maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

You ever just sit and think about your life and get more angry as you think

Cause I'm like really fucking mad thinking about the shit I put up with in the past and currently.

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

working fucking sucks I been wanting to draw all day and by the time I get home and eat I'm tired and just wanna go to bed

#its gonna mess up my sleep schedule but im probably gonna take a nap but i really do wanna draw tonight just my current energy i cant yknow #also i burnt the hell outta myself at work #long one on the back of my arm thats not healing as fast as i want it to but thats on me i picked at it #and a little one on the back of my hand that will not close cause i cant keep a bandaid on at work with the amount i change gloves #the arm one got so painful the past couple days i have never had a burn hurt this bad #vents #but yeah the burn has made it hurt to draw cause i lean on the arm

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

miss jellybean in the garden

prints | originals

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I'm so annoyed that my best friend who's been talking for months about how we should go on a road trip took my next door fucking neighbor to Tennessee and didn't even tell me. 'We just stopped to eat and pee' you drove an hour and ten minutes to do that? Bull fucking shit. Just be straight up and say you didn't wanna hang out I'm so sick of this shit.

#vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

Well there is one difference from last time he left

I no longer have that pit of anxiety in my stomach that made me feel terrible for like a week

#the crying is the same #and i thought the anxiety would be too with how i felt when he suggested meeting up #but i disappeared the last 24 hours and even though we're trying to communicate i think it might be the same as last time #i have a little hope for us #but not a lot. enough to quickly check every instagram notification but not enough to keep struggling with this #if he doesnt want to communicate with me thats not my fault #vents #dunno why i put most of the vent in the tags but oh well

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I hate this so much. I don't think we're good for each other at all I feel like I keep hurting him and I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me and it's so painful.

#vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I can feel myself getting worse and having a hard time but I don't know what to do to fix it

It's bad I keep crying and feeling so anxious and I just wish I could say something but I don't know who to talk to

#everything i enjoyed last week feels exhausting now #vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

A kid I've known since kindergarten died a couple weeks ago but I didn't hear about it until yesterday. He moved at the end of middle school and with inactive social media, I haven't heard from him since. So it's been like 6 years since I talked to him but his death is effecting me a lot to be honest. I keep crying thinking about him and am remembering random things about him from when we had school together. I think I'd feel weird going to his life celebration considering how long it's been since we talked but I don't know what to do with this grief. I don't even know how he died.

#we had every class together and i just dont know what to say #when i told my friends the ones i went to middle school with they didnt remember him #dude i went to elementary school with did but he didnt know him like i did and we're not as close as we used to be #i brought him up to one of my friends a month or two ago shared a memory about him and i wish i had reached out #i wish i hadnt been embarrassed to #vents #ask to tag

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

God my friends are getting on my nerves. I told them I bought a binder, something I've been wanting for nearly 6 years, and immediately just replies of ' oh be careful it can be dangerous' 'top surgery is expensive and you might not even be able to get it if you did have money' *other friend immediately makes it about themself* and like fuck. I couldn't get a congrats? A 'oh what brand?' Just immediate lecturing. I share a little joy and get depressing feedback. I don't wanna hear how I could damage my ribs, or how I'm too poor to afford top surgery, I just wanted to like myself a little bit more.

#someone says they bought clothing its oooh send pics i say that i bought a binder and might as well have said im gonna start doing steroids #ive been having so many issues with them lately

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I hate how hard it is to be vulnerable

#talks

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

are you guys ever reminded that everyone goes through different things and are in more pain than youd think and though you are going through different things they are similar enough that you have no advice to give because you are struggling too so there is little you can do to help them? I was reminded today.

#i am sad and feel very helpless #vents #and i miss him already even though i left his house less than an hour ago. #i wish i knew him better i wish i were closer

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I keep crying at night because I can't deal with it if this is my life now. If this is all there is. I'm tired and I've only been working for around 2 months. I'm so lonely and I don't want to do this anymore

#vents #ask to tag

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

I really like my coworker and we were sitting outside together just talking and he was telling me how he does hide his past, Ike he won't talk about what he's going through but what he's been through is fine. And I had told him I used to be like that I used to be open. But I don't talk about myself anymore I don't open up, and that's not a good way to live but I do. He told me I should be more trusting and that it'll be okay. I just don't know how to tell him it isn't that easy. I can't be open and be like I don't trust because my brother molested me and I opened up to a grown man who used that knowledge to groom me. How do I say that I've been incredibly hurt by being vulnerable. That I'm scared and I haven't dealt with it all yet. That my best friends don't know that about me cause I'm scared to tell them

#vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

My friends have been brushing me off and canceling plans for the past month. They have all hung out with each other at seperate points but I haven't seen any of them since August. I don't know if it's me. But I'm lonely. I mightve went to pride this weekend if I had it off but of course I don't. Every time I'm ignored. I would just hang out with my sister but she doesn't like the things I do. She doesn't like going to thrift stores or hanging out in random places she'd rather stay home. I just. I miss my friends

#vents #i work all the time and i need the money but it fucking sucks

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

Im gonna cry I finally got a job and they were supposed to send me all the paperwork I needed though email and I gave them the wrong email

#i typed it in wrong im so annoyed at myself so now i have to call them and see if i should make another account or have them transfer it #spent all day wondering where the email was.. i hate technology i hate my brain whyd i do this ughhhhh #vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

The man who groomed me for years had a baby, (and I knew this but contact between us was cut a couple months before his wife's due date) the baby and I share a birthday.

She turned one the same day I turned eighteen.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up

#vents

[maytwentyfourthtwothousandeleven]

Sometimes I spend 20 minutes reading a take on here, scrolling through the notes, trying to form my opinion, getting mad, and then I just scroll past the post becasue sometimes

Sometimes

Yall are just annoying.

#vents