mochibdsm

[mochibdsm]

I’m a married woman (46) and am desperately seeking an online dom/sub dynamic not associated with my marriage. What is the best way to go about finding my perfect dom that will enjoy this dynamic of owning a married woman (online)? I’m just getting my toes wet.

what exactly is your reasoning for seeking a Dominant?

have you thoroughly researched the lifestyle?

do you have a detailed list of limits and boundaries that you are at least 95% certain is accurate?

#asks

[mochibdsm]

miscellaneous - apps - 2

apologies to the apple U/users on this one, but there are many apps similar to this i would think on the apple store

digital detox is fantastic. from a slave perspective, it's another layer of control Master has over me, limiting my access to phone usage. from an adhd perspective, i'm sleeping a lot better without uninhibited access to all the shiny things on my phone.

again, apologies to apple U/users, but this particular app is no longer available on ios.

this alarm clock is excellent. performing tasks in order to turn off the alarm makes me more aware of the alarm and what i need to do in that particular moment according to routine.

i personally haven't begun using this yet, but Master has, and i love it already. it seems like an excellent way to digitize contracts , journals, and other documents pertaining to O/one's dynamic.

#miscellaneous

[mochibdsm]

period self-care - 1

#personal care #grooming

[mochibdsm]

#articles #s type education #d type education

[mochibdsm]

levels of dynamics

Top/bottom

egalitarian relationship

0% power exchange

kink play only

Dominant/submissive

not an egalitarian relationship

1% to 99% power exchange

kink play is common but is not the focus of the dynamic

Master/slave

not an egalitarian relationship

100% power exchange

kink play may be common but is not the focus of the dynamic

#general education #d type education #s type education

[mochibdsm]

in addition to my previous advice, i also wanted to add this quote from the book "real service" by Raven Kaldera and joshua tenpenny:

if the Master doesn't want it, it isn't service.

meaning, in your scenario, your Dominant is indeed having control over you in the power exchange dynamic, not allowing you to perform certain things because They simply wish to do them instead.

and that's perfectly alright ♡

My Dom and I don't have a typical TPE. I only go to school but he works, cooks and clean, he takes care of the animals and is a provider, how could I be a better sub if I feel less submissive for not being able to do those types of chores?

i would say first and foremost, you are doing great as a submissive ♡

many Dominants still want to do the things They enjoy doing, even in a dynamic, because They are human and have interests of Their own.

every dynamic is different. just because in one dynamic the submissive does all the cooking and cleaning, doesn't mean every dynamic must be laid out that way.

#asks

[mochibdsm]

#articles #s type education #d type education

[mochibdsm]

Are there any for self care tips while it’s that time of the month ?

ooh, this is a good question! i didn't find anything specifically for this under [personal care] but i will definitely add this to my list of things to source! once i do, they will fall under this tag ♡

thank Y/you so much for this!

#asks

[mochibdsm]

My Dom and I don't have a typical TPE. I only go to school but he works, cooks and clean, he takes care of the animals and is a provider, how could I be a better sub if I feel less submissive for not being able to do those types of chores?

i would say first and foremost, you are doing great as a submissive ♡

many Dominants still want to do the things They enjoy doing, even in a dynamic, because They are human and have interests of Their own.

every dynamic is different. just because in one dynamic the submissive does all the cooking and cleaning, doesn't mean every dynamic must be laid out that way.

#asks

[mochibdsm]

Thoughts on growing as a dominant.

This is a thing I've been thinking about for a long time. One of the best ways for me to clarify my own thoughts is to try and write them down. I write mostly for myself, but maybe it will help someone else along the way.

Being a dominant is innate. I have no idea if it's born into us, or the product of early learning, but I can look back and see it was always there, at least by my teens. I didn't think of myself as a leader, but others seemed to see it in me. All the times there was something hard that needed doing or a difficult choice to make, and people turned to me as if that was the obvious thing to do. The way I was always the one to figure out plans and logistics for group trips. But it took many years before I connected the dots and saw the patterns and began to realize what I am.

But, while BEING a dom is innate, being good at it is learned.

When I first began to introduce dominance into a loving relationship, I made a LOT of mistakes. Did things I cringe to think about. But I learned from them. And I'm continuing to learn. I expect to never stop learning. And my best teachers have been submissives. Especially some of those who write here about the their lives and relationships. The late and much missed @submissive-seeking was a powerful influence. Others like @cherishedproperty and @amysubmits have also been valuable to me.

It seems to me that any conscientious dom who wants to be the best dom possible should be seeking to learn from submissives. They are, after all, the best authorities on their own experiences and the workings of the submissive mind.

And I would frankly worry about a dom who thought he had it all figured out and had nothing left to learn. I rather think that some of the bad behavior, online and in person, occurs not so much from ill intent as from guys who have just figured out they are dominants but have prematurely stopped learning about it. Guys who think that the mere fact of being a dom, of knowing you are a dom, means you have nothing left to learn about it.

So, I make no claims to being an expert on this stuff and won't try to tell others how they should or must behave, except to say "Never think you know it all". Don't stop learning and accept that submissives in general, and especially the submissives you interact with directly, can be your very best teachers.

#writings #d type education

[mochibdsm]

He makes me want to promise him anything.

“You would do that for me, wouldn’t you?”

The way he smiles down at me makes me feel full and warm. But the thing he is asking of me… It makes my heart pound. I’m scared. I don’t want…what if… I hesitate, searching his green eyes for the answer. But they only tell me what I already know.

“Yes, Daddy.”

I grimace a little at what I just said, and he caresses my cheek.

“Because you want to make Daddy happy.”

“Yes, Daddy. Always.”

And see, this is not something said in the heat of the moment that I will come to regret. It’s just the truth. I would do it. I would do all of it. The stuff that makes me want to cry, just imagining it. The stuff that would damage me if I gave it to him. I would still do it, if he asked. Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday. I can feel it. Someday saying no to him will become unthinkable. The need to please him is just that strong.

This is what makes all the other words so important. All the words I say when I explain my feelings and my struggles to him. Because I know he won’t ask anything of me that would damage me. He wants my struggle and my suffering, but he wants me to feel cherished through it all. Safe and fulfilled and loved. He wants my devotion, but not if it comes at the expense of my health and happiness. And so I know he won’t ask of me what I’m not prepared to give him. But he needs my help knowing where the line is—the line between pain and damage. The line between struggle and despair.

For now, he won’t act. He just asks the question. Then he waits to see the realization in my eyes. The sudden and absolute certainty that I would promise him anything. Give him anything. If only he chose to ask.

#writings

[mochibdsm]

some of the problem links are working now, so while i will undrgo this process in the name of saving educational resources, it will be a slower process.

thank Y/you A/all.

announcement: some article links may be broken.

some articles are leading to internal server errors and thus are not working as intended. i will be investigating and editing each post with the information contained within the link, as well as the link itself (in case the issue is ever fixed).

i believe, going forward, this may continue for the foreseeable future with all articles posted from this point on.

thank Y/you A/all for Y/your patience while this process is ongoing.

#other

[mochibdsm]

home management - shopping and inventory - 2

#home management

[mochibdsm]

announcement: some article links may be broken.

some articles are leading to internal server errors and thus are not working as intended. i will be investigating and editing each post with the information contained within the link, as well as the link itself (in case the issue is ever fixed).

i believe, going forward, this may continue for the foreseeable future with all articles posted from this point on.

thank Y/you A/all for Y/your patience while this process is ongoing.

#other

[mochibdsm]

#articles #kink education #s type education

[mochibdsm]

What Makes D/s Real

“You need to get your windshield wipers replaced.”

“Nah, they’re fine.”

“No. You aren’t listening. You will get your windshield wipers replaced. Order on Amazon by Monday or go buy them before Wednesday. I want new windshield wipers on your car by Wednesday.”

Whoa. This is different. She’s never taken control like this before. Are those heart bubbles flying out of my ears?

“Do you understand?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

That night, she had bathed me, collared me, beaten me, dressed me, and done my makeup before we were headed to a party. “My little doll,” she called me. And still, this moment in my car was the most submissive I’d felt all night. In fact, it was the most submissive I’d felt in our relationship so far. 

Up to this point, she felt like my girlfriend who topped me, but not my Dominant. But this time, it wasn’t about play. It wasn’t an area where we’d discussed in advance and I’d explicitly given her control. It came out of her desire to protect me. It was the first time she took control because she felt responsible for me—not as part of a scene but in everyday life. 

Still, it was just a moment. I wasn’t sure whether she’d remember or follow through. But on Tuesday, she asked if I’d ordered the wipers. 

Shit. I’d meant to do it the day before, but Monday got busy, and I forgot. So I hurried up and ordered them.

“Yes, I ordered them.”

“When?”

Shit. “Today.”

“Was that what I said?”

“Well…”

“You had two options: order them online by Monday or buy them in person by Wednesday. You did neither of those things. So now you’re going to cancel that order. You’re going to leave for the auto parts store. You’re going to tell me when you leave to drive there, when you arrive, when you leave, and when you are home. You’re going to buy the wipers. And then you’re going to put your collar on and spend the rest of your night writing lines.”

She remembered. She noticed. She held me accountable. This is real. 

All at once, I felt that gut-wrenching feeling of having disappointed her and the warmth of being cared for and kept. I didn’t enjoy the punishment, but I appreciated it. She showed me that she saw me and that my needs mattered. By the end of the night, I had new wipers and 100 lines of, “I will care for my Dominant’s property however she sees fit.” And I meant it.  

It’s not formal rules and protocol that make D/s real. It’s not the kneeling or the spanking or the oral service. It’s the everyday moments where Dominants and submissives care for one another through power exchange—when one nurtures through leading and the other nurtures through following. This is when I feel loved in exactly the way I need most.

#writings

[mochibdsm]

“I assumed I had permission because...”

I stopped mid-sentence because @cynicaldom was shaking his head, sighing. I just watched him for a second, and my mood dropped as I took in his displeased body language. The rest of my sentence, something about how he’s always excused me from this thing while I’m sick before, felt less important. 

“Yes. You assumed you had permission. Without asking me.”

The feeling sunk in more. That was all he said. That was all that needed to be said to make me drop my perspective and take on his. I could fill in the rest. We’ve been here before. Yes, if I am sick, he’s always given me permission to skip certain rules or chores. Yes, he let me skip this two days ago, the last time it was on my schedule, and I’m sicker now than I was then. I know he believes that when I’m sick I need to rest and take it easy a bit. But he’s still my Dominant when I’m not feeling well. Assuming I have permission in an area where we’ve mutually agreed I need his permission, is a subtle form of taking back the control I’ve committed to giving to him. He would have excused me from the chore if I had asked, but I should have asked, to make it clear I was still submitting to his decision. 

#writings