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momowyoyo · 5 years

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A Good Life

As I procrastinate on figuring out my dissertation, I’m suddenly inspired to write about what a good life feels like. A good life feels like this very moment. I’m currently in my office (on my own accord). I’m trying to understand something I am passionate about but have no clue where I’m going with these ideas. I’d probably get critical and negative feedback on them, but that’s OK because that’s how I can improve them. I’m enjoying the nice weather, having biked in the morning to my favorite farmer’s market. I had a nice but overpriced cold brew, and nice but overpriced pulled pork and mac and cheese from a new food truck. I forgot my bike lock, which was dumb, but it’s okay because I do dumb things sometimes.

I’m chatting with my best friends and sister as I get distracted from my difficult task of dissertating. We share stories (both momentous and mundane) about our lives. We share our concerns and difficulties. We support one another, mock each other, and send some unflattering pictures to one another. I see some memes befitting of my graduate school experience and send them to some of my friends, so that we can all laugh at our predicament. I make plans for later. I plan to take advantage of the weather by biking home. I plan on cleaning the house and meal prep for the next few days. I think about how I dislike these tasks, but at the very least, I’ll have some good music from my Discover Weekly Spotify playlist to make things better. I think about how my partner would be pleasantly surprised to come back to a clean house and prepped meals when she’s back from her crazy training in LA. Maybe these won’t happen because I procrastinate more, but at least it’s in the existing plans.

Life is so good and I’m so lucky to be experiencing it. This is not to say that there is no suffering—as humans, we all suffer. All the time. We worry about our careers, we worry about health, we worry about our family, and we worry about how we are or are not living our best lives. And that’s okay, because suffering will always be a part of our human experience. Negative events are always most strongly felt than positive events because of our negativity bias, and this sometimes results in a tunnel vision, where we overidentify with bad moments. But by embracing the fact that suffering happens and every single person goes through it in their own ways, we are less susceptible to focusing only on our bad moments. Instead, our broadened perspective would allow us to focus on the simple things in life that matter, the little positive things that can cumulatively amount to a lot of good.

Lives are lost every day, and in some cases, these individuals definitely did not anticipate that they would die on that very day. Cranes fall, natural disasters are, well, a part of nature, and unwarranted violence are simply a part of our world today. With the luck that we have to be alive at this very moment, let’s choose to live the good life. Now let me get back to killing some brain cells over my dissertation (on suffering, which triggered this post). But before that, I’m going to grab some yummy chocolate from my coworker, who’s in on a Sunday too!—who would’ve thought that I’d be in such luck!

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momowyoyo · 6 years

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26 years young!

Inspiration strikes at the most random of times. This time around, I’ve decided to pen down some whimsical thoughts on my 26th birthday (while listening to the live commentary on the Trump-Kim summit)!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I have been thinking about this phrase quite a lot in the past year. I love it. It is neither a positively nor negatively valanced phrase. Yet, what one takes away from it can be really significant. There are many ways to interpret this phrase. In general, the takeaway is along the lines of “Life sucks right now, just hang in there and press on”. To a lesser extent, people interpret it as “What I have now is rare and special, let me enjoy and treasure every single moment of it”.

To me, the latter interpretation is more challenging to achieve, yet makes life a whole lot more meaningful when it is kept in mind. The former interpretation suggests hastiness in getting something over and done with, while the latter suggests being present and focusing on the current event in a holistic manner. The most difficult part of achieving the second interpretation is when the going is tough (e.g., one is going through suffering, loss, setbacks etc.).

We are never certain when our lives will come to an end. In line with another of my favorite quotes, that the true joy is in the journey, and the station is just a dream, let us remember that life is temporary and fleeting. While it remains a struggle for me to focus on enjoying the process when I am doing something frustrating, or going through a hard time, even striving towards enjoyment makes the experience more wholesome and meaningful.

We are always works-in-progress toward becoming better versions of ourselves--this is a permanent fixture of being human. In the midst of failing and getting back up again, let us also remember that this process is entirely normal and thus we should always be kind to ourselves (and others).

I am so grateful for living and for the people in my life. For loving me (as I love them), teaching me (as I hope I teach them), and for making my life thus far a fucking amazing one.

*I created this image when I was alone in my AirBnB back in Aug 2016. I was scared and questioned my life choices. I also gained strength from this phrase in terms of the first, not second interpretation. I lean towards the second interpretation these days.

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momowyoyo · 7 years

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25 April, Tuesday

My, my, it’s been almost half a year since my last post!

Time sure flies when you’re having fun! Or when life has become way too intense. Nonetheless, I’m learning to enjoy the ride, both the ups and the downs!

Life has been great work-wise. I expect to hear back from the journal within the month if our paper got accepted! Same for another paper with one of the most important persons in my life, without whom I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m also thankful for the faculty for their guidance and willingness to teach. Being on a crazy number of projects really makes balancing work and life and HUGE challenge, but that is also where the fun lies! I got this! I really do!!!

Today’s post is not about work though. It’s about heart break and unrequited feelings. This isn’t a sob story. Rather, it’s a story of strength. I don’t fall in love often, but when I do, I fall right into it. I embrace the individual wholeheartedly and acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I want to be there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, love cannot be forced. How often is love mutual? How often does love stay mutual?

Despite this seemingly negative view, I still believe in love. I believe that mutual love is rare, but it is out there. And on our way there, we will face heartbreaks and unrequited feelings. And that’s going to hurt, but that’s also okay. I never regret allowing myself to embrace another person, even if the outcome may not be ideal. I also know that possible hurt awaits me, but I will always be strong enough to deal with it.

Life works in mysterious ways sometimes, and these uncontrollable and unpredictable mysteries can often be agonizing, but other times, perhaps eventually, may lead to a beautiful story.

Hang in there everyone!!!

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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17 September, Saturday: Life’s Awesome!

This too shall pass, indeed : )

It’s been a couple of weeks after my last post (emotionally trying times then), and as expected, things have turned for the better. In fact, way better, and I feel so happy to be here.

I am happy about stepping out of my comfort zone and challenging myself (and surviving).

I am happy about living here--I love Seattle, I love the abundance of nature here, and I love the culture and quirkiness of this place.

I am happy about meeting new people and making new friends. My housemates are great. People in my department are awesome. New friends from all over the world. Putting myself out there to get to know new people has been a nerve-wrecking, yet amazing experience.

I am happy that today is a significant milestone in my academic career. I have just submitted my first first author paper to a journal. Of course, academia is fraught with rejections and heartbreaks, but this will not deter me. There is something to learn from every experience, and I am so happy to be learning and growing. Fingers and toes crossed!

I am happy that SG remains close to my heart. I am happy that I remain in close contact with the people I care about and love. Distance may alter friendships and relationships in certain ways, but some things will never change. I miss them, but somehow it also feels like they have never left my heart and my thoughts.

I am happy to be chasing my dreams. To face challenges every single day, to appear dumb, to make mistakes, to have some wins, and also losses, to experience, live, learn, and grow. I’m loving every moment of this adventure and am excited about what is to come : )

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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26 August, Saturday: Independence

Believe me, I thank myself for having written that post in February. I am all by myself in Seattle. It has been just one night alone, and that night was a really tough one to go through. While I know that I will eventually be OK, the process till that happens is going to be extremely rough and challenging. I know it, because I am already facing it right now.

Over the past 24 hours, I have doubted myself, my dreams, my goals, and I have even been questioning my existence on this earth. Why am I doing what I am doing? And WHY did I decide to leap out of my comfort zone? Are these the difficult but right choices or mere stupid mistakes? I am still in the process of rationalizing these thoughts.

I want to share about independence today. I have always wanted to be independent—never liked receiving help or burdening others, and wanting to show that I can do it on my own. Many a time, I decline help from family and friends. I’d rather push myself to the limit before doing that.

But today, I think back and ask myself—what for. We are social creatures and we form communities. We group together to support one another. While I don’t like imposing upon others, I know that I would do the same for someone else, and be happy to. So today, I will make a mental note to myself that it is okay to ask for help or receive help. More than okay.

I felt better chatting with friends today. I felt better chatting with family today. I felt better meeting up with new friends today. I got to my destination more quickly by asking for directions today. And I also helped a stranger take more than ten photos of her in the Suzzalo library today. And then we chatted. And I felt better.

I think I might be posting more in the next couple of days. It is during life’s toughest moments that I think and question more. And when I look back in the future, it’ll be a diary of how I passed a major hurdle in my life : )

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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22 February, Monday: Of Dreams, Insecurities, and Uncertainties

Greetings everyone!

It’s been a while since I last posted. Since then, Chinese New Year is almost over, we have slogged for more than a month at work, and I am also happy to share that I have been accepted into a great PhD program which I am seriously considering! Will also be flying over in 2 weeks for a visit, and to be honest, I am excited, yet extremely terrified.

I have always been a strong proponent of having big dreams and working towards them. It doesn’t matter what kind of dreams they are as long as it is something that you, personally, really want. For instance, one could have a dream of settling down and having a large happy family, or earning their first billion. I even posted a quote on Instagram a couple of years ago -- “If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough”. After all, where’s the kick if there isn’t a challenge in achieving it? For momowyoyo today, I went to search for the original source of the quote, and realized that it was an excerpt of Liberia President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf’s speech at a Harvard Commencement ceremony.

“The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough. If you start off with a small dream, you may not have much left when it is fulfilled because along the way, life will task your dreams and make demands on you.” - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

So this week, I received an offer and achieved one of my dreams -- entering graduate school. Euphoria and disbelief followed, along with immense gratitude. This dream was reached because of my sheer grit, my recovery from failures, my sacrifices, and my discipline. Yet, all these would not have sufficed. I owe this dream to so many other people. My family, my friends, my professors, and every single person that has made this even possible. The encouragement, listening ear, and the faith they have had in me, sometimes even more than I had in myself, have contributed to this dream. Nobody ever told me that I wouldn’t make it. And nobody scoffed when they listened to my goals. I am thankful for that.

Of insecurities and uncertainties. Life doesn’t stop when you achieve a dream. In fact, the journey has just begun, and the terrain is about to get steeper, rougher, and scarily, I know little about what is in store for me. As I inch my way up the academic ladder, I am about to meet the most brilliant minds in the small academic field, and suddenly, I am at a lost about what I should do and how I should conduct myself. Self-doubt takes over as I question my intelligence, my aptitude for research, and whether or not I would look like a joke in front of congregations of academics from across the globe. Also, will I be able to find similarly strong social support when I move to the U.S. on my own? It is during times like these that I forcefully stamp out such lingering thoughts, and instead, write a motivational monday post to share my experience, and also, to reassure and reaffirm myself. : )

I am pretty sure that some readers have been in such a situation, or will eventually be in such a situation, especially when they achieve a huge dream and are suddenly propelled into a new environment/situation facing new challenges. Well, my advice to myself would be (to be re-read in times of fear, nervousness, and low confidence):

Just be yourself. Anyway, you can never be someone else, no matter how hard you try. You are you because of your strengths and your weaknesses. Embrace and leverage on the former, and be mindful of the latter. Regardless, be confident of who you are because you are where you are now as a result of yourself. So, be the best version of yourself.

Take obstacles and mistakes as learning experiences, for they are bound to happen. Why not learn from them instead? Help anyone you can, as long as you have the capacity to, for you have been vulnerable, know how it feels to be lost, and at the same time, you have received so much help yourself. Pay it forward. As you go ahead to reach for new dreams, never forget those who have supported you, and are likely to continue supporting you. Do the same for them. And, finally, in the midst of all this uncertainty, fear, and insecurities, embrace them as much as you can. Life will always be filled with them when you step out of your comfort zone, but at least you know that you are growing. Embrace this adventure and more adventures to come : )

Well, this is one of the most emotional posts I have had (or at least I feel it personally). Thanks for reading, and till next time!

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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4 January, Monday: Reading

Happy New Year guys!!!

I am back! Earlier than expected, some might say. For this year’s mmwyy, I will not necessarily be posting every Monday. Rather, I will post whenever I/contributors are inspired by something:-)

Over the past week, I have read a couple of books touching a range of topics, such as animal training, handwriting, and communication. The number of books I have read during this short break greatly surpasses the number I have read in the entire year (excluding academic stuff, of course)! Interestingly, I noticed that every book, whatever the genre, left me with interesting insights, and I further caught myself applying/thinking deeply about what I had gathered from the books. For instance, after reading about how animal training can influence one’s relationship with others, I found myself using some of the newly picked-up techniques when interacting with my parents. The realization that reading impacts me more than I had previously expected has motivated me to spend more time reading this year, especially since I am not much of a reader. Most of us consider reading a chore, but I am beginning to think otherwise.

Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg has read at least 1 book a week for the year of 2015? I am extremely inspired by that. Reading, apart from being a pastime for some, exposes us to new ideas, changes our perceptions, and can also simply be an activity that brings one joy. As such, I’d like to challenge each and every one of you to read more in the year of 2016!

Wishing everyone a great year ahead! xoxo

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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21 December, Monday: Words to Live By

Hi everyone!

On the final momowyoyo of 2015 there is a special post lined up for you! We have a great insightful piece by one of the friends of MMWYY, hay_smeller.

Hope you’ll enjoy it and please let me know of any comments that you may have—I will relay them to the talented contributor!

Thank you for being a supporter of MMWYY through 2015! It has been a great experience maintaining this blog. In 2016, the blog will no longer have weekly posts. Instead, there will be posts as an when I/contributors are inspired and have something meaningful to share! Therefore, do check back as and when you need a little dose of positive energy!

Writing this blog has been pretty self-motivating and this endeavor has in some way helped me to tide through an extremely challenging and stress-filled year. Thank you for being a friend of this blog:)

To a happy 2016 everyone! I will be overseas next Monday so I’ll see you guys in the awesome year of twenty sixteen!

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"You’re the type who will end up alone later in life. You may have friends and relationships now, but by your mid-20s most of these will have drifted away. You may even marry or have several marriages, but these are likely to be short-lived and not continue into your 30s. Relationships don’t last, and when you’re past the age where people are constantly forming new relationships, the odds are you’ll end up being alone more and more."

The psychology experimenter reveals the results of the personality test, the devastating diagnosis of my “diseased” disposition. My mind struggles to coherently construct a witty response, my go-to mechanism to dealing with distressing discoveries and all I manage with a dry laugh is “Sounds like… I’m a crazy cat lady in the making?” This psychological verdict looms over my head, promising a future with the doom and gloom of loneliness. He eventually reveals that the results were a farce, expertly scripted to make the participant feel isolated and alone.

I’m far from amused and grill him about the ethicality of his little deceptive scheme. How could he sleep soundly at night knowing he was crushing self-esteems (albeit temporarily) in the name of furthering psychological understanding? He cheerily jabs at a sheet of paper with our school’s emergency Counseling & Psychological service hotlines, convinced his little experiment would do no harm and even help weed out the mentally unsound. Those disparaging words had momentarily held so much potency and I cringe thinking of all the participants that had come before and would come after. The only consolation for us lab rats was that as fast as the indictment came, so did the acquittal. Though we were assured we were not sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness, residual insecurities and fears linger even though the words never held much truth to begin with.

Many times we let the words of others define us and their words gradually become our realities. Especially when they come from people we see as authorities or the people closest to us. Our parents, teachers, partners and in some cases, psychology experimenters and we appropriate their words into our belief system and they become self-fulfilling prophecies. These words draw out our fears and insecurities, perpetuating self-doubt, leaving us in a state of confusion as we internalize the “damning decrees" over our lives, sometimes without evaluating for ourselves if their claims are even true.

Rudyard Kippling aptly wrote, "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Physical and psychological dependence arise as we feed off words of affirmation and crave the highs offered by a well-paid compliment, only to spiral into painful withdrawal when they are not given when expected. Affirming words are powerful enough to ease the pain of a grieving heart, even intoxicate the mind of a lover, but all it takes is a carelessly placed insult to induce paranoia, emotional disturbance and anxiety.

Another layer of complexity is added when we convey words via email, text or Whatsapp. As if it wasn't anxiety-inducing enough to live with the highs and lows of the spoken word, we’ve to deal with the double blue ticks and Whatsapp keeping tabs on when we were "last seen". Today we have to effectively convey our messages in words, which could carry multiple meanings and be interpreted in an infinite number of possible tones. How does a capitalized “LOL” differ from an un-capitalized “lol” and is the sender even laughing out loud when typing any of these text message prefixes? We're left to our own devices to assign meaning in their words and to create and communicate meanings in our own. This always leaves room for misinterpretation and never ending attempts to decipher cryptic sequences of emojis.

Jimmy Kimmel has a segment in his show where celebrities read out mean tweets about them. It’s made to be downright hilarious, but no matter how much the insults are trivialized, behind each celeb’s poker face could be wounded pride. Examples include “Is there a kickstarter campaign for @kevinjames to NEVER make another movie” or “Dear God, give us 2pac back and we’ll give you @JustinBieber”. In the words of burlesque star Dita Von Teese, you can be the juiciest peach (perhaps amazingly even Justin Bieber shaped) but they're bound to be some people who hate peaches. And these peach-hating individuals will take to social media to tweet/post about it. The Internet enables hateful behaviors by providing a platform of anonymity, to convey words of maliciousness sans the accountability. But who are these people, what authority do they carry and why do we crave their validation? I’m left wondering if any of these celebrities are kept up in sleepless nights brooding about insensitive comments made in passing.

In 2013, there was on onslaught of "Am I Pretty?" YouTube videos filmed and uploaded by teen girls soliciting for comments about their external appearances. A twelve-year-old girl would line her eyes with thick eyeliner, cake her face in make up, wear something a bit too raunchy for her age and start appealing to the masses to give her their honest opinions. The comments ranged from encouraging to harshly degrading and one can only imagine how many of these were written by adults more than twice her age, who wre expected to make “sounder” adult decisions. By hinging our self-worth on the words of others, we find ourselves losing bearing over how we perceive ourselves. Like a ship we are easily tossed about by waves of identity confusion. It is essential that we be anchored in firm notions of ourselves, in which we are the captains that decide these notions. External validation loses it chokehold on how we view ourselves and only then can we be liberated from others dictating our self worth. Words can only hurt us as much as we allow them to get to us and define us.

The most recent insult that cut me deeply was received was from someone who meant a great deal to me. Up till then I'd always assumed that he had respected my person and lifestyle choices. But when his flaming criticism came, I was unable to take the heat. His choice of vocabulary was enough to reveal his spiteful intentions, but because he was someone I let under my skin, his words got to me. Though the words of offence have since been forgiven, they will never be forgotten. And when I'm alone pondering about bad life choices made, his animus words have come back to haunt me, even though he’s probably long forgotten he’s ever said them. It's testament of how much the words of those who mean the most to you have the greatest hurting capacity and a reminder to myself that a cavalier spouting of a string of words that could’ve meant little to the speaker at the time spoken can stick to the listener for their lifetime. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and your words are but a reflection of your internal heart condition. Avoid at all costs speaking in the heat of the moment, because it will teem with intense emotions and once spouted, these words can never be retracted nor can the damage be undone.

To summarize this lengthy post, here’s a short list that could help you deal with the onslaught of words thrown at you on a daily basis:

1. Evaluate if the words hold any truth, especially if they incite fear or insecurity • Remember FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. Are what people telling you about you actually true? Many people have menacing words to offer, which can really get us questioning ourselves and draw out our deepest darkest insecurities, but let your confidence come and support yourself through every choice you make, believe in yourself regardless of what others say, believe or expect of you.

2. Words are like drugs: they can be used to remedy or can be subject to abuse • Stop living for the highs and lows and find stability in a stable sense of self. Stay connected with your beliefs, feelings, values, morals, integrity and point of view, and decide how you want to live your life. This will help you gain confidence and give you the courage you need to live for you and not be at the mercy of any abusive “drug dealers”

3. Never have important conversations over text, as words are always open to misinterpretation • "If comprehending human communication consisted merely of translating sentences and syntax into thoughts and ideas, there would be no room for misunderstanding," Justin Kruger from NYU on his research in digital emotion communication. But the reality is communication is more than that. In 2005 study was carried out and participants were only able to detect with 56% accuracy whether sarcasm was intended in a sent message (only 6% above chance), going to show that words do little in conveying emotion. A little face time or talk time can make a huge difference, and by face time we mean face to face, not just on your iPad

4. It may be tempting to seek validation in other’s words of approval which is why you need to build a strong sense of self that isn’t swayed by other’s opinions of who you are • If your thoughts and actions are dictated by entities outside of yourselves, you cannot live authentically with a unique flavor that is distinctly your own. We’ve to come to a place of unshakeable resolve and boldness to rise above people who seek to manipulate/affect us with their words. No longer are we puppets to their opinions. Cut the strings and move your own limbs with autonomy.

5. Words can only hurt us as much as we let them get to us. Don’t let it crawl under your skin • When an insult is hurled our way, an instinctive response might be to defend ourselves: essentially denial. And then we might come to a point of acceptance, where we start accepting that the insult as an “indisputable” truth of who we are. But it is important to be able to entertain ideas or wounding comments without immediately accepting them, only allowing those that resonate as “true” to become part of our concepts of self. That way we are less vulnerable to the constant bombardment of hurtful sentiments that would otherwise crawl under our skin. We’ve to be open to constructive criticism, but always evaluate what we allow to get to us. Will embracing these words help you become a better person? Or will it land you in a cesspit of bitterness? Usually it’s the latter, so it will be ideal to first entertain then quickly reject these thoughts before you risk appropriating them in your thinking.

6. Words spoken are like spilt milk, you can never take them back. The closer the person is to you, the more milk he gets on him and that’s one mess that’ll be hard to clean up

Remember that the harsh words of the people closest to you will usually hurt you the most and your harsh words would also do the same to them. We cannot actively regulate what comes out of their mouths, but we can with ours. Constantly filter them. Honesty can be the best policy, but in some cases bluntness that accompanies honesty can also be cutting. Mince and taste your words before speaking them and a little tactfulness really goes a long way. Once you spill milk on someone, the best you can do is offer tissue paper. If they don’t do laundry, the stain will stay and grows sour over time.

So MMYY readers, the words to live by are really those defined by your own terms. Through these six steps, perhaps you’ll be able to better handle word processing. We don’t mean on Microsoft Word, but the documents within your heart folder. Which should you let be part of the prose of your life and which should you press backspace and completely delete, so your life’s a more enjoyable read. Hope you had fun reading this

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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14 December, Monday: Folk Tales

Hey folks,

In the festive cheer yet?

Privileged to share a story by MMWYY’S BFF! Enjoy and let me know what you think:)

Signing off!

Adapted Story

Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster. They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race.

The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time. Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he decided to sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race. He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep. The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champion.

The hare woke up and realised that he'd lost the race. The moral of the story? Slow and steady wins the race. This is the version that we've all grown up with. But then, recently someone told me more interesting versions to this story. It continues.

The hare was disappointed at losing the race and did some reflection. He realised that he had lost the race only because he had been over-confident, careless and lax. If he had not taken things for granted, there was no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race. This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping. He won.

The moral of the story? Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady. But the story doesn't end here.

The tortoise did some thinking, and realised there was no way he could win in the race in the way it was formatted. He then decided to challenge the hare to another race, but this time on a slightly different route.

The hare agreed. They started off, and in keeping with his commitment to be consistent, the hare ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was on the other side of the river. The hare did not know what to do, while in the meantime, the tortoise trundled along and swam across the river and finally won the race.

The moral of the story? First identify your core competency and then change the playing field to suit your core competency. The story still hasn't ended.

The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become good friends, and did some thinking together. They realised the last race could have been run better. So they decided to do the last race again but to run as a team this time. They hare first carried the tortoise until the bank, where the tortoise carried the hare as he swam, and finally rode on the hare until the finishing line.

The moral of the story? It's good to be individually brilliant and have strong core competencies, but unless you're able to work in a team and harness each other’s' core competencies, you'll always perform below par because there'll always be situations others do better than you. Teamwork is about situational leadership - letting the right person with the relevant core competency lead at the right time.

There are more lessons to be learnt. Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after each failure. Like the hare, it is sometimes more suitable to work harder, while like the tortoise, it is more appropriate at times to change your strategy. At times it would be appropriate to do both. They also learnt another lesson. When we stop competing against a rival but against a situation, we perform far better.

When Robert Goizueta took over as CEO of Coca-Cola in 1980s, he was faced with the immense competition from Pepsi that was eating into Coke's growth. His executives were Pepsi-focussed and intent on increasing market share 0.1% at a time. Goizueta decided to stop competing against Pepsi and instead compete against the situation of 0.1% growth. He asked his executives what was the average fluid intake of an American. It was 14 ounces. "What was Coke's share of that?" It was 2 ounces. Coke needed a larger share. The competition wasn't just Pepsi, but water, tea, coffee, milk and fruit juices that went into the remaining 12 ounces. The public should reach for Coke whenever they felt thirsty. Hence, Coke put up vending machines at every street corner. Sales took a quantum jump and Pepsi has never caught up since.

To sum up, the story teaches us many lessons. Chief among them are that fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady; work to your core competencies; pooling resources and working as a team will always beat individual performances; never give up when faced with failures and finally, compete against a situation, not a rival.

#MMWYYBFF

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momowyoyo · 8 years

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7 December, Monday: Questioning

Happy DECEMBER!!!

For the 4th-last post of the year, let’s talk about the importance of questioning.

I believe that the necessity of questioning is under-rated. Now now, I am not encouraging an excessive questioning of one’s own abilities—that would do more harm than good!

Rather, I am encouraging intelligent questioning.

First, questioning of traditional or previous ways of doing things — is this method the most efficient and time-saving? What can be done better? In other words, never assume that norms are ideal, and accept them without further thought. Take the time to think, reason, and understand.

Second, we tend to perform the best in teams when there is a culture of questioning one another (again, intelligently, and not for the sake of it). Of course, we tend to question our colleagues less when we trust their abilities and they are deemed to be dependable. Yet, we should always be objective enough to not take their ideas and work to be perfect because everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has those days! This comes from personal experience, as I have over-trusted, and been over-trusted in my work life. I’ve ruminated a lot about this, but as a self-compassionate individual I am going to let this go and learn from this important lesson!

Trust is important, but has a dark side. Muahahaha. As with all things, striking a delicate balance is ideal. So sorry, colleague!

Hope you find this week’s motivational monday helpful, and I will see you next week:)

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momowyoyo · 9 years

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30 November, Monday: Fate

Hello guys! Last day of November! Is anyone excited for CHRISTMAS?!?!?!?!?! I really look forward to blasting Mistletoe by Justin Bieber!!!:)

Today’s quote is from the popular drama serial How I Met Your Mother:

“The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do. They’ll also be the things that happen to you. No I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life. You have to take action. And you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door, and your whole life can change forever.”

My takeaways are:

1. You have a dream? Chase it.

2. Your dreams are not necessarily in your own hands. Chase it anyway.

3. Life will surprise you in ways you cannot imagine. Whatever the surprise is, make the best out of it:)

Till next week!

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momowyoyo · 9 years

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23 November, Monday: Hard Work

1 week to the festive month of December!

Today’s motivation monday is great for the exam period:)

Interestingly, watching a One Direction interview on YouTube inspired this week’s topic. I was watching Apple Music’s London Session feature of the boys, who are now promoting their new album (give them a chance! this album is good!).

One great takeaway resonates with one of my favorite quotes that we shouldn’t compare our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reels. Indeed, we all have idols and role models—soccer players, musicians (e.g., Little Mix, Taylor Swift), top CEOs and the like, and sometimes we wonder if we can every get there. How did they manage to do what they did?!

One thing I realized as I watched the interview was that talent and luck can only get one this far. We still need to work hard to write our songs, train our vocals, practise our dribbling techniques, put in the time, effort, and sincerity to network and collaborate with other people, etc.

Success is never served to you on a platter, which makes it all the more sweeter when it arrives.

(And this applies to your A grades as well, so werk it and study hard!)

Have a great week ahead everyone!

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momowyoyo · 9 years

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16 November, Monday: On Resolutions

In this week’s MMWYY, we are lucky to have with us a good friend of this blog’s author! Today’s guest author was my fellow 1 day Mt. Fansipan climber back in Dec 2014, and has a huge part to play in my survival that day. Our guest author has graciously penned down a piece that, in my opinion, leaves us with much food for thought. Today’s refreshing piece is also a good break from the banal articles that have surfaced in the past few months. Thank you for your contribution!

At the end of 2014, I climbed my first mountain – Mt. Fansipan. That arduous and hell of a hike inspired me to come up with some resolutions for the then upcoming year, 2015. At this stage, resolutions were probably cheesy and ambitious things we came up with every year which sounded noble and grand but we never actually achieved, or we forgot completely about it. And then the routine repeated until a point of time, we gave up having resolutions.

So I thought as we are approaching the end of 2015, I would do some reflections on my resolutions. I came up with 2 resolutions – 1 for work, and 1 in general – earlier on at the turn of the calendar year.

My work resolution was simple: Focus. Discipline. Conviction. Having started work for about half a year at that time, I found myself always drifting away from work mentally. Concentration levels were low, and social media was a huge distraction. The turn of the calendar year usually signifies a peak period for auditors, and so I felt I had to do something about the lack of drive at work. I came up with the above 3 simple words.

Every morning upon turning on my laptop, I would type the 3 words on Google Momentum. It served to remind myself what I set out to achieve at the start of the year – on a daily basis. It worked. I was far from being a perfect worker for sure, but there was a marked change in my attitudes. Each time my mind drifted away, the 3 words came to mind. When I picked up my phone for updates on social media, I reminded myself of the 3 words. When I hit “Alt-Tab” on my laptop, I see the same 3 words – Focus. Discipline. Conviction. It took a while, but focus, discipline and conviction soon became a habit. For instance, social media had been and is now restricted only to lunchtimes at work.

The other resolution was: 1. Read more. At least an hour a week. 2. Practise music more. Piano, singing, guitar, whatever. At least 3 hours a week. 2-3 times weekly. 3. Focus at work. Practise self-discipline and cut away social media. Stay convicted in almost anything and everything.

The third one relates pretty much to the above. But the other two resolutions were different – they were way more specific than my work resolution. We’re less than 2 months to go to the end of 2015, and I can proudly say I’ve achieved the first two as well, give and take (self-empathy, remember?).

Moral of the story? It doesn’t matter whether a resolution (or any other goal we set out in life) is broad and ambitious or specific and detailed. Don’t set a resolution and forget about it. Remind yourself every day. Remind yourself every week. Remind yourself every time you find yourself most needing to be reminded of it. To that, there’s only 3 things required of us as long as we set out to accomplish our resolutions.

Focus. Discipline. Conviction.

Screenshot of the Resolution 2015 note

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What were your new year resolutions for 2015? Here are mine! I personally have not reminded myself of them and hardly even looked at them, resulting in a poor alignment with my resolutions. Ha ha:( I have only scraped some, at best. But I am proud that I have tried:)

Anyway, to end off, let us put our hands together to thank our guest author for this week’s momowyoyo! Much appreciated, friend, and till next week!

P.S:

Response to last week’s call for input by the same contributor of today’s post:

“You aren't supposed to control frustration. It's NOT controllable. You're a human not a robot. We don't withhold or control feelings. We deal with them. We're allowed to have emotions, and they're allowed to show. It's how we deal with them that's important. A mosquito in your room is going to be in your room until it gets out. But it is only going to stay bothersome for as long as you LET IT bother you.”

^Remember, feedback and ideas are welcome and will be shared with the other readers in the next MM! Please feel free to share your ideas and thoughts!

P.P.S: After several requests to allow anonymous comments (without the need to create a tumblr account), I think it has been enabled! Please comment and if possible, identify yourself! :)

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momowyoyo · 9 years

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9 November, Monday: Frustration

Happy Monday!

As I am typing this, I’ve just been bitten by a mosquito, thrice in a row. Or maybe two mosquitoes, I have no idea. My room door is tightly shut, windows closed, and I currently in a hyper-vigilant mode, trying to hunt down them mozzies. 1 hour passed. I almost got it, but my electric mosquito bat failed me at the crucial moment. Another hour passed. Still, close shaves, but no mosquito caught. I am extremely annoyed because I cannot concentrate on my work, and I want to go to sleep in peace.

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A part of my job requires me to collect data from stores across Singapore. I dislike this part of my job the most, because I often get turned down, brushed off, and sometimes, people are rude and dismissive. It is also frustrating when I leave a set of surveys with the store employees, and go back collecting unfilled surveys. Sometimes, surveys are also not properly done. Yet, I need to collect an adequate amount of surveys, or risk doing data collection on another day. Which is the worst thing ever. Your feet ache, your resolute is challenged, you just want to go home.

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What do we do when we are in moments of frustration? At this point in time, I am still very upset and annoyed. Why me? I ask myself.

But maybe feeling frustrated is controllable. Maybe we can try to withhold these negative feelings, and look at the situation in a neutral way. Or, if possible, think of the positives. Good exercise, hunting the mosquito and trekking around shopping centers. Maybe.

I have not figured something out, although I feel more calm now. If you have ideas, please let me know. Regardless, the point of today’s motivational monday is this: are negative emotions a must to feel, and are we in control of it? By making this possibility salient, maybe we will be in better control of our negativity in the future.

Till next week!

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momowyoyo · 9 years

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2 November, Monday: Hello November!

Two more months to the New Year!!! Is anyone excited?!

How has 2015 been? Looking back, would you have lived it the way you did, or would you have, in hindsight, made different choices, spent your time in another way, or reconsidered your priorities?

Personally, I have made a couple of bad decisions (amongst the millions of good ones, only kidding), and I do regret them! However, recapping one of the MMs a few months back, it’s okay to make mistakes, and when we do, let’s not not get too hung up over them. Self-compassion goes a long way in ensuring a better life:)

Today’s MM is about listening non-judgmentally. We often talk to people, go for talks, network, or hear opinions (whether face-to-face or on social media). Many a time, we may not fully agree with the person’s thoughts. We then switch off and block out whatever he or she is saying. At the end of the day, we presume that our initial beliefs are correct and conclude that the person is wrong.

However, taking a step back, there is indeed merit in setting aside your opinions and initial beliefs, and listening to the arguments that someone else is making, whether or not you agree with them. This is because you may find yourself thinking from the other person’s perspective, and considering where he or she is coming from may add a layer of understanding to the subject matter. The person may have had a different approach to bringing a message across, but ultimately, the underlying reason is not what is seems to be.

For instance, a budding graduate student wannabe may have been putting in months of effort to work on his applications. The application cycle deadline is approaching, and all his effort is coming to fruition with the submission of a hopefully strong application package. At this point in time, however, his parent begins to dissuade him from applying for a PhD and instead do a masters. The parent does so by calculating the “loss in wages” one may suffer by pursuing 5 years of graduate studies.

As budding PhD wannabe, how would you feel? Perhaps, he feels annoyed and upset that his parent does not support his endeavor. Or, he may be a little insulted that his parent did not believe in his abilities. Maybe, he is sad that the parent has not seen his blood, sweat, and tears put in to achieve his dreams.

However, the above may in fact not be what the parents was thinking. Dropping judgment, the parent could simply be highlighting potential pitfalls the child may face, and hence made an attempt to forewarn the child to be prepared. The parent could have complete faith in the child, and may fully support the child, but is ultimately sad about spending 5 years apart.

Sometimes, messages come out wrongly. Sometimes, we assume wrongly. Sometimes, we merely need to withhold judgment for a better understanding of situations.

Happy Monday everyone!

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