maffinnn

[maffinnn]

To love Jillian, 04/14/24

Hindi ito tula, maraming hindi tugma.

There are many different ways to say “I love you” pero kahit ni isa wala akong masabi sa’yo na diretso. Matalino naman akong tao eh (sabi ng mama ko) sa klase, ako ay aktibo, sa recitation, nakakasagot naman ako pero bakit pag dating sa’yo, Bakit wala akong maiisip na perpektong salita para ilarawan sa’yo ang nilalaman ng puso ko? Parang mayroong mga kamay nakapalibot sa leeg ko at pinipigilan akong magsalita ng diretso. Clueless parin ako sa lahat, pero minsan napapaisip ako, do you think about me too? Kung paano kumikinang ang aking mga mata sa tuwing ika’y nakikita, does the absence of my presence makes you anxious? Pero hindi ‘to tungkol sa’yo, Ito ay tungkol sa nararamdaman ko. Siguro kung may nagawa man akong nangangahulugang “mahal kita” yun ay ang paghahanap ng bawat bahagi mo sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko.

#Spotify

[maffinnn]

Hanggang sa huling palagi, pipiliin kong maging sa ‘yo.

#Spotify

[maffinnn]

To love Jillian, 04/05/24

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ‘to sisimulan, nais ko lang ibahagi sa’yo itong kakaibang nararamdaman. I’ve always been a listener person, not all the time pero most of time. I love listening to people talking about their life and their love. My friend once ask me “ikaw boy, ngano si Jillian man” thousands of thoughts begun to hit my mind, I was stunned. “bakit nga ba si Jillian?” But somehow I manage to answer her question, “ngano dili?” I said, “Jillian is an amazing person. I may not know her fully but I wouldn’t like her if I don’t see good thing in her” if they’ll ask me about love, I’ll talk about you. Your name will always be the one I’ll think of. Well, maybe the time will make my brain forget all the feelings that I felt, but my heart, it won’t forget. To be here, to admire, to love, is a great feeling. I am thankful for that.

#Spotify

[maffinnn]

To love Jillian. 4/11/24

Kung hindi man papalarin, siguro sa susunod na habang buhay nalang. Pangako, I will keep you infinity. I don’t ask for much pero sana, sana hindi ka ganiyan. You are too unfair, you are aware of how much I like you, you could’ve reject me so I can move forward and move on. But you didn’t, in fact, you gave me hopes. January 2 2024, I still remember that day. You were drunk, were you? You said all those things as if you are not aware of what I feel about you. How selfish is that? I was doing fine, I was doing great but there you are making me feel shit. God knows how shitty I felt that day. Para kang bula na bigla nalang nawala. Pero siyempre, pinilit ko na kalimutan ‘yon, I was happy, and felt great pero around February? sa 8pool, you invited me, and there you go again. Keep giving me hopes, you cleared yourself na aware ka sa imong ginapang ingon the day you were drunk. Pero hindi ko alam ano ang gagawin, I am willing to go through anything for you. I will conquer this world just for you, pero why are you like that? You are saying things like “I am starting to like you” but weeks after mo ingon na sad kag “I can’t be gay” “I can’t like girls” like? HUHHHH then why are you like that? I already told you, if you want me to leave, I want you to ask me TO LEAVE, but instead you said na “you know what, it’s okay to bother me” :((((( I want you to tell me to stop, because I do not want to make a decision nga kabalo ko mag regret ra ko, because if ako mag decision? Jill, you know I won’t leave you, if you think otherwise then you do not know me.

But what can I do?

Jillian Sabas, you are too confusing.

#Spotify

[maffinnn]

To love Jillian,

Play “The Only Exception”

to lighten the mood

Today is April 10, 2024, Wednesday. I am writing this because I think it's the only way to express my feelings towards you. If you were to ask me, when did these feelings start? I would be speechless. Because I, myself, don't know when and why... Napansin lang tika atong time na si Aiko pa Ang akoang crush LMAOOO, and as far as I can remember, sa peacepark. Sa peacepark nag tambay mi ato, then nilabay ka with your friends, and you stand out. You always stand out in the midst of a crowd, in every room you walk into, in every universe, Jill. Your beauty is always breathtaking. And around April 2023, when you viewed my story on Instagram (if you still remember), I followed you. And sige na dayn ko pa dungog2 sa notes ato 😭😭😭 (papansin jud) and then things happened🤷‍♀️ maybe that’s how it works? You are not looking for anything and then you’ll realize na you have something. Something that is worth admiring, Something that is worth waiting, and someone that is worth surrounding your all. And that is you. After all that mag sige na dayn ko walk around sa campus with my friends hoping that I’ll see you… I didn’t tell anyone about what I feel about you even Leanne, because they thought I still like Aiko, that’s why it’s hard for me to talk about you. Even kay Leanne because I just think na it’s weird to have these feelings kay same circle mo sa girl that I pursued. That’s why I ginapaagi nalang nako tanan sa joke. Pero I am tired of lying about it, I will tell the world how much I like you Jillian, Ever since that day, you never left my mind.

-April 10, 2024-

#Spotify