meetmeinhellcroutons

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

old German lady gave me acupuncture today

she lifted up my shirt, saw my top surgery scars, and immediately went "WHOA! What caused THIS?"

my fellow comrades, it took every atom of my strength not to just say the funniest lie I could think of on the spot.

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

#PREV #theminem

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

and this is why baseball is the best sport (see also: these baseball sidequests)

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

do you want to see the best trail cam photo ever

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

saw this while exhaling my vape and started choking on it

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

can't believe i just blew fifty bucks in there <- gay deer walking out of a bar

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

daily office routine

8AM-9AM: grieve

9AM-10AM: shit/vape

10AM-11AM: jerk off

11AM-12PM: respond to emails

12PM-5PM: practice smiling

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

“can anyone hear me” and “its so dark in here” and “who said that” have got to be some of my fav things to say on a post because it brings to mind being locked in a room or lost in a cave, probably because of what youve said. not being called out in desperation, but in much calmer yet still resigned-to-your-fate way. in the case of “who said that” you’re saying something out the side of your mouth or under your breath, sometimes just fully out loud, then feigning bewilderment to whip around and look behind you. Sometimes in this case you’re in a vast and empty wheat field with no audience anyway. In all cases you’re definitely some sort of madman or loon or otherwise totally bonkers. just a glimpse into how my Posting Interpretation is.

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

Baby pelican👎

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

i refer to stinkbugs that find their way inside as "men" and in this case i think this is Actually A Man

Standing on two legs operating a switch? Yeah, that's a man

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

dashboard in the morning simulator

mutual 1: i need to quit my job

mutual 2: i need to quit my job

mutual 3: i need to quit my job

mutual 4: i need to quit my job

mutual 5: i need to quit my job

mutual 6: i need to quit my job

mutual 7: i need to quit my job

mutual 8: i need to quit my job

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

Can you imagine suing Boeing and coming home to find Boeing's faulty plane parts washed up in your backyard?

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

there are some pigeons that roost in a traffic light by my house and it delights me every time i see them

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

I emailed sex.com and they said you havent even registered an account 😂

[meetmeinhellcroutons]

a certain subspecies of human with no light behind the eyes