malcolmcooks

[malcolmcooks]

#the old town!!

[malcolmcooks]

1930s news about a trans woman: Well I'll be curfuffled young Corlotta Jhonson has transformed herself from a dandy into a dame and what a Bombshell she's become. And How!

1930s news about trans men: Wanted dead or alive this young lady who started wearing trousers, the tomboy terror known only as The Crust is wanted for snorting the President's personal stash of opium and has slain nearly every senate member in a pistol duel.

#and they were roommates

[malcolmcooks]

"We call it vff," said the alien. "It's - it's hard to describe to a species without vffsense. Imagine trying to describe light to a species that never evolved eyes. But there are forms of life that are only perceptible with vffsense, and they've visited Earth and fed on life as long as it's existed here."

There was a pause.

Then the human said, "That's the worst thing you've ever said."

"Don't worry about it."

"I think I have to, now."

"No, because - well - you have a species of spider which pretends to be an ant, correct? It's not capable of understanding the fact that it's mimicking an ant, but it instinctually mimics an ant in order to deter predators."

"Sure?"

"Humans produce a vff to mimic varths, predators only perceptible through vffsense. The organisms that would like to feed on you are terrified of varths, and so they leave you alone. You aren't aware you do it, you don't have the capacity to understand you're doing it, but you evolved to instinctually do it to deter predators you can't see."

There was a pause.

Then the human said in a very soft and thoughtful voice, "And are there varths on Earth?"

"Yes," said the alien. "Everywhere. But don't worry about it."

[malcolmcooks]

[malcolmcooks]

im at your girls house changing their pronouns

#and the blur song #girls who are boys who like boys to be girls

[malcolmcooks]

this guy was the ben shapiro of the 2000's

It’s such a shame that ben shapiro insists on the whole alt right thing. I really do think he’d make a killing voicing animated squirrels

[malcolmcooks]

#canned food

[malcolmcooks]

i am the worst traits of my mom and my dad stitched together into some creature

#bojack horseman

[malcolmcooks]

most mammals: avoid sour-tasting foods because unripe fruit is less digestible and can make you sick

humans (and pigs??): heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

plant: fills their fruit with a chemical that stimulates heat and pain receptors in mammals to encourage spreading of seeds by birds

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

[malcolmcooks]

fruit: becomes overripe and rotten, its sugars turning into a deadly psychoactive poison

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

plant: fills their fruit with a chemical that stimulates heat and pain receptors in mammals to encourage spreading of seeds by birds

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

[malcolmcooks]

plant: fills their leaves with a mild toxin with an unusual taste to discourage predation by herbivores

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

plant: fills their fruit with a chemical that stimulates heat and pain receptors in mammals to encourage spreading of seeds by birds

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

[malcolmcooks]

mammals: evolve taste receptors to warn of plant-born poisons with an unpleasant bitter taste

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

plant: fills their fruit with a chemical that stimulates heat and pain receptors in mammals to encourage spreading of seeds by birds

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

[malcolmcooks]

plant: fills their fruit with a chemical that stimulates heat and pain receptors in mammals to encourage spreading of seeds by birds

humans: heyyyy... that shit actually kinda slaps tho 👀

[malcolmcooks]

trans guy who doesn’t realize he’s turning into a werewolf because he assumes it’s all just normal side effects of starting testosterone

#you didnt see graphite mr squidward because its NOT THERE

[malcolmcooks]

Studying linguistics is actually so wonderful because when you explain youth slang to older professors, instead of complaining about how "your generation can't speak right/ you're butchering the language" they light up and go “really? That’s so wonderful! What an innovative construction! Isn't language wonderful?"

#PLEASE go watch Dr Geoff Lindsay on youtube!!!!

[malcolmcooks]

[malcolmcooks]

revolutionary girl utini