mos-happy-place

[mos-happy-place]

Laughing with friends is always an easy way to feel good. You’ve had amazing moments of connection with friends and those moments will continue to happen, with the same people- new ones, random people I don’t know. Don’t doubt your ability to connect. But if you feel worlds away, like the connections here aren’t worth sustaining because they’re just tiny particles suspended in wind?

Connect with yourself. You are fully human, and you are loved and deserve to be understood, simply for being you. You do not need the harmful attraction of other people to make you worthy. You are beautiful all on your own, not paired up and standing next to somebody. You can be your own hands on your waist. Nobody else’s hands will touch you with such pure love- you know you’ll never know. Love does not mean greater life satisfaction. For some, maybe. Think of the millions in unhappy relationships right now. Joy is a perspective, my love, and you need to see it from the right angle or it all looks messed up.

Love your body, love it and nourish it. Drink water because that is life. Eat food because that is life. death is many things. Death is an known unknown, death is inevitable, yes. But death is not an escape. ending life as it is now means there’s no chance of it getting better later. And i promise. It can only get better.

[mos-happy-place]

SUSTAINABLE HABITS! HABITS I CAN BE CONSISTENT with.

new habits are hard and uncomfortable. but sticking with it will help.

Having positive conversations and dialogue with yourself is key to having positive conversations dialogue on a greater scale, with the universes and the people around us. <4

Let go. Step into the unknown, and have faith. I want to get to the point of being able to pray again. Soon. soon.

My relationship with the universe therefore myself is the reason i am able to set healthy sustainable habits that work for me. That’s the start.

Journal. Every day, but in a way that is healthy and loving. Raw, authentic, honest. Think about what you want, what you like, what you don’t like, what i want to change, what i want to come to fruition/manifest. Escape escapism. Focus on self. Nurture you’re relationship with yourself: stop trying to be the person others wnat you to be. Be yourself for yourself. Discover who you are and what you want to be now, today, tomorrow, & forever. Look within. The answer is there. I love you

[mos-happy-place]

mama october love

[mos-happy-place]

I want to be someone who is level-headed, able to be sober for long periods of time in comfort, financially responsible, and able to maintain even half of my responsibilities without fail. I’m not that right now, true, but dwelling on that only makes it worse because I can’t move forward looking back. Of course it’s irrational and cocky to not check over your shoulder once in a while, but if I want to make strides in my life like the younger me wanted, like the younger me dreamed? I have to push myself out there. So what i’ve been rejected? So what i haven’t found what I’m looking for? I’m 18. I’ve barely seen the world. Who’s to say what i’m looking for doesn’t exist? I’m not going to live and die in this state. I have a long ways to go, sure, but even if i’m not digging this hole any deeper i sure as hell can’t just fucking sit in it. I’m going state the real changes I will make tmrw, starting now:

Wake up at 8 am, regardless of if it’s a weekend or not.

Finish my homework for the week AHEAD OF TIME starting tomorrow (if i have to hop on a bus to swede hollow so be it i will)

minimize my smoking to twice a day. leaving the vape at home, at least when i’m at school/studying and not going out with friends.

these first ones will change a lot. I should start small as to not scare myself off. I love me, but i know that i won’t do commit if it’s all at once. I like a good buildup. Sending love from right now, to the me of the next couple months. You are loved and your car status does not define you. You can get where you need to go by bus or walking. The price and responsibility that comes with a car weighs heavy. I was hotter without a car ! Fighting !