lunchbox-dilemmas

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

11/25/22 0009H

I am tipsy.

And I just want to cry and die.

I am not heartbroken this time. But I really want to die.

I am so tired of my life.

I can’t do shit. The pressure is killing me. My part time job. My full time job.

Everything.

Just kill me.

Or maybe i’ll just do it myself.

I can’t do this anymore.

I am so tired.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

072622 0114H

My heart is aching.

My chest feels like it’s being forced open.

Are my demons back?

Why am I feeling lonely, hurt, and worthless.

Why am I on the verge of tears when I’m watching a funny kdrama.

What the fuck is happening.

Oh dear.

I want to disappear again.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

032822 0139H

Feeling tired.

Tired of everything.

Sick of everything.

My heart is heavy.

Feeling depressed lately and it makes me realize that LDR fucking sucks bigtime.

Longing for touch. But there is no one with me.

I’m starting to getting tired of this.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

071721 2358H

Feeling anxious, restless, and worthless.

I’m just watching a live band on fb then these fucking feelings suddenly hit me like a fucking train.

Slightly panicked coz I thought I deleted tumblr on my phone and I’m on the verge of breaking down and I couldn’t find this app and I needed this shit to get this fucking feeling off of my chest. Couldn’t post anywhere but here.

So after 4 mos of not feeling this fucking feelings. Here I am… again. Wtf.

Am I really messed up? Do I really need help? It’s fuckin recurring and I’m scared. And I’m tired. And i don’t fucking know anymore.

Weakshit.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

061321 1837H

I hate listening to Usher songs. It reminds me of you.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

052721 2234H

Missing you..

I can’t still get you off of my mind.

How are you? I hope you are doing well.

I am doing well. I think.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe we should not be in each other’s lives. Even as friends. Because we both know that being friends is never enough.

I am the coward one. I don’t want to hurt my girlfriend. I really love her. But if I really love her why am I having this thought about you.

Why can’t I forget you.

I am trying so hard to erase all of these memories stored in my mind.

Just don’t come back in my life.

It’s better this way.

It’s better to let you, my soulmate, go.

Please be happy with somebody else.

I am wishing for your happiness.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

011621 2329

Sleepless

Tired

Hurt

Confused

Fed up

Fucked up

Wrecked

Hopeless

And you’ll see me masking all those shit with a smile. Pretending that everything’s good. When it’s all falling apart.

How I hate my life.

How I regret living in this difficult world.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

01052020

I miss you.

I miss you so much.

I’m longing for you.

And I’m hurting, torn, confused, and wrecked.

I smoked more than 10 sticks of cigarettes yesterday. A vice that I quit for more than a year now. But because of the state where I am in now, I badly needed those toxins in my body.

How I wish that you’d talk to me again. To ask me what’s up. To randomly chat me abt the most random things.

But I know that you won’t be here anymore.

I’m so sorry I couldn’t choose you this time.

I know you won’t rescue me from my thoughts again. To nag me and convince me to go see a therapist.

I know you won’t save me this time.

I’m sorry I hurt you. 

I am hurting too..

#confession

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

Done writing my note. I cried while writing this 3-page shit. Now all I need to think about is where and when.. Maybe anytime soon. I’m sick and tired of everything. I’m sick of being a failure and weak. I’m sick of myself.

#suicide

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

01042021

Writing my suicide note.

I’m tired of this life.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

i am constantly torn between wanting to fix myself and wanting to destroy myself.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

01022021

I’m slowly going back..

To that dark dark dark place..

Help.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

09122020 0027H

Feeling sad.

I feel so saaaad.

And I don’t know why.

Just sad.

My heart is heavy.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

09092020 2331H

It’s the time of the night.

Hello, demons.

Welcome baaackk.

Thinking of cigarettes, weeds, wari.

Anything to rake this weight off.

Even just for a moment.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

09062020 2358

Maybe I am not enough.

Maybe I am not desirable.

Maybe I lack of ambition.

What if.

What if Yna cheats on me like what my ex did.

Because of who I am. Because I am just me.

Nothing special.

I don’t know if I can take it.

Maybe that will be the end of me.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

09052020 0050H

This is me crying for help.

Save me.

Save me from my thoughts.

Save me from myself.

Save me from these unpleasant feelings.

Help.

[lunchbox-dilemmas]

09042020 2306H

Hello hello.

I’m here again. A vlogger died. I’m not a fan. But people are hurting. His bestfriend posted ig stories, recording herself while drinking wine and breaking down. I felt the pain.

My mom send me a message. Saying that she feels lonely and she wants to stay here with me even just for 2 days because she knows that the vibes here is happy because of kuya jhay ar and pat.

I feel bad. Because kuya is not feeling better and she wants to go here but I don’t wanna risk her getting sick. I want to be with my mom so she won’t feel lonely. I want to be with my mama.

And I couldn’t take any sad or depressing thoughts anymore. I couldn’t even control myself being sad these past few days.

I feel so small and empty. Di ko na kayang sumalo ng negative na nararamdan ng iba kasi sasabog na ako.

Tangina I’m starting to have suicidal thoughts again. Though I know I wouldn’t act on it but still.

It’s just that it’s so sad. I couldn’t even bring myself to talk abt this to my friends even Yna. Coz i don’t want to burden them with my own problems. They are battling with their own.

Fuck my life.

Someone please. Will someone please ask me if I am still okay?