minteyemikeyshroud

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Y/N: [Rubbing their temples] Come on.. Pick up.

Toby: What are you doing?

Y/N: Calling BEN.

Toby: But… Your phone is off.

Y/N: Yeah, I mean telepathically.

Toby: There’s no way that’s going to-

BEN, appearing: Hey, sorry I missed your call.

Toby: WHAT THE-

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BEN: What if one day you just randomly turned into an almond.

BEN: You couldn’t scream or do anything about it because you’re an almond.

Y/N: Honey… Are you okay?

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Jane: My favorite fic just finished updating, do you have any recommendations?

BEN: I don’t have any recs, but I have a mafia/police AU I’m writing at the moment.

Jane: Oh? Tell me about it.

BEN: So, we all work as a police force and me and Y/N are enemies to lovers.

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BEN: Everything Gucci with you?

Y/N: It is goodwill at best my dude.

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BEN: If someone attractive disagrees with me I will immediately change my views. I have no principles.

Y/N: BEN, you really should have some principles.

BEN: You’re right, I should.

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Y/N: Only an idiot would fall for me.

BEN: Hey! I’m not an idiot!

Y/N: …

BEN: …

Y/N and BEN: What??

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Y/N: I told you it would be too spicy for you.

BEN, with teary eyes, runny nose and red lips: I can barely taste the spice.

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[In the mansion group chat]

BEN: I had a crush on someone and didn’t know how to handle it so I filled their car with heart shaped confetti.

Y/N: …Wait.

Y/N: THAT WAS YOU????

BEN: Shit. Wrong chat that was supposed to be for Jeff.

Y/N: I knew it.

BEN: You knew what??

Y/N: First off that you liked me, and btw I like you too, and second of all that you and Jeff talk about me all the time.

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[Over the phone]

BEN: Y/N! Im out for lunch.

BEN: If the Sims I trapped in the bedroom finally fall in love text me IMMEDIATELY!

BEN: …

BEN: Yes, I know they look like us. What about it?

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Help me answer a question for the HR department at work

The sole HR specific human at work sent out a message this morning that included the equivalent of “what do you do after work to unwind? Tell me by (date) and it’ll be incudes in next week’s message.

Normally, I’d ignore these, but I want to

A) prove I read the damn things to the powers that be

B) see if they’ll actually put an unhinged answer in there

So, Tumblr. You decide.

Please reblog and send to friends. I need answers!

@0dde11eth @everything-but-the-not-natural

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Nagi: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. Y/N: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Nagi: Absolutely not.

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Y/N: *smiling and laughing* is there anything you can't do?

Chigiri: Gather up my wits and charms to ask you out

Y/N: What?

Chigiri: What?

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if manila mikey straddled me like that while pointing a gun at me i would simply let him. takemichi and i are not the same.

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