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There was never a day I didn’t miss you. Even at the busiest times, I still think about you Momo.
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13 June 2023
It’s been exactly a year since the first time I confessed to you over the phone; and I can assure you that I still feel the same way for you. Whether my feelings are reciprocated or not, believe me, I have never loved someone in my entire life as much I love you Momo.
You are the epitome of a good man. I won't get tired of telling you how good you are despite of whatever we have been through. Ignoring me doesn't equate to you being the bad guy; you have your reasons and maybe one of them is to make sure I'm not hurt with false hopes. You were cautious and responsible. You have always been mature and that made me admire you the most.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over this feeling. All these "what ifs" have always been haunting me. But it'll forever remain that way, cos we'll never ever get the chance to try to level up. We haven’t seen each other for 3 months, yet my feelings for you are still the same.
I wish you all the best and I just hope you’ll find someone as much as how you are valuable to me.
I've been through a lot the past couple of months and I often find myself thinking of you, and my day gets a lil' bit better.
Thank you for being my ray of sunshine. Thank you for being God's gift and for being my strength and weakness. You make me feel alive. You complete my being.
Frankly, no one in this world could compare to how you are for me and I also think no one can ever take over the place you have in my heart.
I miss you so much, Momo. I really do.
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It’s been 3 months since we last met and I’m missing you more each day, Momo.
I’m scared that you’ve already forgotten that I existed or have somehow been a part of your life. Wishing I could hug you right now. Life has been different without your presence.
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I still miss you every single day, Momo. I always find myself opening our Whatsapp conversation and wanting to type something. But I’m scared I’ll end up getting blocked.
I also don’t know if you already deleted my number. I can’t see your pfp :/
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2 months
It's been exactly 2 months since the last time we met and I can clearly remember every detail. I honestly miss you, Momo. My life without your presence has been totally different.
But like what I have said, I'm trying to work on myself. I have already started with the Spoken Qatari Arabic class and I'm very eager of findings ways on how to improve myself. On the contrary, my brother has reverted to Islam and he has chosen the name 'Mohamed Azlan'. My life is filled with happiness and love, and I have always wished I could continue sharing these positive feelings with you.
I have no hard feelings for you. You're the best person I have ever met and I will never get tired of blogging of how good you are as a person.
I sincerely wish you all the best and I hope you are doing well.
Missing you to bits and pieces,
Jen
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You're probably not reading the blog posts here nor have checked my last e-mail. But I'm still blogging cos this is how I cope up. I miss you every single day and there was never a day that I did not think of you.
Safe to say, you are my greatest love Momo and I don't think I'll be able to recover from this heartbreak any time soon.
I don't feel anything negative towards you, but yes, I feel empty. The moment I confessed to you again, was the time I lost my greatest and most amazing friend. I lost you and there's no way you'd ever come back.
How I wish you know how I feel. My feelings for you have always been and will always be genuine.
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I hope you fall in love with someone who never stops choosing you and I hope you feel at home whenever you look at her.
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The worst pain is being in no contact with the person you’re still in love with, who at one point, sent you texts that would make your heart melt. And now, you can only love them in silence from a distance. Slowly being forced to close a chapter you never wanted to end.
It has always been you and it will always be you, Momo. You have my heart.
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I've also been meaning to tell you this. Apparently, someone has confessed his feelings for me last year but got rejected. I actually thought he'd stop, but he came back again this month to try again.
Here's a glimpse.
I made it very clear to him that I love someone else. I gave him the exact same answer I told him last year.
Yet he kept trying on pursuing me. He told me to get out of my comfort zone and don't hold myself back.
I also made myself clear that if I were to give him a chance, there’s no way I’ll be doing home dates. Home dates will definitely make me reminisce all the special moments we've shared and cherished. And to be honest, I am not ready to share a piece of myself to anyone.
I honestly appreciate his words. But words are just plain words without action. That's what I'm trying to remind myself.
He is currently out of the country and will be back some time around this month. He's also a good person and his intentions are clear. He wants something serious, a real relationship. But I am scared to break someone's heart and obviously scared to have mine broken too.
He’s also too advanced with his thinking, kinda scares the shit out of me :O
I can't allow someone to be a part of my life while I still have feelings for someone else; when I still have feelings for you Momo. It's gonna be unfair for him or to anyone who would want me to be a part of theirs. But he assured me he'll wait, even though I have insisted he shouldn't because I cannot guarantee him anything.
I don't wanna reach the point where I'll be with him yet I see you in him, or I'll be thinking you're him. Totally unfair and delusional. Toxic and unhealthy, and I am not that kind of person. Told you your dating life sucks, turns out, mine is worse kek.
But on a serious note, I'll try to work on myself. Will fix myself and once I am fully healed, maybe by then I am ready. Although a part of me will always have the what ifs; “What if me and Momo have dated for real? What could’ve it been like?” You missed the chance of having additional good genes in your family :P
Seriously, if you really wanted to date me for real, you could have done it knowing you already have the chance. But you chose not to. You don’t see me that way and I totally respect you. I love you with all my heart and I cannot, I will not and I should not force you to love me back. I’m not selfish and I am willing to see you find your own happiness because that's what true love is. Pain is inevitable. “When you truly love someone, you gotta learn to let them go.”
I’ll still be around whenever you need me. I wish you all the best, Momo. Oh how I wish I could be a part of your life, but it’s your call. You are the decision maker and whatever you do, please know that I’ll support you and will always be happy for you :)
P.S. This reel took the words off of my mouth: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqJR0zkuEVk/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
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Reasons why I like you:
God-fearing, believes that there is one God and He is above all mankind.
Family-oriented, always prioritizes family. Family is the core of everything, right?
Kind-hearted, has a huge heart and always have room for understanding people.
Thoughtful, remembers significant days, memories and considerate.
Intellectual, has answers to mostly everything and is always one step ahead of everyone.
Multilingual, speaks Arabic, French, English and Spanish. A man who speaks more than 2 languages is beyond interesting.
Handsome, should I state the obvious? Physical appearance isn’t really a major thing for me but can’t ignore the fact that you are handsome, very handsome. Your brown eyes, mole on your nose bridge and hidden dimple on your left cheek by your connecting beard make you look even way more handsome.
Neat and tidy, you present yourself spotless. Always smells good, nails always clean, always clean inside out. You have a pure soul.
Organized, not as OC as me, but you try your best to be organized as much as you could especially at your apartment.
Ailurophile, you are fond of cats and it makes my heart melt. Remember my first nickname with you, cat dad? That’s the main reason why I swiped right to you back when I still had Tinder. You already stole my heart with your photo with Neo, holding him like a baby up in the air.
Obviously, there are more reasons I could tell you but trust that the above points already hit the bull’s eye. The list could go and on, and there’s just so many things with you that I find fascinating.
I didn’t stay nor fell for you because you are good in bed (no doubt on that cos you definitely are), but because you are someone who has a soul that touched mine in so many ways that no one has ever did. I find you as someone worthy more than just a situationship or friends with benefits. You are so much more than that, Momo.
Right now, I just honestly miss your hugs and kisses. These make me feel safe; being in your arms does. You are my comfort, you are my home. If only I know that March 2 would be the last time we’d meet, I could’ve told you all of these personally.
You saved me when I was falling apart, and I hope one day I could return you the favor of saving yours.
I hope you are doing well and how I wish I have the courage to call you to hear your voice one last time.
May God guide you to the right person who sees the best in you and who sees your value.
Take care always.
P.S. The song kinda hits the spot. I was so scared to love back then since I was fresh from a breakup. But you made me realize how beautiful it is to love, even if that means not being able to be loved back. Love is selfless, love is patient, love is kind.. and it could also be one way and that’s totally okay. I loved and I learned. I am who I am right now because of the things you unconsciously taught me. You made me a better person compared to who I was when you found me.
P.P.S. Please don't hate me if I keep writing. This has always been my way of coping up with whatever I am feeling. Got no one to share; no one will judge and no one will criticize me here. mkxmoms.tumblr.com is my blog. This is my safe space, my refuge.
I miss you so much, Momo.
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Came across this Instagram post and I couldn’t agree more. Tho the marriage and family part escalated quickly, but I mean you're a responsible person. You were my third love yet have the greatest impact in my entirety. You weren't mine, but I was yours (even without you asking, I have always been faithful :P) You’re also the best among the bestest best.. wait what? Grammatically incorrect but you know what I mean. Kekw.
I wasn’t looking for love when I met you, but I fell in love with you with all my heart. We were both fresh from heartbreaks back in 2021. At first, it was crystal clear for me that we won’t be something more than acquaintances and Tinder match but my feelings grew deeper and deeper even when you kept reminding me I shouldn't. But how can I not? Cringey and cliche as it may sound, you’re one of a kind. You are the greatest blessing in my life, Momo.
I tried to shrug my feelings when I had the chance to, but my feelings for you is way too stronger than my mindset. Brain: 0 ; Heart: 1.
I'm sorry that I could not stop myself, but all I know is that I have always been true to you; never cheated on you and never said bad things about you. I actually didn't think of anything bad about you, at all. Wallah.
I like you for everything that you are, may it be your good side or bad side. You are you, and I kept falling even if I know how fucked up this situationship would end up.
You were worth all the risks. Confessing is risky. Very risky. But at least you know that these words are from my heart; words that I have never been vocal about whenever we're together.
I hope you won't forget about me cos to be honest, there's no possible way I could forget you. You will always have a piece of my heart.
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Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.
You unfriended me on Snapchat :/ but it’s fine. Social media has no bearing. You know how I feel towards you
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Can I ask you something? I hope you won’t treat me like a stranger. I’ve been a part of your life for over a year and you have been a part of mine too.
I don’t wanna lose you, Momo.
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1st of April 2023
I can vividly remember how we spent our day exactly one year ago. It was a day before Ramadan 2022. I came over to your place, gave you my Ramadan gift and spent our time together - cuddling, laughing and we definitely had a good time.
A lot of things can really happen within a year. I'm typing this right now at my apartment with tears flowing down my cheeks while listening to our playlist. I am honestly sad, empty and heart-broken, but you're not the one to be blamed for. You were never mine to begin with; although my heart has always been yours - whether you felt it or not. It was always yours. I have always been faithful and loyal to you even if you never asked me to be one. I knew I'd love you from the moment I got to know you and I knew I'll get hurt. It really hurts because what I felt for you was true, it was pure and it was a selfless kind of love. A part of me was thinking we could maybe work out since we both have the same wavelength.
We've been in this situation a few times for over a year, going on and off. But I know, after I confessed on March 29, there's no way you'll ever come back.
I noticed today that you removed me on Snapchat, I thought we were cool. I have feelings for you but I never asked you to reciprocate. I was trying to be okay even when you were getting to know other girls or been in a relationship, but deep down I'm in pain. But that's the price I have to pay for just to be near you.
Last year when you got into a relationship, I also tried to enter one hoping I would get over my feelings for you. But to be honest, I have never loved anyone else from the day I met you.
I don't think I'll be able to move on quickly. I won't be able to forget about you because to tell you honestly, everything reminds me of you. Games, songs of Coldplay, The Weeknd, Swedish House Mafia. Everything. You are one in a million Momo and the best among the people I have met in my life.
I don't want to be toxic, but I hope one day you could see yourself through my eyes; only then you'll see how much I value you.
If ever these girls hurt you and take you for granted, please know that I am always here to save you, to take care of you, to give you everything. I'll never judge you for your life choices and preferences, I won't harm nor hurt you, I won't do anything stupid because I know how worthy you are.
How I wish I could hug you right now. I miss you so much and it hasn't even been a week since we last spoke. I don't wanna lose you Momo.
I don't mind getting hurt because you are worth the pain, Mohamad.
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