mikasmilk

[mikasmilk]

TW Suicidal thoughts

I think I want to die.

I am not doing particularly bad. I am just tired. Tired in a good way. If that makes any sense. I am not sad, not depressed, I feel quite content. If I were to pass right now I could do so with out any regrets. I would love to end my life right now. Die peacefully in my sleep or fall of a tall building sound way to tempting right now. I am truly thinking about it.

I know I’d hurt a lot of people but I don’t mind. Am I selfish for this? Maybe I am. I probably am. Reddit would say that I am the asshole. But I don’t mind. It’s just how things are. I wouldn’t be around to regret it so why not do it?

Why I am probably gonna stay alive? I don’t want to take my own opportunity away of being an amazing grown up haha. I wouldn’t want to do this to myself knowing I could have an amazing future ahead. And above all I couldn’t do this to my 13 year old self who fought so hard to stay alive. How upset would I back then be if I found out that we would end our life years later just because “we are okay with dying because we are content with life ending right here” I think 13 year old me would be furious! So if well. I’ll stay for just a bit longer.

[mikasmilk]

Vent TW $u!u!de

For the first time in months, or maybe ever, I am genuinely actually considering to commit.

For the first time I actually just don’t want to live anymore. At all. Everything has gotten so hectic and stressful out of nowhere and I have no way to handle it or cope with it.

In the past I was thinking about it, had one attempt, but actually never really wanted to die. Just get a brake. But this time.. I don’t want to live anymore. I had plans, hopes, dreams and for the second time in just 4 months all of it is being completely destroyed again. I am in desperate need of a diagnosis so I can get meds to help me through all this, but can’t get one since the waiting lists are all around 14 months. And everyone is expecting me to deliver, work and function like a neurotypical person while I’m not.

It’s just so dang exhausting. I am exhausted from chasing dreams I’ve been running after my who life. I can’t reach them anyways so why try anymore. No one believes I’d make it in the first place.

I want to prove them wrong but I can’t anymore. I just can’t.

I hope I’ll just die.

[mikasmilk]

Gotta vent

I’ve been doing so fucking bad recently and I don’t wanna tell anyone cuz fuck they all have their own problems.

I’m fucking failing so many classes. Life has been feeling like I’m on autopilot for days again. Fuck I’m not even here anymore. Started to smoke to feel something but shit I’m scared that I’ll go back to sh again and I don’t wanna.

Have to tell my teachers that I can’t do anything of the stuff I have to hand in. I feel like a fucking failure. I have so many things I have to get done but can’t get anything of them done.

I’m so exhausted for no reason. I thought I was getting better, had such high hopes. I wanna tell my friends but I feel like an attention seeking whore. I just don’t wanna fucking be here anymore.

I don’t feel like myself anymore. And my mother is so sweet but fuck I feel like I’m disappointing her. She thinks that I’m trying to be good in school but I don’t feel like I’m trying at all.

I don’t wanna disappoint her anymore but everything feels so pointless. I barely managed to hand in an assignment this week. I know that I have to do school work, but I can’t. I feel like such a failure.

I know that it’s not my fault and that my brain is just being and asshole again. But shit I don’t even have any mental illness. I’m not diagnosed with anything so I have no explanation for why I feel like this. I’m lying to everyone. Saying to my teacher that yes of course I’ll hand in my assignments but can’t.

And I’m so sorry because I don’t wanna disappoint them.

I’m fucking 18 and can’t get the simplest things done. Everyone else seem to be able to do it, so why can’t I?

Now I gotta send your emails to all my teachers that I have to go back on my word. That I actually can’t do any of the things I told them I would do.

Shit I can’t even take care of myself. My hair has been looking a mess and I can’t even get myself to wash it. I don’t even want to eat because I feel like I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do anything but I promised. I fucking promised and I feel so bad that I can’t do it.

I’m so sorry that I’m letting everyone down.

#vent #i'm sorry

[mikasmilk]

My neighbors dad is the biggest piece of sh!t to ever exist in this world. Go die you f$ck!ng ba$tard, f0ck!ng go ch0ke on a big fat d!ck you f0ck!ng wh0re.

I genuinely despise this man with my entire body and soul.

[mikasmilk]

Eyo new post.

So this b*tch from the first post basically got promoted on the server for sucking up to the right ppl. And she doesn’t even deserve it cuz she’s a fuvking fake person.

She literally steals ppls personality. Like there is nothing about her that’s not fake.

And she over does everything all the time. Like instead of saying “oh that’s nice” she goes “OHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS AMAZING AHHHHHH” like bro? Calm tf down.

Dude she urghhh— okay so. Sometimes when she’s been gone for a while she come back into the conversation with “What did is miss” like bitch use your eyes and back read like the rest of us?? It’s literally so annoying to have to explain the entire conversation that was going on.

[mikasmilk]

Second hate post cuz yes

So this time about one of the hosts of the server.

So I honestly like her at the start but omg do I despise her now.

I can put in words how disappointed I am in her. Like I trusted her to be good at her job and be fair to everyone. But slowly realized that she obviously has favorites and doesn’t even hide it. I’m kinda sad I’m not one of them, after all I’ve not just been there for basically the entire time I also helped them out a lot.

But we never got any thank you for helping. And that’s just disgusting.

She’s so two faced and I thought she was better then that honestly but guess not.

She also never looks at the pronouns roles. Like b*tch it’s your server you should know they exist???

I rlly don’t wanna talk to her anymore and just seeing how rude she is now makes me sad. I thought I could maybe explain her behavior but no.

There’s honestly not excuse for her acting the way she does.

[mikasmilk]

Omg hate post on this one b*tch from a discord I’m on.

So I had some beef with her some time ago and she’s sooooo fake. She’s constantly sucking up to the mods and admins of the server (and foreshadowing it’s working 🙄)

Lucky a few others also hate her but omgggggg the shit she says piss me off so much.

Let’s start with her fetishizing gay men. Like bro she even found one other person who joined her. Now they’re also simping over minors (both are above 18).

She missgendered one of the mods and now they hate her. 🥰

She also blames her mental illness for all her actions. Like honey that’s not how it works.

I have a lot of more stuff but I’ll stop here for now.

[mikasmilk]

I have no Idea what to post here lol