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Love Hurts Before it Satisfies

Chapter 39, Part 2 ~ London ~ December 26, 1992

A/N: Hi readers - once again, a big thank you for following this fic since it first posted in late October 2015. It’s a bittersweet post for me. So happy to have put an ending to it, but this story is very special to me…it’s always hard to let things let go, even if it’s something as simple as a fantasy in this little hobby world of mine. Your kind comments and encouragement have meant the world to me. I’ve already thanked everyone I need to, but once again - @firethatgrewsolow - l might have written this, but not sure I would’ve posted without you! Looking forward to more hysterics (laughing & crying) over @superstarfiction and certainly lots more Rob. All right…here we go. xoxoJM

“Cause the first thing in the morning, the last thing at night, I just want to hold you babe, and make you feel all right…”

As Carrie descended the stairs, a perplexed looking Jimmy greeted her at the bottom.

“Where’s Charlotte? Juliette?” he asked, seemingly concerned.

“Juliette needed changing and Charlotte asked to do it,” Carrie said.

“Really? Jesus, Carrie, it’s been years since-“

“Oh, it’s fine. She’ll be fine. A mother doesn’t forget these things.”

He sensed a slight…annoyance or perhaps agitation?… about her. He reached out, hugged her tightly, and felt her relax, when his arms wrapped her up. “Wot’s got you upset, love? Charlotte?”

“It’s fine. She just wanted to see your baby, you know? It was important to her.”

“You think so?” he asked.

This was premeditated, Carrie. She wanted you to see her as…virtuous…above all that’s happened in the past. She knew if she called, I would’ve said no to her showing up today. But dear Charlotte likes control, especially proving her particular skill in this arena to me…nothing’s changed.

“Yes, I do. You weave a magic spell over your women Jimmy, you really do…Charlotte is bound to you in some way…” She stepped back, and he grasped her hand in his.

“Stop. It’s Scarlet, Carrie. We are connected in that one way. You make it sound like-“

“Charlotte has feelings for you?” she asked.

“Yes, AND that’s ridiculous, impossible, Carrie.”

“Suppose I think she does? You are the father of her only child, and that does mean something…” Carrie said, looking away.

“She despises me, Carrie, or least she did…for a long time, too,” he said.

“I don’t think so, Jimmy,” she replied.

He kissed her head, rubbed her back, whispering that none of this mattered. He thought of telling Carrie that Charlotte was a manipulative bitch throughout much of their relationship, who enjoyed living in his homes and spending his money, all the while steadfastly refusing to marry him…just to keep him chasing after her…

Bloody hell! She put my goddamn balls in a vice.

But he reconsidered. Instead, he told Carrie that he was happy, that he loved her, so much. And it was all true. He was happy, and he hadn’t felt this good in a long time. A surprise visit from Charlotte wasn’t going to change that feeling.

When Carrie unexpectedly announced her pregnancy to him in the spring, he had been jubilant, instantly allaying the fear she could not hide when she told him, under a full moon on the terrace at Tower House.

It had taken her pleading with him to keep their news quiet, until she was well into her fourth month, when her condition became a bit harder to hide, and her slim body began to change…taking on a roundness which somehow fueled his appetite for her even more. They had made the formal announcement at a birthday party he insisted on giving her in July, after which he began talk of marriage. Carrie suggested putting it off, that their relationship was still young and there was no need in this day and age to rush into anything. But one night, in his bed, replete in the aftermath of a rather satisfying encounter, he had asked again, his hand on her swollen abdomen feeling what he imagined as butterflies underneath his touch. He knew that something very beautiful gently moved beneath his hand, that we created, he had thought. So with his soft voice in her ear, he began…nearly pleading with her to say “yes”, until she relented and finally agreed.

In September, on a warm and sunny late summer day, she wore a cream silk and lace sheath with a dark burgundy silk wrap, her body still slim, yet her belly large with their child; he wore a dark grey suit and a tie to match her wrap. With a spray of white lilies, and the simple white gold wedding bands she had insisted on, they pledged vows to one another in the same spot where he thought about loving her for the first time…the gardens at Sonning. Only the closest of family and friends witnessed the event - Cynthia and Rick, Ross, Robert, Jeff, Gwen, Scarlet, Jimmy’s mother, and David and Cindy.

Now, a few months later, as he stood in Tower House, holding her hand, he was grateful beyond measure for the sheer joy of the last few weeks…

No months…the anticipation of that beautiful little creature we made was so sweet…to watch my beautiful girl give me the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Pulled out of his reverie by Charlotte’s footsteps, he turned to see her descending the narrow stairs. In her arms, she held a much more contented Juliette. Jimmy met her, and Carrie watched as Charlotte spoke to him and placed Juliette into his arms. Once he had a secure hold on the infant, he reached out and they exchanged a kiss and an embrace. To witness them together…it was like peering into a portal of another time and place. Carrie was certain she saw something, a look, a feeling, pass between them. She tried not to react, to remember his words.

Scarlet turned the corner and was instructed by her mother to retrieve her coat. Seeing that Charlotte was intent on leaving, Carrie approached them, and Jimmy took her arm in his.

“Charlotte’s leaving, love. Just thanking her for stopping by.”

“Charlotte, please, why not stay for our early supper? You’re more than welcome-“

“Ah, Carrie, that is very sweet of you to offer, but no, I must be going. I have places to be this afternoon. I’ll leave you and Jimmy to your celebrations.”

After speaking with Scarlet, Charlotte quietly left. Scarlet turned to Jimmy. “Dad? Could I take Juliette? Carmen and I wanted to hold her a bit.”

“All right with you?” he asked Carrie.

“Sure, sure,” she said.

The cloud of pale pink was handed off to a happy Scarlet, who left the room calling after her oldest friend.

Jimmy turned to Carrie, “C’mere, love.”

Once in his arms, Carrie let out a long sigh. He knew that meeting Charlotte, unannounced no less, had unnerved her.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, why?”

He pulled away so he could look at her. “Meeting Charlotte, no warning of her impending arrival.”

“No, it’s ok. I’m glad we met…that she met Juliette.”

“Why don’t I completely believe that, Carrie?” he asked, his eyes narrowing as if searching her face, her eyes, for the truth.

She smiled, looked away for a minute. “I’m not sure I like being face to face with someone you were in love with, who loved you, and-“ His kiss stopped her.

“The past doesn’t matter, and those feelings are long gone,” he said, as his hand held her face. “The only thing that matters to me is the future. The future with you, me, Juliette, and-“

“AND?” she asked, astonished by his thought. They had not discussed other children, and Carrie assumed that Juliette might be her only baby.

“Well, yes, and another child. We might want to give her a sibling, don’t you think?” he asked.

“She already has two siblings,” Carrie replied.

“You know wot I mean, Carrie,” he chided.

“I haven’t even thought about it, considering we just…” she shyly smiled, not completing her thought. Carrie had been balancing the recent demands of both her husband and her infant, and they had just about worn her out.

“Ummm…my early Christmas present,” he smiled, raising his eyebrows and lightly caressing her bottom. He leaned closer, pulling her hair away from her neck, and placed a tender kiss there, running his tongue upwards to her ear. He stopped there, and whispered something that made her smile.

“You really are insatiable, you know? You might be worse than your daughter. I don’t know how I begin to keep up with your…requests,” Carrie said.

“Well, love, as I’ve always told you, you do so very, very well,” he winked, squeezing her, and this time, pressing into her, predictably hardening.

“We have guests…” she quietly murmured.

“Come upstairs with me, I promise you, all I need is five minutes…maybe ten…”

“Have you lost your mind?” she sighed, as he kissed her neck.

“Yes, I have. I’ve told you…you drive me to the edge of madness, wanting you. Now, c’mon, love. Follow me,” he whispered, pulling her toward the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There you two are! Ross and I were starting to think we needed to send a search party out to find you!” Robert bellowed.

Jimmy knew him too well; the mischievous smile he tried to hide, Jimmy saw it clearly, along with the flush of crimson that was creeping upwards from Carrie’s neck to her face.

“Well, Robert, we’re right here. Had some things to attend to…with a houseful like this. I’m sure you understand.”

Jimmy held Carrie’s hand tightly. He didn’t care what Robert or anyone else there thought of their absence. He had needed her, in fact they had both needed - he thought - to break the tension of Charlotte’s planned, unannounced visit. He brought her hand up to his lips, to ease her shame, let her know he was in command.

Having Carrie from behind, up against the bathroom sink, watching her orgasm wash over her in the mirror while I silenced her cries with my hand…Christ, I’m starting to get hard again just thinking about it. Certainly relieved the stress…

His thoughts were halted as Scarlet and Carmen entered the sitting room in a rush, with a fussing Juliette. “We think she wants you, Carrie,” Scarlet said, smiling.

“Thanks, Scarlet. I can take her,” Carrie said, lifting the baby to her shoulder, patting her back. The black haired infant, continued to emit small noises of protest and discontentment, and ultimately, began rooting on Carrie’s shoulder.

“Scarlet, did you girls have a pacifier for her?” Carrie asked, as the infant fussed.

“Ah…no, but I can go find one upstairs?” she suggested.

“I have a bag down here, in the study. There should be one there,” Carrie said, as Scarlet fled the room. “Thank you!” Carrie called after her.

“Here, let me get you comfortable, love,” Jimmy said, carefully guiding his wife and baby to the overstuffed chair and ottoman, near the window. “A quiet corner,” he said, smiling. “Do you need to nurse her?”

Before Carrie could answer, Scarlet had returned with the pacifier, which was promptly received by Juliette. Carrie didn’t think that would hold the infant off much longer.

“Probably soon…she seems to be insatiable,” Carrie said, pausing to look at Juliette who was sucking on the pacifier quite hard. She almost winced, thinking what the little darling was going to do to her own nipples, once feeding time began. “She must have her father’s personality,” Carrie said, looking at him.

“Ah, that’s my girl. She can’t get enough of her mum, and neither can I,” Jimmy replied, as he kissed Carrie’s hair, closing his eyes and silently thanking her, not only for the precious gift of their daughter, but also for indulging him upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After tea and dessert, the crowd began to thin. Carrie was glad; it had been a long day, and she was tired. Juliette was sleeping in her arms, and she knew that she needed to wake her soon, lest be kept awake all night. A bath, fresh clothes and a long feeding might buy her a few hours of solid sleep.

“There you are!” Robert excitedly whispered, finding Carrie on the sofa in Jimmy’s study.

“Hi. Sorry, but I needed to get away for a bit, let her rest,” Carrie said in her softest voice.

Robert quietly approached, finding the infant tucked into her blanket and making soft little sucking sounds, as her perfect bow of a mouth moved in her sleep.

“Good God, she is that man’s child…she seems to have inherited his one-track mind,” he said, with a quiet chuckle.

“Yes, she’s more like him than anyone realizes…I can tell she has his temperament.”

“Oh, dear….” Robert began, smirking, “…irritable, insufferable, and an all-around pain in the arse, alternating with charm, grace, beauty…and a smile to seduce you straight into their world?” Robert smiled broadly, patting Carrie’s leg.

“That about sums it up, yes, I’m afraid,” Carrie said, with a bright smile. “It’s hard to get her settled down sometimes…almost like she’s not comfortable. But once I get everything right…”

“Of course, when things go their way, they light up the entire bloody room, right?”

Carrie laughed, causing Juliette to stir. “You know him so well, Robert.”

“Oh, darlin’, you have no idea…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carrie had excused herself, and bathed and dressed Juliette for bed. The infant was apparently in no mood for a bath, so Carrie was efficient with the routine. She came downstairs just a short time later with a rather unhappy baby, finding no one left but Robert, Ross and Scarlet. Jimmy immediately reached for the infant, taking her in his arms and showering her with kisses, while she sucked her pacifier and squirmed.

Not happy, Carrie thought, and not likely to last much longer without a feeding.

“God, Jim, you are one blessed man, just look at you with her, “ Ross said, eyeing his friend. “I don’t know if I’ve ever known you to be this happy, mate.”

“I don’t know if I ever have been, Ross, so maybe so…” Jimmy replied, pausing to smile at Juliette and attempting to halt an all out wail from rising to the surface. He knew they were pushing her patience; it was late for her.

Ross leaned closer, lowering his voice. “Well, no wonder, mate…especially when you can fuck your girl during your own bloody party. What do you think - this is ‘77?” Ross chuckled.

Jimmy made a face…

“Aww, c’mon, that birthday party you had for Charlotte in Sussex?”

Jimmy turned to his friend, frowning deeply. “Might you keep your bloody thoughts to yourself and your fucking voice down. I don’t want Carrie-”

“Look, Rob and I both know what you were up to earlier,” Ross said. “And you certainly remember Charlotte’s birthday…you’ve told the bloody story so many times…you were fucking some little hanger-on, a cute little brunette you said, in the upstairs bathroom and Charlotte almost-”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Ross. I have no idea what you’re going on about,” Jimmy snipped, adjusting Juliette, cradling her head, and placing her on his shoulder.

“My voice is down, Jim. Plus, she’s over there with Rob,” Ross said, nodding in the direction of Carrie and Robert. Jimmy and Ross watched as the singer smirked, and Carrie giggled, no doubt at one of his continual innuendos; he had yet to put to them rest.

Still immature…and Christ, he’s flirting with my wife…

“However, for the sake of our friendship, old man, I’ll relent. I’ll just remind you next time you feel like strolling down memory lane,” Ross laughed.

Jimmy didn’t return the smile or the laugh, just nodded at Ross and returned his full attention to his baby girl. He smiled at her, beaming at her, until he managed to illicit a grin from the infant.

Ross bid everyone a good evening, kissed the girls, and made his way out with Jack. Maggie and Kathleen had been relieved of their duties and received unexpected hugs and kisses from their employer, along with handsome envelopes for their holiday hours. Scarlet was leaving with Robert, spending a night at his London residence with Carmen.

As Jimmy and Scarlet embraced and said goodbye, Robert approached Carrie, who was again holding Juliette.

“Happy Christmas, love. I know this has been a very special one for you,” he said, as he reached down and ended his visit as he began it, gently stroking Juliette’s face.

Carrie reached up on her tip-toes and kissed his cheek.

“Better watch that Carrie, the old man gets jealous quite easily,” Robert said, loud enough for Jimmy to hear.

“Robert, is it time for you head out…already?” Jimmy coolly asked, but Robert quickly moved to his side, embracing him, saying something no one else could hear. Both men laughed at their secret, and bid one another goodnight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carrie was in bed, nursing Juliette, when Jimmy finally got upstairs. “Look at you, love,” he said smiling.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful. Everything Robert said earlier, he was exactly correct in his assessment.”

“Stop, you’ve seen this a hundred times by now.”

“And I never tire of it, love. She’s just so sweet,” he said, stroking Juliette’s head.

He excused himself to the bathroom, and came back in his robe. He climbed into bed and put his arm around Carrie’s shoulders, resting his head against hers. His other hand went to the infant, and Juliette grabbed his finger, and squeezed it, causing him to chuckle.

“She’s got quite the grip,” he said.

“Nothing I didn’t already know…” Carrie sighed.

“You are still her lifeline,” he sighed, marveling at them. “She took what she needed to grow when she was inside you, and she’s still totally dependent on you. Look at her…I simply cannot believe we made this beautiful little angel,” he said, kissing Carrie’s temple.

He had to be careful. In truth, he was often aroused watching Carrie nurse their child…it had him nearly mesmerized. He never had an attachment to a particular part of the female anatomy, but Carrie’s body, especially now, was a bit more endowed, curvaceous, than any other woman he had been with…

That is worth remembering, or that I could remember…

She had lost almost all of her pregnancy weight, but her hips were rounder and softer, as were her breasts. His desire for her had grown again to a level he had not foreseen. This was his third child, and he honestly couldn’t recall feeling like this with Charlotte or Patricia.

Juliette’s long, dark eyelashes were fluttering, and she let go of Carrie. Her little mouth moved at first, then quieted, and she looked sleepy and satiated. They gently placed the infant on Jimmy’s shoulder, and he got up, patting her back. He walked the hallway with her until Carrie heard the little belch and his soft voice. She smiled as she scooted between the sheets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Juliette soundly sleeping in her bassinet, Jimmy returned to his bed, to Carrie. He removed his robe, and climbed in, reaching for her. She was still awake and cuddled against him, basking in the warmth of him.

“Did you have a good day?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah, I did. You?”

“Umm hmm…it was nice seeing everyone. Do you need help in the morning? Did you finish packing?”

“No, no, you sleep as long as you can. Everything’s done,” he replied.

He was headed to New Orleans, to pick James up and bring him to London for a week. Carrie had only met the boy twice, and Jimmy thought she had seemed both nervous and excited to have him in the house, and introduce him to Juliette. There would also be an opportunity for her to finally meet Patricia, when she came to London to take James back home. He sighed, wondering how that might go, knowing the personalities of all involved. It was the reason he had kept them apart.

They are so different, but perhaps the shared bond of motherhood might help.

There was nothing he could do about it anyway, just accept that he would always juggle the three mothers of his children. His own mother had expressed a similar concern, just before the holiday.

“Jimmy, dear…you’ve made your life so complicated, perhaps you should’ve just married Charlotte. I think you two would’ve been very happy, especially if you had had more children…together. She understood you, dear.”

“Yes, yes, I know, it’s not my business but I worry over you…and I know you were busy with your music, Jim. I know. But you might have thought about building something more. I do hope this young woman loves you, and isn’t looking to spend your money. Another young wife and a new baby…well, they seem to have come into your life out of the blue, and you’re getting quite up in age to begin another little family, dear. Not that I don’t love that baby, Jim, because I do. How could I not? She’s the loveliest little thing I’ve ever seen.”

Carrie, sensing some disturbance within him, moved her hand to his face and kissed his jaw. He looked down, found her clear light eyes smiling at him. He brushed away all of his thoughts just at the sight of her…the love in her eyes.

He shifted, rolling her to her back, moving above her. He kissed her slowly, at first just the sweet, softness of his lips enveloped hers…then his tongue sought and gained entrance, as she opened herself to him. “There’s just one more thing I want for Christmas…” he whispered against her mouth.

“Oh, boy…let me guess what you want me to give you…” Carrie sighed.

“No. You needn’t give anything to me. I just want you to relax…”

“And?”

“Let me make love to you,” he said, kissing her gently. Their mouths and hands soon quickened with a familiar need; Carrie silently opened her legs beneath him. He slipped between the softness of her thighs, into the warm darkness of her, and the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimmy was face down in his pillow, lying on his stomach, stretching his long legs out on the smooth, cool, cotton sateen. He sighed, feeling satisfied, and ready for sleep to consume him.

Sex twice in one day…no wonder I feel so bloody good.

Carrie returned from the bathroom. She slid into bed and moved close to him. Sensing she wanted to be held, he did just that, turning over, and taking her into his arms.

She kissed his bare shoulder and neck, grateful to have found his outstretched arms waiting for her. She took up her favorite spot, on his shoulder; breathing in the scent of him, she started to drift off. She felt safe, warm and happy.

“I love you, Carrie,” he said in the darkness, pressing his lips against her forehead.

“I love you, too,” she nearly whispered. Their small exchange brought her back from the edge of sleep, but she sensed him descending into his own dreams. As if to capture him, she brought her slim leg over him.

Holding him prisoner for the night, she mused.

She lay there thinking, listening to his slow, steady breaths, the beating of his heart. She thought about Charlotte…and what she revealed…that she knew Carrie had planned this baby, even if Jimmy had not.

He told me the same thing about you, Charlotte…that he had never expected your pregnancy. At least I offered an explanation of antibiotics weakening the effectiveness of my birth control pills. He knew how sick I was, what Scotty warned. He just didn’t know I had stopped taking the birth control pills the month before.

She considered the more troubling comment of Charlotte’s…that Jimmy liked the idea of a family. Carrie had a much harder time with this…he loved their baby so much. It wasn’t possible for him to so devoted to an idea; the love he showed Juliette came from such a pure place in his heart. Carrie had no doubts about his love for his children.

Chasing dreams, fighting demons, a restless soul…yes, perhaps that’s all true…but maybe I am the one. Did you consider that Charlotte? Maybe he’ll want to stay with me, maybe I am enough…and if I’m not, maybe Juliette will be enough to satisfy his dreams and demons…keep us safe.

She gently placed a kiss on his neck, and held him tighter, causing him to shift and murmur, but he quickly settled back to sleep. Even with the day’s unsettling event, Carrie felt secure in his embrace. Juliette would always belong to him, and at least for now, she did as well.

As she fell asleep beside Jimmy, Carrie’s last thought was one of determination and resolve. She would hold onto him…

if not forever, then I will be satisfied to have him for as long as he’ll allow, for as long as I possibly can…

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