m4rkusina

[m4rkusina]

Dear Self,

How are you? Still alive? Hurts right? It’s okay, you are numb already, sooner or later you will have another disaster in the line.

For the love and trust, they are laughing at you. They are looking down on you like you are a nobody because if you are somebody to both f them, they will not do it. And they did it on your face. Are you blind enough not to see it? 

Anyway, that’s what you will get by trusting them a lot. Like don’t put so much trust. Have reservation on your self

[m4rkusina]

HEARTACHES AND CHANCES

When we have this feeling of knowing we will get rejection or our heart will be torn into pieces, it’s kinda sucks. You don’t know how it feels in the first place, either it will hurt or it will be a freedom because have time for your self.

In my case, it’s a bit different. Me and my partner started dating four year ago without formality. We work in the same company, we saw each other everyday. We are having same break time. Then we just found we are going out, a couple of dates and we are living together, so fast right? but we end up living for nearly five years now.

We started living in a share house with other people that don’t really knows us, we kind of getting to know each other through living together. I believe we can only know one person truly if we live with that person foe a long time. We live together first in a share house, then we rented a house until she decide to buy an apartment.

We lived for two years, until one night, she told that she wanted to stay in a hotel alone. I mean why, we have a house, why stay in a hotel? She reasoned out that it’s close to work. By the way we work a bit far. I know it makes sense, but it’s the first time she had done that thing. I feel kind of weird but I told her it’s OK. It’s the first time in four year that we separated. I just thought OK, then when she came back I asked her why she did it, she said she wanted to miss me. I know for same couple it is needed so that you can strengthen your bond,it’s just that I feel something is not right. A few weeks goes by and I keep asking if she is seeing some one, She said no. Then I asked her one night and she told me, she is not seeing some one but she don’t want me to let go, she said I am upgraded to a family level,i don’t know what it means by the way. We are still living together, sharing same bed we sleep together, free to touch each other,NO SEX.

[m4rkusina]

My Journey As A chef

How did I end up being a chef? Who dragged me in these hell bound, sweaty and greasy, and sometimes chaotic and no fun life? Some people find it intriguing, some says it’s not for everyone but for me it’s life come hell or high water, I will not trade it for office life.

I love eating and who doesn’t? It’s a pleasure that everybody likes to do, especially me. But I often wonder who are the people behind those art like foods that sometimes makes everyone mesmerized. I want to know how they do it and learn all those things.Guess whom I turned to? My grandmother. So I ask the greatest cook of all and she was so happy because not only I wanted to learn how to cook but she got someone that willing to help her how to get all the cooking done. To tell the truth we are not rich nor poor, we are just middle class low income family although my mother works abroad we are still considered just right there making the ends meet with the help of my grandmother ( I miss her a lot). By the way I’m from the Philippines where eat all you can is and will be always a trend!!!

So, and my journey begins by cooking rice.Sounds simple right? No. I have to learn how to cook rice not by rice cooker but by metal pot and wood fire. It’s not easy, I need to make a fire out of wood, wash the rice three times. I measure the water by the line of my middle finger, yeah middle finger, then place it on the fire to cook. I have to watch it always, not letting the boiling water from the rice to spill or else the the rice pot will get dirty and it’s very hard to wash.It takes about half an hour to forty five minutes to cook. By the way,I was just seven years old at that time. Beginner’s luck, i cook it perfect,smell and taste good if I will compare it to the rice done by the rice cooker. The flavor of the rice is very different. Any way I have my own share of rice perfection and rice failure. I still remember until now how the rice become black as coal and porridge. Rice turned to black as I forgot to lower the fire and one time turned into porridge because of too much water by having too much confidence on cooking rice, I try not to measure the water so dinner is porridge.

As I continue to learn from my grandmother, I try to read cooking books although it is very hard to understand all the terminologies of cooking, I still read it and ask my grandmother. She will get annoyed sometimes, she will still tell me what it is, however there’s a catch. I have to know it by heart next time she ask me what she taught me. Time goes by and learning how to cook is on progress. She taught a lot about cooking not the fancy ones but simple daily foods for the family and sometimes for special occasions. From cooking rice to the not so difficult ones like pork adobo, sinigang, sticky rice cakes and many others. From there my cooking interest grew even more. Even in school.