milkchuggs

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I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time

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Source

"Isn't it exhausting being someone you're not?"

"No! Isn't it exhausting being the same?"

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Shrek (2001)

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my flightless salamence has become quite accustomed to scuttling the fuck around. especially in parking lots. she reminds me of a wobbly golf cart with the bow of a sailing ship

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#outstanding #correcting misinformation

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More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

#hell yeah

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star wars fans really just make anything up

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Apparently Miles is a JJK fan (in the comics)

If you put these two in a room together I think the result would be adorable 🥺

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learning that apparently several hundred people have been pronouncing 'miette' as 'mighty' has actively worsened my day

#very jail for the american school system

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all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

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I thought I was the most devoted to our order’s sacred code of law, but it turns out I’m just autistic and like following clearly defined rules

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#macho man randy savage

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As with the horse poll, please regard these options as sliders. The extent to which each one deviates from 1/6th of the total will determine the amount that canine aspect deviates from the "average."

I will draw the dog we make. :)

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I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

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You shouldn’t have to be trans to get any sex characteristic-related surgery. It’s not a limited resource. Plenty of cis men get implants and cis women get breast reductions. From Colby Gordon today and Leslie Feinberg in Transgender Warriors (1996).

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Neil Gaimain about writing Good Omens with Terry Pratchett (x)

Neil: His line to me when we were writing “Good Omens”, he would phone me up and he’d say, I’ve just done this and it’s made it 17% funnier. I’d written this whole meeting between the International Express man and Pollution and I’d mentioned that, you know, ‘he and his wife went down there sometimes when they were courting to spoon’ and Terry added the line, ‘and on one memorable occason, fork.’

Rob: On one memorable occasion.

Neil: On one memorable occasion, and it‘s made it 17% better. In fact, in that case it may have made it 100% better.