marumara

[marumara]

Thank you for all your hard work translating KoD!!!

That first extra just fucked me up... so everything we’ve read actually took place within the twelfth door? And LQS was just reliving everything with RNZ taking over his role? I guess that explains why LQS never got upset going through the doors, because this was actually his twelfth door. And when someone mentioned that RNZ was affected by his first doors, they were actually talking about LQS?

And RNZ’s ability to see people who’re ‘blessed by the doors’!!! So when he saw LQS as the most blessed, is that why he fell in love with him originally? Or is LQS the most blessed because RNZ fell in love with him? Or does the ability actually show how far through the doors people are - LQS appears the most blessed because he’s on his twelfth door?

So RNZ never actually existed in the real world until the very end... so if LQS goes to RNZ’s family house now, will there be no-one there?

I’m seriously mindblown I never expected a twist like this... but I’m really happy that LQS doesn’t care and just loves RNZ regardless 😭

my absolute pleasure!!

YEAH it was all the twelfth door, a.k.a. RNZ!! The implications are fascinating—yeah, LQS is actually super experienced, but he has no memories of his original life, so maybe his calmness really is just how he is! Or you’re right, and there’s like, a little bleed-through of his previous knowledge of the doors. It feels pretty significant that neither LQS nor RNZ regain memories of their past lives, that they stay who they are, retaining their leader!RNZ, adult-door-enterer!LQS life experiences. I’d love to see people explore this in fic/art/meta.

The RNZ-LQS overlay is another fascinating thing! I think that’s a great question—was Zhou-jie actually talking about teenager!LQS when she said teenager!RNZ cried in his second door? But, considering that LQS doesn’t revert to his past self and “reclaim” any memories, I think it’s also plausible that Zhou-jie really was talking about teenager!RNZ. What entity!RNZ wanted was the Full Human Experience™, after all, and despite the revelation that he’s actually a god, I think he pretty effectively made himself completely human.

YEAH YEAH YEAH as I was translating, every time RNZ said a line about LQS being “blessed by the doors” or how he’s “compatible with the doors,” I got all eyes emoji. I think LQS got all the way through the twelfth door by his own merit, and the glow/blessing RNZ sees is a reflection of that! And when RNZ made himself into a person, he conveniently maintains the ability to see compatibility with the doors and finds LQS again (or, in order to find LQS again??? Oooh). I love the idea that the more doors you get through, the more you glow to RNZ!!!!! and he must find it so fucking annoying on some people LMAO, but it’s beautiful and sweet on his darling <3

yeah...isn’t it so wild...RNZ’s family’s entirely fake ig?? i’m very curious about his older brother, bc LQS doesn’t have one right? BUT okay, if RNZ’s entry into reality was able to shift everyone’s memories to accommodate him...would that mean RNZ’s family DOES remember him?? he’s hella method after all ksdnfs he wouldn’t just let his whole backstory disappear. Those are real memories to him, besides. IT’S ALL SO INTERESTING TO THINK ABOUT.

LQS DOESN’T GIVE A CRAP AND THAT’S BEAUTIFUL. THAT’S LOVE BABIE. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

#kod #nanqiu #i love them

[marumara]

Hey, so I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, because I am kinda new to tumblr. Honestly, I only downloaded it to read your translations, which I very much enjoy.

A couple of minutes ago I read the last two chapters you uploaded. I must tell you - reading those last couple of chapters was a rollercoaster of emotions. :D Your amazing translations aside, I didn't really get all of the things that were mentioned in the first Extra. Maybe because english is not my first language or something else. Either way, I was wondering if everything Quishi and Nanzu experienced together was the 12th door? Or did Nanzu wipe and change all the memories the people had? Or did something completely different happen? That was what I didn't really get. On the other side, how did Nanzu start liking Quishi in the first place, how did he even know him in the first place? Also, if I understood correctly, Nanzhu was the 12th door, so if he didn't fall in love with him, would Quishi just pass the twelve door, like he usually did with the other doors? Yeah, so that were my thoughts... Sorry, if I couldn't explain some of my questions the way you could understand :D Some of them probably didn't even make sense. And if you don't have any answers to my questions or the answers will follow in the other extras, don't bother with me :D Either way, if you read this, thank you for your attention ♡

HAH welcome to hell site thank you SO much for suffering the app to read these translations <3

DON’T WORRY it’s honestly so bloody wild. Many Chinese fans are still like “???????” about it. And some things are definitely up for interpretation!!

Yes—everything you’ve read from chapter 1 on happened in the twelfth door. RNZ is the NPC guarding the 12th door, and he decided to recreate the world in which he was in LQS’s shoes. He’s the one who started entering doors as a teenager, he’s the one whose family loves him but believes he’s crazy, he’s the one who becomes the leader of Obsidian. He places LQS into this slightly different world and begins going through the doors with LQS again, all to fulfill his fanboy wishes of being part of his idol’s life and journey.

Now onto the question of RNZ being the twelfth door. It’s definitely confusing because in ch139, it feels like the conclusion was that there IS no distinct 12th door? You go through doors 1-10 to prove your mettle. Door 11 is the judgement door, in which you undergo trial by everyone/everything you’ve encountered so far. Door 12 felt essentially like the door on the other side of Door 11? If you survive Door 11, you can either choose to stay in Door 11 or leave through Door 12.

Which begs the question, what the fuck is RNZ? If there is no actual trial/game/puzzle for Door 12, what exactly happened when LQS entered Door 12 (which RNZ watched on the television)?

One way to read it is, the trial by 100 ghosts is the test of Door 11, while the choice to stay or leave is the test of Door 12. This reading makes sense for the doors system as a whole, right? The doors are about granting new life, and door 11 judges whether or not you’re good enough of a person to stay alive (WHICH IS KIND OF HILARIOUS TO ME). Door 12 then, asks you which life you want to live in, which to me is a very interesting claim to what “living” means.

The question this doesn’t answer though, is RNZ’s role in the whole operation. If he’s just an NPC like he guesses, what exactly was the test that he put to LQS? If the test of Door 12 itself is whether or not you go through it, it doesn’t quite make sense that LQS chose to go through it (RNZ saw him enter Door 12 on the television!), chose to return to reality, and RNZ’s test makes him go through an entirely different version of reality again before LQS gets to actually return to reality.

Maybe that really is what happened though...!! He’s certainly self-serving (affectionate) enough lmfao

but here’s my personal headcanon: that RNZ is not an NPC, he’s literally the god that governs all the doors. The Door 12 you see in the hallway is like...his office. The actual Door 12 is still at the end of Door 11. My headcanon is that he created this entire system of the doors to give people a second chance at life, and LQS is the first person to ever get through all the doors, which requires a firm faith in the good will of the doors (something that RNZ repeatedly emphasizes throughout his acquaintance with LQS) and good character. That’s why RNZ falls in love with him. That’s why RNZ gets to change the entire course of the world (of every single world) just to be with LQS. He wasn’t operating as a door and testing LQS, he was just...being in love.

If that’s the case then I think you’re right—had RNZ not fallen in love with LQS, LQS wouldn’t have to go through all the doors again. He’s not sorry though kdslnfsd RNZ is literally just super happy that he got to be with LQS and he made himself such a big presence in LQS’s life. In a way, the Bai Ming-Zhang Yiqing story is a fun little parallel. Both RNZ and BM are fanboys who ingratiate themselves into the lives of their idols.

There’s a little more insight to Door 11 in the twins extras, but yeah! This is my personal reading. I’d love to hear other people’s interpretations, if they’re different!!

#kod #i am going to cry #nanqiu

[marumara]

CONGRATULATION ON FINISHING THE FINAL CHAPTERS (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I like how things are wrapped up. It's a little but "huh?" but when I think about it from the begining it makes sense and the final door starts from chapter 1 is actually a cool plot twist. LQS is very chill in comparison to other players. I was afraid Xi Zixu will make him a psychopath or something but it turns out he's the oldest fox =))))) A little iffy when some doors they struggle a lot to make it through so it must be hard on LQS to pass them all alone. I wonder if he has any help.

AND BABE I LOVE YOUR TAKE

"He gazes frankly into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back. The abyss gazed back and fucking fell in love..."

"He wasn’t operating as a door and testing LQS, he was just...being in love."

YES HE'S JUST BEING IN LOVEEEEEE

And the parallel with Bai Ming-Zhang Yiqing too. Fanboy Right!!! The moment Bai Ming is introduced I just man, Zhang Yiqing, you're done. Doneeee. There's no way you can get away from Bai Ming =)))) I actually thought Li Dongyuan will make an extra couple at first but he's straight af and his story with Zhuang Rujiao is so sad. He tried so hard to protect her ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

THANK YOU MY DEAR AAAAHHH you've been a cornerstone of my translation experience ;;; bless you bless your heart honor to your whole family

right! i appreciate a good twist that brings us full-circle, y'know? and it's pretty damn clever to end the novel at the very beginning, and the whole metaphor is a clock. it all makes me kind of wish there was a way for her to make the hallway with the 12 doors a circle, but that would've been too on-the-nose, huh?

LOLOLOL OH GOD, i've only read one other xzx novel but now i'm trying to imagine a plot-twist switcheroo where LQS is the psychopath...that'd be pretty wild. i mean, there was a point where she really got me worrying that LQS did make RNZ up. also, i honestly live for the moment in the hako onna door where LQS was literally that b99 meme of "if anything happens to Zhu Meng I will kill everyone here and then myself." i love how much xzx's characters all have that potential for crossing the line, y'know? and just going completely nuts

YEAH HAHAHAHAHAHA FANBOY RIGHTS!!!!!! yeah i'm honestly so obsessed with the image of entity!RNZ watching LQS on his crappy little TV and just!! simping!!!!! simping so hard he turned the entire world upside down!!!! well no he took the timeline, peeled it open like a tangerine, wedged himself inside, and zipped the skin back up behind him. you gotta love an action-oriented Hi-I'm-Your-Biggest-Fan king.

Bai Ming has had 10 seconds of screen time but i'm already obsessed with him. LI DONGYUAN SHIPS, OHOHOHO. I'M INTRIGUED. it's okay LDY and ZRJ can be bi4bi, 'cause c'mon, ZRJ went full lady vengeance (a wlw move if i've ever seen one) and LDY lied in a coffin and clasped LQS reeeeeaaaal tight...i can't wait to go back and translate the sister drum door 'cause i've never paid attention to his interactions with ZRJ, and ZRJ's storyline goddamn breaks my heart.

okay okay who else is there...the all-stars side cast: Tan Zaozao, Bai Ming, Gu Longming, Li Dongyuan, Sun Yuanzhou, Xiao Mei (QUEEEEEEN JESUS CHRIST), Zhou-jie...and can't forget the ghosts. Who do we stan here? The birthday triplets, the skinned sisters, Satchan, Zhou Hanshan (the absolute disaster king; he should have an acting challenge against RNZ), Hako Onna. I also love the random clump of fucking hair from RNZ's door kdjnfkjs

#kod

[marumara]

IDEALLY IT WOULD BE KINDA HOT IF QIUSHI AND NANZHU RETURNED BACK TO THE DOOR WORLD AND BECAME THE BOSSES OF THE 12TH DOOR AGAIN. at least they wouldn't be bored? and also i just imagine people going through the door and seeing those two being lovey dovey, force fed dog food eheheheh

One brisk autumn day, the doors forum went nuts again, because the twelfth door was apparently back open for business.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE," "Was it a scheduled maintenance or what," "Okay but did anyone actually manage to pass 11 when 12 was still closed"—were just some of the fun topics of conversation.

Ever since Ruan Nanzhu's return, he'd stopped keeping tabs on the forum, happily casting it aside in favor of retirement. Lin Qiushi, however, was different. In the year he'd spent lonely and alone, he'd made a habit of scouring the forums for any potential mention of Ruan Nanzhu's name, and had never stopped accessing the forum every, oh, three days or so, to check out the latest community news.

Plus, he had extra reason to check the forum that morning. The situation was kind of his fault after all.

It took Ruan Nanzhu another four days to hear the news, and of course it was Ye Niao's loudmouth that clued him into it. Lin Qiushi had been having such a mischievous, fun time thanks to Ruan Nanzhu not knowing. But it was also good that Ruan Nanzhu found out, because there was a veteran trio coming out of White Deer—Zhuang Rujiao included—scheduled to enter their eleventh door, and Lin Qiushi knew he and Ruan Nanzhu ought to have a conversation before that happened.

So, after Ye Niao was neatly sent on his way ("R-Ruan-ge—Wait, Lin-ge—huh? Uh, oh, okay okay, I'll just be, off then."), Lin Qiushi stayed seated on the couch, settled his hands in his lap, and let Ruan Nanzhu wheel around on him.

"Qiushi." His tone wasn't suspicious, because there was nothing to be suspicious about—he'd already figured everything out. That Lin Qiushi checked the forum on the regular was a fact, therefore Lin Qiushi's deliberate failure to tell Ruan Nanzhu the news was also a fact. And why would Lin Qiushi intentionally not tell Ruan Nanzhu such a potentially critical development?

So he could sit there and look endearingly smug about it, apparently. Which meant a) it was likely not a critical development, at least not one that may jeopardize Ruan Nanzhu in any way, and b) it was likely Lin Qiushi's doing.

"Nanzhu," Lin Qiushi replied, all pleasant smiling.

"Qiushi," Ruan Nanzhu repeated, taking deliberate and interested steps forward. Lin Qiushi had called this his prowl several times in the past, and Ruan Nanzhu circled Lin Qiushi like so. Neither of them looked at all unhappy about this dynamic. "What have you done?"

Lin Qiushi's gaze slipped upward to the left, and his lips were parted as if a laugh was perched just on the brink of them, waiting to jump. Ruan Nanzhu would much rather be the one perched on those lips instead.

"I...accepted an invitation, that's all."

"An invitation from whom?"

"From...the doors, I guess?" An elegant finger pointed at Ruan Nanzhu. Did he honestly have no idea what that upturned wrist did to Ruan Nanzhu? Had he no clue the invitation that sent? "It came to me in a dream."

Ever since coming out of the doors, Lin Qiushi's personality too had gotten livelier. Your bad influence, Bai Ming had accused of Ruan Nanzhu once. Ruan Nanzhu had stonily returned something about him not knowing the Chinese language if he thought anything about Lin Qiushi could be anywhere close to "bad," and then something like just because your dick game isn't strong enough to please your lover...

Yeah, Ruan Nanzhu was a bitch, but there was nothing he delighted in more than the fact that his darling, his sweetheart, his universally beloved Good Guy Lin Qiushi stooped to his level sometimes, too. And actually kind of loved it.

So Ruan Nanzhu pouted.

"You dreamt of something other than Mengmeng? Mengmeng's hurt."

Lin Qiushi laughed and got to his feet, looking as sweet on Ruan Nanzhu as he always did.

"But it was of you though. I saw the twelfth door open in my dream."

When Lin Qiushi took his hands, Ruan Nanzhu was actually keen on a more extensive answer this time. The twelfth door? He was the twelfth door, so what fake motherfucker-twelfth door was opening itself to Lin Qiushi now?? And if the twelfth door was powerful enough to insert Ruan Nanzhu into reality, then did it also have the power to, say, take Lin Qiushi out?

"Don't worry so hard, babe," Lin Qiushi said quietly, pressing his lips to Ruan Nanzhu's furrowed brow. "You have permission to come with me."

A tension that Ruan Nanzhu hadn't been aware of dissolved along his back and shoulders.

"Go where?" He sounded plaintive enough to earn another warm kiss; Lin Qiushi liked to tease, but could never do it for long if Ruan Nanzhu broke out the whining.

Lin Qiushi's eyes, though, were still sparkling.

"Hey, I just figured fair's fair, right?" Their fingers danced together in midair between them, skimming and climbing as if each other's fingers were piano keys, all at once. "You get my past life, and I get yours."

Ruan Nanzhu blinked.

"It's less than a part-time gig, really," Lin Qiushi continued, "considering how few people make it to the eleventh door."

Ruan Nanzhu squinted, concentrating real hard on the halo of light that always surrounded his lover—at least to his eyes. Did it seem a bit different now?

...It did. Holy shit.

"Are you telling me..."

Lin Qiushi nodded. His eyes were shy but his lips were smug.

Holy shit. Ruan Nanzhu clasped Lin Qiushi's fingers. Firmly.

"What powers do you have?!" And, when the answer wasn't immediately forthcoming, Ruan Nanzhu shook his lover. "Qiushi. What powers do you have!"

Lin Qiushi stared at him some more, before grimacing. Oh, this perceptive darling of his knew him so very well.

"Yes, I can give you a female form again," Lin Qiushi sighed, not out of exasperation for drag (he loved Baijie and Mengmeng—he couldn't deny that), but out of exasperation for Ruan Nanzhu's one-track mind. Ruan Nazhu could've howled in joy. "And yes, we can visit the twelfth door dimension any time for...practice."

It seemed he wasn't the only one with a one-track mind. Or a creative one.

"Well." With the very tip of a single, seductive finger, Ruan Nanzhu traced a long, winding S-pattern across and down Lin Qiushi's chest. Lin Qiushi shivered. "As the last being to occupy that position, I'm duty-bound to help you transition into your new role, aren't I?"

A quiet, loving grin slipped onto Lin Qiushi's lips.

"But you don't remember shit," he chuckled. Ruan Nanzhu tapped at his own temple.

"Maybe not up here, but—" If Lin Qiushi wasn't going to shove his hand down Ruan Nanzhu's pants, Ruan Nanzhu would just have to do it for him. "—you're welcome to extract all the muscle memory you can from my body."

#kod #KKKKK amei

[marumara]

KoD Audio Drama

Did you know Kaleidoscope of Death has an amazing audio drama? While not fully subtitled in English, here’s a quick breakdown of episodes and their corresponding doors (not including the interim drama):

YouTube Playlist / Music163 (paid access) / Ongoing Subtitles

First Door: 1-3

Fitcher’s Bird: 4-6

Sister Drum: 7-9

The Woman in the Rain: 11-12

Satchan: 13-15

Scarecrow: 16-18 (*Note* this is the Slenderman door, but Slenderman was swapped out for copyright reasons)

Waverly Hills Sanatorium: 19-22

Mirrors: 23-25

River God: 26-28

(Ep 29 is like a bonus Li Dongyuan episode?? I know there’s a LDY stan out there, go off king)

Teru Teru Bōzu: 30-32

Sculptures: 34-36

The Hair Woman: 38-42 (*Note* this is the Hako Onna door, but the Hako Onna was swapped out for copyright reasons)

Kingdom: 43 (*Note* this is the twins’ tenth door played out in full, which was not depicted in the novel; content from the twins’ extras are also in here)

Last Door: 44-47 (*Note* this includes content from the extra)

#kod #danmei

[marumara]

KoD Audio Drama

Did you know Kaleidoscope of Death has an amazing audio drama? While not fully subtitled in English, here’s a quick breakdown of episodes and their corresponding doors (not including the interim drama):

YouTube Playlist / Music163 (paid access) / Ongoing Subtitles

First Door: 1-3

Fitcher’s Bird: 4-6

Sister Drum: 7-9

The Woman in the Rain: 11-12

Satchan: 13-15

Scarecrow: 16-18 (*Note* this is the Slenderman door, but Slenderman was swapped out for copyright reasons)

Waverly Hills Sanatorium: 19-22

Mirrors: 23-25

River God: 26-28

(Ep 29 is like a bonus Li Dongyuan episode?? I know there’s a LDY stan out there, go off king)

Teru Teru Bōzu: 30-32

Sculptures: 34-36

The Hair Woman: 38-42 (*Note* this is the Hako Onna door, but the Hako Onna was swapped out for copyright reasons)

Kingdom: 43 (*Note* this is the twins’ tenth door played out in full, which was not depicted in the novel; content from the twins’ extras are also in here)

Last Door: 44-47 (*Note* this includes content from the extra)

[marumara]

Welcome Readers!

KOD IS FINISHED!! See the KoD Masterlist for all translated chapters.

**THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS**

All chapters are linked above, so please don’t scroll down unless you don’t mind spoilers! All spoilers are also tagged “kod spoilers” for blacklisting.

My inbox is always open to

questions and concerns

tips about broken links

tips about typos

messages of excitement and love for KoD!! this is a passion project and i’m just chilling so i’d love to make some friends along the way :D

[marumara]

Eternal Day / 永晝

Kaleidoscope of Death audio drama Season 1 theme song originally hosted on missevan

[VERSE] A flash of a moment to pass through the psychopomp door Long-burning lights illuminate the lone wheel moon at the edge of the sky

Bowing to honor the ghostly gods The multitudes of love and hate all cease to exist in an instant

How many seasons have you walked through alone this life? Desolate cities, loss, the flickering ghosts of the past

Glancing back that person in the distance their laughing words are tender returning us to the good times and days again

[CHORUS] The mirror shatters to reflect the human heart in its mass of kindnesses and vices

The countless farewells are like starlight disappearing in one lone wink

Every round of day and night is packed with perils and dangers yet we never backed away

We’ve always known that the vow that broke through the vicious flames deserves to be remembered

[VERSE] Light and dark have halted This blood-colored world does not distinguish between what’s real and what’s fake

The solution to the puzzle lies simply in a touch of mercy and acceptance Turns out, to catch a glimpse of the universe one only has to lay it all on the line

[REPEAT CHORUS]

[VERSE] This world of a thousand worlds We start at the start and go back to the ending

Draw it into a circle How to choose between reality and illusion?

The last farewell Wondering if reunion is close at hand

The vow long-stored in the heart must be realized by a lifetime’s work Head toward that door of eternal day the soul that’s come back to life again

Continuar lendo

[marumara]

OK IM SCREAMING BC OF THAT ENDING!!!! Holy shit!!! I can see why it would be so debated but tbh I think I agree with your assessment that it’s overall thematically linked well enough with the story aaaa, I’m gonna miss these two so much *cries*

YEAH AAAAAAAAAH okay okay so, two main complaints I read about the Twist is, 1) doesn’t that make RNZ a deus ex machina and ruin all the stakes that came before, and 2) why bother with this kind of ending twist in the very last chapter plus an extra?? isn’t it cheap?

Re: #1, no, i don’t think that’s true! Satchan confirms that RNZ’s life truly was on the line the entire time, and RNZ is so fucking method that he gives himself a super long and detailed backstory. Yes, RNZ is an entity, but at no point does that give him an actual advantage to survival. That’s what makes this revelation so interesting—he’s more of a faux ex machina. It’s revealed by the same brushstroke that he both orchestrated everything and has no power over any of it slkdjnflskdjfnlsd which is simply WILD and AMAZING to me

Re: #2, i think that depends on what readers think the novel is about. To me, the question at the center of this novel is, “what does it mean to live?” In the very first door, RNZ offers an answer—that survival may be filled with horror, but it’s something to be grateful for nevertheless. To extrapolate outwards, humans are born to die, right? Everyone going through the doors are keenly reminded of their own mortality, and the choice is either embracing and confronting the horror, or hide. TZZ is LQS’s thematic foil in this regard—she is sympathetically portrayed as someone too frightened to take the doors head-on, and this is what kills her. She is not willing to give up her life as an actor! Which makes so much sense! But I think one point the novel makes is, even if you’re scared, the horror never goes away. Nanqiu say as much in flippant lines throughout the doors—”I’m scared!” “So what? Does you being scared mean it’s not going to come for you??” Time is always ticking on (which is the central motif of the last door, and all 12 doors), so it’s actually more beneficial in the long-term to take the horror head-on.

LQS faces the horror. He gazes frankly into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back. The abyss gazed back and fucking fell in love, because the abyss gives what the abyss gets. This is a horror novel, but it’s all about LQS’s (and RNZ’s) ability to actually comprehend the needs of the ghosts/monsters in order to fulfill those needs. While so many other characters are terrified or scornful of the ghosts, LQS performs that emotional labor…and entity!RNZ falls in love with him for it. RNZ becomes a human for him because of this. I think that’s phenomenal.

(And it really informs the summary/preview, which seems completely out of left field until you’ve finished the novel lmfao.)

There’s also more to say about the fight to live, the agreement to NOT live between nanqiu, and entity!RNZ’s choice to come alive, I think, but this post is already long lololol

#kod #danmei

[marumara]

OK IM SCREAMING BC OF THAT ENDING!!!! Holy shit!!! I can see why it would be so debated but tbh I think I agree with your assessment that it’s overall thematically linked well enough with the story aaaa, I’m gonna miss these two so much *cries*

YEAH AAAAAAAAAH okay okay so, two main complaints I read about the Twist is, 1) doesn’t that make RNZ a deus ex machina and ruin all the stakes that came before, and 2) why bother with this kind of ending twist in the very last chapter plus an extra?? isn’t it cheap?

Re: #1, no, i don’t think that’s true! Satchan confirms that RNZ’s life truly was on the line the entire time, and RNZ is so fucking method that he gives himself a super long and detailed backstory. Yes, RNZ is an entity, but at no point does that give him an actual advantage to survival. That’s what makes this revelation so interesting—he’s more of a faux ex machina. It’s revealed by the same brushstroke that he both orchestrated everything and has no power over any of it slkdjnflskdjfnlsd which is simply WILD and AMAZING to me

Re: #2, i think that depends on what readers think the novel is about. To me, the question at the center of this novel is, “what does it mean to live?” In the very first door, RNZ offers an answer—that survival may be filled with horror, but it’s something to be grateful for nevertheless. To extrapolate outwards, humans are born to die, right? Everyone going through the doors are keenly reminded of their own mortality, and the choice is either embracing and confronting the horror, or hide. TZZ is LQS’s thematic foil in this regard—she is sympathetically portrayed as someone too frightened to take the doors head-on, and this is what kills her. She is not willing to give up her life as an actor! Which makes so much sense! But I think one point the novel makes is, even if you’re scared, the horror never goes away. Nanqiu say as much in flippant lines throughout the doors—”I’m scared!” “So what? Does you being scared mean it’s not going to come for you??” Time is always ticking on (which is the central motif of the last door, and all 12 doors), so it’s actually more beneficial in the long-term to take the horror head-on.

LQS faces the horror. He gazes frankly into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back. The abyss gazed back and fucking fell in love, because the abyss gives what the abyss gets. This is a horror novel, but it’s all about LQS’s (and RNZ’s) ability to actually comprehend the needs of the ghosts/monsters in order to fulfill those needs. While so many other characters are terrified or scornful of the ghosts, LQS performs that emotional labor…and entity!RNZ falls in love with him for it. RNZ becomes a human for him because of this. I think that’s phenomenal.

(And it really informs the summary/preview, which seems completely out of left field until you’ve finished the novel lmfao.)

There’s also more to say about the fight to live, the agreement to NOT live between nanqiu, and entity!RNZ’s choice to come alive, I think, but this post is already long lololol

[marumara]

- How do you wash your face in the morning like that?

- I don’t wash my face.

- Eww…

[marumara]

“The fate of the world is in the hand of an innocent little girl.”

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So this was gonna be a somewhat amusing discussion of if Yan Wushi was actually jealous or resentful towards his own personality (xie ling) for gaining Shen Qiao’s affections because I think it’s funny to think about and I never came to the conclusion of whether I think he was legit or if it was just for show and just to tease SQ. However, it got me thinking about deeper implications like about his past and perhaps him holding resentment towards that particular past when he was Xie Ling and whatever caused it. Maybe it could tie into SQ’s favoritism of that part of him like “I’m so superior to who I was in the past and yet he is the one you like?” It makes me wish we got some insight into when Yan Wushi was Xie Ling. But I am definitely overthinking this and dumping it all into your ask because I didn’t know who else to bother with this lol

anon you know exactly why you’re bothering me with this and it’s because this absolutely haunts me on a regular basis

I’ve mentioned off-hand before, buried somewhere in the absolute mess of my 《千秋》 tag, but I really do appreciate Meng Xishi’s decision to leave Yan Wushi’s backstory completely opaque and unknown, unknowable. we don’t know who Yan Wushi had been, what caused him to change, why he is like this--she just offers us the barest, tantalizing hints of who he might have been, who he might have become

(again, another reason why I thought Xie Xiang was going to be like. moderately relevant to the plot? and then he vanished and never showed up again)

what’s the first thing Yan Wushi says to Shen Qiao, when he’s delirious and nearly-dead from a head wound, before he remembers who Shen Qiao is, before he even remembers his own name?

don’t go.

which you can shrug off as something anyone would say if they had woken up, alone and hurting in an unfamiliar place, to the first person who shows them kindness. Shen Qiao certainly shrugs it off as Yan Wushi’s delirium, because he knows that the Yan Wushi he knows would scoff at weakness like that

don’t go. who left Yan Wushi, and why? who had they been to him?

what did their leaving do to him?

after I’d finished the book, I went back and re-read the little summary/hook/inside cover blurb for 《千秋》， and ended up spending way more time thinking about it than I’d expected to:

晏无师是从尸山血海里走过来的人。

他不相信人性本善，更不相信这世上会有大仁大义，不求回报为别人着想的人。

某日，有天下第一道门之称的玄都山掌教沈峤与人约战，却因故坠下山崖。

晏无师正好从下面路过。

看到重伤濒死的沈峤，他忽然生出一个绝妙的主意……

千秋之后，谁能不朽？

Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.

He did not believe in the inherent goodness of human nature, nor did he believe that there could truly be a person who lived by great benevolence or righteousness, who would care for others with no expectation of reward.

One day, Shen Qiao—the sect leader of Xuandu Mountain, the greatest Daoist sect in the world—dueled an opponent, but for some unknown reason, fell from the peak. Yan Wushi just happened to be passing by below.

Seeing the heavily-injured Shen Qiao near death, he suddenly had an extremely clever, exceedingly ironic idea…

After all, who could remain uncorrupted after a thousand autumns?

first of all, I was struck that this passage is written from Yan Wushi’s point of view.

let that sink in for a bit. narration in this novel veers into omniscient on occasion, but for the most part we are firmly anchored with Shen Qiao’s perspective, following his journey and experiences, his emotions and struggles. we don’t get a ton of Yan Wushi interiority (the story of the stone is a notable exception), and I remember reading the one of the extras from Yan Wushi’s point of view (set shortly after The Betrayal) and being rather disoriented at his starkly different perspective, the shift of voice and narration

in a sense, this inside-cover blurb before we even get to the story proper is Yan Wushi’s backstory, the essence of his character and experiences that led him to the beginning of the book. Meng Xishi may not have written out his tragic backstory in graphic detail, but she gave us the essence and characterization of Yan Wushi before she gave us anything else

(this story may be about Shen Qiao, but it starts with Yan Wushi)

secondly, I kept thinking about the the first two lines, specifically because Meng Xishi could have left the first line out.

she could have started this blurb with “Yan Wushi did not believe in the inherent goodness of human nature” and the rest of the passage would have flowed just fine--everything about Yan Wushi wanting to mess with a fallen Shen Qiao, everything about the themes of purity/corruption, the title drop of ‘a thousand autumns.’ she could have left it at that, gotten the crux of Yan Wushi’s character across just fine, but no--she adds the line before that:

Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.

which then, of course, implies causality. why doesn’t Yan Wushi believe in the inherent goodness of human nature? because he has walked across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.

the prevailing rumor in the jianghu is that Yan Wushi, before he renamed himself the masterless (haughty, arrogant, overbearing), held the surname Xie. and who were the Xies? one of the greatest families of the time (this is actually a historical reference: the 谢 Xie family was one of the Four Great Families during the Eastern Jin period)

Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.

whose corpses? whose blood? where is Xie Ling’s family, and where does all of Huanyue Zong’s money come from?

who is Xie Ling?

Yan Wushi is single-mindedly obsessed with achievement, with attaining ever greater heights in his cultivation. he has no need for friends; the only people who deserve to speak to him on his level are rivals, are opponents, are people who can challenge him, maybe even defeat him

which is to say--Yan Wushi does not care for the inherent goodness of human nature, or the merit of benevolence, because both have failed him. the only true law is might, the only true directive is selfish self-preservation. Yan Wushi continually tests and mocks Shen Qiao saying that that the only reason why Shen Qiao hasn’t lost hope, hasn’t given in to corruption yet, is simply because Shen Qiao has not yet come face-to-face with the level of suffering that would shatter his faith in morality, his belief in goodness, and Shen Qiao reluctantly concedes, because he did grow up and come of age in a rather sheltered environment, and perhaps, maybe, somewhere out there in the world is a force  great enough to torment him into evil. Shen Qiao doesn’t know, and he can’t know until it happens. it’s not an argument he can win through logic or experience, and both Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi know that

who doesn’t want to be a good person? who doesn’t want to be righteous and admired, venerated and exalted?

what makes you believe in the inherent goodness of humanity, and what makes you lose faith? what kind of experience, what sights and horrors and sorrows and agonies lead you to the only conclusion that all goodness and morality are nothing more than empty words in the face of the need to survive?

Yan Wushi is single-mindedly obsessed with greater martial achievement--for pursuit of the martial way and actualization, sure, I think that’s what it becomes, but I don’t think that’s where it began. the simplest, saddest answer to that desire to become stronger, mightier, more powerful, is painfully, poignantly obvious--so no one else can hurt him

why doesn’t he need friends? because the only person who can stab you in the back is someone you trusted. why is he so dismissive of his disciples, harsh in his criticism and uncaring in his manner despite their resounding capability and inherent talent? because coddling Yu Shengyan and Bian Yanmei will do them no favors--only greater achievement, the amassing of power, resources, influence, skill can truly guarantee their survival and success

and then there’s Shen Qiao

when Shen Qiao comes back for Yan Wushi and saves his sorry corpse, Yan Wushi acknowledges that he had been wrong about Shen Qiao (about Shen Qiao specifically, not necessarily about human nature entirely) with surprising grace. admittedly, there are quite a lot of confounding factors (head injury, split personalities, hijinks and adventures in a deserted ghost city, further assassination attempts, etc etc), but once Shen Qiao defeats Yan Wushi’s ultimate test, Yan Wushi comes around surprisingly quickly, considering that Shen Qiao is a living, breathing, walking refutation of the laws Yan Wushi has lived his life by, built a bloodied reputation on. but Yan Wushi doesn’t go about re-shaping his understanding of the world or human nature; he simply opens a gap in those laws, large enough to fit Shen Qiao. Shen Qiao, to him, is the exception that proves the rule, and Shen Qiao, for that reason, is all the more precious

for decades, Yan Wushi didn’t believe that mythical creature, that legendary figure, that genuinely, purely good person who lived by great benevolence, who cared for others with no expectation of reward, truly existed, or even if they did, they died swiftly, foolishly, tragically, young

and here is Shen Qiao, doggedly hanging on to both his life and his silly, silly morals

of course Yan Wushi falls. of course Yan Wushi falls hard, chases, pursues, cherishes, protects. he hasn’t seen such light in years. he’s almost forgotten what it’s like to be warm, and here Shen Qiao comes, lit from inside with a flame that even Yan Wushi cannot douse

and so--who is Xie Ling, to Yan Wushi? someone young, and weak still; someone foolish enough to do things like trust a young man with a pretty face, needy enough to cling to a complete stranger who had shown him kindness, someone soft enough to go back for Shen Qiao when Yan Wushi himself has made it out of danger just fine. Xie Ling is who Yan Wushi had been, before he’d bettered himself, made himself stronger, more invulnerable to the injustices and assaults this world hurls at him

and Shen Qiao has the audacity to care about Xie Ling, even knowing that Xie Ling is a transient ghost, a wisp of a soul, a shadow of a self not long for this world? Shen Qiao has the absolute goddamn gall to mourn who Yan Wushi had been?

Yan Wushi is jealous, absolutely; resentful, even; and more than anything, I think, he is furiously, desperately angry, because here is Shen Qiao, thirty years too late, crying over a boy that Yan Wushi had buried with his own hands, with his old name

all of which is to say--Meng Xishi does a devastatingly masterful job of giving us just enough hints about Yan Wushi’s backstory to know what matters (trust and betrayal, kindness and pain), and how perfectly Shen Qiao upsets everything in Yan Wushi’s world with the force of his own pain and power, brokenness and brilliance

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Happy Birthday to Asakura Brothers～ #麻倉双葉生誕祭2021

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麻仓叶王

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HAO-sama LOVE (・∀・)落書きｓ