous attempts, when I looked for comfort in him, I was met with a hurricane rather than a soft cushion. My actions inflicted a serious wound upon my husband, one that led him to question whether I would be better off with another man, someone who would readily agree to my every request, someone who would mold himself to my desires without hesitation. Upon hearing his words, I was overcome with a sense of panic and impulsively lashed out, I had never thought we would break up or he would leave me. Tears streamed down my face as I asked him to stay, because we made the vows, for better or worse. When my husband heard that, he reminded me that our vows were a mutual agreement and that both of us had committed to upholding them, that our partnership required work from both of us; it should include giving and receiving, not just one party. He expressed concern that he was the only one fulfilling his end of the covenant. He sensed that I had never truly been present for him during his lowest moments, nor fully embraced his authentic self, imperfections and all, and that I only wanted him to be sweet. It was then that I came to the realization that my desire for comfort and security was not unique to me alone. My husband, too, longed for the same sense of solace and reassurance. And I had been neglecting his needs that whole time, I must admit that I had been rather lazy in our relationship. However, despite my own flaws, I had the boldness to use our sacred vow in an attempt to portray my husband in a negative light. Holding to the notion that I had been at my emotional worst, I believed he ought to have remained by my side rather than departing. But how could I ask for the benefit while not putting any effort into the relationship? It was not fair to my husband.

The memory of a particular scene from the television show "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" featuring Mr. Moseby and Cody was evoked within me at that time. Mr. Moseby: How do you lose a woman? Cody: You forget to cherish her. I think this notion applies equally to men. For far too long, I had failed to appreciate the value of my husband. My husband had been pushed to the cliff, and never before had he been so cold towards me. A sense of shock and abandonment had taken hold of me. But despite his anger and sadness, my husband still attempted to lead me towards an understanding of my own nature. He told me that I am a storm of emotions, and that when I become overwhelmed, I tend to disregard those around me, even though it is not my intention to do so. And this is unhealthy. So we have engaged in numerous discussions aimed at identifying the root cause of our issues, gaining insight into our respective needs, and ultimately reaching a mutually compromise. We have committed to putting forth a sustained effort to nurture our relationship and to never lose sight of the value that each of us brings to the table. “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” The gravity of these vows was invisible to me until that fateful evening when I nearly lost my beloved husband due to my laziness towards his unwavering dedication. You know, after that fateful evening, I was overcome with a profound fear of losing my beloved husband. Consequently, I became exceedingly cautious in my behavior and tried to control my emotional responses. However, in doing so, I transformed into a person that is no longer reflective of my true self. And my husband, ever observant, acknowledged the issue at hand. After patiently explaining his reasoning, he humbly apologized for his actions and provided me with reassurance that such an occurrence would not repeat itself. And despite our imperfections and the events that happened, our hearts continue to lean towards one another.  My husband and I still have a long journey ahead of us, filled with challenges and obstacles. However, I maintain a steadfast belief that we will overcome these difficulties and lead a life of contentment and joy. “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you."

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

“Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed”

Religion has been a topic of great interest to me, particularly due to the lively discussions my husband and I have ever since we first met. I am always eager to explore this subject further and put my thoughts into words. As a devout Catholic, I find myself in a unique situation as my beloved husband is a devout follower of the Islamic faith. Before meeting my husband, I had never encountered a Muslim individual. My knowledge of the Muslim religion has been primarily shaped by the media. I am aware that Muslim women wear the Hijab and that believers of the faith refrain from consuming pork. I have also been exposed to negative portrayals of Muslims in the media, like Muslim spread violence. Such was my understanding of the Muslim faith, and I had allowed these notions to shape my perception.

But ever since I encountered my husband, I couldn't help but think, "Why is this man so different?" and “Why is this man nothing like what the media has said about Muslims?" And over time, as we engaged in deep conversations and explored the topic of religion together, my mind underwent a transformation, leading me to a newfound sense of openness and comprehension. Initially, my spouse harbored the belief that I may have been prone to evaluating him through the lens of his faith, a notion that I have come to realize may have been unconsciously true. I must confess that I am not proud of it. Over time, it dawned on me that Muslims and Catholics are not as dissimilar as I once thought. To my surprise, we share many similarities. Believing in God At a fundamental level, both Muslims and Catholics follow monotheism, which is the belief in the existence of one God. Islam and Catholicism, like Judaism, trace their theological and spiritual origins back to Genesis, the opening section of the Old Testament. This book recounts the tale of Abraham, the founder of monotheism. Pope Francis touched upon Abraham during a March 2013 interfaith event. In front of many world leaders, the Pope stated that Muslims “worship the one living and merciful God, and call upon him in prayer.” Believing in virtuous acts In other words, we both share a belief in the impending Day of Judgment. My husband and I hold the belief that our actions in this life will be subject to divine judgment on the day of reckoning. It is a commonly held belief that the deeds we perform in this life will determine our ultimate destination in the afterlife. Those who engage in virtuous acts are said to ascend to the heavenly realm, while those who commit wrongdoing are thought to descend to the fiery depths of hell. We also believe that a holy presence graces our existence, ready to listen to our prayers. We hold that our responsibility lies in fulfilling our duties, while entrusting the outcome to the benevolent will of the Almighty. My husband often says that I am destined for heaven, yet my belief remains solid that he is the one who shall ascend to the God realm. Never before have I encountered someone as kind as him. I have seen people mistreat him, exploit his kindness and generosity. However, he chooses to respond with compassion and respect, because "we treat people the way we want to be treated, even if they act like assholes." And, "there is a God who's watching all of this and he's testing our patience." Truly, if my husband fails to ascend to the heavens, I am at a loss as to who else would be deemed worthy. “Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed.” This sentence first graced my ears during my viewing of "Angels and Demons," and has since remained firmly placed in my memory. However, it was not until I encountered my husband and delved into his religious beliefs that I was able to understand the full meaning of this statement. In the past, I was prone to being lulled by titles such as "Christian man performs this action," "Muslim man engages in that behavior," "Buddha man exhibits this trait," and so on. Gradually, I slowly realized that I had lost sight of the fundamental reality that unites us all: our shared humanity. Regardless of our religious affiliations, we are first and foremost human beings. Upon reflection, I have come to the realization that the ultimate goal of all religions is to provide guidance towards virtuous actions, despite the varying practices observed across the world's many faiths. The common objective among these religions is to lead individuals towards moral righteousness. Also, it has come to my attention that it would be unfair to make broad assumptions about an entire community based on the actions of a select few individuals or groups. Similar to the narrative of "Angels and Demons," for those unacquainted with Dan Brown's literary work or its cinematic adaptation, the Camerlengo - a figure expected to exhibit devotion to God and moral uprightness - is revealed to be a murderer. What's worse is, his evil deeds are committed under the guise of religious righteousness. “Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed.” As a Christian, I firmly believe that God does not condone the harming of others as a means of glorifying Him. Similarly, I am of the opinion that this holds true for other faiths as well. Within every community, one can find both virtuous and malevolent individuals.  However, arriving at this profound realization was not possible without engaging in heated discussions with my husband. I can still recall some of my silly questions, such as "What is the rationale behind the Hijab requirement for Muslim women?" or "What is the reasoning behind the allowance for Muslim men to take up to four wives?" Upon reflection, I have come to the realization of how dreadful my previous questions sounded and I even allowed my thoughts to be consumed by the negative comments made about other religions. Little did I know, the Muslim community places great emphasis on familial bonds and values. Muslim men, in particular, view themselves as the primary providers for their loved ones, among other admirable traits. And during our intense exchange, a particular phrase from my husband stuck with me. He said, "Baby, let us not forget that above all else, he is a human being before he identifies with any particular religion. Why do we categorize individuals based on their religious beliefs and subsequently make assumptions about their character?”